"Hellas!" Ninian exclaimed, and a heartbroken Jhond realized he was looking at the physical manifestation of the entity.
Without another word, Ninian passed the cracked crystal back to him. Jhond stared at the crystal in his hands as if he didn't know what it was.
"I'm sorry, Jhond, but you must do it. Now!" Ninian said firmly.
Jhond lifted his shocked gaze to meet Ninian's, his expression finally clearing as he understood his friend's message. With a heavy heart, he quickly placed the crystal in proximity to what remained of the entity, which had hidden inside Remelin. The spell worked perfectly, and the metallic shards migrated to the crystal as if the rod itself was calling them home.
"Thank the Lords," Ninian said, with a sigh of relief. As he glanced at Jhond, his relief soon changed to sympathy.
Jhond didn't say anything, just stared at the spot where Remelin had been lying only minutes earlier. Ninian could see he was devastated, still hardly recognizing what had occurred, still couldn't believe it. They had finally healed the rift between them, but it was too late. Maybe it had always been too late. Nothing in his spell should have caused her body to...to... "I killed her," Jhond murmured. "I loved her, and I killed her." He stared at Ninian. "I'm supposed to help people, not lead them to their deaths."
"That's not fair," Ninian corrected him. "It wouldn't have happened like that if she hadn't interfered. I understand that--"
"She loved me! She did it to help me!"
"I know. She really did love you," Ninian said softly. Then shook himself as if to chase away the thought, to dismiss the unworthy doubt he'd had about Remelin's motives. "And she knew how important it was that the Eynan lived to fight another day. It doesn't change the fact that, for all the right reasons, she made a mistake and that's what killed her. The fault was not yours."
"I don't even know for sure if my spell would've worked," Jhond said, his self-recrimination evident.
"Yes, you do," Ninian pressed, gripping Jhond's arm, making Jhond look at him. "The crystal gave you very precise instructions on how to capture it. The entity would have been drawn out into the rod as it was from her body; her magic trapped it within her cells. You're much more powerful than she, and it was her disruption of your magic that caused her cells to disintegrate. Grieve by all means, but don't add the weight of unnecessary guilt."
* * * *
Jhond heard the words, and, while perhaps his mind could see the truth of Ninian's intent, his heart could feel only the weight of what had happened. He was supposed to be there to help Remelin, and he had failed spectacularly. Not only that, but he'd lost another chance at happiness with a young woman. It had been early days, but something special was growing between them, and he knew she could have come to mean the world to him.
"Perhaps the guilt is not unnecessary," Jhond said wearily. "Even as I grieve for her loss, I think only about how her death affects
me.
How much
I
have lost without her. What about the life
she
might have had, what
she
has lost? Opportunities she'll never have the chance to explore. Maybe I lost out on happiness because I'm too selfish to deserve it?"
"Hellas, Jhond! Are you determined to take all the blame on yourself? The girl was as yet untrained; she knew that wouldn't happen until we returned home. She took it on herself to tap into her talent and try to help you. Lords, I'm surprised she succeeded at all, but at the end of the day,
she
made that decision. Though to you it ended badly, she knew what might be the outcome of her choice. You cannot take her choices on your shoulders. You have enough of your own to carry. Don't take on any more."
Jhond wanted to accept Ninian's advice, wanted to believe he deserved it. Yet he could not.
He was the Eynan. He was supposed to be the most powerful mage who had ever existed. Shouldn't he have been able to understand that an ambitious young mage would try to use her talent when she was in danger? That she would want to help the man she cared for? Why had he been so blind?
"You need to understand that your value is beyond measure," Ninian went on. "Who knows what the future may bring."
Jhond stared at Ninian. "Beyond measure? I wonder if I'm even fit to be the Eynan."
Ninian sighed. He gripped Jhond's shoulders, forcing Jhond to meet his gaze. "Things happen because they are meant to. Everything in your life has followed an unwritten plan leading you to the path you took. Gallia was never meant to be yours. She was meant to marry a ruling prince and help him guide his people. Patinus may rule only a small country, but his influence greatly outweighs the size of his nation. As one who led the uprising against the emperor, his opinion is sought and appreciated. With Gallia by his side, he is helping to re-shape the land."
