I traced the cross with my fingernail. “And this?”
His eyes darkened, filling with pain. “In memory of a friend.”
“What about this?” I touched the wide burn scar on his side.
“Had a steam iron held against me.”
I gasped. “How old were you?”
“Nine.” He pulled his shirt down, effectively closing me out of his past at the same time. “Do we go or do we stay?”
Behind him, Cooper pulled up in his car and honked the horn. Zane and Ryker got out of the passenger side and walked toward us.
“We stay,” I said even though I wasn’t sure I should.
Ryan smiled at that as the guys came up behind him and slapped him on the back.
Ryker slid his gaze over me. He was tall, dressed in jeans and a plain white T-shirt. Down both arms, he had full sleeve tattoos that were kind of deranged looking. I didn’t know much about Ryker. Only that his father was serving a life sentence at Rikers Island which is how he got his name. Dark, primitive, and dangerous was the vibe I got from Ryker. I shifted a step closer to Ryan.
A smile creased Ryker’s lips but never reached his eyes. “I don’t bite, baby.
“At least not this girl,” Ryan said, the threat clear in his tone when he stared at Ryker. He put his hand across my shoulder, pulling me against him and we walked into the house. The people that I’d grown up with didn’t flaunt jaw-dropping tattoos or have a fuck-with-me-at-your-own-risk attitude, so the sight of Ryan and his friends caused the buzz of conversation to abruptly cease. The girls were practically slobbering at the delicious sight of all the muscles and edgy good looks. Do-me-please was written on some of their faces. The guys with the girls were staring, bristling like dogs protecting a bone.
“You’re here!” Shelby ran up to us and threw her arms around me in a hug as if she hadn’t seen me in months. She squeezed my shoulders and whispered, “Tristan’s girlfriend is on her way. Introduce me to Cooper.”
“Um...Cooper, guys, this is my friend Shelby.”
She smiled, already more than a few drinks in. Her gaze fixated on Cooper and she leaned toward him to show off her cleavage, making her interest obvious. “I’ll save you a dance.”
Because she was beautiful, guys usually fell all over themselves to get close to Shelby. Not Cooper. He muttered that he needed a drink as he walked off.
Shelby looked hurt. “What’s his problem?”
“Who cares what his problem is.” Zane caught her hand. “I’ll dance with you.” He winked at me as he led her away.
I wasn’t worried about Shelby hanging with Zane. Of all Ryan’s friends, he was the safest bet. I searched the room for Brooklyn and didn’t see her, but since she’d come to the party with Shelby, I knew she had to be here somewhere.
Ryan and I walked into the midst of the gyrating bodies and I walked into his arms, pressing myself against him. When I flattened my breasts against the wall of his chest, the heat was hot and fast and unmistakable as it spread through my body. Unable to help it, I rested my hands on the back of his neck and stroked the ends of his hair. Each time he shifted, his jeans rubbed against the bareness of my thigh and the friction had me swallowing hard.
He put his hands on my lower back, urging me closer and I got the memo that he was as affected by our bodies pressed together as I was. I moved so that I deliberately brushed against his erection and he dug his fingers into my hip. Images flooded my mind and I imagined being back at the garage with Ryan only this time, instead of stopping, we’d carried it through until the end with me splayed across the desk as Ryan drove into me. The fantasy made me breathe harder. I swallowed and looked away from him.
Tristan made his way over to us, his eyes bloodshot and his words slurred. “Hey man, I’m taking over.” He bumped Ryan with his elbow and reached for my hand.
“No, Tristan.” I tried to tug free of his grasp.
Before Tristan could pull me away, Ryan’s hand clamped onto Tristan’s wrist. His eyes darkened and his face hardened as he squeezed until his knuckles were white. “She said no.”
“What the hell?” Tristan pulled back his fist and aimed a punch at Ryan, barely missed hitting me and ended up swinging himself around with Ryan still holding onto his wrist. Ryan moved away from me and jerked Tristan up into his face. “Go sleep it off.”
Tristan’s lips curved into a sneer. “Don’t tell me this piece of ass is your girlfriend. I shouldn’t be surprised. She’ll screw any—”
Ryan’s fist connected with Tristan’s jaw and the momentum pushed Tristan backward right into Ryker. Tristan howled and surged forward but couldn’t move thanks to Ryker. With a hard hold on his shoulder, Ryker gave him a shake that jarred Tristan’s teeth together. “You want a new face, Ryan will be glad to fucking oblige but let’s take it outside so girls don’t get caught in the crossfire.”
