The Final Catch: Book 3: See Jane Spell (The Final Catch: A Tarot Sorceress Series) (2 page)

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Starr

It’s a bit of a long story, but the rumors are true, I wound up inside a magical tarot card, captured by a tarot sorceress, Maisie Price, and her creepy demi-demon sidekick, Devon Raker.

What’s it like inside a tarot card? Not pleasant. It’s kind of a limbo, all smoky and shadowy. No smells, no colors, nothing solid, except for the three legged stool I sat on; I imagined it was very much like sitting inside a magical genie bottle, but with no décor! No wonder genies want out so badly.

If I looked up I saw a little of Maisie’s gift shop; much like looking out of a skylight. For a short while I was able to transfer my thoughts back and forth from inside the tarot card to the place I’d been standing a moment ago in the Curio gift shop where the tarot card was located; I tried sending my thoughts out to that part of myself still back in the shop, but that doesn’t seem to be working anymore. Now I’m completely stuck inside this card, with my thoughts.

I threw Maisie’s cursed tarot deck at Devon’s ass, and those cards crashed to the floor, and all those ghostly forms flew out of the cards, I had no idea what to think, except that I’d made a big mess.

The tapped specters escaped from the cursed deck, and I don’t blame them.

“You effing bitch. Get me out now!” I yelled up at the hole above me.

I tried standing on the stool to get closer to the window up there. I reached way up and all I saw were my nails like sparkling stars against the dark backdrop of the shadow sky above me. Even though I can’t seem to climb out, and I can see a portion of the shop above, and I can hear everything.

I’d heard a bunch of strange voices. They sounded like first aid guys, like paramedics?

“Someone in here hurt?” I heard one of the guys ask.

I tried to get their attention, “Yes, I’m down a hole!  Here I am!” But that didn’t seem to work. I heard Maisie, too.  She sounded flustered when the paramedics arrived.

I heard Maisie say, “Guys! Careful. Don’t step on the tarot cards. Watch it! That’s my Star card, let me get it.”  I guess she picked up the card I’m in because my surroundings rocked a little, not like an earthquake or anything like that, but a gentle sway.  “F#%ck! Don't step -- There! And there!” she said. I looked up and saw Maisie’s very large face, which meant I must be very, very tiny.

She shrunk me! This was some bad magic she used on me.

Then I saw one of the paramedics holding a handful of cards he’d collected. He stood really close to Maisie and looked down at the card she held, and he looked down at me. I heard him ask, “What kinda fortune cards are these? They look sexy.” 

I looked up at him.

It was Devon, the nasty stalker half-demon! Disguised as one of the paramedics!

“Devon, get me out of here!” I hollered. He heard me because he looked right at me and gave me his pointy toothed grin.  He took my card from Maisie’s hand because she disappeared from view and now all I saw was Devon’s sneering mouth.

“Me?” Devon giggled. “Get you out?”  He stroked the card lovingly and I felt it. A very creepy vibe when he touched the card, like he’d touched me on my hair.  When Devon stroked the card my fingernails sparkled even more! His attention made me want to do a little dance for him and my hands moved sensually across my body. I was his puppet and I couldn’t stop myself!

“We can make monkey,” I said, in a crazy sexy voice. Then I clapped my hands over my mouth.

I’d say anything to get out of there. He only giggled more stupidly.  “Screw it -- I'm calling the cops,” I said. I still had my purse. I pulled out my cell and started calling. Devon stuck his big eyeball over the opening at the top of my card and chuckled. The vibrations of his laugh nearly made me drop the cell. “I'm calling my boyfriend and you'll wish the cops found you first,” I reiterated.

“Oh, no.  The dud from last night?” he asked, sarcastically.

“You effing stalker,” I screamed at him. Now I was really angry, but what could I do? Then he did something gross and frightening. He stuck his long tongue down at me. I picked up the stool and held it like a lion tamer holds a chair to make a lion back off.

I struck out at the tongue.

He pulled it back up.

I sat back on my stool to think, but I moved it as far from the skylight like opening as I could get.

