The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book One: The Hero Revealed (2 page)

I’d like to say that we’re always out battling the forces of evil, but the truth is we spend most of our time hanging around our secret headquarters, eating potato chips and reading the latest comic book adventures of the Amazing Indestructo. Despite the fact that I’m ordinary, they still treat me like a full member of the team.

I’m not sure why I’m so ordinary. Both of my parents have superpowers. My dad, Thermo, is able to make his hands incredibly hot. It may not sound like much of a power, but he can do some amazing things. Lately, he’s been trying to become a member of the League of Ultimate Goodness, but he keeps getting turned down. I don’t know why. He’d be more useful than most of the current members.

My mom’s power is even cooler. And I mean that literally. She can freeze anything just by staring at it really hard. Her name is Snowflake. Sometimes I wonder if their powers canceled each other out when they had me.

Of course, when they were younger, my parents spent most of their time fighting crime. After all, that’s what people with superpowers do—at least until they realize they have to get real jobs. Just like any town, ours has some people who aren’t very nice. Only here, those people have superpowers, too, which I guess makes them supervillains. It makes sense. You can’t really be a superhero if you don’t have any villains to battle.

The worst of them is a guy named Professor BrainDrain. Like his name implies, he can boost his own brain power by draining the intelligence of others. In Superopolis, this can be a big problem since a lot of people here don’t exactly have an excess of smarts to begin with. After all, who needs brains when you have a superpower? Professor Brain-Drain uses his super-smarts to devise all sorts of devious schemes. Luckily, the Amazing Indestructo never fails to foil his plans, which is just one of the reasons he’s hands down my number one all-time favorite hero.

SUPEROPOLIS

The City of Heroes! Superopolis is bordered on the east by the Ornery Ocean and on the west by the impassable Carbunkle Mountains. The exact date that the city was settled is unknown, due in large measure to a complete lack of curiosity on the part of Superopolis’s citizens. Current residents consider it the perfect place to live and raise families—despite alarmingly frequent volcanic and seismic activity in the area. For an overall view of the city and its environs, please consult the map at the beginning of this book.

CHAPTER ONE

The Cavities of Doom

The Amazing Indestructo sniffed the air as if he could actually smell the odor of evil wafting through the skies of Superopolis. His head tilted one way—and paused—and then the other, revealing both of his perfect profiles. Then the rocket pack on his back burst into life, and he shot into the air like a pillar of fire.

He was only airborne for a matter of seconds before he spotted his quarry. The Brain-Drain Blimp! It looked almost peaceful as it hovered silently above the rooftops of Superopolis’s warehouse district. But the Amazing Indestructo wasn’t fooled by its pleasingly puffy shape. He knew evil lurked on board. And sure enough, as he watched, the blimp landed and Professor Brain-Drain’s minions began unloading hundreds of cases of pilfered property. The Amazing Indestructo spoke into his wrist walkie-talkie.

“Attention, members of the League of Ultimate Goodness,” he announced. “I have discovered where Brain-Drain is hiding the stolen tubes of McCavity’s Ultra-Paste Tooth Whitener. I’m going in after him.”

He turned and looked right into the camera as he said this and flashed his own perfectly white teeth. A moment later, the scene cut to a commercial.

Wow!
I thought to myself.
What I wouldn’t give to be
soaring through the air with Superopolis’s greatest hero.
Instead, I had to settle for sitting on the couch on a Saturday morning in my Amazing Indestructo pajamas, watching
The Amazing Adventures of the Amazing
Indestructo
(and the League of Ultimate Goodness).
And, no, there isn’t anything wrong with my typing. That’s about the size of the credit that the rest of the league usually gets.

This morning’s episode was a new one. In it, AI (that’s what we real fans call him for short) was trying to save Superopolis from his greatest enemy, Professor Brain-Drain, who had stolen the city’s entire supply of toothpaste.

Brain-Drain is always trying to either take over or destroy Superopolis. He seems to change his mind from week to week as to which one he would rather do. In this week’s episode the Professor had so far succeeded with his plan, and everyone’s teeth had started to rot away. Everyone’s except the Amazing Indestructo’s, of course!

As in most episodes, the other members of the League of Ultimate Goodness were helpless (this time because of loose teeth and really bad breath). There are currently ten of them, but usually only five appear in an episode. They always try to help and as the show returned, that’s exactly what they were doing.

“The Amazing Indestructo needs us,” announced the Crimson Creampuff. “We have to hurry to his aid.”

“Whoo-wee! Shurin’ if yer breath ain’t enough to bring down a whole heap o’ bad guys,” said Whistlin’ Dixie. “And ma two front choppers are wigglin’ so fierce I ken barely whistle in tune. I say we go help round up the varmint what done this!”

