The Firebrand Who Unlocked His Heart (7 page)

T
HE
next few days slipped past quickly. Colleen had established a routine, knowing it was important for Harry. She got up at six and, after showering and dressing, had breakfast in her room. Then she went to Harry’s room and received the report from the night nurse. Together they would wash the child and dress him before Colleen fed him his breakfast. After that she would spend the day reading to him or simply chatting to him as she put his limbs through passive movements.

After the night nurse had arrived, and Harry was settled for the night, Colleen would have a tray in her room. Some evenings she’d walk the streets of London, following her nose, delighted when she’d come across a familiar building or landmark. To her surprise, she never felt lonely. Her doubts about Ciaran were still there. Although she spoke to him every now and again, shouldn’t they be talking much more often? Making plans for their wedding? Neither of them had raised the subject recently, perhaps because they were apart. Or maybe he was having his doubts, too?

Her musing was interrupted by a knock on her door.

‘Mr Frobisher is asking if you would join him for dinner tonight, madam,’ Burton said.

‘Sure. Tell him I’ll be down in a minute,’ Colleen
said. To her dismay and disappointment, Daniel had been out all day for the last couple of days, only returning late at night. Often Colleen would hear his footsteps echoing in the hall and the sound of his voice murmuring to Harry. She hadn’t spoken to him alone since the day Harry had come home from hospital. No doubt he wanted an update on his child’s progress.

She found him in the drawing room, a glass of whisky in his hand.

‘Ah, Colleen. Thank you for joining me.’ He looked tired, Colleen thought. One minute she was furious with him, the next she had to restrain the impulse to touch him—to smooth his ruffled hair with her hand. She’d never met anyone who made her feel so mixed up before.

‘I thought we could eat in the kitchen,’ Daniel continued. He gave her a wry smile. ‘If that’s okay?’

‘Suits me,’ Colleen said. ‘I was never one for formal dining.’ At that moment she thought of her family—the lot of them piled around the kitchen table, all speaking at once. Up until now she had been too busy to miss them.

‘Can I get you a drink?’ Daniel asked.

Colleen shook her head. ‘If I have any alcohol at all, I’ll fall asleep.’

Daniel looked concerned. ‘I’m sorry. We’ve been working you too hard.’ He waited for her to sit, before sinking into a chair by the fire. ‘I’ve organised the plane to take you home tomorrow for the weekend.’

Colleen covered a yawn with her hand. ‘I’m not going.’

Daniel raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

‘Harry is spending longer and longer periods awake. He’s improving more quickly than I’d hoped,’ she said.

‘But that’s good, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. But it means that he might remember the accident any day now.’

Daniel placed his glass carefully on the table and closed his eyes. ‘And when he remembers the accident, he’s going to ask where his mother is. God, what am I going to tell him?’

‘The only thing you can tell him is the truth. He’ll be upset—distraught. He might even regress a little.’

‘But you’ll be here?’

‘He needs me,’ Colleen said simply.
And you do, too
, she thought.
For all your wealth and position, there is nothing you can do to stop your child having to face the awful news that his mother is dead.

‘Thank you,’ Daniel said. ‘I’ll make it up to you.’

‘It’s my job.’ But that wasn’t the whole of it. The truth was, despite everything she’d been taught about keeping a professional distance, she had become involved with this small, hurt family.

The clock ticked into the silence.

‘I like to get Harry up every day,’ Colleen said, ‘even if it’s just to sit. But I think he’s well enough for us to try to take him out when the weather’s okay. Maybe take him to a cricket match. We could all go.’

‘I tried to get to his school cricket matches as much as I could. He was in the team, you know. Unfortunately I didn’t get to them as often as I would have liked.’

‘Work?’ Colleen guessed.

If he heard the disapproval in her voice, he chose to ignore it.

‘I took him to Lord’s for his tenth birthday. It didn’t go quite as I planned.’ Daniel’s smile was bleak. He took a sip of his drink. ‘I wanted to spend his birthday with him. The first birthday we would spend together.

He seemed so excited when I picked him up. He barely looked at the present I’d bought him. I thought it would be a new start for us. A common interest. Something we could share.’

‘Go on,’ Colleen said quietly.

‘I’d arranged the best seats and a picnic with all his favourite things. Eleanor had told me exactly what he liked. At first everything seemed to be going so well. He was chatting away, telling me about his matches, pointing out his favourite cricketer. And then, I don’t know, something went wrong. He clammed up.’

Colleen was puzzled. ‘Was it something you said?’