“See Jane pose,” he said. Then his big hand covered the top of the card and everything went dark. But I could still hear Devon’s creepy thoughts.

Gotcha now Jane! You’re mine, like I promised. Gonna keep you forever.  Jane, my little lovely love, I’ll get you a few things for your new home!

“Hey, don’t slide that card into your back pocket. You can’t keep that card!” I heard Maisie shout demands.

 
“I caught her! She’s mine, crazy Maisie.” 
You’ll never get me to give you my Jane. 

Ugh! At times I heard Devon’s crazy thoughts. They made me want to scrub my brain.

When it came to Devon, Maisie didn’t back down. “And you’re mine, remember? Give her up Devon. You know I can make you sorry.”

“Keepin' her for myself, Maisie. I told you. I love her. Here, take the money and don’t bother me.”

“Don’t need your effing money. Devon, I’m serious. I will put you back in your card.”

Then I heard something I thought I’d never hear.

Devon’s worried and frightened thoughts.

Oh, shit she’s holding up the Devil card. Oh, no, she’s tapping that effing card against my butt.  Run!

“Return! Bye-bye, Devo.  Cool your heels in hell, you fool! That’s where I should put you, inside the Fool card!”

“Eff'ing Bitches!”

Devon’s last words, for a while.

For a few short moments, Maisie appeared satisfied that Devon was well and truly trapped in his card. She held the Devil card up in triumph then showed me as she dropped his card nonchalant into the box with the other cards she’d gathered.  She flipped over my card and my stool slipped a bit as the card went sideways.

“Maisie, get me out of here.”

“All in good time, my pretty.”

I had a clear view of Maisie. She looked down at me and gave me a wickedly gleeful smile. “I will hurt someone if you don't get me out,” I shouted at her. I didn’t plan to shut up, ever.  I was going to keep talking until she got so sick of me; she had no choice but to let me go. “I have a date tonight.  I spent money for getting ready for it. Let me out! At least for the date. I’ll come back. I promise!”

“I have someone I want you to meet, Jane.”

“Let me out, or you’ll hear from my lawyer!” I didn’t really have one, but I was sure I’d dated several, and I could find one in a pinch. But my threat didn’t work. Maisie held up a card for me to see. She ran it back and forth across the opening above me, so I could get the full picture. I shut up when I figured out what card she was showing me.

The death card.

“Jane, say hello, to my death dealer.”

That made me nervous. Maisie didn’t seem like the serial killer type, but I’m sure that’s what all victims think of their killer until their final hour. Then without any further ado, the next thing I knew, Maisie sat beside me, inside my card, on her own stool.

“You're trapped,” she said, stating the obvious. “Now you’re bound to the deck.”

“You set me up. Rot in hell?" I said, refusing to look at her.

“Unless you play my game, that's what you'll do. The only one who can return the higher arcana specters to my tarot deck is you. You let them out, you need to bring them back.”

“How do I recapture them?  Ask nicely?”

“That never worked for me,” she said smartly.  “Trick them. Use all of your wiles and then some. You’ve got plenty of wiles.”

“Is this is going to take longer than a day?” 

She gave an assuring nod that it would.

I rolled my eyes at her.  “Let me at it.” Once I got out of this hole, I’d get out of Dodge, so to speak. But I guess Maisie figured that out too because she had something up her sleeve.

“Once you accept your fate --”

“I accept!  How many ways can I say it? I'll sign in blood.”

“Don't let Devon hear you say that! When you've accepted your fate by agreeing to recapture the released characters, you'll be free of the Star card.”

“Just like that?” I snapped my fingers for sarcastic effect.

She snapped her fingers right back.  I noticed her great manicure, and wanted to ask the name of her esthetician, but I was too pissed off at the moment. I closed my eyes, concentrated hard and repeated...I accept. I accept.” I opened one eye and looked around. I was still inside the card.

“You got to mean it,” she said, and gave me a beguiling smile. Then Maisie handed me a business card. “My lawyer if you really want to call one.”

Then she disappeared.

