The Devil and Danielle Webster (9 page)

“What are we going to do between now and when Jill sends you
that text?” Patty asked. 

“Doug and I need to find a 24-hour pharmacy,” Tina
said.  “Doug doesn’t travel well.  He might need some Tums.”

“I saw a Walgreen’s about three blocks down,” I said. 
“It might have been a 24-hour store.  With the casinos in Laughlin and the
tourism, it wouldn’t surprise me.”

“
Doogie
, are you up to walking?”
Patty asked with concern. 

“No worries,
Pattycakes
.  I
think I just need to take a good dump—“

“Doug!” said Tina.  She grabbed her purse and Doug’s
arm. 

“We’ll be back,” Doug said.

We watched them leave.  “You know, Tina would be a
great wife for Josh,” I said.  “It’s too bad.”

“Let’s not talk about them.  It’s just the three of
us,” said the Devil.  “How about that ménage à
trois
you were discussing before?  We can lock the door.” 

Patty was indignant.  “That was a private phone call!”

“Nothing’s really private,” he informed her, with a wicked
grin.  “You only think it is.”

“I don’t want anything to do with you,” I informed
him. 
“
Ick
,
ewww
, and gag!”

“Really,” he said softly.  “That’s not how you reacted
the last time we got together.”

“We never—
“  A
horrible
thought crossed my mind.  This guy was a high school religion teacher and
a prison warden.  What else might he be?

Our gazes locked.  To my horror, as I looked at him, he
was morphing again. 

“Are you sure?” he purred.  Then he smacked his
lips.  “Tasty,” he murmured.

“No, no.  This is a joke.  PLEASE say you’re not
him.”

“Are you sure you don’t want another round with me?” he
murmured, with a seductive grin.

“Who is this, Dannie?” Patty asked in alarm.

“Oh, wow,” I said, weakly.  My knees felt as if they’d
dissolved.  “It’s Brian Bunch.”

I’d told Patty about him.  Well, how could I not
have?  Being on the receiving end of a two-hour session of Head and
Shoulders, Knees and Toes was too much of a novelty for me.  I had to tell
someone, so I told Patty the first chance I got.  Well, okay, I also told
Jill.  It was probably a once in a lifetime experience, and since I had no
mementos from the event, not even a picture, I repeated the play-by-play to fix
it in my memory.

“Do you guys want me to leave?” asked Patty.  “I don’t
recommend it, but I’m not going to stick around if things get X-rated between
you two.  Dannie, if he wants you that much, make him tear up that contract
first.”

“I waited for you to call,” I said. 
“I
texted you.”
  I tried not to sound accusing, but I guess I did.

He threw his head back and laughed.  “I was out of town
on a business trip,” he said.

“I don’t even know what to call you anymore,” I said.  “Why
don’t I just stick with ‘Asshole’?”  I was trying to keep my wits about
me, but I felt stupidly faint.  “Every man says he’s been out of town on
business when a woman asks why he hasn’t called.”

“That does not necessarily mean it’s a lie,” he pointed out. 
“I was away on business.  My business took me far out of Phoenix, in fact,
to Las Vegas and Laughlin.  And I had a small matter to deal with here in
Bullhead City, which resulted in an unexpected close encounter with a hot sauce
bottle.”

Some of that rang true. 
But how
much?
  I looked at him helplessly, trying to decide.

“You know you want more of me,” he said insinuatingly. 
I couldn’t stop looking into his blue eyes.  What had made me think Brian
Bunch was such a loser?  My god, he was devastatingly handsome.  He
had wavy hair smoothed back from his face, a piercing gaze, and had put on the
sexiest overcoat I’d ever seen.  He looked like a spy.  He looked
like a vampire.  He looked like the Devil incarnate.    

“I don’t get it,” I managed to say.  My heart was
pounding and I could hardly breathe.  “Why?”

“I was in a bind ‘
cause
I was way
behind, and I was willing to make a deal,” he said.  “It’s the sales
strategy, baby.  Give them what they want for free the first time. 
Give them a good
looong
taste of it,” he
whispered. 

