Authors: Stacey Kennedy
Rage consumed me that they doubted my ability, who I was. That rage came out in a cackle, and shut them up instantly. Before I could even stop myself, the words came out of my mouth. “As Magnus’ mate, you will surrender.” The witches’ faces went from amused to frightened, in a second flat.
My hand went straight over my mouth. “Dear God,” I said beneath it.
“She’s right,” a Black Magic Witch said in a gasp. “Look, there is a demon with her.”
Everybody was dead silent. No one even moved.
I glanced back at Zia and Briar, who both looked devastated. Haven started crying.
“I don’t know why I said that.” I managed.
Briar gave me a knowing look. “Simply because it is true, my dear.”
“No,” I screamed, rage filled every part of me. Rage that my life was no longer my own and I had no control of what came out of my mouth. Rage that after all I’d been through, I was about to lose it all.
That anger needed an outlet and I had the perfect way to release it. I lunged forward and pummeled one of the witches across the face.
She cried out and fell the floor. My smile was cold as she lay unconscious on the ground. As I raised my head, witches began to back away from me in fear. Oh yeah, I had these bitches right where I wanted them and they were going to pay for all the evil they caused. They were going to pay with their lives.
With all the Guardian strength that had been born within me, I attacked.
Misa was close to me, I could sense her, but she didn’t intervene. She stood protectively, waiting for someone to endanger me. The witches appeared stunned that I wasn’t using magic on them, but right now I needed to beat the hell out of something. I let go of all my restraint and let the fury come forth.
One after another, I attacked the witches with punches and kicks. Their magic came at me again and again, but my shield held strong. They couldn’t get through, even as they tried their damndest.
The power within me was rich and I was undeniably strong.
After I leveled a witch into a heap on the ground, I drew my sword from my back. The knowledge that I was breaking my one rule¯fighting against witches with magic¯tinged in my mind, but my ire didn’t
care.
Suddenly, my shield faltered and fire rippled down my arm, sending a little scream of pain to erupt from my throat. Before I could even react, Misa let out a high screech. With a blast of pure power, she faded away to black smoke, and whipped around the witch. The witch’s scream grew loud, then suddenly she was gone in a puff of smoke.
Misa returned to form, resuming her protective stance.
My rage continued to be all-consuming. Anger filled every part of me for all the wrongs that had ever happened, and was coming out in its purest form. Witch after witch died by my sword. To prove the truth—fuck with me, you die.
Abruptly, I became aware that I was fighting this battle alone. Zia and the others weren’t taking part in the fight, but I was glad for it. I needed to get this out, let the wrath free, and this was one place I could do it. To hurt those who deserved the pain and deserved to bleed.
After my sword sliced the head off the witch before me, I spun around and shot fire out at two others. They erupted into flames and dust flew through the air as their bodies evaporated.
My wrath never faded. Hate seeped in every part of me. Hate for the situation I was in, for my soul that craved Magnus. For just the whole-fucking thing and these witches were getting the tail end of that hatred.
Misa stayed close to me and had finished off a couple of witches by the time it was over. Not to help me by any means. She only assisted me when my shield faltered—if they posed a danger to me.
Within ten minutes, they were all dead. Either by my magic or by my sword, but all that mattered was they were dead. I sheathed my sword. The anger flowing through me made my limbs shake. My blood boiled, my entire body tense, and my jaw clenched tightly.
A growl came loud beside me. Quickly, I glanced toward it, seeing if there was threat. But when I saw Willow, I let out a deep breath that seemed to give way to some of the harsh emotions strangling me. Seeing her snapped me back to the present, and I gave my body a shake to ease my aching muscles. It surprised me that she was here. I hadn’t even noticed my big black panther had arrived. She watched me with an expression I’d never seen on her sleek beautiful face before she stood, stiff as a board. Frozen—stunned.
A little irritation whipped through me that she didn’t help me. But I resolved, she hadn’t helped because she didn’t need to. I had it handled on my own, and with Misa assisting me, there was no need to intervene.
My gaze left Willow as I looked over at Misa, her expression was not one I expected. She looked worried—torn.
