I have nothing here of great value except the painting of the two little boys gazeing at the moon. It is Sunny Marie Barretts painting now. It is to be hung in her roam at Tom and Marie Barretts house, until or unless she asks that it be removed —and I would rather she never sell it —but the choice should be hers when she reaches the age 0f18.
Again 1 state; the painting of the two little boys gazeing at the moon, done by Gary Gilmore now belongs to Sunny Marie Baher Barrett.
My mother has my every consent to take all or any of my letters and do with them what she pleases. If they can in any way bring her some money —then I’ll be all the gladder. But I would desire her to share the money as she sees fair — with al—!l my brothers and sisters and also my Aunt —Kathy Kampman.
Since there are so many people trying and being successful at makeing money on the story of Gary Gilmore and l, I would jest as soon it was someone I love and care for and trust to have part of that success. So… the letters are my Mothers, Kathryn N. Baker’s. If she wishes to burn them —so be it also.
My Mother probably has little use for any of my household belongings —which are of no value-so I would truely like for my good friend Kathy Maynard to have any of my furniture she chooses and any of the things hanging on my walls —jest anything in this apartment that my Mother would not feel too reluctant to part with. I do hope Mare is reasonable about it. Kathy M. has helped me
TESTAMENTS
57Ip>
through many a long hard day—she has little furniture and that sort of stuff …
That’s it.
NICOLE K, BAKER
There were a lot,of pills and she took them slowly, swallowing one or two at a time, being careful not to gag. If she threw up, the whole thing would be blown. In the middle, she started having a lot of thoughts. She remembered the guy from the television station in Boston who was going to pay the Sa,ooo and worried whether he would honor it now when she was gone. Without it, where would April get the money for her hospital? She was also thinking that he had said he would be here in the morning and what if she didn’t answer his ring? Would he come in? If she wasn’t departed by then, they might revive her. So she had to decide whether or not to lock the door.
She didn’t want anybody to be able to walk in. Yet if they had to break the door, that noise could terrify Jeremy. On the other hand, if the door wasn’t locked, Jeremy could open it with no trouble and wander out in the morning. Kathy Maynard might pick him up, carry him back and discover her too soon. Finally, Nicole turned the latch. Still, that made her miserable, thinking of Jeremy moping around tomorrow looking at her.
Now she was taking three or four Seconal at a time with water, and Gary was sitting with her. There weren’t even seconds these days that she did not think of him. But, now he was very near and she began to think of how soon she would be with him and how she trusted him and was not afraid. Then she thought of lying down without her clothes on, and wondered what to do about that. She did not want to die with her clothes on, that was for sure. But she did feel strange about taking them off. Reporters might come in the morning and look at her body.
As she got into bed, she took a picture of Gary and put it under the pillow and held on to it with her hand, and felt a little extra naked
572
THE EXECUTIONER’S SONG
tonight. Then the pills started to feel good. She felt it really coming on. Got out of bed and walked around a little just to have that good feeling of her legs moving in one nice floating feeling after the other. It was awful nice, as if she were learning to walk for the first time, and her legs started to get heavy. She lay down and held onto the pic ture of Gary again, and thought of the letter she had written in the ten minutes before she took the pills. Reading over the Last Will and Testament and the letter how to dispose of her furniture, she decided there had been nothing very personal, truly, to her mother and faro-fly. So she’d written an additional letter, and she was thinking of that, and of Kathy Maynard next door who was the nicest neighbor she’d ever had, an angel and a stand-up neighbor. Then that very last letter began to swim around her mind and Nicole went to sleep.
i Love him.
i made my own choice.
i’ll not regret it.
Please Love my kids always, as they are part of the family. Never hid truths from them.
When any of you need me, i will be there to listen for i and GarY —and yourselves —are all a part of a wondrous good understandin God.
May this parting bring us closer in Loveing, understanding and
expeting of one another.
i Love You All
SISSY
Mon. Nov. 5, I976
Morn, Dad, Rik, April, Mike, Angel
—Everybody knows that i Love and Care for You.
Please do not resent my leaving this life.
I’m not trying to hurt anyone—if I could spare you all any pain — surely would.
But i just go. Because i want to so bad.
Wanting a thing like that—and not granting it to myself— would surely turn me into some bitter ugly old maid in just a matter of time —or possibly I would lose my sanity.
I think you all pretty much understand about me and Gary. if you don’t well time wil tell all. i Love him. More than life and more than that.
