The Firefighter Daddy (15 page)

“Thanks, I will. That's one of the things I'll miss. I haven't been a member long, but it's been good knowing I'm not alone.”

“There should be something like our group in Dallas. If not, start one. I hear Tina is starting a caregiver support group at the church.” Brandon stepped outside, dark clouds roiling across the sky. “Looks like we might get rain finally.”

On the drive home sprinkles spattered Liam's windshield. As he pulled into the garage a downpour fell from the sky. With the door still up, he stared at the rain drenching the earth and running in rivulets to the street.

Maybe this weekend or next he would talk to Madison and Katie. But should he do it with them together or separated? He wanted to ask Sarah's opinion. He couldn't. He needed to sever those ties as much as possible.

* * *

On Thursday of the following week Liam climbed from the car, rounded to the trunk and removed a folding chair and a cooler with a cherry-flavored Jell-O mold with pecans, carrots and pineapple inside. He wasn't a big fan of it, but the girls loved it.

Madison and Katie ran toward the other kids playing near the pavilion at the park that was set up for the single dads' barbecue. As he headed for the area the men had staked out to sit and watch their children play an impromptu soccer game, he'd recalled how he almost had to drag his nieces from their swimming lesson—and Sarah. Even from where he'd sat in the stands, he'd heard both of his girls complaining they wanted to see Sarah more often. Then they'd begun whispering between themselves and then to her. They were up to no good, but he hadn't had time to talk with Sarah to see what they were plotting.

Liam set up his folding chair next to Brandon's and sank onto it, tired from spending the day painting the living room a neutral color.

His friend leaned toward him. “You haven't told Madison and Katie yet, have you?”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because they seem downright happy.”

“And if I tell them, they won't be?”

Brandon arched an eyebrow. “You forget, I've been through it.”

For some reason Liam couldn't bring himself to tell his nieces about moving in the middle of August. It would make it so final, and their recent calm home would be disrupted.

“Liam, are you sure moving is the best answer?”

“Yes.” No, he truly wasn't. Seeing Sarah today at the swimming pool had been the highlight of his day.

Brandon signaled everyone to move in closer. The circle of chairs shrank. “Liam needs some help.” In a low voice his friend told the group about his decision to leave Buffalo in August. “When and how should he break the news to his nieces?”

“Wait until you have to put up the for-sale sign,” Nathan said before another dad punched him in the arm.

Michael checked the kids before saying, “Knucklehead, that would lead to more problems. You've got girls. You should do it now and then prepare yourself for dramaville.”

By the end of the brief conversation Liam's head pounded with tension. The consensus was that he should tell the girls this Sunday after church. He couldn't put it off any longer. And if he was going to tell them, he needed to let Sarah know first. He didn't want her to hear it from Madison or Katie.

He searched the makeshift soccer field and found Madison with the ball dribbling past Katie and Jared before Seth stole it from her and went in the opposite direction. He'd played soccer as a child. He wondered if one of the girls would.

When he shifted his attention, it landed on Sarah with Gabe standing under an elm tree watching the soccer scrimmage. Now he knew what his nieces had been up to at the pool.

He rose, glancing down at Brandon. “Will you keep an eye on Madison and Katie? If I'm going to tell them about the move, I need to let Sarah know, too.”

“Now?”

His posture straightened with determination. “Yes.”
Before I lose my nerve
.

Madison spied Sarah, waved and started toward her. When she saw Liam approaching, his niece halted and returned to her buddies.

Sarah smiled as he joined her and Gabe. “The girls begged me to bring Gabe to the park while they were here. It's hard to say no to them.”

“Believe me, I know. Can we go for a walk?”

Her forehead scrunched. “Sure. Is something wrong?”

It continually amazed him how in tune Sarah was with him. “I wanted to talk to you about something before I tell the girls.”

“This sounds serious.” She set off on the trail away from the pavilion.

Halfway between the group and the street, Liam gestured toward a bench off the walking path. “Let's sit. It's been a long day, but I finished painting the living room.”

“Didn't you tell me on Tuesday you did the den?”