"And Remi?" Jhond asked bitterly.
"As sad as it is, Remi was always destined to have a troubled, difficult life. Walking into the nunnery that fateful day was always meant to be. Meeting you would prove to be the highlight of her short life. She fell in love, but she had a vital role in protecting the Eynan--"
"The price was too high," Jhond declared.
"Then prove worthy of her sacrifice! Protect and serve your people to the best of your ability. You were destined to be the Eynan and your ability is...boundless."
Boundless?
Jhond wasn't sure he knew just what that meant. That his power was immeasurable, limitless? That as the Eynan his knowledge would become incalculable? Even thinking such words in relation to himself sent a chill down his spine. He was but a young man and felt he still had so much to learn. Each day he felt less justified in being the Eynan.
"You must finish it, Jhond," Ninian said, and Jhond jerked at the comment.
"Finish it?" He frowned, confused.
"Destroy the rod," Ninian said, and Jhond's brow cleared.
"Ah, yes." Jhond lifted the cracked crystal, staring at it as if he could see the rod buried deep inside, wondering if it was possible a tiny sliver of Remelin survived in the crystal. He shivered, horrified at such an idea, before dismissing it as the guilty fear it was. He bent to place the crystal on the lid of the closed box and hastily drew a sigil in the air, while reciting the spell that would encase the cracked crystal in a new pristine one.
Ninian watched, fascinated. This was the first time he'd seen a crystal being formed...the first time a crystal had been formed since the Withdrawal. It began at the base of the existing cracked crystal as a fine, mesh-like web of crystalline fibers and seemed to weave itself, crisscrossing and twisting its way around, the fibers thickening and joining until it reached the tip, where the new crystal formed a fine point.
Ninian glanced up at Jhond then to find him staring at the new crystal with distaste. Jhond picked it up, twisting it around in his fingers. "It's cold," he said absently.
"Didn't you expect that?"
Jhond gazed at him. "I didn't know what to expect. The instructions on how to create it were clear, but that was all. No description of how the process might appear or how it might feel when one handled a new crystal." He turned the crystal between his fingers. "Not that it matters. It's not going to exist for very much longer." Jhond put the crystal back on the box and intoned another spell, closing his eyes on the last word.
Ninian hadn't known quite what to expect--a small explosion, a bright flash, a disintegration of the various constituents? What he didn't expect was a wisp of white mist to form around the crystal, which then contracted until it faded away without a sound, leaving the small wooden box to remain empty and untouched on the floor.
"Well, that was impressive," Ninian said.
"It's about time the Eynan did something impressive," Jhond said bitterly. "Everything else I've done today has been decidedly lacking."
Ninian wanted to say something to encourage Jhond, but this time words failed him. How could he help his friend feel better about the death of a-- He'd thought to call her a friend, but, if he was honest, he knew Remelin had been much more to Jhond, which only made the whole situation worse. The best thing they could do now was to get out of this Lords forsaken place and get on with life. There was much already waiting for them to investigate back at the Temple of the Magi. He hoped that would help take Jhond's mind off his loss and allow him to follow his fate, wherever it might lead.
"Let's go find Amired," Ninian suggested.
* * * *
Following the incident with the snake, Amired had set a more careful pace, and both he and Warkist were much more vigilant. When they finally reached the entrance to the ruins of the nunnery, Amired was surprised to find there was no sign yet of Jhond, Ninian or Remelin. He had expected their delayed arrival might have found the mages waiting for them.
He and a somewhat more sedate Warkist had been waiting outside for quite some time now. Warkist was content to sit on a block of stone near the entrance, but Amired had resorted to pacing up and down to stem his impatience. He was tempted to go inside and see what was happening, but Ninian had made it clear he must wait until they came out. If, for some reason, they needed Amired's presence he would know it. Ninian hadn't said how, but Amired didn't doubt his word for an instant. The Eynan was inside the ruins and there was little of which he wasn't capable.