And i Love you all very much. i could never have asked for a bet ter family. We’ve been over a few rough spots a time or two — but i hope that any wrong i’ve done anyone will be forgiven me as easy as i forgive.
i don’t want to talk anymore, i’m sorry i should have written this sooner, i had so much to say.
Well, all will ultimately be clear and right just know that i love you all today and i will love you always.
Please try also not to greive for me — or resent Gary.
Exclusive Rights
WAKE
Four months after the morning that Kathy Maynard found Nicole in bed with an overdose of Seconal, journalists were still coming around with tape recorders. Their interest in Nicole was great, and curiosity about Kathy herself was small, but it is a technique of some inter viewers to begin by asking each witness, important or unimportant, many questions about their life.
INTERVIEWER How old were you when you got married?
KATHY MAYNARD Sixteen.
INTERVIEWER Why did you get married at sixteen?
KATHY MAYNARD ‘Cause my other friends did..
INTERVIEWER Alld who did you marry9
KATHY MAYNARD Tim Mair from Heber City.
INTERVIEWER How old was he?
KATHY MAYNARD (snickers) Seventeen.
INTERVIEWER Seventeen, well what was he doing?
KATHY MAYNARD He was working at a lumber mill.
INTERVIEWER And where did you meet him?
KATHY MAYNARD . Out in front of the school. On a lawn,
INTERVIEWER How long did you go with him before you married
him? KATHY MAYNARD ‘Bout a month.
578
THE EXECUTIONER’S SONGp>
INTERVIEWER Where did you get married?
KATHY MAYNARD At his house in Heber..
INTERVIEWER Why did you get married at his house and not yours? KATHY MAYNARD Because my morn was living in a motel. INTERVIEWER Was your mother happy about you getting married or what?
KATHY MAYNARD No, she was pretty shook up-she didn’t want me to.
INTERVIEWER He’s got the peanut.butter jar, is that okay?
KATHY MAYNARD Kevin, put the peanut butter up! Come on! INTERVIEWER How long were you married?
KATHY MAYNARD Ohhhhh, let’s see — three months.
INTERVIEWER Had you slept with him before you got married? KATHY MAYNARD Oh yeah. (snickers)
INTERVIEWER Right. And uh, what happened to that marriage? KATHY MAYNARD He killed hisself.
INTERVIEWER He killed himself?
KATHY MAYNARD Uh huh.
INTERVIEWER While you were married?
KATHY MAYNARD Uh huh.
INTERVIEWER Why—I mean what happened—what’s the story surrounding it?
KATHY MAYNARD Well, he was drinking and we was going to Provo, we was Christmas shopping.., and he stopped on the way out of PEDRO and bought a hunting knife, and I didn’t think nothing of it ….
INTERVIEWER Right.
KATHY MAYNARD And coming back we was arguing ‘cause he kept rolling the window down and it was cold so when we got back to mom’s … he started arguing with me again and my morn was asleep, she was working graveyard, and I just asked him if he would be quiet you know … ff he’d keep his voice down so it wouldn’t wake Morn up and he got mad and walked out the door. I was in bed. And then he turned around and come back and he flipped the light on, had his knife out and said, “Watch,” and he stabbed hisseif.
WAKE
579p>
INTERVIEWER Right in front of you?
KATHY MAYNARD Uh huh. Kevin put the peanut butter up!
ITERVIEWER Do you have any idea why he did it?
KATHY MAYNARD I don’t know — He shot hisself in the foot once.
INTERVIEWER When you were married?
KATHY MAYNARD Before we was married Jbecause I was with another guy.
ITERVIEWER Right.
KATHY MAYNARD Kevin, go play for a minute.
INTERVIEWER Did you blame yourself?
KATHY MAYNARD Ohh, I did for quite a while ‘cause it kinda shook me up ‘cause I thought well, ff I hadn’t been fighting with him … INTERVIEWER Uh huh.
KATHY MAYNARD I don’t know, after talking to quite a few people I realized he was sick and needed help,
INTERVIEWER Where did he stab himself?
KATHY MAYNARD Well, it was in the stomach. They couldn’t get the
bleeding stopped to tie his arteries so he got into shock and loss of blood …
INTERVIEWER Did he die in the — in the apartment?
KATHY MAYNARD Oh no, he died in the University of Utah… in Salt Lake.. two days later.
INTERVIEWER Two days later?
KATHY MAYNARD Uh huh,
INTERVIEWER And uh, you weren’t pregnant at that time or any thing?
KATHY MAYNARD Well, I was pregnant — my twins were Tim’s.