“Yes.” He eased onto the wooden seat and sighed as his body continued to wind down.

While Gabe sat and looked toward the children, Sarah said, “What's been going on lately? Something is different since Madison's birthday party.”

“I think I mentioned to you when I first came here that my plans were to return to Dallas in a year after my nieces had a chance to get used to me. After much consideration, we're leaving before school starts. I haven't told them yet, but I think that would be a better time to make the transition.”

Her gaze dropped away from his. Her hands squeezed into tight fists, her knuckles turning white. “I see.” She bolted to her feet and said, “Tell Madison and Katie I needed to get home,” then she called Gabe and bolted off down the street.

Chapter Twelve

“I
'm not going to cry. I'm not!” Sarah muttered to herself as she put as much distance as possible between her and Liam.

But in spite of her resolve, tears leaked from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away in angry strokes. She'd begun to visualize herself with Liam as more than a friend. She'd been a fool to fall for him. He had said something to her about possibly leaving Buffalo. Why did she think he would change his mind? That she would be a good reason to stay here?

“Sarah, wait up.”

She glanced back, saw Liam and increased her pace. She couldn't see him while she was crying. She glimpsed the street where she lived. More importantly, she didn't want her mother to see them. Coming to a halt, she fought to control her emotions before she faced him.

She wanted to scream, “Why are you leaving now? When I want you to be part of my life? When I love you and your girls?” The last question slammed into her with such force she closed her eyes and stepped back, desperately wanting to be anywhere but there. She was in love with him, and he was leaving.

He clasped her arms. “Sarah, are you all right?”

Needing to retain some of her dignity, she inhaled a breath and opened her eyes. “Yes. What else do you have to say? I think your leaving says it all. This was just a temporary stop for you. I don't blame you. You've always said you miss Dallas.”

“I lived there thirty-five years. Put down roots there.”

“You can put down roots anywhere. What's wrong with Buffalo?”

“Nothing. It's a beautiful town, and I've enjoyed getting to know people.” He released his grasp and looked away.

“But?”

“Being a single dad is hard. I need my support system. I never intended to stay here when I came.”

“You have a great support system here.” She waved her hand toward the park. “What about the men you've gotten to know in the single dads' group or the firefighters you work with? What about me and my family, and even Betty? Do we not count?”

He clamped his jaws together so tightly a muscle twitched. “It's complicated.”

“I'm not going anywhere. Explain why it's complicated, so I understand. I thought we had something between us. I...I care about you.”

“I know we're friends, and I appreciate that, but...” His voice trailed into silence.

“To me it's much more than friends. I'm falling in love with you, Liam.”

He frowned.

Anger surged in her. “That's okay. It's my problem. Not yours.” She swung around to leave.

He grabbed her. “Wait. I'm falling in love with you, too, Sarah.”

Confusion mingled with the fury. “Then why are you leaving?”

Raking his hands through his hair, he turned in a slow circle as though making sure no one else was around. When he faced her again, his eyes held sorrow. “Because I can't give you the one thing you want. Children. My ex-wife left me because I couldn't give her a child. We tried for several years then went for testing to see if there was a problem. I was the problem. I have a genetic disorder that affects my fertility.”

His news sent a shock wave through her. Her mind blanked.

“So you see, there could be no future for us, and I can't stay here and see you without wanting you.”

All she could think to say was, “I'm sorry, Liam. I—”

“Don't say anything else. Nothing will change it. You're the only one who knows besides my ex-wife and, believe me, she let me know how she felt about it. Although I've had the genetic defect all my life, I didn't know until we went for testing. My case was mild, so other symptoms didn't cause concern. It isn't something I tell others when I meet them, so please don't tell anyone.”

“I would never do that.”

A neutral expression dropped over his face. “Thank you for that. Now, I need to get back to the park.”

She took a step toward him as he hurried away. What could she say to make him feel better? His ex-wife must have really done a number on him. When he disappeared from view, she walked in the direction of her home, completely numb.