Three of Tristan’s friends stepped toward Ryan but stopped when Zane and Cooper appeared out of the crowd to flank him. The guys held a staring contest for a minute, then Tristan’s friends held their hands up and backed off.
“This is going in a bad direction. It’s time we book it,” Brooklyn said. “I only had the beer at your house so I’m good to drive but I can’t find Shelby.”
In the distance, the sound of sirens wailed over the thumping music. Brooklyn smacked her forehead. “Great. A neighbor probably called in.”
Cooper herded us toward the door. “Leave before the cops arrive.’
The last thing I wanted was to get busted but I wasn’t leaving my friends. “I’m not going anywhere without Shelby.” I tried to go past Cooper to find her but Ryan stopped me.
“Outside, Tana. I’ll find Shelby.”
The front door opened and thinking the cops were already here, everyone froze. “Tristan?” A high pitched voice carried over the music and the talking.
“The girlfriend.” Brooklyn snickered.
“What’s going on?” She looked around, her eyebrows drawing together in a frown.
A very drunk Shelby staggered into her and then giggled, wiping her hand down the girlfriend’s arm. “Oops. Sorry. Spilled a little drink there.” She peered down into her cup. “I don’t know what this is, but it’s great. I don’t feel a thing.” She wagged her pinky finger at the girlfriend. “Tristan invited Tana because he has a little...” Frowning, she searched for the word, then her face lit up as she wagged her finger again. “Woody? Boner? Ha ha, for Tana.”
The girlfriend looked murderous and Brooklyn and I each grabbed one of Shelby’s arms and tried to get her to leave with us but she fought us off. “No. No. I’m staying. I want to see this.”
Cooper cussed and grabbed Shelby’s drink, tossed it toward a table, then stooped and put his shoulder at her stomach. He stood with her and headed toward the front door.
Shelby clung to him, her lips pale. “Oh...everything is spinning. I don’t feel so good. I’m gonna be sick.”
Cooper whipped her onto her feet and aimed her head toward a bush beside the door.
“We’ve got her, man. Go.” Ryan and Cooper exchanged a look I didn’t understand.
“Coop’s on probation,” Zane said to me after Cooper reluctantly headed for his car.
“Rich girls are such a pain in the ass,” Ryker muttered and steered Shelby toward the street. “Come on, princess. Let’s get you back to the castle.”
Ryan and I ended up taking Shelby home and helped her sneak inside and upstairs to her bedroom. She reeked of alcohol and vomit. I couldn’t leave her like that or there’d be hell to pay when her mom saw her.
“I’m going to stay with her. I’ll get her to take me home in the morning.” I gave Ryan a hug and kissed the side of his face. “Thanks for going with me to the party even if it was a bust.”
“No problem.”
I lifted his hand and studied his knuckles. “Is your hand okay? You threw a pretty hard punch. Wait a second. What’s all this?” I rubbed my thumb across the multiple scars.
“Nothing.”
I let go of his hand. “You have so many secrets. Why won’t you share them with me?”
He tugged on a strand of my hair. “Does it matter?”
“You never know. Maybe I can help. You carry a lot of pain.” I shrugged my shoulders when he gave me that what-the-hell look. “It might not be obvious to everyone because it’s not like you’re an open book, but I guess I know you well enough to be able to read what you don’t say.”
“Tana, honey, if I wanted a therapist, I’d go find one.”
That irritated me. I wasn’t interested in psychoanalyzing him. I just wanted to be a part of him. All of him. “Why are you so afraid to let me all the way in?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.” He glanced at Shelby when she rolled over on the bed and moaned. “Are you coming by tomorrow?”
I sighed as he slammed the emotional door in my face yet again. “I’m planning on stopping by.” Every Sunday I went to his house to drop off bags of food my boss gave me to give to Mama Leena to take to the food pantry at her church.
“See you then.” He gave me a one armed hug and left Shelby’s room.
***
Sunday afternoon, I drove to Ryan’s house. My nerves were live wires, sparking and dancing within my body. The anticipation of seeing him again grew with each mile. I’d always looked forward to seeing him, but this time was different and that difference had begun when he’d kissed me at the garage. I’d always known that there was something a little wild in Ryan, something that he kept caged around me. But that kiss had opened the cage door, giving me a taste of the wildness.
