The Education of Sebastian & the Education of Caroline (14 page)

I was so overwhelmed—not only had he done this for me, to please me, but that he was so open and honest.

“Sebastian … I think you’re a wonderful lover. The things I feel when I’m with you … the things you make me feel … I’ve never,
never
felt like that.”

I pulled his mouth to mine, trying to show through my kiss that I meant every word.

“You’re very special, Sebastian,” I murmured onto his lips.

“I love you so much, Caro,” he said huskily.

We lay quietly for some minutes and I began to drift off to sleep. But then, in a hesitant voice, he spoke again.

“Caro, can I ask you something?”

“Of course. What is it?”

My brain was happily disconnected from my body, and my voice sounded dream-laden.

He hesitated and I stroked his chest to reassure him.

“Why did you change your mind?”

“About what?”

“About us.”

“I haven’t. Oh, you mean … this.”

“Yes. I mean, I’m glad you did—I was just wondering why.”

I wasn’t sure I knew how to answer that. In fact I didn’t want to be reminded that this was … wrong.

“I didn’t really change my mind: it’s still … dangerous for us, for me.”

He wrapped the blanket more tightly around us as if that could protect me from the disapproval of the world.

“I was too weak to stay away from you,” I whispered. “And today was so … I’ve never felt like this before. You make me feel alive. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong and...”

“How can you say that?” he said angrily, his body suddenly too still. “How can you say it’s wrong? How…”

He stumbled, trying to find the words, and I gasped with pain.

“Don’t be angry with me, Sebastian.”

I couldn’t bear it if you left me now.

“Just … just please don’t say it’s wrong. I can’t hear you say that.”

His hands were bunched into fists against the rough blanket.

I sat up alarmed.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that but
nothing has changed.
You’re still only 17 and I’m … still breaking the law. In the eyes of the world, I’m some disgusting, depraved sexual predator … a vile, awful…”

“Don’t!” He shouted, his eyes furious.

Abruptly, he pulled away from me, his fists pressed against his forehead.

His sudden anger scared me. I was used to anger from David and it rarely touched me—but this … I felt torn in half.

“Sebastian!”

I tried to pull his hands away from his face, but he was too strong and refused to look at me.

“Sebastian,” I spoke more gently. “You asked me why: and I’ve tried to explain. This isn’t going to be easy. You know this.”

I stroked his shoulder.

“Please?”

Eventually he turned toward me, although he still couldn’t meet my eyes. He let me take one of his hands in mine.

“Sorry,” he muttered softly.

“Me, too.”

He moved gently, wrapped me in his arms again and pulled me down so we were lying, a tangle of arms and legs and coarse wool.

He kissed me with sudden ferocity, covering my face and throat with hard, burning kisses. His weight pinned me down as I ran my hands across the taut muscles of his back and shoulders.

“I love you,” he growled. “That’s all that matters.”

I badly wanted to believe he was right; I knew he was wrong.

But I let his words, his hands and his body sweep me away. I realized with dim surprise that he’d grown hard again and his erection was probing between my legs. I wished I could just allow him to slide inside me without fear or consequence but the small, unquiet voice of reason was just about audible.

I felt his wet tip push again against my thighs. I laid my hand firmly against his chest.

“Sebastian,” I said, a warning in my voice.

He groaned and rolled onto his back, then fumbled around while I waited, growing impatient.

“I can’t find the fucking condoms!”

“What?”

“They were in my jeans’ pocket, but I can’t find them now.”

What?

We scrambled around in the dark, frustration mounting. I grabbed handfuls of sand, sieving it through my fingers, trying to find the small packet.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” he yelled suddenly and threw himself back down on the blanket.

He looked so wretched and, well, kind of uncomfortable, that I couldn’t help smiling. I was really trying hard not to laugh but the situation was so ridiculous.

“Oh dear,” I said, the humor obvious in my voice. “What are we going to do now?”

He ignored my tone. I really hoped he wasn’t going to sulk. But I had a solution in mind.

I stroked his satiny skin, still stretched tight over his erection. He groaned and turned his eyes toward me.

I held him firmly, sliding my hand up and down him several times. His hips arched underneath me while his hands lay limply at his sides.

Slowly, my intent now obvious, I knelt at his side and stared down at him.

“Oh, fuck!” he breathed.

Well, not quite, but this will have to do for now.

Gently, I pulled his erection back toward my mouth and ran my tongue around the skin. I tried to ignore the rubbery flavor and hoped it would wear off soon. I decided to do some more wearing off using my tongue and teeth and, with great satisfaction, I watched him writhe and pant under my touch. I massaged his balls with one hand and spread my other hand out on his stomach, pressing him down into the blanket.

“Caro!” he moaned.

Hearing my name on his lips was extraordinarily arousing. For the first time ever, I really wanted to do this, to take him all the way.

I moved my mouth faster and sucked harder. I could feel him all the way to the back of my
throat so I made sure I relaxed, then stroked my mouth up and down him rapidly. I felt Sebastian’s hands weave themselves through my hair and with a sound that was more animal than human, he shuddered and stilled.

I swallowed quickly, trying not to think about the salty taste too much, then crawled over to curl up next to him. I was cold and the heat of his body was welcoming. I pulled the blanket around us and felt his arms sweep down my back.

As I snuggled up to him, I felt something dig into my hip.

I pulled out the packet of condoms that had gone AWOL, and held it up.

“Look what I found.”