A few minutes later she stood in front of her house but couldn't bring herself to go inside. Her mother knew she had gone to the park to see Liam and his nieces. She would have questions she didn't want to nor could answer. Putting one foot in front of the other, she continued walking down the street.

* * *

After the park and his encounter with Sarah, Liam had to tell Madison and Katie they would be moving. If he could leave right now, he would. Telling Sarah had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. He wouldn't forget her face when he'd told her he couldn't have children. Shock and even anger had flitted across her features. She hadn't said the hurtful, demeaning words that Terri had, but she had to be thinking them.

Terri's reaction had taken him through the grieving stages. He was starting to accept his circumstances and moving on with his life, but the anger stage had left its mark on him.

He climbed the stairs to talk with Katie first. He'd decided to do each one separately. He hoped that Katie would be more agreeable, while he
knew
Madison wouldn't be. He didn't want her first reaction to color Katie's. In time, he prayed they both would accept the decision and learn to love Dallas as he did.

When he entered her bedroom, Katie put a toy back on the shelf and scurried to her bed. She pulled the covers over her legs and sat with her back against the headboard while Blackie snuggled against her.

A smile brightened her features. “I had a great time tonight. I want to play soccer in the fall.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and twisted toward her. “I played soccer in Dallas as a boy. They have a good league in the area where I live. I even helped coach a team last year.”

“Are you good?”

He chuckled. “The team won their division.”

“Wow. Will you help me learn the game?”

“I sure can.” He hated to turn this conversation into a serious one, but he had to. “Listen, Katie, I have something important to tell you.”

She caught sight of something on her desk and covered her mouth with her fingers. “I forgot. I meant to take that bowl downstairs before I went to bed. I can right now.”

He placed his hand on her arm. “Stay. I'll take care of it this one time.” He searched his mind for a good way to start. “You would like Dallas. I live north of the city. There is so much to do around where I live. Some of my firefighter buddies have boats on a nearby lake, and we spend a lot of time there.”

“Are there kids at the lake?”

“Sure.” He looked into her blue eyes. “When I came to Buffalo, I'd planned to stay here about a year then move back to Dallas with you and Madison.”

“You did? Why?”

“Because Dallas has always been my home. You even have some cousins that live near me.”

Her eyes grew round.

“I was going to wait until November 1 to leave when the lease on my house was up, but I contacted the renter and he'll leave earlier if I want. I think it would be better for us to move to Dallas before school starts in mid-August.”

Her forehead crinkled. “We're moving?”

“Yes, by August 15.”

She frowned. “Why can't we stay here?”

He couldn't tell her the main reason concerning Sarah, but he would give her what he'd felt when he first came. “I think it would be good to start new as a family. I love you and Madison, and I want us to create our own memories at the lake or playing soccer.”

“I can play soccer in Dallas?”

“Absolutely. I would love to have someone to cheer for.”

She pointed to herself. “Me?”

“Yes. Like my mom used to cheer for me.”

“Uncle Liam...can I call you Daddy?”

Tears welled up in his eyes. After the news from the doctor about his genetic disorder, he'd never thought he would ever be called Daddy or Dad. “I'd be honored if you did, Katie.”

“Will I have my own bedroom in Dallas?”

He nodded.

“Can I take Blackie?”

“Most definitely.”

She picked up her kitten curled up on the pillow next to hers. “Did you hear that, Blackie? You and me are going to Dallas with Daddy!”

“Daddy's dead and I won't go to Dallas,” Madison screamed from the doorway then ran to her room. She slammed the door closed so hard a picture on the wall fell to the floor.

When Liam glanced at Katie, she held Blackie up against her cheek. “She's mean. It always has to be her way.”

“She's upset. I haven't told her yet.”

Katie lifted her chin. “Then she was spying on us, and that's wrong.”

“I need to talk to her. I don't know how much she heard, but I want her to know everything we talked about. Are you okay with that?” He rose.

Katie nodded.

Liam kissed her cheek. “I love you, Katie.”

As he strode toward the hallway, his niece said, “I love you, Daddy.”