“What?” My voice came out in a thick growl. I shook my head, pushed away the lingering anger that remained. “Sorry.” I smiled. “I don’t know why my voice is coming out like that. Thanks for the help.”
Misa never said a word.
Suddenly, a deep profound sadness washed through me. It’s wasn’t mine.
Haven.
I spun around to see Haven in Briar’s arms, sobbing loudly. “What happened to her?” Quickly, I ran toward her.
The moment I was beside her, she threw herself into my arms and hugged me with all that she had. “Oh no…Nexi…no,” she screamed.
Confusion filled me.
My eyes fell to Zia’s. Tears were also streaking her face. Her mouth opened as if she wanted to speak, but nothing came out.
“For Christ sakes, what is it?” I snapped.
Briar placed her hand on my shoulder, her face a mirror image of Zia’s. “My dear, it’s happening.”
Uncertain of what she meant, I glanced around at the other witches among us. Their faces were horrified.
Immediately, I understood. What had I just done? My stomach wrenched and a wave of perspiration washed over my body. My reasons for killing those witches came out of rage and hate¯emotions that fed Black Magic.
“Oh God, no,” I managed in a whisper.
It didn’t matter what my reasons were for killing the witches. It was that those emotions were inside me at all. White Magic was about everything good. Killing for the greater good. Not for personal reasons or because of anger.
Briar was right, it was happening.
I was losing my soul.
This was the beginning of the end.
I reached out, trailing my fingers through the soft leaves of my weeping willow. The second we came home, I couldn’t stand being near anyone. Haven continued to cry hysterically, and it annoyed me beyond belief. I just wanted to be alone.
Without hesitation, I came to my willow. It felt like a lifetime since I’d been here last. But the longer I sat, the more I couldn’t remember why I liked being here so much. I filtered through every memory I had, ran through every experience that happened here. The connection to my mother, my first time with Kyden, but I couldn’t feel anything. It was as if it was blocked. My life’s special moments held no importance anymore.
Footsteps made me lift my head. Kyden slowly approached. He gave me a soft smile, and I watched him intently. Why was I interested in him? What was it about him? After a few seconds of pondering, I still couldn’t find an answer to that question.
When he reached me, he sat down beside me, and took my hand. The instant our skin connected I was slammed with every answer to those questions. This was
my
willow, my favorite place to be and I loved Kyden with all that I was.
How had I even questioned that?
Tears filled my eyes as I gazed at him. “I’m not me anymore. When you’re not touching me it’s like I’m gone.” I glanced down to our hands, pained to even look at him. “This is the only way I feel like myself anymore. The only way I still feel connected to you or feel connected to anything. I’m disappearing, Kyden.”
He reached up putting his hands on my face as he cupped my cheeks. “You are still in there.”
I shook my head, tears falling down my cheeks. “Every minute that passes I lose more of myself.” I felt sickened by the truth of what was happening here. “I wasn’t expecting this to all happen so quickly. I thought I’d be strong enough to fight against it. I thought I could beat it.”
He sighed deeply, his grip on my face fierce. “You can beat it. You are still there and we have to hold on to that. You need to hold onto that. You can’t let that part of yourself go. Do not give into it.”
“I’m trying, but it’s getting harder. Look at what I did tonight. I killed those witches out of anger, Kyden.” Shame and disgust made it hard to swallow. “It’s taking me.”
“You are still in there,” he said fiercely. His words were an attempt to hold onto us—to save us from this—to keep a smidgen of hope in the midst of all this chaos.
“I can’t lose you,” I barely got the words out. “I can’t go on without you.”
“You won’t have to, Álainn.” He leaned in, took my lips, and I lunged myself on him.
Scared that soon this would be the last time I would be myself around him. How much time would I have left with Kyden? “Kyden…” I whispered.
He raised his hand to my mouth and pressed his fingertips against my lips. “Don’t say it.”
“I have to. You have to let me,” I said against his hand, needing to make sure he understood how I felt because after tonight, I wasn’t sure how much longer I would feel it.
