Authors: L.M. Trio
“So now you’re going to play it safe, just be content with the life you chose, be with someone that you care about… but not too much? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Well, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound so good.”
“Ya think?” I say sarcastically. “JJ, that doesn’t make sense. Why do your
what if’s
have to be something bad?
What if
you give Luke another chance and you live the life you both planned and want.
What if
you’re so happy, you have lots of kids and you grow old together and
what if
it’s the best choice you ever made?”
“That’s a dream, but the reality is, I always seem to have a dark cloud over my head. I need time to think. I can’t just jump back in. Do you understand?”
“Forget the damn, dark cloud. Take the time that you need, and honestly, in the end, I think you are going to make the best decision for you.”
We end the conversation there for now. I can tell she is in deep thought as she gets ready for class and I get ready to head to the airport.
“Hey, did you and Mikey make plans to settle your bet?” she asks, attempting to lighten the mood. I had told her about the bet Mikey and I had made before all of the drama took place.
I laugh. “No. With everything that happened, we never had a chance to discuss it.”
“I’m sure he’s not going to let you off that easy. He’s going to collect,” she teases. “The question is what are you going to do about it when he does?”
“I’m sure he’ll forget all about it by the next time I see him.”
“We’ll see.” She winks at me.
Sooner than I would have liked, we hear the cab beeping out front of her apartment. JJ walks me out and we say our goodbyes as I climb into the back seat of the cab.
Before I close the door, she calls out to me. “De, do you think he’s back? I mean… Do you think he’s the same Luke as before? Some of his letters were really dark, not like him. He seemed so lost.”
“I do, JJ, I swear. He’s worked really hard. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t have agreed for him to see you. I wouldn’t put you through that,” I answer, closing the door and blowing her a kiss. I feel somewhat better as I pull away. At least I know she is rationalizing the situation.
***
(Jesse)
I walk a few extra blocks today before catching the bus to school. I’m hoping to clear my head so that I can focus in class. As I walk across the campus grounds, my phone rings. “Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up?” Mikey asks.
“Bout to walk into class,” I answer, cutting him short.
“You mad at me?”
“I know where you’re loyalty lies. It’s fine,” I answer sarcastically.
“JJ, don’t be like that… I’ve been loyal to both of you.”
“I know. I’m not mad,” I answer, letting him off the hook.
“So, what do you think?”
“Mikey, please… I’m sure you talked to him.”
“I talked to him, not you. I’m asking
you
.”
By now, I’ve reached my class, but instead of going in, I find a quiet spot under a palm tree and sit down, leaning against it. “I don’t know what to think. What am I supposed to do? It took me a long time to get here, to be okay without him. What if he does this to me again?”
“He won’t.”
“I don’t know if I’m willing to take that risk.”
“J, you don’t need me to tell you that you’re not the happiest person in the world. The last time you really had fun, laughed and were really happy was when you were with him.”
“That’s the point. What if he’s different? I think I’m different, what if he doesn’t like the person I’ve become?”
“That’s true. You’re boring,” he teases.
“Screw you. Not funny.” He makes me laugh, despite feeling so unnerved.
“I’m joking. JJ, I swear, he’s one hundred percent the same guy you remember. A few months ago, I talked him out of seeing you,
to protect you.
See, I am loyal, but really, he was a quack. I didn’t know how he was going to turn out. I actually thought he was going to work for the McKnaulty’s for the rest of his life, mowing lawns, hating himself and being mad at the world. He worked really hard at getting his life back. Getting his self respect back and the only person he cares who notices
is you
.”
His honesty makes me tear up, again. “I don’t know. What about Frank?”
“JJ, I like Frank, you know that. He’s a good guy, but honestly, he’s not for you.”
“Are you saying that because o
f—
”
He cuts me off before I finish. “No, I’m not. I know you. He’s a good friend to you, but nothing more, right?” He calls me on my feelings for Frank. I don’t answer, I don’t have to, Mikey knows. “Look, I don’t think you should jump right back in with Luke. You need to be certain for yourself. Spend some time with him, you know, talk. See how it goes.”
I’m quiet while I contemplate his advice. “I better go, I’m late for class.”
“That’s right, sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you. Honestly, I just called to check in with you this morning. I didn’t mean to sit here and plead his case with you.”
“It’s okay, I’m glad you were honest. Good luck tonight. I’m working so I can’t make it,” I say, referring to his game. It’s game three of the series; we’re up by two.
***
I find it impossible to concentrate while in class. I have so much to think about and, on top of everything else, I owe Frank an explanation. He deserves the truth. I care for him as a friend, but seeing Luke makes me realize that’s all there is between us. He is worthy of someone that will love him in the way he deserves. I know my love for Luke will prevent me from ever loving anyone else completely, yet I’m not convinced that we are meant to be together.
Later, I arrive at the gallery for my shift. Jazz is sitting at her desk doing paperwork when I pop my head in to say hello. After a couple of agonizing hours of anticipating his arrival, I finally break down and ask Jazz where he is while casually glancing over to see her reaction.
“He left early. Asked me to lock up tonight,” she answers, picking her head up from her desk to glance at me.
I look at her blankly, waiting to see if she elaborates. Jazz puts down her pencil and leans back in her chair. “Is there something you want to talk about? What happened last night?”
“Why? Did he say something?”
“Not really, but some guy came in here last night. He was admiring your work when I walked up behind him. He seemed to know a lot about you. Frank interceded and I got the feeling they needed some privacy so I left them alone. Frank said it was someone from your past?” she replies inquisitively.