At the door Liam turned toward Katie. His heart swelled in his chest, making taking deep breaths hard. He flipped off the overhead light while she squirmed beneath the covers. “Good night.” He closed her door so Blackie would stay put.

Liam continued to Madison's bedroom and knocked. When she didn't say anything, he turned the knob. The door was locked. “Madison, we need to talk. Open the door.”

“Go away. I don't want to.”

“We still need to talk.”

“No,” she sobbed.

Liam descended the stairs and made his way to the den at the back of the house. In the desk he had a device to unlock any door. This would be the first time he used it. He clutched it and began pacing. Maybe he shouldn't. He could try later when she was calmer. Or, if he had to, he could tomorrow. He didn't go to work until Saturday. If she was angry, she wouldn't listen to him.

What do I do, Lord?

The only words that came to mind were to be patient.

Liam switched on the TV to break the silence of the house and take his mind off what had happened with Madison. No matter how much he'd prepared himself for her fury, it still left him doubting himself.

An hour later he climbed the stairs to check on Madison to see if she was ready to talk to him. He rapped on the door several times and even asked her to open up. Nothing. He tried the knob, and it turned. When he went into her room, it was empty except for Buffy sleeping on the bed.

He looked in her closet and even under the bed then went in search of Madison. She wasn't in Katie's room. In fact, his youngest niece was sound asleep and didn't even move when he came in to check for her older sister.

His bedroom and a spare one were empty, as well. He'd combed the bottom floor halfway when he received a call on the landline. He snatched up the receiver. “Liam here.”

“Madison came to see me. I wanted you to know so you wouldn't get upset if you couldn't find her.”

He leaned against the counter in the kitchen. He really wasn't that surprised Madison had snuck out to see Sarah. “I hate to ask, but could you bring her home? Katie is already asleep.”

“May I talk to her for a little while first? That's why she came, and I think she needs someone to listen to her.”

“I wanted to. She didn't want to.”

“I figured that. Someone...besides you.”

“Fine. If you can help her, I'd appreciate it.” When he hung up, he sank into a chair at the kitchen table.

Lord, what do I do?

* * *

“He never listens to me. He does what he wants. Forget about Katie and me.” Madison sat on Sarah's deck. Even in the dim shadows of the single light, Sarah saw the battle of Madison's emotions in her eyes. They were swollen, and tears ran down her face as she worked herself up about the move to Dallas. Through the sadness emerged anger—even fear—from her scowl to her nervous habit of chewing on her bottom lip.

When Madison first showed up, Sarah had a hard time coming up with words of comfort when inside she hurt for the exact same reason, except that Madison would go with Liam. He would leave Sarah behind. She'd barely had time to process what he'd told her earlier about not being able to have children before the girl appeared.

“Your uncle loves you very much and is very concerned about you two. That's why he's moving to Dallas before school starts rather than move you in the middle of a school year.”

“I don't want to go. Why can't he stay and work here?”

Because of me
flashed into Sarah's mind. Now that she knew he couldn't have children, did she want him to stay and see him all the time? “Until he came to Buffalo, Dallas was the only home he knew. He has friends and relatives there. Those relatives are yours, too.”

“He has friends here. Aunt Betty is here. She's family. Please talk to him. Change his mind.”

“It's not my decision. I know he didn't make this decision lightly. You need to tell him what you're telling me. You told me you wouldn't talk to him. But you owe him that much. He left everything to come to Buffalo and take care of you and Katie.”

“And now he wants us to leave everything.”

“He loves you. Family is important to him. Promise me you'll talk to him. Give him a chance. Will you?”

Madison stared at her lap.

Sarah waited for her to reply. This wouldn't be easy for Madison, but then, it wasn't for Liam, either. She was the reason he was leaving Buffalo. She didn't want him to, but she understood why he was. She'd fled town after her husband died. The town was small enough that anywhere she went she was constantly reminded of Peter. Could she give up her dream of having children to be with Liam? Was her love strong enough never to have any regrets?

Madison rose. “I'm ready to go home, but I can't promise you to give him a chance.”