He slowly pulled his hand away, and as he did, tears filled his eyes. “I love you, Kyden—truly, and irrefutably love you. I love you so much sometimes it hurts. Hurts to be away from you, even hurts to be near you. No matter what happens, my heart is yours, and only yours. Remember that! Remember that I…” I pointed to my heart. “The real me is missing you and wishing I was in your arms.”
He caught my tear with his finger, and smiled sweetly. “It is not over, Álainn.”
The words were said, but it was a lie. The darkness was beginning to overtake me, and it was inevitable that I would eventually give in to it. No matter how hard I tried, it was going to win. I knew it and so did Kyden. All I could do was cry as my dreams with Kyden, the life that was once mine would be over and my heart crumpled to pieces.
“Hush,” Kyden hummed. He laid me back and unclipped my kilt. As I raised my hips, he removed my shorts slowly. “We have tonight. We have now. This is what you have to remember. It’s this,” he said softly, caressing my body. “It’s the way I love you.” He removed his gear, rubbed himself leisurely along my body. “It’s how my body feels when it’s close to yours.” He lifted his hips, entered me oh-so-gently. “It’s the way it feels to be joined.”
I moaned, his words were so true. This was right. This is where my heart belonged. It belonged to him and it always would. Magnus could never have that. No matter how much he tried to steal it away.
Kyden enclosed his body on top of mine and we hugged each other as we made love—held onto each other to keep this night forever. This wasn’t about sexual satisfaction or heat, it was about relishing in what we shared.
He whispered soft words in my ear of how he loved me, that he needed me, and I made his life complete. I cried hearing them. Wished that this wasn’t happening, that I could stay right here forever. However, wishing for it wasn’t going to change what was happening. Something deep within me was changing—far too rapidly.
I never climaxed, and Kyden’s release was quiet and barely felt by me as I cried in his arms. The part that tore into me was knowing that when Kyden’s touch left mine, the despair I was suffering would wash away to something dark. Desperately, I wanted to stay like this locked in his arms forever. If I held onto him, our connection remained. I would stay. I wouldn’t be lost. “You can’t ever let go of me,” I whispered.
Kyden rose up above me, determination strong on his features. “I will do what I have to in order to keep you.”
I never replied. What could he do?
“Nexi, I’m coming down,
” Zia’s voice came to me.
“We have to get dressed,” I said to Kyden. “Zia’s on her way.”
Kyden let go of me and a wallop of anger filled me, an overwhelming blast of fury. He dressed quickly, took my hand and the sadness sank back in. Exhaustion overtook me immediately. Suffering such quick, intense emotions was more than draining. He helped me dress, never letting go of my hand.
When Zia and Talon reached us, they sat beside us, and we all just stared at each other. No one said a word. What was there to say?
Zia started crying.
I reached out to her, wanting nothing more than to ease her pain. She was like a mother to me, and as hard as it was to be facing the loss of Kyden, it would be just as hard as to lose her too. “Zia,” I said softly.
Surprising me, she jumped to her feet. “No,” she roared. “You have to fight against this. Do what you must. You cannot let this be so.”
Without any inkling of warning, she slapped me across the face impeccably hard. I sat there, stunned.
“You must stop this,” she screeched. “I love you. I need you here.”
I reached up, put a hand to my stinging face. “What can I do?” My cries were loud screams. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop it. Don’t you think I would if I could? I don’t want this!”
Sobbing, she fell to the ground and Talon gathered her up in his arms. “No,” she cried. Again and again she screamed it.
All I could do was sit and watch her. I met Kyden’s sad eyes. “What do I do?” I pleaded for him to tell me, for him to find a way to stop this.
Kyden stood, strong and determined. “No more of this. We are done talking.” He reached down, took my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Let’s go. I am taking you somewhere where you can have a moment’s peace.”
As we walked away, my gaze met Talon’s. He still had said nothing, but he didn’t need to. His face said it all. He was hurting.
The further away we got from them, they less I understood of what had just taken place. Why had Zia’s words affected me so? What the heck had I been crying about? I was close to her, I knew that much, but that is where the feeling stopped. It was a thought, more of a word spoken, then a feeling inside my soul. All that remained in me was a jumble of confusion. A wonderment of what it actually meant to be close to her. Why was I feeling nothing toward her? Furthermore, what did it feel like to feel anything at all?