“Thanks.” I sat alone, on my stool, in my limbo. I took on the pose of “The Thinker” as I studied the card she gave me.
Why me?
I wondered.

Then Maisie popped back in looking very regal and elegant.  She reached into one of her pockets and pulled out Theodosia, my beautiful little kitten.

“In case you need a little incentive, collect all my specters in a timely manner and you get her back.”

I wanted Sia back more than anything! Maisie held Sia out to me, but snatched her away when I tried to pet her.

“That’s not fair!” I cried.

“It’s not.” Maisie laughed and stroked Sia, and they both disappeared, but Sia’s sweet, kitten smile lingered on awhile longer.

Cat Chat and A Deathly Encounter

…theknowitall journals, cont’d…

I searched around in limbo land doing the same circular pattern for what felt like hours, and I always ended up back at the three legged stool.  I followed the same pattern over and over. Then I got the idea to remove objects from my JW handbag and lined them up, so they formed a pattern; using a lipstick tube as a tail, an eyebrow pencil and lip liner snapped in two to form four legs. Eventually, a crude picture of a cat emerged. Once I dropped a candy mint in place for the eye, I felt the itch begin. The force pushed menacingly inside my sinuses as I chewed my bottom lip, aaachoooo! Omg--the loudest most powerful explosion to date came out of me.

I became terribly frustrated until I heard an unexpected sound, soft at first then louder, like an approaching train whistle. “Meeeeerroooooow!”

“Sia! Come to mommy,” I called and clucked to her hoping she’d continue to cry out so that I might find her in the grey murky limbo of the Star card’s interior, or maybe Sia would find me.

Then, on my next walk around, I discovered a closet door. It loomed out of the grey limbo like a bright purple, green and orange, very psychedelic beacon. Maisie’s tarot reading room in the gift shop had a door with exactly the same type of décor as this one, covered in a gaudy purple wallpaper with a purple fleur de lis design from the 70’s, and the same fuzzy and velvety touch on the wall paper – I figured it must be
the bathroom door in the tarot reading room.

I looked carefully at the busy pattern and found a small gold knob for the handle.  I grabbed the little knob and voila, the entire backroom of Maisie’s shop appeared around me. If I let go of the knob everything around me disappeared and once again became grey limbo…

“…Meeeroooow!”

That cry came loud and clear from within the bathroom. I pulled open the door.  

Inside it looked like a small white closet bathroom with a toilet, sink, hand towel and a window, but no Sia.

I stood a moment, listened and realized I had to pee, so I pulled the door shut behind me and did my thing.

*

When I was done I stepped out.

I was pleasantly surprised to find myself in the quiet back room of Maisie’s shop --afraid to let go of the knob on the bathroom door, in case everything disappeared; I did a quick release and grab.

Nothing changed. No more limbo.

I let go and waited. Yup, I was out of the Star card and back in the shop.

First thing I did was check the time. An hour ago I’d entered this shop and met Maisie. I called for her but she didn’t seem to be around. I called for Sia, but something told me I wasn’t going to find her either, not yet and not here.

I did notice that the tarot cards and table were all set up exactly as before. But one more item rested on the table, something new, and I was delighted to see it.

Sia’s pink rhinestone collar! Yes!

I grabbed her pretty pink collar and wrapped it around my wrist, the way I’d seen Devon wear it, but as I did that a strange sensation came over me; I became all woozy and wobbly, I felt as if the shop’s reality was slipping into a Dali-esque world.  I stumbled about and grabbed the tablecloth for support and once again brought everything on the table crashing to the ground.

“Hey,” a voice called to me loud and clear. “Meeerrrow! Hey!”

“Sia?” I snatched the table cloth and pulled it out of the way. There, underneath the table, sat my dainty little kitten. I reached for her. She was real and purred like a tiny outboard. “Sia, Sia.” I nuzzled her and held her close and she purred even more, which didn’t seem possible. “Oh, Sia, I don’t know what’s going on? I think I’m on a bad acid trip or something.” All around us the world looked like a dripping wet surreal painting, nothing had any structured form.

