The Duke's Marriage Mission (19 page)

Chapter Twelve

H
e had been making such good progress at courting Leah, until his disastrous misstep had driven her away. Now that he had addressed Kit’s governess by her given name, Hayden found it impossible to think of her any other way.

All night he tossed and turned, recalling how well the evening had been progressing. They had enjoyed a pleasant dinner and managed to discuss their differing views without animosity. The whole time, his anticipation had risen as he’d prepared to reveal his carefully planned surprise. He’d pictured the look on her face, trying to imagine how she would react to the foretaste of spring he had assembled for her.

By the time he’d been ready to lead her to the cloisters, his heart was racing with a mixture of exhilaration and anxiety. What if, contrary to all expectation, Leah did not like what he’d done? He had pushed aside that fear, urging her to close her eyes and trust him to lead her. To
his
surprise and satisfaction, she had agreed. Perhaps, for all her talk of freedom, she secretly yearned to have someone watch out for her—someone on whom she knew she could always rely. The sensation of her slender fingers clasped in his hand was so very pleasant Hayden had longed to lead her all over the house before reaching their destination.

When he’d finally told Leah to open her eyes, her reaction was beyond anything he could have hoped. The way her hazel eyes had widened with wonder, her soft intake of breath and the way her whole face glowed had overwhelmed him with tender happiness. Was there anything he would not be prepared to do if it promised to bring her such obvious delight?

When she’d shivered with cold, Hayden had chided himself for that overlooked detail. Yet he could not regret it altogether, since it provided a further opportunity for him to be of service. The coat he’d draped around her slender shoulders was a substitute for the arms which ached to enfold her—keeping her close and safe always.

Then in a tone of disbelief, she’d asked if he had prepared such a delightful surprise for her. Her question confirmed his earlier suspicion that Leah had never truly experienced the loving care she deserved.

At far too young an age she had been thrust into the role of guide, companion and caregiver to her grandmother. She had been forced to watch in helpless outrage as the old woman came to rely on something stronger, that would enslave and destroy her. Sent away to that barbaric school, Leah had tried to help her friends there by drawing their teachers’ cruelty upon herself. Most recently, in her profession as a governess, she had guided and cared for her pupils.

No wonder she placed such a high value on self-reliance. Who else had she ever had to depend on? It was long past time she experience the freedom of having someone nurture
her
.

A conviction like that was too powerful to resist. Hayden had been compelled to act upon it, if only by grazing her cheek with his hand.

But that had been a grave mistake. Hayden rolled over and pummeled his pillow in an unsuccessful effort to relieve his anger with himself. Why could he not have been content with the promising beginning he’d made? How could he have disregarded the caution that was bred so deep in his bones?

Yet strenuously as he questioned his own actions, Hayden could not help questioning Leah’s reaction, as well. He was certain she welcomed the liberty he had taken. After all, he was not some gangling boy out in Society for the first time, bewildered by the mysterious ways of women. He knew when a lady was receptive to his attentions, even if she might not be fully aware of it herself. Leah Shaw had given every indication she found his company more than agreeable. Her whole manner had appealed for a clear sign of his feelings.

What
were
his feelings toward her? Hayden asked himself as he rose to face the day and Leah Shaw.

He could not deny he found her very attractive and most stimulating company. He admired her indomitable spirit and sympathized with the many harsh experiences she had endured. His plan to wed her might be borne of necessity and concern for his son, but that did not mean marrying Kit’s governess would represent any hardship.

But did he
love
her? Hayden’s conscience persisted as his valet shaved him and helped him dress.

Perhaps not, he concluded after a rigorous examination of his heart. But surely that was best for all concerned. He had been wildly in love with Celia, of whom Leah reminded him in far too many ways. Perhaps if there had been less emotion and more prudence on both their parts, his marriage to Celia might have been happier. That was what he wanted, for Kit’s sake—a stable, comfortable, lasting union.

He did not rule out the possibility that he and Leah would grow closer with the passing years. Indeed, he hoped they would. But in the beginning, less intense feelings would be safest.

That was all very well, Hayden’s reflection seemed to chide him. After the way Leah had fled the cloisters last night, would he ever get the opportunity to propose?

Casting a final scowl at himself in the mirror, Hayden rushed away to intercept Leah before she reached the nursery. The things he had to say to her were not for the ears of his son. The last thing he wanted was to raise Kit’s hopes that Leah would remain with them permanently.

He managed to catch up with her on her way to begin the child’s morning lessons. “A word with you if I may, Miss Shaw, before you start your duties?”

“Can it not wait, Your Grace?” Leah seemed flustered by his sudden appearance and more than a trifle wary. “Kit will be expecting me and he does not like to be kept waiting.”

Perhaps what he had to say
could
wait, but Hayden could not bear to cause her a moment’s further anxiety. “I will not detain you long, I promise.”

He glanced over his shoulder to make certain there were no servants nearby, quietly going about their work with open ears.

“Very well, then,” Leah agreed, though she was clearly not happy about it. “What do you wish to say?”

Hayden suddenly found himself nervous as a schoolboy. “I want to beg your pardon if I offended you last night with my familiarity. I assure you with all my heart, you have nothing to fear from me, nor will you ever. I am nothing like those men who tried to impose themselves upon Lady Steadwell when she was employed as a governess. My feelings toward you are respectful and my intentions entirely honorable.”

Leah shook her head vigorously and for a distressing instant Hayden feared she did not believe him. “I have no such fears, sir. I know you are a man of honor.”