I gave my head a shake, clearing the thoughts. “Where are we going?” I asked Kyden.
He gripped my hand, his eyes searching. Apparently whatever he was looking for, he didn’t find. His gaze tore from mine as he bowed his head. “I’m taking you to see something that is filled with happiness.”
Silence fell between us as we made our way through the grounds of the Otherworld, back toward the Council. My gaze flicked between Kyden, the grass, and the sky. I felt exhausted, nearly ready to just fall down and die.
Kyden’s presence beside me was the only thing holding me together now. His strength provided a much-needed blanket to keep going. He was right, we had now, and all I thought about. Forced myself to remember why I loved him, the way he made me feel. It surprised me to find these emotions for him still lay strong within me because besides his presence in my heart, I felt nothing else.
Once at the castle, we stepped in the foyer, then quickly made our way to the portal. Still unknowing where we going, I let my mind go blank as Kyden opened the door. The flash of light hit and when it ceased, I opened my eyes to see Valor’s home.
The view only lasted a second as I caught sight of Rynn and Briggs who approached from the side of the house.
When they reached us, Rynn gave me a strange look. “Nexi?” she said as if she’d never met me before. “Something is terribly wrong. What’s happened?”
Kyden quickly gave her a rundown, a condensed version of our hell. By the end of it, Rynn was trembling, but Briggs didn’t look shocked to hear what was being said. Apparently, word had spread about my current situation.
“There is an Underworld?” Rynn asked, her voice trembled slightly. “Like demons and scary things like that?”
Briggs nodded. “Aye.”
Then, her stunned gaze met mine. “And you’re going to be mated to their leader?”
All I could do was nod. The point of denial had passed. It wasn’t a question of
if
, now the only question was
when
. My gut told me time was counting down. My only thoughts were of Kyden. If I kept the connection with him, he wouldn’t be lost to me. That is all that mattered now.
The tone of Rynn’s voice was almost beseeching, “We have to do something to help you.” Then, she glanced back to Briggs. “What can we do to help her, Briggs?”
“I’m afraid, darlin’, there’s nothing we can do.” Then, he took my hand and pulled me away from Kyden, into a hug.
The second my touch left Kyden’s, darkness seeped in, resentment held me frozen. Resentment for what, I had no idea. All I did know, I wanted this wolf off me, and I wanted it now.
Kyden lunged forward, pulled me back to him, and the detestation within me subsided immediately. “She needs the connection.”
“He can’t let me go,” I told Briggs firmly. It was all we had left, a thin string we scrambled to keep hold of. As the words left my mouth, only a small part of me understood why I needed him so much. “We have some news of the attack on Rynn,” Kyden said to Briggs, breaking the silence that had filled the air.
Rynn’s eyes went wide. “You do?”
Kyden gave them the low down on Magnus’ plan and the extent of Rynn’s involvement.
By the end of it, Briggs looked torn. He finally glanced at me. “This comes with mixed feelings,” he said softly.
“I know,” I told him in all honesty. If Magnus hadn’t planned what he had, done what he did, Rynn would be dead and Briggs wouldn’t have met her. His mate. I gave Briggs a hug, keeping a hold on Kyden’s hand—awkward to say the least. “I wouldn’t change any of this if it meant Rynn survived. Remember that.”
Sad gazes met mine.
Tears filled Rynn’s eyes as she leaned against Briggs. “You don’t even sound like you.”
“What do I sound like?” I asked.
She wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek. “Cold.”
Again, silence fell around us as the others processed what was happening here began to sink in. It was obvious that I was changing. My heart told me to say and think things, but inside I was beginning to die. Everyone saw it.
Briggs finally let out a deep sigh, placed his hand on Kyden’s shoulder. “They are waiting for us.”
Kyden glanced down to me, gave me a soft smile. “Come on, Álainn. This night is because of you.”
I gave him a curious look as he pulled on my hand a little to get my feet working. His words confused me, what had I done that would bring us back to Valor’s?