The Five Stages of Falling in Love (23 page)

“He always thought of you first.
Always
.
And he always wanted what was best for you and the kids. That’s why he worked so hard. That’s why he built what he did. He just couldn’t even imagine giving you something less than he thought you deserved. He was the best guy I have ever known.”

“It’s hard to imagine settling for anybody else. I think whoever they are will always feel like second best. Or second string or whatever.”

Trevor barked out a surprised laugh.
“Yeah, maybe.
But whoever they are will have a lot to live up to. So maybe don’t worry about that. Maybe just keep doing what you’re doing and trust that it will all work out.”

“When did you get so wise?” I looked at my brother-in-law from across the kitchen and saw him differently. He’d grown up over the last year. He wasn’t the same immature kid that followed his brother around, desperate for guidance and Grady’s approval. He was a man. And somehow he’d become a good man. Grady would have been so proud of him.

Trevor ran his hand through his hair again and shrugged one shoulder. “Guess my brother convinced me to grow up after all.” He blew out a long breath, “Damn, I miss him.”

“Me too.”

I walked him out to his car and said goodbye, promising him that I would text soon about having him over for dinner. I watched his car pull out of the cul-de-sac and stood there wrapped in my towel for a long time, thinking about our conversation.

When I finally turned back to Ben’s house, I realized it was the first time Trevor and I had ever talked about Grady when I hadn’t cried.

Chapter Twenty-Three

“I don’t know why I agreed to this.” I looked at the well-manicured, two-story house that Ben grew up in and felt sick to my stomach. What had I been thinking?

“Are you nervous?” Ben settled back in the driver’s seat of his Lexus and watched me fidget.

“Of course, I’m nervous. It’s never easy meeting someone’s parents.”

“They already love you,” he reminded me. He had been telling me this for weeks as he tried to get me to agree to this dinner. I had avoided it for as long as I could before I started to irritate him. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“It just feels so… final, you know? It’s what people do in serious relationships.” I played with the hemline of my flouncy navy blue skirt and refused to look at him.

A chill filled the car when he said, “Liz, what is it that you think we’re doing?”

My heartbeat picked up, but not in a good way. “Ben…”

“We’re serious.”

I sucked in a quick breath.
This was the wrong place and time
to have this conversation. “That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean then?” His hand reached over the console to intertwine with mine. “What do
you
think we’re doing?”

“Making out a bunch?” I dragged my gaze up to meet his and watched his lips twitch.

“That is not what we’ve been doing,” he disagreed seriously. “We’re not fifteen anymore.”

He could be so exasperating. “Then what would you call it?”

“Foreplay.”

His body slid gracefully from the car so he could walk around and open my door. I felt the blood drain from my face while a fire lit low in my belly. Something deliciously lustful rolled over my skin at the same time I struggled not to panic.

I swallowed against a lump in my throat and tried to steady out my breathing. By the time Ben opened my door and offered his hand, I had started to tremble.

He pulled me from the passenger’s seat and settled his hand on my waist. He nudged me to the side so he could close my door, but backed me against it, caging me in with his body.

“Liz, you mean a lot to me. I’ve come to care for you deeply.” His hand brushed over my jaw and his gaze bored into mine with staggering intensity.

“I care about you too.” I hated the quiver in my voice, but there was nothing I could do about it. I was obnoxiously stunted when it came to this relationship. I felt more immature about my feelings for Ben than anything else in my life. But I also didn’t know how to solve that. I wasn’t ready to be anything more than casual with him. I wasn’t ready to let go of Grady and accept that my feelings for Ben were real and significant. I had started my cycle of grief all over again only with this relationship. Currently I had settled into denial.

I liked denial.

Ben’s expression did not soften when he said, “I’m exhausted with pretending that this thing between us is anything less than serious. I want more from you, Liz. I want more from us.”

My heart kicked into overdrive, “I don’t know if I can give you more. I’m… I’m just trying to keep up with what we already are.”

“Then meet my parents,” he coaxed gently. “That’s all I’m asking. Live in this moment with me and we’ll get to the next moment together. I’m not going to make you do this on your own.”

My hands glanced over his chest to wrap around his neck. I needed him to hold me together, to keep me together. He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me tightly to him. My heart pounded against his chest, but when I breathed in his familiar scent I couldn’t help but relax.