‘I don’t think so. I had guests. You know, business acquaintances I needed to speak to. It was when they arrived that Harry went all quiet. Maybe they made him shy.’

Colleen couldn’t control herself any longer. ‘Oh, you great big lummox of a man. Can’t you see what went wrong? Here was a little boy, being taken out for a birthday treat by a father he barely knew, thinking he was going to have you all to himself—for once. Then these strangers appear and take all his father’s attention. What kind of birthday treat was that for the lad?’

Daniel looked stunned by her outburst. ‘I would have been happy if
my
father had taken me to a cricket match.’

Agitated, she jumped to her feet. Hadn’t he listened to anything she’d said? Daniel
had
to start being more involved with his child.

‘And,’ she continued, ‘you have to spend more time with Harry. You’ve hardly spent any time with him so far. I know you have your cases, but isn’t it time you put Harry first?’

Under any other circumstances she might have found
the look of incredulity on Daniel’s face amusing. She doubted anyone had ever spoken to him like that.

‘I’ve changed my mind,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll have a tray in my room if it’s all the same to you. We can talk again tomorrow.’

But as she spun on her heel, Daniel’s voice came from behind her.

‘Colleen, wait.’

She stopped in her tracks.

When she turned around, Daniel was looking as if the demons of hell were fighting a war behind his eyes.

‘When I found out that Harry was mine, I was bowled over,’ he said slowly, almost as if the words were being pulled from somewhere deep inside him. ‘I never thought that having a child would make me feel the way it did. Eleanor had talked about having children, of course, but only as a distant future possibility. I couldn’t actually imagine ever being a father. While we were married it didn’t seem there could be room for a child. When I found out Harry was mine, I was shocked—and furious with Eleanor that she’d kept him from me, but mostly I was amazed and delighted—even if I was scared to death that I wouldn’t live up to Harry’s expectations. I wanted to get to know my son, but what I didn’t anticipate was that he wouldn’t feel the same way. I didn’t know it was going to be so damn difficult to talk to him.

‘Taking him to a cricket match was the only way I could think of being with him. I thought that if I took it slowly—gave him time to get to know me—he’d eventually feel relaxed in my company.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘I can see now I made a mistake by inviting colleagues to the match.’

He pulled his hand through his hair. ‘This father business doesn’t exactly come easily to me.’

Colleen held her breath. She could see how hard it was for Daniel to tell her this. She sat down on the chair opposite him, mortified and ashamed by the way she’d spoken to him.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have said what I did.’ And why had she? Why did she react to him instead of being able to treat him like she would normally treat any other patient’s father—in a cool, caring, but professional manner?

‘I like to have control in and of my life,’ Daniel continued. ‘But I haven’t been able to control anything that’s happened to Harry. Not knowing he was my son, trying to get to know him, his accident—I couldn’t control any of it.’ He clenched his jaw.

Colleen wanted to reach out and touch him, as if her touch could absorb some of his pain. But she instinctively knew her sympathy wouldn’t be welcome.

‘When Harry was desperately ill, when they thought he might die, I would have swapped my life for his in a minute. But I couldn’t. I would’ve given everything I own in the world if that would have made him better, or brought his mother back, but for once in my life I was powerless.’

He stood up. ‘Helping to get him better—that’s something I can do. But I can’t do it alone.’

The admission seemed to cost him the last bit of his self-control. He turned away from her.

‘If you’ll excuse me, Colleen, I think I’m going to do some work now.’

Colleen looked at him. He’d allowed her to see his pain. And now, more than ever, she knew she would never give up on this man and his child. She stepped
across to the door and reached for the handle. She had only one more thing left to say.

‘Thank you for telling me what you did, Daniel. As long as you remember that there is only one thing Harry needs from you.’

Daniel narrowed his eyes then raised a questioning brow. ‘And that is…?’

‘You, Daniel. Plain and simple, all he really needs is you.’

* * *

Finding it impossible to concentrate, Daniel slammed down the lid of his laptop and leaned tiredly against the back of his chair. He found his thoughts once again returning to dwell on the exchange between himself and Colleen. He stared at the closed door of the sitting room. God, what kind of harridan had he invited into his home? No one ever spoke to him like that. It was yes, Mr Frobisher and of course, Mr Frobisher. Damn it. It wasn’t unreasonable to expect respect from employees, surely?

But then Colleen was a strange sort of employee. For a start, he needed her more than she needed him. But there were bound to be other nurses out there. More biddable ones for a start. Ones who wouldn’t feel the need to challenge him constantly. But the truth was, he didn’t want anyone else—no matter how fiery Colleen was. Harry already knew and trusted her.