INTERVIEWER And did you know you were pregnant at that time?
KATHY MAYNARD No!
iNTERVIEWER How long after he died did you know you were preg nant?
KATHY MAYNARD Ohhh, Why don’t you bring me the peanut butter and the lid, okay? Uhhh, let’s see I had missed one period but I wasnt worried about it because I had messed up before so . . INTERVIEWER So you found out about it two months .later then?
580
p>
THE EXECUTIONER’S SONG
KATHY MAYNARD Yeah.
INTERVIEWER You say that with a sigh—
KATHY MAYNARD Ohhh, kind of messed me up. Like I say, l mar-fied Les Maynard two weeks after Tim died so …
INTERVIEWER YOU mean you got married fight after Tim died? KATHY MAYNARD I met Les at Tim’s funeral.
INTERVIEWER Did you know Les Maynard before or what?
KATHY MAYNARD Didn’t even know who he was.
INTERVIEWER HOW come he was at the funeral?
KATHY MAYNARD He was one of Tim’s friends. He knew Tim. INTERVIEWER Right. So you met him at the funeral? What hap pened after that?
KATHY MAYNARD Uh huh. (pause) Well, I was staying with my cousin and her husband and Les came down-I stayed drunk for two weeks after Tim died …
INTERVIEWER Stayed drunk?
KATHY MAYNARD I did. (snickers)
IN’PERVlEWER On beer, whiskey or what?
KATHY MAYNARD Oh, yOU name it — we had it. I took all the money
from Tim’s funeral and just bought booze with it and Les stayed down there with me for two weeks and then we got married …
INTERVIEWER Why did you marry Les?
KATHY MAYNARD Lonely. I guess I was scared.
INTERVIEWER And why did he marry you?
KATHY MAYNARD I have no idea—maybe ‘cause he felt sorry for
me. INTERVIEWER You never discussed it with him?
KATHY MAYNARD No.
INTERVIEWER Arid how was your marriage with Les?
KATHY MAYNARD Awful.
INTERVIEWER From the very beginning?
KATHY MAYNARD Well, after I sobered up and realized what I had done I couldn’t stand him to touch me and I — I would sit up at the cemetery by Tim’s grave all the time and I threw my wedding ring on Tim’s grave. So, I was pretty messed up — for a while I took off for a
WAKE
58Ip>
couple of months, which caused a lot of problems, started jealousy and stuff like that …
INTERVIEWER When you took off, did you start to make it with other guys?
KATHY MAYNARD Oh no.
INTERVIEWER You just took off to be by yourself?
KATHY MAYNARD Yeah.
INTERVIEWER SO you were never in love with him.
KATHY MAYNARD It wasn’t love. It couldn’t have been. But I think it
kind of grew to that. After we had the kids.
INTERVIEWER The first two?
KATHY MAYNARD Hmmm, hmmm [yes].
INTERVIEWER And how long did you live with him?
KATHY MAYNARD Couple of weeks.
INTERVIEWER You only lived with Les a couple of weeks, too. When was the last time you saw him?
KATHY MAYNARD Les? Ha, ha, day before yesterday.
INTERVIEWER So you see him periodically?
KATHY MAYNARD Hmmm, hmmm, he’s with my best girl friend. INTERVIEWER When he comes back, and sees you, does he make it with you or what?
KATHY MAYNARD Oh no.
INTERVIEWER Did you and Les ever get a divorce?
KATHY MAYNARD We’re going through it now.
INTERVIEWER What does he do now?
KATHY MAYNARD Works at a service station out in Spanish.
INTERVIEWER Spanish Fork?
KATHY MAYNARD That’s it.
Kathy had been waking Nicole up every morning. In order to get out
early to see Gary, it was necessary for Kathy to come by. Most days, Nicole just couldn’t wake herself.
582
p>
THE EXECUTIONER’S SONG
On that special sunrise, Kathy took the coffeepot over, and knocked, and rang Nicole’s bell, then looked through the window to see Nicole asleep. She was lying stomach down on the couch. You could see a little of her bare back. After Kathy had rung awhile, she tried the door. It was locked, which kind of bothered her. She re turned the coffee to her own house, went back, and started calling Jeremy’s name until he finally woke up and came out of the bedroom. He was still half asleep and just flopped down on the couch beside Nicole. He was wearing a little pair of green pajamas and all he wanted was to get back to sleep. Finally, after fifteen minutes, she got Jeremy to open the door, but when Kathy went in and shook Nicole and turned her over, she didn’t respond.