I closed my eyes and let my spirit return home.

“Don’t leave my side,” I ordered him.

“I won’t, Liz. Not for anything.”

He squeezed me tighter and I felt his promise burrow inside of me and chain itself to my heart. I didn’t want to face the fact that we were serious, but we were. Ben had become an immovable part of my life. He cared about me and I cared about him. He cared about my children and they loved him in return.

I had to let go of this denial. I needed to face the reality of our relationship. What I didn’t have to do was decide what that meant. A permanent future together was still impossible, but I couldn’t give him up yet.

So that meant I needed to meet his parents.

“Okay,” I conceded. “Take me to dinner.”

He pulled back to press a sweet kiss to my lips. “I can do that.”

Taking my hand, he led me to the front door of his parent’s stately two-story house. This looked like the kind of place a successful lawyer would live. And yet, I had to laugh because it was so vastly different than Ben’s current home.

Ben’s house was modern, the most modern in our circle. This house had all of the character that he’d described his parents with, colonial with cream stucco siding and beautiful flower beds that wrapped around the house. I felt a thrill of anticipation. I suddenly couldn’t wait to meet them and to see the kind of faded environment Ben had grown up in.

His relationship with his father improved daily, but he’d shared some of the hurt from his childhood and I knew it was still hard for him to accept that his father wanted to change, to salvage whatever they could of their tattered bond.

We walked through the open front door and Ben called out, “Mom, we’re here!”

She rushed into the entryway, a ruffle-trimmed apron tied around her waist.
“Ben, hi!
And you must be Liz! I’m
Sharon,
it’s so great to finally meet you.” A beautiful smile lit her happy face. She was everything I expected her to be from the pictures hanging in Ben’s house, but so much more in real life. Her dark brown bob fit the shape of her face stylishly, no grays anywhere in sight, and she held her slender frame with a dignified grace that I recognized in the way Ben held himself too. She looked between Ben and me with a shocking amount of affection. I didn’t know how to accept her immediate approval of me.

Katherine had been so distant my entire marriage to Grady. I had expected much of the same with Sharon.

A burning irritation rippled through me. I couldn’t help but hate that I had to go through this again. It had been bad enough with Grady, but what was I doing here with Ben?

His hand squeezed mine and I tried to step out of my bad mood. “It’s nice to meet you too, Sharon. Ben has told me so much about you.” I smiled politely and squared my shoulders in an attempt to push my negative thoughts away.

She looked at her son adoringly, “Has he? He hasn’t shut up about you and the kids. It’s too bad you couldn’t bring them with you. I’m so anxious to meet them.”

“I… Well… I, uh, thought it was probably better if they stayed home tonight. They can be… a little much.”

She waved a hand in front of her face as if dismissing that very true fact. “Oh, I don’t believe it. And if they are, I’m sure it’s in the best way. Ben speaks so highly of them; I know they are very special kids.”

I tried to contain my surprise when I said, “Ben is a little biased.” I had never imagined Ben speaking well of my kids to others. The thought had literally never crossed my mind. And if I had maybe stopped to think about what he would say, I assumed it would be of how chaotic my life could be or how overwhelming we were. It left me a little breathless that he didn’t seem to feel that way at all.

“Ben loves you. Of course, he’s biased,” she grinned at me. And then, as if her words had not just completely shattered my entire world, she waved us toward the dining room. “Dinner’s ready and Mark will never forgive me if I learn anything more about you without him.”

She turned her back to us and started walking toward the dining room. I froze in place. I couldn’t pick up my feet or find energy to follow her. My body had become fragile, my skin had grown thin and brittle, my heart a piece of delicate glass.

“Do not freak out,” Ben’s words were a whisper against my ear.

All I could do was press my lips together and shake my head.

“Liz,” he rumbled before pressing a kiss against my jaw. “She’s my mom and she’s never seen me this happy before. Of course, she thinks I love you.”

I braved a look at him. “And do you?”

“If I deny it, will you be able to get through dinner?”

I nodded, ignoring the thin veil of his words over the truth I didn’t want to accept.

“Then I don’t love you. You’re the most aggravating woman I’ve ever met. I can barely tolerate you.”