And of course she had a point. Asking business acquaintances to Harry’s birthday treat had been a mistake. He could see that now.

But, hell, he hadn’t expected her to react the way she had. God, she certainly didn’t pull her punches.

He took a gulp of his drink. He’d just told her stuff that he’d never told anyone before. Stuff that he didn’t
want to share. She seemed to drag it out of him. Perhaps because for some reason he wanted her to think that he was a better man than the person she believed him to be.

Which made him feel uncomfortable. Why should he care what she thought of him as long as it didn’t interfere with her care of his son? He had managed all right up until now, without giving a damn for other people’s opinions.

He would just have to be careful how he handled Colleen in future. One thing was for sure, he hadn’t got to where he was without knowing how to get the best from the people who worked for him.

Why, then, did he have the uncomfortable feeling that in Colleen, he’d met his match?

A
FEW
days later, finding herself in the unusual position of having nothing to do as Dora was sitting with Harry, Colleen made her way down to the kitchen in search of a cup of tea. The smell of baking drifting from the kitchen made her mouth water. Although it was only a couple of hours since she’d had breakfast she was suddenly starving. Maybe she should head back upstaris while there was still time? She’d always intended to lose weight before the wedding, but somehow she only had to look at a cake and the pounds crept on. Thinking about her wedding brought back that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Perhaps a slice of cake or some home-made bread would help get rid of the butterflies that seemed to have set up home in her stomach? Food always made her feel better.

Before she knew it her legs had carried her into the kitchen; to her delight, she found a freshly baked chocolate cake with lashings of fresh cream just sitting on the table begging to be eaten.

She cut three thick slices and placed them, along with a glass of milk, on a tray to take it up to Harry’s room. She was still mulling things over as she made her way up the kitchen stairs, concentrating on balancing the
tray of milk and cake. It was no surprise, then, that she walked headlong into Daniel who was at the top of the stairs with his mobile in his hand. Needless to say the contents of the tray went everywhere. Chocolate cake and milk in a sodden mess on the floor, but, worst of all, all over Daniel’s dark-grey, once-immaculate suit.

‘Oh, my God,’ Colleen cried. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She dabbed at his jacket with a paper serviette she’d retrieved from the floor, but that only made matters worse. Daniel looked as if he’d been in a bun fight. ‘I’m such a clumsy idiot. Now you’ll be late!’

Daniel was looking down in horror at his suit. Colleen waited for the explosion that was bound to come, but to her surprise he laughed.

‘Hell, Colleen, do you think so little of me that you expect me to lose my cool over an accident? I’m just happy to know that Little Miss Perfect isn’t so perfect after all.’ His hand reached out and removed something from her cheek. ‘I have to admit a little chocolate cake makes you seem more human.’

Colleen felt the colour rise in her cheeks, but then she saw the funny side of it, too. ‘And I have to say, you look pretty good in chocolate cake, yourself.’ There was a roar in her ears as she realised what she’d said. ‘I mean—you look less severe…’ Oh dear that wasn’t what she meant to say either. ‘I mean more…relaxed.’ Maybe she should just stop talking. The problem was, or so her brothers were forever telling her, she never knew when to hold her tongue. ‘It’s just that sometimes you look…so scary, you frighten me, never mind Harry.’

The smile left his face. ‘I frighten you? I frighten my son?’ he growled. He actually growled. If he could hear himself, he would know why she found him scary.

‘What I mean is, I wouldn’t like to be on the opposing
side to you in court. I bet you freeze witnesses with one look from those shockingly green eyes.’

He looked perplexed, but at least the gathering storm clouds on his face seemed to have gone. ‘You think my eyes are shockingly green?’

Shut up, Colleen!
she tried to tell the one part of herself that was still working—her brain.
Just stop talking and get the hell away from him as fast as your legs will carry you.
‘I don’t mean shocking in a bad way. They’re such an unusual shade of green I—one can’t help looking at them.’

A small smile was playing around Daniel’s mouth and those interesting green eyes crinkled at the corners. Colleen’s heart was thumping against her ribs. Forget the bit about her brain working. It had packed up and gone on a permanent holiday. Was she doomed to say the wrong thing to this man?

‘I take that back about you being a lawyer,’ Daniel said, stepping closer to her. ‘A lawyer needs to be precise. Now what exactly do you mean about my eyes?’ He was so close she could make out the faint smell of toothpaste on his breath, his aftershave, his own distinct male scent. She thought if anyone was watching they would see her ribs moving from the impact of her heart beating against them. Now, she couldn’t think of anything to say. The truth was, she didn’t know whether she had any breath left to speak with.

