The Duke and I (44 page)

 Simon turned at the sound of her voice, and his haggard face softened at the sight of her. "Good afternoon to you, too," he murmured, pulling her into his arms. Somehow she ended up with her back pressed up against his broad chest, gazing out over Grosvenor Square as Simon rested his chin on the top of her head.

 It took Daphne several moments before she worked up the courage to ask, "Anyregrets?"

 She couldn't see him, but she felt his chin rub against her scalp as he shook his head.

 "No regrets," he said softly. "Just... thoughts."

 Something about his voice didn't sound quite right, and so Daphne twisted in his arms until she could see his face.

"Simon, what's wrong?" she whispered.

 "Nothing." But his eyes didn't meet hers.

 Daphne led him to a loveseat, and sat, tugging on his arm until he settled in beside her. "If you're not ready to be a father yet," she whispered, "that's all right."

 "It's notthat."

 But she didn't believe him. He'd answered too quickly, and there'd been a choked sound to his voice that made her uneasy. "I don't mind waiting," she said. 'Truth be told," she added shyly, "I wouldn't mind having a little time just for the two of us."

 Simon didn't say anything, but his eyes grew pained, and then he closed them as he brought his hand to his brow and rubbed.

 A ripple of panic washed over Daphne, and she started talking faster. "It wasn't so much that I wanted a baby right away," she said. "I just... would like one eventually, that's all, and I think you might, too, if you let yourself consider it. I was upset because I hated that you were denying us a family just to spite your father. It's not—"

 Simon laid a heavy hand on her thigh. "Daphne, stop," he said. "Please."

 His voice held just enough agonized emotion to silence her immediately. She caught her lower lip between her teeth and chewed nervously. It was his turn to speak. There was obviously something big and difficult squeezing at his heart, and if it took all day for him to find the words to explain it, she could wait.

 She could wait forever for this man.

 "I can't say I'm excited about having a child," Simon said slowly.

 Daphne noticed his breathing was slightly labored, and she placed her hand on his forearm to offer comfort.

 He turned to her with eyes that pleaded for understanding. "I've spent so long intending never to have one, you see."

He swallowed. "I d-don't know even how to begin to think about it."

 Daphne offered him a reassuring smile that in retrospect, she realized was meant for both of them. "You'll learn," she

whispered. "And I'll learn withyou."

 "I-it's not that," he said, shaking his head. He let out an impatient breath. "I don't... want... to live my life j-just to spite myfather."

 He turned to her, and Daphne was nearly undone by the sheer emotion burning on his face. His jaw was trembling, and a muscle worked frantically in his cheek. There was incredible tension in his neck, as if every ounce of his energy was

devoted to the task of delivering this speech.

 Daphne wanted to hold him, to comfort the little boy inside. She wanted to smooth his brow, and squeeze his hand. She wanted to do a thousand things, but instead she just held silent, encouraging him with her eyes to continue.

 "You were right," he said, the words tumbling from his mouth. "All along, you've been right. About my father. Th-that I was letting himwin."

 "Oh, Simon," she murmured.

 "B-but what—" His face—his strong, handsome face, which was always so firm, always so in control—crumpled.

"What if... if we have a child, a-a-and it comes out likeme?"

 For a moment Daphne couldn't speak. Her eyes tingled with unshed tears, and her hand moved unbidden to her mouth, covering lips that had parted in shock.

 Simon turned away from her, but not before she saw the utter torment in his eyes. Not before she heard his breath catch, or the shaky exhale he finally expelled in an attempt to hold himself together.

 "If we have a child who stutters," Daphne said carefully, "then I shall love him. And help him. And—" She swallowed convulsively, praying that she was doing the right thing. "And I shall turn to you for advice, because obviously you have learned how to overcome it."

 He turned to face her with surprising swiftness. "I don't want my child to suffer as I have suffered."

 A strange little smile moved across Daphne's face without her even realizing it, as if her body had realized before her mind that she knew exactly what to say. "But he wouldn't suffer," she said, "because you'll behis father."

 Simon's face did not change expression, but his eyes shone with an odd, new, almost hopeful light.

 "Would you reject a child who stuttered?"Daphne asked quietly.

 Simon's negative reply was strong, swift, and accompanied by just a touch of blasphemy.

 She smiled softly. "Then I have no fears for ourchildren."

 Simon held still for one moment more, and then in a rush of movement pulled her into his arms, burying his face in the crook of her neck. "I love you," he choked out. "I love you so much."

 And Daphne was finally certain that everything was going to be all right.

 *  *  *

 Several hours later, Daphne and Simon were still sitting on the love seat in the sitting room. It had been an afternoon for holding hands, for resting one's head on the other's shoulder. Words hadn't been necessary; for both it had been enough simply to be next to the other. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and they were together.

 It was all they needed.

 But something was niggling at the back of Daphne's brain, and it wasn't until her eyes fell on a writing set on the desk that she remembered.

 The letters from Simon's father.

 She closed her eyes and exhaled, summoning the courage she knew she'd need to hand them over to Simon. The Duke of Middlethorpe had told her, when he'd asked her to take the packet of letters, that she'd know when the time was right to give them to him.

 She disentangled herself from Simon's heavy arms and padded over to the duchess's chamber.

 "Where are you going?" Simon asked sleepily. He'd been dozing in the warm afternoon sun.

 "I—I have to get something."

 He must have heard the hesitation in her voice, because he opened his eyes and craned his body around to look at her.