The room was spinning, and I couldn’t stand.  I grabbed
his overcoat for balance.  He put his hand over mine.  His hand was
so hot I felt my skin might burn from the contact.  Yes, I remembered that
about Brian Bunch from the last time.  His skin was preternaturally
warm.  I’d asked him if he was coming down with a fever, and he had said
something awkward about how I was the one who was going to be coming, and he
was the one who was going down.  I’d chalked it up to his nerdy neediness,
until he got to work and I was forced to reevaluate him completely.  His
lips, his mouth, his tongue, all felt like he had a fever.  And I hadn’t
cared.  If he was offering, I was not going to close my arms—or my legs—to
him.  “Oh god,” I moaned, remembering.

“I gave you two hours of my undivided attention last time,”
he said in my ear.  “What do you say to, oh, a week?”

“I would be dead long before then,” I said.  “You’d
give me a heart attack for sure.”

“But we could try for a world record,” he urged. 
   

“Careful, Dannie,” Patty warned me.  “You didn’t know
who he was before.  You do now.”  She addressed Daemon/Brian. 
“Give me that contract, you gorgeous man.”

“Come and get it, you gorgeous woman,” he hissed in his most
sinister voice.

I could barely hear either of them.  All I could see
was a surreally gorgeous Brian Bunch, shimmering like a mirage in a hot desert,
and all I could feel
was
his unusual body heat and the
delicious wave of anticipatory heat coursing through me. 

It was already just too much for one frail woman to
bear.  I fainted.

When I came to, I had no idea how much time had elapsed, but
I could hear Patty scolding.  “I said
MAYBE,
and
ONLY if you rip up that contract for Danielle’s and
Doogie’s
souls!”

“And I said MAYBE also.  You’re far too cocky for a
woman.  What you need is a little humility.  How does that sound to
you?” I heard the caressing voice of Brian Bunch.

“The contract.
  RIP UP the
contract.”

“Show me how willing you are to please me, and we’ll
negotiate.  AFTER.”

“What a prick,” Patty said in disgust.

“Oh, do you like it?” Brian laughed mockingly.  “You’ll
like it better when you can see it.  I’ve been told it’s one of my best
features.”

“Patty,” I said as I looked close-up at beige
carpeting. 

Brian Bunch rushed to me with gratifying speed, and got down
on one knee.

“Tell me you are all right, my darling,” he said
dramatically.  I didn’t believe it for a minute, but it still sounded
wonderful to hear.

“I’m all right,” I said, “just a little wobbly.”

He pulled me back to my feet and held me securely in his
arms.  I didn’t believe that for a minute, either, but it still felt
wonderful.

“I’ll make you fine,” he said.  “Let me worship your
body.”  Now that?—
That
I didn’t believe for a
half second.  In fact, it was a bit over the top.  I looked at him,
thinking.

“It’s now or never,” he said to me.

“I don’t know,” I said faintly.  Once again, I held on
to his lapels.  I never held onto a man’s lapels before.  The guys
I’d been with wore tank tops, or
teeshirts
, or
corrections officer uniforms.  A girl wants to clutch a guy’s lapels at
least once during her lifetime. 

“Louder,” said the Devil.

“Maybe,” I said.

Instantaneously, something cool and crisp was against
me.  Cool and crisp and cream-colored, and he was placing my fingers
around a cylindrical barrel. 
Thick rich paper.
 
And a pen.
 

“I just need you to sign,” he said.

“What does it say?”

There was a scuffle, and I heard Patty’s voice.  “Three
days,” she said, with a suspicious tone.  “Three days of intense sensual
pleasure for Danielle Joy Webster, to be delivered by Prince of Darkness
Enterprises Affiliate Brian Bunch, in exchange for the soul of Ms. Webster,
payment date to be determined later.”  

“I’ve already signed something,” I murmured.  “What
difference would this make?”

“Indeed,” Brian/Daemon breathed.  “What difference?”

“Don’t trust him, Danielle,” Patty said sharply. 

“I don’t know if I can resist.  Where’s Tina with her
holy water?  Where’s Jill?”