At that moment Burton appeared by the door. ‘Your car is waiting, sir,’ he said in his sonorous voice.

Daniel smiled. ‘We’ll finish this conversation later,’ he said to Colleen. ‘I’ll be back in a minute, Burton. I just have to change my suit.’ And then he turned and ran upstairs, leaving Colleen wondering what had just happened.

The next morning, Colleen was with Harry in his room. She had finished putting him through the first set of passive movements of the day and was tidying up, keeping up a flow of chat to Harry, when there was a knock on the door. Daniel came in and greeted his son with a smile.

He held out a DVD. ‘Look, Harry, I managed to get a copy of the 2003 rugby world cup in Australia—you know the one England won? I thought we could watch it together.’

Colleen hid a delighted smile. She wasn’t sure that Daniel wasn’t the one who really wanted to watch the match, but at least he’d taken her words last night to heart.

And then something happened that made her heart crash against her ribs. Harry was making a sound. It was indistinct, but he was clearly trying to speak. He hadn’t spoken since the day they’d collected him from hospital. There it was again. ‘Mu…’

‘What is it, Harry?’ she asked.

She sat down on one side of the bed while Daniel took the other.

‘Mum?’ This time the word was recognisable, as was the rising inflection. Clearly Harry wanted to know where his mother was. Colleen glanced at Daniel. His expression was frozen.

Daniel took his son’s hand in his. ‘Harry…’ he started, before glancing helplessly at Colleen. She nodded at him. This was the moment they had all been dreading. But it was Daniel’s place to tell Harry about his mother. She took Harry’s other hand in hers and squeezed. ‘Harry, your father has something to tell you. You’re going to have to be very brave.’

‘Mum,’ Harry said again. There was no mistaking the panic in his voice.

‘Harry,’ Daniel started again, his voice firmer this time, ‘you were in a car accident. On the way home from boarding school. Do you remember?’

There was a slight movement of Harry’s head. ‘No.’ His voice was hoarse from lack of use. Colleen knew for certain though that he understood the question.

‘Mum,’ he said again. He was becoming increasingly agitated.

‘Your mother was badly hurt in the same accident, Harry,’ Daniel said. ‘The ambulance took her to hospital. I’m afraid her injuries were too bad. She never woke up.’

Harry’s eyes filled with understanding and fear. Daniel moved so that he was lying on the bed next to his son. He put his arms around his child and pulled him close. ‘I’m sorry, Harry. Your mother is dead.’

Colleen ached for the misery she saw in Harry’s eyes.

‘No…no…no,’ he said over and over. ‘Mum. Want Mum.’

As Daniel’s arms tightened around him, the boy struggled weakly in his arms. Harry’s eyes clung to Colleen’s in desperation. ‘Dad go,’ he said. ‘Not Dad. Mum. Colleen, make him go away.’

‘I think you should leave,’ Colleen said to Daniel. The pain she saw in his face made her flinch. ‘I’ll stay with Harry.’

Daniel stumbled to his feet. Tears were rolling down Harry’s cheeks. He was turning his head from side to side, still intoning the word ‘no’ as if he could change what he’d been told.

Daniel stood in the centre of the room as if rooted
to the spot. She could see he was torn between wanting to comfort his son and doing as Harry demanded. She stood quickly and gave Daniel a gentle shove towards the door. ‘Go now,’ she said. ‘I’ll look after Harry. I’ll come and find you as soon as he settles.’

With a last despairing look at his grieving son, Daniel left them alone.

* * *

When Harry was settled and sleeping, Colleen went in search of Daniel. She looked everywhere to no avail. Finally she made her way to the kitchen. Burton might know where he was.

But to her surprise, Daniel was in the kitchen, nursing a cup of black coffee. Dora was also there, having arrived from Dorset yesterday.

‘How is he?’ Dora asked.

‘He’s sleeping now,’ Colleen said. ‘He was very upset. It will take time for him to get used to the idea his mother has gone. We should be prepared for some difficult days ahead.’ She looked at Daniel and her heart melted. He looked so stricken, so much at a loss. His son’s rejection must have cost him a great deal.

Dora got to her feet. ‘I’ll go and sit with him, shall I?’

‘That would be good, thank you, Dora. Please call me immediately if he wakes up.’

She waited until Dora had left the room.

‘Daniel…’ she started, ‘don’t take Harry’s reaction too much to heart. I—’

But before she could complete the words Daniel had jumped to his feet.