He was in the driveway, the hood up on his Charger, music blaring from the speakers. He didn’t have a shirt on and I swallowed hard as my eyes drank in the beauty of his body. He moved so deliberately, like he was prepared for anything. The sun glistened over him, highlighting the tattoos and the contours of his abdomen. His jeans hung low and it made me think of the bullet scar on his thigh.
I parked and got out, forcing my legs to carry me closer to the guy who’d caused me to lose sleep last night. I’d tossed and turned over the blows I’d sensed life had given him. Wanting to absorb the wounds he carried, I’d ached to wrap my arms around him and comfort him in any way I could. My thoughts were churning as I walked but I schooled my face into a we’re-just-friends-nothing’s-troubling-me expression.
Typical Ryan, he didn’t say anything when I approached, just watched me with those blue-green eyes of his that made me crazy with need. I hoped the longing didn’t show in my eyes but it probably did. I worried that if he thought I wasn’t cool about us, he’d call off us being together. Or he wouldn’t but would think I was an idiot.
“What are you working on?” I asked.
“Don’t.” He put his arm out when I started to lean against the car and my hip rested against his hand instead of the metal. “It’s greasy.”
The last thing on my mind was keeping the short denim skirt I wore clean. Taking out the key Shelby had given me to her grandparents’ vacation house, I held it up. “I have a house for us.”
He frowned at it. “I told you I’d find a place.”
The heat from his hand was burning a hole through my skirt. “I know, but this was available. It’s by the Huron River. I’ve been there before and it’s really nice. We’d be able to spend the night.” My heart beat in slow motion while I waited for his answer.
Ryan stared at me and his lips thinned. “I never spend the night.”
His meaning was clear. Ryan fucked. He didn’t do relationships. I didn’t take offense. “It won’t be different from what you normally do. Spending the night won’t mean anything, okay? I thought it would be nice, that’s all.”
He finally nodded and then slowly moved his hand.
Relief flooded me. “So what are you working on?” He was my best friend and we’d always had an easy time together and now I had to think up ways to carry on a conversation because I felt so stupid and awkward around him.
“The temperature gauge is riding too high. Radiator’s cracked so I’m putting in a new one.”
“Oh...that’s good.” I had to turn my gaze away from him. The shyness I felt coupled with how good he looked made it hard to keep eye contact.
He sighed and picked up a rag lying on the side of the hood. Wiping his hands, he said, “What?”
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. We’d always been honest with each and I didn’t want that to change. “I feel different since you kissed me. Shaky. Unsure of myself, I guess. There’s an awareness of you now that I didn’t have before.”
“Tana, if you’re not ready, you don’t have to have sex just because you have it written down on some damn goal list.”
His words made me feel like I was a nerd with a to-do list waiting to be checked off. Graduate high school. Check. Lose virginity. Check. Go to college. “Oh, wow. I thought if it was written down, there was no way out. Thanks for explaining.”
“Don’t be a smart ass. You know what I mean.”
“I do, and I want to have sex. With you.”
He crossed his arms. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I was drawn to the way his arm muscles bulged. “You won’t.” I smiled.
“I’m not talking about your body.”
My smile faded. I wanted to tell him there was no way in a billion years that he’d ever hurt my heart but the truth was, I wasn’t as sure as I used to be when this all started that I’d be able to leave for college with my heart intact. Not when it came to leaving Ryan behind.
Because I was trying hard to be cool and blasé about the heaviness of the conversation and what we were going to do next weekend, I meant to playfully flick his arm but it didn’t work out that way. My hand found the end of the tattoo that snaked around his elbow and trailed up to his shoulder. I couldn’t let go. Shifting my weight, I leaned forward and kissed his bare chest. He tasted like the summer sun, just as hot and sizzling. “It’ll be fine, Ryan.”
He sucked in a breath, pushing my chin up, my lips away from his body. “Next weekend.”
“Are you playing hard to get?” I joked, embarrassed that he hadn’t wanted me touching him.
“I’m not playing at hard, that’s for damn sure.”
I cleared my throat. “I can get some books if we need to for the weekend.”
“Books?” Puzzled, his eyebrows went up. “You want to read?”
“Certain books, you know. Like Kama Sutra ones or something.” I ducked my head, my face flaming, unable to hold his penetrating gaze.