"What are you getting?" he asked curiously.

 Daphne avoided answering his question by scurrying into the next room. "I'll just be a moment," she called out.

 She'd kept the letters, tied together by a red-and-gold ribbon—the ancestral colors of Hastings—in the bottom drawer

of her desk. She'd actually forgotten about them for her first few weeks back in London, and they'd lain untouched in her old bedroom at Bridgerton House. But she'd stumbled across them on a visit to see her mother. Violet had suggested she go upstairs to gather a few of her things, and while Daphne was collecting old perfume bottles and the pillowcase she'd stitched at age ten, she found them again.

 Many a time she'd been tempted to open one up, if only to better understand her husband. And truth be told, if the envelopes hadn't been closed with sealing wax, she probably would have tossed her scruples over her shoulder and read them.

 She picked up the bundle and walked slowly back to the sitting room. Simon was still on the couch, but he was up and

alert, and watching her curiously.

 "These are for you," she said, holding up the bundle as she walked to his side.

 "What are they?" he asked.

 But from the tone of his voice, she was fairly certain he already knew.

 "Letters from your father," she said. "Middlethorpe gave them to me. Do you remember?"

 He nodded. "I also remember giving him orders toburn them."

 Daphne smiled weakly. "He apparentlydisagreed."

 Simon stared at the bundle. Anywhere but at her face. "And so, apparently, did you," he said in a very quiet voice.

 She nodded and sat next to him. "Do you want to read them?"

 Simon thought about his answer for several seconds and finally settled on complete honesty. "I don't know."

 "It might help you to finally put him behind you."

 "Or it might make it worse."

 "It might," she agreed.

 He stared at the letters, bundled up by a ribbon, resting innocently in her hands. He expected to feel animosity. He

expected to feel rage. But instead, all he felt was...

 Nothing.

 It was the strangest sensation. There before him was a collection of letters, all written in his father's hand. And yet he

felt no urge to toss them in the fire, or tear them to bits.

 And at the same time no urge to read them.

 "I think I'll wait," Simon said with a smile.

 Daphne blinked several times, as if her eyes could not believe her ears. "You don't want to read them?" she asked.

 He shook his head.

 "And you don't want to burn them?"

 He shrugged. "Not particularly."

 She looked down at the letters, then back at his face. "What do you want to do with them?"

 "Nothing."

 "Nothing?"

 He grinned. "That's what I said."

 "Oh." She looked quite adorably befuddled. "Do you want me to put them back in my desk?"

 "If youlike."

 "And they'll just sit there?"

 He caught hold of the sash on her dressing robe and starting pulling her toward him. "Mmm-hmm."

 "But—" she spluttered. "But—but—"

 "One more 'but,' " he teased, "and you're going to start to sound like me."

 Daphne's mouth fell open. Simon wasn't surprised by her reaction. It was the first time in his life he'd ever been able to

make a joke out of his difficulties.

 "The letters can wait," he said, just as they fell off her lap onto the floor. "I've just finally managed— thanks to you—to

boot my father from my life." He shook his head, smiling as he did so. "Reading those now would just invite him back in."

 "But don't you want to see what he had to say?" she persisted. "Maybe he apologized. Maybe he even groveled at your

feet!" She bent down for the bundle, but Simon pulled her tightly against him so she couldn't reach.

 "Simon!" she yelped.

 He arched one brow. "Yes?"

 "What are you doing?"

 "Trying to seduce you. Am I succeeding?"

 Her face colored. "Probably," she mumbled.

 "Only probably? Damn. I must be losing my touch."

 His hand slid under her bottom, which prompted alittle squeal. "I think your touch is just fine," she said hastily.

 "Only fine?" He pretended to wince. " 'Fine' is so pale a word, don't you think? Almost wan."

 "Well," she allowed, "I might have misspoken."

 Simon felt a smile forming in his heart. By the time it spread to his lips, he was on his feet, and tugging his wife in the

general direction of his four-poster bed.

 "Daphne," he said, trying to sound businesslike, "I have a proposition."

 "A proposition?" she queried, raising her brows.

 "A request," he amended. "I have a request."

 She cocked her head and smiled. "What kind of request?"

 He nudged her through the doorway and into the bedroom. "It's actually a request in two parts."

 "How intriguing."

 "The first part involves you, me, and"—he picked her up and tossed her onto the bed amidst a fit of giggles—

"this sturdy antique of a bed."

 "Sturdy?"

 He growled as he crawled up beside her. "It had better be sturdy."

 She laughed and squealed as she scooted out of his grasp. "I think it's sturdy. What's the second part of your request?"

 'That, I'm afraid involves a certain commitment of time on your part."

 Her eyes narrowed, but she was still smiling. "What sort of commitment of time?"

 In one stunningly swift move, he pinned her to the mattress. "About nine months."

 Her lips softened with surprise. "Are you sure?"

 "That it takes nine months?" He grinned. "That's what I've always been told."

 But the levity had left her eyes. "You know that's not what I mean," she said softly.

 "I know," he replied, meeting her serious gaze with one of his own. "But yes, I'm sure. And I'm scared to death.

And thrilled to the marrow. Anda hundred other emotions I never let myself feel before you came along."

 Tears pricked her eyes. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

 "It's the truth," he vowed. "Before I met you I was only half-alive."

 "And now?" she whispered.

 "And now?" he echoed. " 'Now' suddenly means happiness, and joy, and a wife I adore. But do you know what?"