Amired stopped pacing when he saw movement by the entrance. Ninian came into view first, with Jhond just behind him. They were walking slowly, and Jhond's head was bowed. Amired was confused by how uneasy he felt at what he was seeing. Amired peered behind them looking for Remelin, but there was no sign of her. All at once, he had a really bad feeling.
"That doesn't look good," Warkist whispered from behind him. Amired hadn't even been aware the sailor had moved from his perch.
Amired didn't answer, but stepped toward them, aiming for Ninian. The mage glanced behind Amired at Warkist, and Amired felt the need to explain. "I brought Warkist as back up, just in case." Ninian frowned, and Amired added, "It proved a good move. He saved me from a nasty snake on the way here...a distinctly unnatural creature."
Ninian's eyes widened, but Jhond didn't appear to have heard a word. Ninian inclined his head in acknowledgement at Warkist, and the sailor smiled even as he shrugged, dismissing the gesture.
The reaction Amired was sensing from Jhond was not at all welcoming. He wanted to ask where Remelin was, though he didn't think he was going to like the answer. Instead, Amired decided to go with, "Did you destroy the entity?"
"Yes, eventually," Ninian replied, glancing at Jhond before continuing. Jhond ignored him and stared straight ahead. "It was made more difficult because the entity proved able to inhabit Remelin's body."
"Inhabit her... Hellas," Amired exclaimed. "How was that even possible?"
"It'd had a long association with Remi and apparently was able to link with her very easily. To a degree, it had already proved what a close connection they had with the way it could influence her while on your ship."
"Yep, can't deny that," Warkist said, and Amired elbowed him to keep quiet. Warkist mumbled something under his breath, but backed away a couple of steps.
"I tried to force it out of her." Jhond suddenly spoke up, his voice rough. "It fought back until I had to use a stronger spell." He stopped and turned away, as if unable to face them. "I killed her."
Amired was shocked by what he heard. It was difficult enough to believe Remelin was gone, but that Jhond had caused it?
"That's an unfair and untrue comment," Ninian said in a weary voice.
Jhond ignored him, but Amired wanted to know more. "What's your version?"
Ninian sighed and explained as succinctly as he could what had happened while Amired and Warkist had waited helplessly outside. Amired had no trouble accepting Ninian's description of what had happened. He knew very well that Jhond would never harm anyone on purpose, and especially not Remelin. Amired would have to have been blind not to see Jhond's interest in the pretty young mage.
However, Jhond wouldn't let it go at that. "I should've been able to tell she had called on her talent."
"Even the Eynan cannot know everything all the time," Ninian said.
It looked as if Jhond was about to argue the point, but abruptly he turned and marched on ahead. Amired exchanged glances with Ninian before the others followed him.
They hadn't gone very far when Jhond slowed his pace and said, "I've been thinking about those images we saw showing us in the future with Remelin."
Amired listened with interest, knowing some of what Jhond referred to, glancing over at Warkist with a warning glare not to ask questions. The sailor had no knowledge what Jhond was talking about.
"We both saw different futures, Jhond," Ninian said. "You know all such future visions are only possibilities, not certainties. The future is always fluid." He paused a moment before adding, "Perhaps the visions we saw of Remi were cautionary warnings... the crystals trying to give us advance information of what was to come when she was possessed by the entity."
"That makes me feel so much better," Jhond said with bitterness. "I'm the Eynan. Shouldn't I have been able to understand and react to such guidance? However you look at it, I failed."
"Am I misunderstanding?" Amired asked. "The Eynan may be the most powerful, skilled mage ever to exist, but he is not a god-like figure, a supernatural being able to control all things. Don't give yourself such divine attributes."
* * * *
Ninian could have hugged Amired. He had put into words what Ninian was thinking, but hadn't known how to say. He caught Amired's gaze and gave him a nod.
Jhond just looked shocked.
"Is that what you think? That I believe I am some kind of supreme being?" Jhond gave a bark of laughter that sounded remarkably close to hysteria. "Nothing could be farther from the truth. I feel less in control than a small child."
"Is that why we're heading in the wrong direction?" Ninian asked.