A wave of relief swept over Hayden, so strong it threatened to make his knees buckle. “I am delighted to hear it. But I cannot conceal from you what my actions surely betrayed. I have come to hold you in the highest possible esteem and I hope you will permit me to pay my addresses, not as your employer but as...a suitor for your hand.”

Leah grew pale and appeared to sway a little on her feet. Hayden could not tell whether she welcomed his declaration or despised it.

The lady did not leave him long in suspense. “I am honored you would think of me in such a connection, but I have made no secret of my attitude toward marriage.”

“You have expressed it...in most vehement terms.” The corners of his lips twitched in an unsuccessful effort to suppress a grin.

In spite of her protests, he sensed Leah was more receptive to his attentions than she claimed. She pressed her lips together to prevent an answering smile. But she could not keep her eyes from dancing.

“But I hope,” Hayden continued, “that you might permit me to attempt to persuade you otherwise.”

Her lips parted a little. But she caught the lower one between her teeth, as if to keep herself from saying something she might regret. Was that something encouragement or rejection? Hayden could not tell, nor was he certain she knew.

He wished he’d dare take her hands in his as he had last night, but he feared it might spoil any hope of securing her agreement.

“You did not douse me with cold water last night,” he reminded her as a possible indication of the feelings she might not fully fathom. “I take that as a hopeful sign.”

Her tension vented in a bubble of laughter that unlocked her lips. Clearly humor was a means of reaching the part of her that might want what he offered.

“Perhaps that is only because there was no cold water at hand,” she teased, further easing the tension between them.

“Was that the only reason?” A note of sincere curiosity infused Hayden’s question.

Leah reflected for a moment then shook her head. “A gesture of such kindness deserved a more considerate response. I do not believe my opinion of marriage is likely to change, but perhaps it would be worth...testing to be certain.”

This was more encouragement than Hayden had expected. His grin blossomed into a delighted smile. “A very enlightened view. I can ask no more than that.”

His obvious satisfaction with her answer seemed to cause Leah some dismay. “I hope you will make no more of it than I have said. I should be very sorry to injure your feelings if, as I expect, I cannot give you the answer you wish.”

He should tell her his heart would be in no jeopardy, Hayden’s conscience urged him. Of course he would be bitterly disappointed, for Kit’s sake, if he could not induce Leah to accept his eventual proposal. But that was all.

Still, it might not be the best strategy to inform a prospective bride that he intended to guard his heart. “Let
me
worry about my feelings. If you endeavor to keep an open mind, I will be content to take my chances.”

“As you wish,” Leah replied with an air of someone accepting a challenge. “Now I must see to my duties. Regardless of what happens between the two of us, your son will be my first priority.”

“In that, we are perfectly agreed.” Hayden extended his hand as if to shake hers. But when Leah reached for it, he clasped her fingers and bowed to brush his lips over them.

* * *

What principle of anatomy could account for the sensations she was experiencing? The question plagued Leah as she tried to concentrate on teaching Kit that morning. Whenever she recalled the duke grazing her fingers with his lips or her cheek with his hand, a warm tingle flared in the place he had touched.

What would her former teachers say if they knew a duke wanted to make her his wife? They could not be one bit more astonished than she.

Of course she had sensed Lord Northam’s feelings toward her growing more cordial of late, as had hers for him. From time to time she’d had hints those feelings might be more than friendly, but she chose to ignore or deny the warning signs. In the past, her profession had seldom brought her into close contact with gentlemen, which was how she’d preferred it. Reading of Grace’s unfortunate experiences had reinforced her belief that she was not missing anything by avoiding the perils of romance.

After her first unfavorable acquaintance with Kit’s overprotective father, it had never occurred to her that she might grow to respect or like him, let alone develop any warmer attachment. For that reason, she had neglected to mount any defenses against such feelings.

Now she wondered whether it might be too late.

“Have I spelled this word right, Miss Leah?” Kit’s question roused her from thoughts that were both disturbing and inviting.

Thrusting them to the back of her mind, she strove to concentrate her full attention on her pupil. “You have indeed. Well done. You have been working very hard this morning. Would you care to take a little break and go for a ride in your chair?”

“Out of the nursery, you mean?” asked Kit in a tone of excitement Dr. Bannister would have done everything in his power to discourage. “Yes, please!”

There was not a great deal to see besides paintings hung on the walls of the corridors and different suites of guest bedchambers that had not been used for years, but at least it would be a change of scene for the child.

As Leah wrapped a shawl around his shoulders and tucked an extra blanket over his legs, she wished Kit could visit the great hall, the library and especially the cloisters with their indoor spring garden his father had devised for her benefit. Was it possible she could take advantage of the duke’s interest in her to win greater freedom for his son?

“There. I do hope you will be warm enough,” said Leah as she crouched by Kit’s chair. Vital as she believed it was for him to experience more freedom, she did not want to risk him getting chilled.

Before she could rise fully, Kit flung his arms around her neck. “Thank you, Miss Leah! I am glad that you came to be my governess. I like you best in the world next to Papa!”

The child’s declaration and warm squeeze brought a lump to Leah’s throat. An answering surge of affection led her to press a fond kiss upon his forehead. “I am glad I came to Renforth Abbey, too.”

Would she be sorry to leave it in a few months? Her heart suffered a strange, hollow ache at the thought. Perhaps she would not regret leaving the estate itself, so quiet and isolated. But she would miss Kit a great deal, if her holiday in Berkshire was any indication. She would miss his father, too, she could not deny it.

Had Lord Northam already begun to alter her opinion about marriage even before he tried?