I fill Jazz in. Even though Jazz isn’t much older than me, she’s worldlier than me and I often look to her for advice. Only this time, Jazz doesn’t offer any.
“Oh no, Jess… I only know you and Frank. I know nothing about your relationship with this other guy. I have no business giving you advice. This is something only you can decide.”
***
(Luke)
When morning arrives, I’m full of nervous energy and need to burn it off. I’m glad Mikey and David are still asleep so I can be alone for a while. I leave a note for David, telling him to call my cell if he wants to meet me at the game tonight. After showering, I jump on my bike and speed off to go work out. The warm sun and breeze feel good as I race through the traffic.
I try to think about the good things happening in my life right now. My pitching has been looking pretty impressive since I’ve been back. I feel good about having that one part of my life under control. My future plans consist of working hard at having it
all
back.
After my work out, I spend a good amount of time driving around and thinking about my future,
our future
. I arrive home mid-afternoon while Mikey rests up on the couch.
“Hey, what time did you leave this morning, I didn’t hear you?” he asks.
“It was early. I had to get out,” I answer, sitting on the chair across from him. “David leave?” I ask, looking around.
“Yeah, he was meeting Cheryl for breakfast. He said he’ll text you later about the game.”
“How was he? I guess he’s pissed at me.”
“Nah, you know David, he’s just worried about her. He’ll get over it. It’ll be fine.”
I hope he’s right. I change the subject, trying to get my mind off of JJ. “Fill me in on this Cheryl chick. What’s she like? I’m surprised David is seein’ someone. Well, then again, it’s been about five years since Olivia passed away. God, I can’t believe that much time has passed.” I think back to when I first met JJ and it was all so new to her, being without her mom. I feel as though I had known Olivia from all of the stories I heard from JJ and David. Mikey gives me the details about Cheryl and her relationship with David.
“Huh. What does JJ think about it?”
“She’s happy. She doesn’t want to see him alone, especially since she lives here now. It bothers her leaving him alone.” I nod my head in agreement, once again, reminded that I’m the reason she never went home to visit. Mikey picks up on my guilt. “She likes Cheryl. She really helped JJ with the fundraiser this year. They really get along.”
“Good,” I answer, hating that I feel completely left out of her life.
“Yo, I want you to take a ride with me. I want to show you a property I’m thinkin’ about buyin’. I want your opinion. We’ll swing by on our way to the game.”
“Cool,” I answer, happy to have the distraction.
We speed down the highway towards St. Pete’s. I follow Mikey off the exit ramp, and we head in a direction that is very familiar to me. As we get closer to the street, I pull over, waiting for Mikey to pull alongside of me.
“Yo, where are you takin’ me? Did you buy my house or somethin’?” I yell over the sound of our motors.
He laughs. “No, I didn’t buy your house,” he says, speeding off and taking the lead.
I haven’t thought about my house until now. I assumed he sold it since those were my instructions. We arrive on my old street. There is no sale sign and the lawn has been freshly cut at the house I once owned. I figure someone must be living there. Mikey parks on the side of the road about two houses up and I pull alongside him and turn off the ignition.
“What did you do?” I ask, figuring he was up to something.
“Why would I buy your house? It’s a money pit. It needs a ton of work,” he says, laughing.
He knew the plan was for me to surprise JJ with the house once she moved to Florida. I planned on taking our time and fixing it up together. Back then, I got a great deal, but it needed a lot of work. You can’t beat the location, though. It sits on the canal with a private dock in the back yard. The six other houses on the street also sit along the canal. However, the other houses have all been modernized and updated over time. My plan was to make this house look like the others, eventually. It was my first big purchase. As we stand on the sidewalk, looking at my old house, Mikey points to the immaculately kept modern home we are standing before.
“This is the house I’m looking to buy,” he says, walking up the driveway. It’s beautiful, just like all of the others on the street. You can see it was recently remodeled.
“I play for the Rays now. I can’t live in a house like that,” Mikey teases, pointing to my old house. “Besides, that’s your house.” He tosses me the keys.
“You’re kiddin’, right?” I ask, shocked that he kept my house.
Thankfully, this kid never listens to me. I loved that house, no matter how much work it needed, and Mikey knew it. We continue up the driveway of the freshly remodeled house and Mikey puts the key in the door.
“No, I’m serious. This is my house,” he says as he opens the door to a house that is equally as beautiful on the inside. “Actually I sign the papers next week. What do you think?”
“This is awesome,” I answer, walking around. It’s basically the same layout as the other house, but only modern. We walk out onto the covered lanai with the in-ground pool overlooking the canal. “Awesome,” I repeat, getting ideas of some things I’d like to do in
our
house.
“Thanks. The realtor gave me the key to get in today. I wanted you to see it.”
“Did you really keep my house?” I ask, still unable to grasp it.
“Yeah. I knew how much it meant to you. I figured if you changed your mind, then you can sell it yourself, but you better not now that I’m your neighbor.”
“Thanks. I won’t, but it won’t be the same if she doesn’t want me back.”
“Give her some time.”
“Definitely. I’ll give her as much time as she needs, I’m not going to push her.” I had to keep saying it over and over again to remind myself not to push her. All I want to do is
push her
.
After we are through looking around, we head to my house. I open the door to find everything inside the way it was back then. “Wow, it does look like shit compared to yours,” I joke as we walk around.
Nevertheless, that’s what I liked about it from the beginning. It would be a project for us to do together. The couple who lived here prior were the original owners; they were too old to keep up on the maintenance of the house. Throughout the years, they never changed a thing.