‘Don’t take what too much to heart, exactly? You mean I shouldn’t be upset that my son can’t bear the sight of me. That he probably blames me for his mother’s
death.’ His green eyes were cold. ‘And he’d be right. Is that what you want to hear? Eleanor asked me to pick him up to bring him to Dorset, but I said no. I had an important meeting.’ He laughed and the mirthless sound sent a chill down Colleen’s spine. ‘What kind of man would put his work before his only child? If I had collected Harry as Eleanor had asked, the accident would never have happened. At the very least Harry would still have his mother.’

‘Daniel.’ Colleen couldn’t help herself. She stepped forwards and placed a hand on his arm, but he shook her off, looking at her as if she repelled him.

‘I don’t want or need your sympathy,’ he said roughly.

‘Then for God’s sake, stop blaming yourself!’ Colleen retorted. ‘That boy, your son, is going to need you more than ever in the coming days and weeks. He’s lost his mother and he needs time to come to terms with it.’ She took a breath and softened her voice. ‘He’s angry with the world and he’s directing it at you—and can you blame him? All he has right now is a father he hardly knows. The last thing he needs is for you to withdraw.’ Colleen felt her voice crack. The scene upstairs had taken its toll on her, too. Every time she thought she was beginning to understand Daniel, he did or said something that threw her. Last night Daniel had made it clear how much he cared about Harry and she didn’t doubt him for a second, but he had to realise it would take Harry time to know how much Daniel loved him. She opened her mouth to apologise, but Daniel had turned on his heel.

‘I’m going out,’ he said and, without a glance at her, he stormed out of the room.

* * *

Later that night, after Harry was sleeping in the care of the night nurse, Colleen paced her room. She felt
restless and ill at ease. She wasn’t handling the situation with Daniel at all well. She was letting him rattle her time and time again. It seemed she could barely be in the room with Daniel for ten minutes and they were sparking against each other.

She opened her window and the sounds of late-night traffic and the laughter of couples returning from a night on the town drifted on the still night air. Suddenly she was almost overcome by a yearning to be back in the clear air and peace of County Wicklow.

But not with Ciaran.

The realisation chilled her. She loved Ciaran, but she wasn’t
in love
with him and she couldn’t marry him. Trish had been right all along. The way she felt about Ciaran was the same way she would feel if he was her brother. She felt more alive after seconds in Daniel’s company than she’d ever felt in Ciaran’s. Not that she was falling for Daniel. No way. No one in their right mind would fall for that pig-headed, opinionated, arrogant, interesting, exciting…
Whoa there
, she told herself, sternly.
Just because you’ve decided not to marry Ciaran doesn’t mean you fancy another man.
Any feelings she had for Daniel were purely because she’d allowed herself to become so wrapped up in Harry—
so wrapped up in Harry and Daniel
, the voice whispered back—and their pain that she just wasn’t thinking straight. But she’d never reacted to any of the other fathers like this, even when she’d been totally involved with their child.

Now she’d made up her mind she couldn’t marry Ciaran, she had to let him know as soon as possible. She would have to go back to Ireland this weekend. Her heart ached for the pain she was about to cause him, but
if she married him without truly loving him, that would be so much worse.

A tear trickled down her cheek and she closed the window with a decisive click. She was over-tired and over-emotional, that was all. She needed to get some sleep. Tomorrow was bound to be another difficult day. Perhaps some warm milk would help.

She pulled her dressing gown over her pyjamas, shoved her feet into her slippers and let herself out of her room. Apart from the light from Harry’s night light that seeped from under his door, the house was in darkness. She popped her head around his door. He was sleeping soundly, with Sheena, the night nurse, in a chair beside his bed.

‘Would you like anything from the kitchen, Sheena?’ Colleen asked.

‘No, thank you, love. Dora brought me some tea a little while ago.’

* * *

But instead of finding the kitchen empty, Colleen was dismayed to find Daniel sitting at the kitchen table, his long legs stretched out in front of him. He was so still that at first Colleen thought he was asleep. The kitchen was lit by a single table lamp at the far end of the room, casting Daniel’s face in shadows. She was about to slip away when his voice came out of the semi-darkness.

‘Couldn’t sleep either?’

‘I thought I’d make myself some warm milk,’ Colleen said, ‘but I’ll leave you in peace.’

‘Warm milk?’ His voice was amused. ‘Who still drinks warm milk?’ He gestured towards her with a tumbler of amber liquid. ‘Wouldn’t you rather have some whisky? I find it works better.’

She wondered if he was a little drunk. At least he no longer seemed angry with her.

‘No, thank you,’ she said. ‘Can’t abide the stuff.’