Sebastian’s eyes opened sleepily. “What? Are you kidding? Oh well, that was pretty fucking amazing anyway.” He laughed in astonishment. “I mean, just fucking sensational!” Then he paused, “But keep that packet where we can find it.”

Now it was my turn to be amazed. “You want more?!”

His voice was suddenly serious, all humor gone.

“It could be weeks, months even before I get to spend the whole night with you again, Caro. Whereas that fucking asshole...”

I held my finger over his mouth then kissed him. “But tonight is still ours.”

And I didn’t want to waste the hours by uttering David’s name.

As dawn began to leak through the darkness, Sebastian slept. His head rested on my chest and his arms and legs were wrapped around me. I could feel his warm breath on my skin as my fingers rhythmically stroked his back.

It was a peaceful moment tinged with sadness for me. I didn’t want it to be over, but with each minute the dark faded, and I knew it was time to go.

I’d never known a night like it; I’d never known it could be that way. I finally understood what my dear Papa had tried to tell me when I’d announced that I was marrying David.

“You’re so young, mia cara. You have so much life ahead of you. You don’t have to decide now. See a little of the world first.”

Of course I hadn’t listened. Children never listen to their parents, do they? Not about life; not about love … or what I’d thought was love.

“Sebastian,” I whispered, rubbing his arm. “We have to go.”

He mumbled something and tightened his grip. His reaction made me smile.

“Come on. Wake up.”

“I
am
awake,” he said, and to make his point he took my nipple in his mouth and tugged gently.

I swatted his shoulder even as my body shuddered with desire.

“Stop it! We have to go.”

“Yep, I’m ready,” he said, pushing his growing erection into my hip.

Good God! He really was insatiable; I’d always thought that must be a myth. I was very grateful that David had always been easily appeased. The thought spoiled my good mood.

“No, it’s time to go,” I said, feeling grumpy and turned on at the same time.

Sebastian sighed. “We’re out of condoms anyway,” he said sadly.

We got through a whole box of condoms?
No wonder my legs felt like I’d never be able to cross them again. Yes, well used—that was the sensation. I wondered idly if Sebastian felt the same. I didn’t know though; could men be sore from, um, extended usage?

I was about to ask him when I realized the sky was lighter with pink streaks glowing in the east. I sat up in a panic, looking around for my clothes; I
had
to get back before David woke up.

“What’s the matter?” said Sebastian, sitting up, frowning.

“I really have to go!” I hissed, feeling angry and tearful at the same time.

“Caro!” Sebastian tried to capture my hand.

“No! What part of that don’t you understand?” I snapped.

He didn’t reply but his hurt expression said it all. He stood up and pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt in silence, then shook the sand off the blanket and folded it under his arm.

I’d found my dress, which looked more like a rag than anything else, but my bra was missing in action. The panties, well, I assumed they were still somewhere on the floor of the Hunters’ car.

I stepped into the dress and almost jumped when I felt Sebastian’s hands on my spine, pulling up the zipper. He kissed my neck quickly and held out his hand.

I took it, feeling rather ashamed of my outburst, but too anxious to apologize.

When we reached the car, I fished out my panties from under the driver’s seat, shyly stepped into them and wriggled them up my hips. Sebastian was gentleman enough to turn his back during this awkward procedure. How ridiculous of me, after everything we’d done several times last night and twice this morning.

Sebastian drove barefoot, but I tried to brush sand off my feet and push them into my pumps. The sky grew lighter each minute and I was terrified that someone would see me get out of the Hunters’ car or, worse still, that David would be awake and waiting for me.

Sebastian pulled up outside the house and gave my hand a quick squeeze. “Text me later? Let me know you’re all right?”

I nodded and pulled my hand away.

I stumbled up the driveway and crept around to the back of the house, peeking in through the window. I breathed a sigh of relief: David was still asleep on the couch and snoring loudly.

I took off my pumps and tiptoed through backdoor, feeling all colors of guilty, but oddly exultant at the same time.

In the bedroom, everything was as I’d left it; a lipstick on the dressing table and a comb abandoned by David’s side of the bed, which hadn’t been slept in.

It was nearly 7
am
and although my body ached for sleep, and really just ached from using muscles that had never before seen the light of day, I ignored the bed and headed for the bathroom. I badly needed to pee. Sebastian had had no qualms about wandering off into the dunes during the night to relieve himself, but I hadn’t quite been able to be that free with him. Luckily I hadn’t drunk much during the evening, so I’d been able to hold on.

I showered quickly, enjoying the hot water on my skin, and washed off the last of the sand that had managed to work itself into a number of interesting crevices.

I wondered if Sebastian’s parents would comment on his absence—or the fact that the car had been missing all night. But then again, the state they’d been in when he’d taken them home, I doubted they would have noticed much at all. I hoped that was the case.

As I dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and old shirt, I heard David stirring next door. I didn’t know how I was going to do this—to go on deceiving him, to carry on living the lie. I wondered again if I could contemplate the alternative, or could I weather the next four months.

I took a deep breath and walked into the living room. David peered at me through bleary eyes, grunted and rolled into a sitting position.

“Coffee?” I said, a little too brightly.

He eyed me suspiciously. “Where have you been?”

“Showering,” I said, breezily.

My hands shook slightly as I put the water on to boil.

“Bacon? Pancakes?”

From the corner of my eye I saw David pull a face and he didn’t reply. I couldn’t help feeling a sharp sense of satisfaction that he was suffering with a hangover. If things ran true to form, he’d spend the rest of the day in his study.