“No.” Sia said.

I held her away from me, stared hard into her beautiful blue eyes. “Yes,” I said right back to her. “I am on an acid trip. You’re talking. I’m convinced Maisie drugged me, and when I recover I’ll find myself lying on the floor of her shop with a big headache!”  As I spoke to Sia a horrible sound filled the shop, almost as if someone was power-washing outside. I tried to make it stop by giving my head a shake.

“This is the Cheshire dimension. You entered when you put my collar on your wrist. Here, you can speak cat. ”

I put her on the table and stepped back. I tried to say something but couldn’t think of anything. I put my hands on my hips. “Ssspeak cat?” I stuttered and heard that horrible power washing sound again.

“You’re good, actually, almost no accent at all.” Sia assured me.

 “But, but...what’s that horrible sound I hear every time I speak?”

 “That horrible sound is you. Your echo in the real world sounds like a meowing cat. Pay no attention to it. You’ll learn to modulate.”

 “But, Sia, you’re a kitten, yet you sound like an old woman.”

“I’m Cheshire. We all sound like old women because we’re wise. Jane, you need to go. You can’t stay here too long. You’ve drawn the attention of the society.”

“The society?”

“The Cheshire Society, but never mind I’ll have to explain another time. Run along.”

“Okay, yeah, I’d love to run along?”

“Remove my collar from your wrist.”

“But I want you back. Are you in danger?”

I struggled to take off the collar. I didn’t remember it being so tight when I put it on. I worked away at the clasp and needed to chew it a bit to wiggle it free. As I loosened the collar, and removed it, the shop stood solidly around me. I planned to quickly put the collar on Sia, but the sad looking little kitten faded from my view, and I found myself back in the shop without her.

I wasn’t alone. The long, dark shadow of “another” stalker, one I’d noticed following me for the past few months now stood inside the shop. He cast a very long shadow, but that was all he was.

Early, I’d caught a glimpse of him because I noticed the sharp details of his clothes: the spaghetti western duster and gloves with the missing fingertips, the black toque stood out. The rest of him I’d describe as nothing more than a misty, dark fog.

I tried following the shadow all the way back to the man, but that became impossible. I’d follow it, and then it disappeared around a shelf, and reappeared in another direction.  Then the eerie shadow disappeared completely.

I was alone.

What a day! Trapped in a tarot card, then a quick visit to a very weird Cheshire land to visit my kitty, who is still stuck there, and finally a mysterious visit from the shadow-stalker. I was exhausted.

I picked up all the stuff I’d knocked from the table, the box of cards, the table cloth, the candle which to my amazement was still lit. I put it all back neatly, but not orderly.  I didn’t want to sneeze again. Sia was nowhere in sight.  I walked around the shop, searching for the shadow man, Maisie, Devon, anyone, but they all had definitely vanished.

Anyone might walk in and rob this place, although I did see the security cameras in the front and back room.  I didn’t know what to do, leave the shop? Stay till someone arrived? 

I decided to stay a bit longer, gather my thoughts and wait until I felt less shaky. I sat at the table and pondered everything.  Devon had seduced me. Had I really been trapped inside a tarot card? The deck of cards sat in front of me. The urge to lay them out and see what they looked like now that the major spirits had flown the coop was irresistible.

I opened the tarot box and pulled out the first card, death. Below it was the star card, but I didn’t want to touch it.  While most of the cards held only silhouettes of the characters previously pictured there, the death card held more than a silhouette. I stared at the young woman inside the card. She appeared to be of African ancestry, but she wore a martial arts uniform, and she had a big sword slung across her back, maybe even two swords. The small card made it difficult to see all the details. She was obviously a warrior; she looked quite sexy, I mean for a fighter in a dobok.  I then searched for the devil card and found an attractive devilish looking character that looked like a Chippendale dancer with Devon’s face! So, he
was
stuck inside his card!

Good.

The Star card, which I’d expected to be empty, had a picture of an attractive woman who looked a lot like Maisie.  She wore a long dark gown filled with stars and carried a water jug.

She smiled up at me.