“You don’t need them,” he soothed.  “I can take you
away right now, somewhere private.  We’ll emerge days from now, and we
will see if you remember how to stand.”

Oh my god.

“I’m such a pushover.”

“Then let me push you over.”

“I need spine.  I need backbone.  I need a
champion.”

“You need—
“ Patty
said, but broke
off and stared as the door burst open.  “—MOM!”

“I had this feeling you two might need me?” Mom said. 
“Am I too late?”

“No, you’re too early,” I sighed in regret. 

“Dannie, you can’t really mean that,” Patty said,
shocked.  “Mom just saved your soul!”

“Really?”
Evie
was agreeably surprised.  “How did I do that?”  She was unaccustomed
to her interference being taken kindly.

I let go of Brian Bunch’s jacket.    

“Danielle?”

“Thank you, Mom,” I said.  “Please, let’s not go into
it any further, though.  It would be way too awkward.”

“You did the trick just with the grand entrance,” the Devil
said, smiling at her.  I had to hand it to
him,
he accepted his disappointment with equanimity.  Maybe it was because he
already had my signature.  But that wasn’t the feeling I got.  I
sensed disappointment, quickly covered up.  The man was an
opportunist.  He’d be hitting on Mom, next, if we weren’t careful.

“Ooh,” she giggled.  “Danielle, introduce me to the
handsome young man.”

“His name is most likely Daemon Lucifer.”

“Most likely?”
Evie
sounded puzzled, but then her memory rescued her.  “I think I knew your
father!  How is he?  Goodness, it’s been years.”

“I’ll bet,” said Patty. 

“You know Daemon Lucifer?” I asked, incredulous.  Not
for a minute did I think it was this guy’s father. 

“She knows my father very well,” the Devil said with a
meaningful smile at
Evie
.  “She’s been driving
him crazy for years.”

“Your dad likes to be put in his place by a woman of
character every once in awhile,”
Evie
said in her
strictest disciplinarian’s voice. 

“Oh, does
he
!” Daemon Lucifer
murmured, catching my mother’s eye and giving her another dazzling smile. 
“He finds you utterly fascinating.”

“Well,” she said tartly.  “He’ll be waiting a long time
before I return the compliment.”

Now that her rescue mission seemed to be accomplished, Mom
was looking tired.  “It’s going on five in the morning and I’m an old
woman,” she said querulously.  “I don’t know whether to get coffee or look
for a place to curl up and fall asleep.”

“How did you get here, Mom?” I asked. 

“Simple.  I called Jill, told her I was worried about
you,
and we both drove up from Mesa.”

“What?” Patty, the Devil and I chorused.  “Jill is
here?” I asked.

“Where is Jill?” asked the Devil.  He was starting to
look a bit more like Brian Bunch.  But I knew I would not succumb this
time.  Wait—could he already be on the hunt for someone else, someone
known for choosing The Wrong Man, someone with no mother to rescue her? 
Duh.
  Of course he could, damn him.  Jill would
have to be warned.

“She’s with your other friends,” said
Evie
. 
“Danielle, do you think it is wise to meet an old boyfriend here?”  Her
voice was a bit disapproving.

“Did you and Doug see each other already, then?” I said,
trying not to giggle.  It was a shame that I’d missed that. 

“We did,” she said with dignity, “and I gave him a hint that
this was maybe not the best idea.  Perhaps Doug is what I saved you from?”

“Perhaps,” said the Devil quickly. 

“He was with a very sensible woman, though,” Mom said
approvingly.  “She seemed to be setting him straight.  He has
apparently not been following through on some of her expectations.”

“That’s Tina,” I said briefly. 
“His
wife.”

“Oh, Danielle,”
Evie
said. 
“You know not to get involved with a married man.  I know I raised you
better than that.”

“Of course you did, Mom.  But I still remember.”

“When you remember him, you might try replacing the thought
with something else.  Think of Josh.  No, not Josh,” she said
hastily.  She disliked Josh just as much as everyone else did.  Her
eyes lit on Daemon Lucifer.  “Think of this gentleman.”

“Seriously?”
  I looked at
him. 