“Why bother?” groaned Major Bummer. “We’ve all got to go sometime. It might as well be from halitosis.”

This was pretty typical of Major Bummer. He was always depressed and gloomy. I suppose that’s how he got his name—although it might also have something to do with his really big butt.

“I could try tunneling my way there,” proposed the Moleman, “except my molars are killing me.”

“I can immobilize the Professor with my coils of spaghetti,” proclaimed Spaghetti Man. The truth is, a ninety-year-old grandmother could break out of the limp noodles he produces from his fingertips.

“That’s the attitude, leaguers,” said the Crimson Creampuff as he slammed a fist into his hand and then winced in pain. “The Amazing Indestructo needs us and it’s time for us to come to his aid!”

Meanwhile, AI had decided to storm Professor Brain-Drain’s secret hideout single-handedly. Without hesitation he zoomed straight to the top of the building where the Brain-Drain Blimp was tethered. He crashed through the roof and came face-to-face with his greatest enemy.

“You fiend,” he said, as he stood amidst the smoke and dust. “Your plot to deny the people of Superopolis the whitening advantage of McCavity’s Ultra-Paste Tooth Whitener is at an end.”

And there, standing calmly amid thousands of cases of McCavity’s toothpaste, was that supervillain of all supervillains, Professor Brain-Drain—or at least the actor who played him. All the other characters on the show play themselves, but Professor Brain-Drain is always an actor. The funny thing is it never seems to be the same actor. Last week’s Brain-Drain had a high-pitched voice. The one before that actually had some hair. This newest one, I noticed, had a big mole on his nose.

I grabbed my copy of the
Li’l Hero’s Handbook
and quickly flipped to the entry on Professor Brain-Drain.

The picture was of a man significantly older than the guy on TV, and there was definitely no mole on his nose. Well, if he’s retired, I guess it made sense that he doesn’t play himself. Of course, his tendency to drain people’s intelligence and be superevil may have been a factor as well. I set the handbook back down just as the actor playing the Professor began to speak.

“Ah, the Amazing Indestructo.” The egghead of evil chortled. (This was the first Brain-Drain who chortled—most of them cackled.) “I expected you would be coming.”

“Your vile plan will never work,” responded AI. “I’m here to see that Superopolis will once again experience the amazing benefits of McCavity’s Ultra-Paste.”

“On the contrary,” Professor Brain-Drain corrected. “Without access to McCavity’s, the people of Super-opolis will soon see their teeth rotting and falling out of their mouths. With no teeth, they won’t be able to eat. In their starved, weakened states, it will be easy for me to drain the intelligence from every citizen of Superopolis, absorbing it all into my own brain. I’ll become a supergenius!”

How incredibly evil!
I was so horrified by BrainDrain’s nasty plot that I ignored how little sense it made. Thank goodness AI was there!

NAME:
Professor Brain-Drain.
POWER:
The ability to enhance his own intelligence by draining the intelligence of others.
LIMITATIONS:
Has a tendency to overthink things.
CAREER:
Superopolis’s most successful criminal mastermind for over fifty years. The Professor has been in semiretirement for over a decade.
CLASSIFICATION:
A major power and a twisted brain make for a lethal combination. His recent inactivity is greatly appreciated.

“You obviously didn’t count on me,” the Amazing Indestructo proclaimed as he bared his brilliant (and indestructible) white teeth.

“Of course I did,” replied the Professor matter-of-factly as he pulled a metal box from his lab coat and punched a button on it. “And now I’d like to introduce you to my latest invention. I call them my Robotic Rabbits, and I suggest you be particularly wary of their atomic incisors.”

Dozens of metallic bunny rabbits suddenly appeared from all directions. These weren’t your ordinary metallic bunnies, either. These bunnies were almost six feet tall! And as if that wasn’t bad enough, their front teeth were enormous! In fact, they looked like they could cut through a steel beam. The Amazing Indestructo remained as cool as an indestructible cucumber.

“Is that the best you can do?” he taunted the Professor.

Before the nemesis of niceness could even respond, the Amazing Indestructo picked up the closest Robotic Rabbit by the feet and began swinging it around in a circle. As the others rushed to attack they found themselves being smashed and pulverized. By the time AI stopped his spinning, the rabbit he was holding had been reduced to a blunt hunk of metal. A lot of the attackers had been reduced to pieces as well. But others were still unharmed and not only that, more were joining them every second. In fact, they seemed to be multiplying like … well, rabbits!

They swarmed toward AI, and the ones that made it to him began to gnaw at him with their atomic teeth.

“This has no effect on me.” AI laughed at Professor Brain-Drain. “Have you forgotten I’m indestructible?”

“Curses! You’re right!” the Professor responded.