Omg
.

“Jane!”

Maisie had called my name from the Star card.  I looked dumbly at her. I propped the card up against the votive candle. 

“Maisie?”

“Finally decided to join me,” she said, sounding friendlier than before.  She went and sat on a large rock by a stream and dipped her water jug into the flow and drank from the jug.

“I don’t remember seeing any of that landscape when I was in there,” I said.

“It takes time to learn how to create a scene. Never mind all that.”

“But you’re
in
the Star card, Maisie?”

“I’m rejuvenating. Keeps you young for a very long time.”

That proposition intrigued me. Before I blinked twice, Maisie disappeared.  I heard the flush in the bathroom behind me. The door opened and out walked Maisie. The stars on her gown became sequins, her water jug a glass. She quickly moved to the table and pulled the star card away from the candle.  “No, fire,” she said sternly.

“What’s with the flushing thing?” I asked.

“It’s a way to transfer from the card limbo to reality.”

“So, every time?” I asked her, staring and pointing at the bathroom door. “I have to flush to get out?” 

“Every time--Introduce yourself to Emilia from the death card.’ She picked up the death card for me to see. “Emilia Darkiness.  You’ll be working together.”

“I think I’ll pass on meeting Emilia.  I prefer to work alone.”

“I know what you mean. But in this business we can’t work alone. I have to put up with Devon.”

“Do us both a favor, get rid of Devon,” I said.

“Devon has his uses,” she said.

“Is he rejuvenating, too?”  I showed her his card.  Maisie took it from me.  She put it back in the box.

“He is,” she said.  Maisie picked up the death card and looked into it.  “Emilia, are you ready?”

Like a pro, Maisie flicked the card three times with two fingers and then handed it to me.  It now held a card with only a silhouette, no picture of the fighting form of Emilia Darkiness that moments ago filled the card. 

Again, I heard the flush in the bathroom.

I’m not sure what happened next. But it went something like this, the bathroom door crashed open -- an explosion of energy tumbled out, somersaulted over us to the front of the shop,  proceeded to tumble and do gymnastics through the tight little store aisles, and not a single item fell or broke away from the shelves.

Emilia Darkiness, the woman from the death card, came to a dead stop and screamed martial arts style, “HiiiiiiiYaaaaah!”  Then she pulled out one of her two swords and began slashing at the air, stepping steadily toward us.

“Uh, Maisie, do you have a magic word to make her stop?”

“She’s showing off.”

Maisie’s show off death dealer sliced the tarot table in half.

I ran.

Before the votive candle hit the ground, she diced it into four pieces. Maisie didn’t look impressed.

The swords woman had my respect, but Emilia Darkiness wasn’t done. She then took her moves out on the nice comfortable chair Maisie had for readers in the front of the shop. She turned the overstuffed chair into small pillows. Meanwhile, I hid behind a bookshelf wondering how to climb back into the Star card. 

Emilia slowed a bit and instead of cutting everything up in her path she began hacking the air in crisscross patterns and shouting. “Ha, ha, Hiiiiyaaaah.” She’d bring her sword within centimeters of a precious object and stop.

I
loved
watching Maisie’s face twitch with annoyance. 

Then Emilia stopped her antics.

“No!” I said to her.  “Don’t stop.” I wanted to see Maisie squirm some more.

That’s all it took, a little encouragement.  Emilia started on another round of moves and slashes. I found myself clapping and cheering her on.  “Yeah, twirl it, like a baton!” I yelled.

We made eye contact and she flashed me a smile and away she went again. Then, as it was bound to happen in the tight little shop, Emi, I decided I’d call her Emi, bumped a small crystal ball and it rolled off the shelf, crashing to the ground, smashing into powder.  It looked really cool, but when I looked at Maisie her face shaded over and scowled. Her posture became menacing. It was clear she’d had enough. She walked over to Emilia and tapped her with the tarot card.

No more Emilia. 

I was afraid that she’d tap me with a card to send me packing, so I ran from the shop straight home and decided to get outta Dodge, just like I’d promised myself.