He raised his eyebrows.  “Thinking is free,” he said.

“Oh, no contracts, huh?”

“No contracts.”

“Except for the small matter of a little contract already in
existence,” Patty said.

“Oh, that,” Daemon Lucifer said absentmindedly.  “I’d
almost forgotten.”

“Seriously?”
I asked.

He said apologetically, “Bigger fish to fry.  Your
little contract may be the one that got away.”

“I think I’ll invite you both to dinner soon,”
Evie
said comfortably.

“No, Mom,” Patty and I said together. 

“We know each other already,” I improvised.  “And it
just won’t work.”

“But we will always be good friends,” Daemon Lucifer said,
with just the right tone of tragedy and renunciation in his voice. 

“Well, if that’s how it is, that’s how it is,”
Evie
said. 
My mother the sage.
 
“Maybe you’ll meet someone else,” she said, smiling kindly on the Devil. 
“Danielle, isn’t your boss single?”

 “No,” I said.  “I mean, yes, but not a good
idea.  She’s not in the market right now.”

“You’d like Jill,”
Evie
told
Daemon Lucifer. 

“I’ve done some business with her,” he confided.  “I
think you’re right.  I do like her.”

 “So you’re known as Brian Bunch,” Patty commented
curiously. 

“Oh, those RPG’s,”
Evie
said. 

I looked at her and she explained, patronizingly, “Role
playing games.  If you paid more attention to your children, Danielle, you’d
know.  Emmy plays them online.”

“That’s it,” said the Devil.  “I love playing
roles.” 

If he wanted to gull Mom, I guess that was okay, considering
the alternative was to fill her in on the entire story, a thought too
excruciating to consider.  I didn’t worry about mom; she was cantankerous
enough to hold her own with any Devil, and apparently had been doing so for
years. 

I was more worried about Patty, but she didn’t seem to be in
any hurry to line up for the Bunch Special.  Maybe other women got this
kind of treatment from men and considered it no big deal; I wasn’t one of them.

Mom was fiddling around with the coffee maker, saying
brightly, “It’s nearly six in the morning.  Who wants coffee?” 

Patty and I looked at each other, wide-eyed.  We must
have gotten off the time grid.

I looked at Daemon/Brian.  “Why—
“ I
started, then stopped.

“Too much happening,” he said.  “I’m juggling a lot of
people at the moment.”

“No, not that.
  Why didn’t you
ever—“

“Why didn’t I call?” he asked mockingly. 

“I waited for you to call me,” I said with dignity.  “I
told Patty and Jill about you.  I would have married you.  Well,” I
said honestly, “That would have been a mistake, in fact that would have tied me
with Jill for the Stupidest Mistakes Involving Men Award.  But I could
have had a torrid affair with you for a short while, you know, maybe a decade
or two.”

“Do you know how many insecure women there are out there,
starved for attention?  I’ve got SO many to take care of!”

“Yeah, like Jill,” I said without thinking, then stared at
him, aghast. 
“Oh my god.
  Have you and
Jill—“

“I knew it was only a matter of time before you asked
that.  No.”

“Why not?
  You’re as
promiscuous as a cat, I can see.  And Jill is a lot like me, only
worse.  She’s a bubbling brew of toxic insecurities.  Plus she has
built in radar for The Wrong Man.”

“I know,” he said regretfully. 
“Just
my type.”
 

“So what happened?” Patty asked.

“I got stuck in a bottle of hot sauce.”

“Really?
 
How?”

“That would be telling,” said the Devil.  “But your
sister came along and let me out.”

There was a knock at the door.  Doug and Tina had
returned.  Behind them was our other party crasher.

“I had this feeling you might need me,” said Jill, looking a
bit startled at all the faces.  “I don’t know you all.  I’m Jill,”
she said, holding her hand out to Doug and Tina.  “Does someone need a
lawyer?”  She looked around, noticed Patty and came over to give her a
hug.  “Little sis!  What in the world!”  Before she could ask
further, her eyes fell on the Devil’s handsome face. 

“Oh my god,” she said.  “It’s you.”