“And my kids?”

“Oh, no,” he chuckled. “I definitely love them.”

“You do?” An aching affection flooded my body, filling in all of the cracks that fear and uncertainty had left me with. An emotional heat bubbled in my chest and wrapped my stiff limbs with something like hope.

“Yes, I do. But they agree with me about you. You aggravate us all.”

“Are you two coming? The roast is getting cold.”

He pushed his hand against my lower back and led me to a dining room that had been set up for an elegant evening. I marveled at the china place settings and the silver cutlery. Sharon knew how to entertain.

I felt severely unprepared for the evening ahead, but it had very little to do with the table set up.

Ben’s dad stood up when we entered the softly lit room. He was an imposing figure with a broad chest and impeccably coiffed silver hair. He held out his hand to me with a small smile warming his expression.

“Liz, it’s so nice to finally meet you. We’ve been looking forward to this evening for a very long time.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mark,” I smiled at him. “Everything smells delicious.”

“Then let’s eat it,” he grinned.

We took our seats and started passing dishes. Mark and Sharon threw question after question at me, seeming intrigued by every single aspect of my life.

I felt out of breath through the entire meal, trying to keep up with them. They were genuinely nice people that just wanted to know more about me. Still, their interest in my life was disconcerting. I had four kids. I was a widow. I was the very last person they should want their successful son to fall for.

Ben shared stories of the kids and they laughed as if they knew them. Sharon told anecdotes from Ben’s childhood and I found myself laughing along with them. Mark was more reserved than his wife, but I could see the effort he put into getting to know me.

I could picture him as the distant father Ben had known most of his life, but he wasn’t that man anymore. I found myself extremely satisfied with this realization. I was proud of Ben for loving his father through the rough years and working to cultivate this new relationship they had begun to forge.

“Liz, we’d love to meet the kids,” Sharon announced over store-bought lemon bars- I appreciated that about her. She was a very good cook, but she claimed desserts exceeded her limitations. Apparently this was Ben’s favorite. And I liked that even more. I liked knowing this about him. I liked that he had a favorite and I’d found out this way.

I tried not to analyze that too much.

“Sure,” I told her. “We don’t start school for a couple more weeks, so we’re pretty available.”

Sharon looked at her husband and then turned back to me. “We were thinking about taking everyone to the lake. We thought we could go for a weekend? We’ll bring the boat this time.”

“The kids had so much fun over the Fourth. They would love that.” I answered as Ben’s hand landed on my bare knee under the table. His thumb trailed a path up along the outside of my thigh. I shivered from the touch, but felt the encouragement he meant to give me.

“He told us,” Sharon grinned. “We cannot wait to see for ourselves.”
 

“I have to admit that I’m surprised you’re both so… accepting of me and all my children.” The words slipped out before I could think better of them. I internally winced when I saw Sharon glance at Ben uncertainly.

I knew they were just doing their best to make me feel welcome and maybe ease the awkwardness of an unexpected situation. I doubted they hoped their only child and heir to the family firm would ever become serious with a woman like me. With a woman who had as many children as me.

“Oh, Liz…” Sharon sounded heartbroken at my words and I wished I could shovel them back in my mouth and swallow them whole.

My chest stung with a pain that I had caused. I opened my mouth to explain, but Mark beat me to it.

“I have to admit, Liz, that we were surprised when Ben told us that you two were dating, but only because you finally said yes.” His teasing smile helped shift the atmosphere back to friendly again. “From the first day he met you, we have heard stories about his next door neighbor and all her kids. Slowly those stories took on an affectionate note and then grew into something more. We’ve always known how Ben felt about you and your family. We just didn’t know if you would ever feel the same way after everything you’ve been through. We couldn’t be more thrilled that you’re here tonight, Liz. We couldn’t be happier to see our son so happy. You have to understand that Ben has never given us much of a say in his life. He does pretty much whatever he wants and we respect him for that. He makes wise decisions. And I can’t help but see that he made a brilliant one with you. Of course, we accept you and all of your children. Anything that could make our son this happy is more than worthy of our approval.”

Ben’s hand left my knee to slide over my shoulders and rest around me. He pulled me closer to him and pressed a kiss to the top of my head while I tried to control my emotions.

“See?” he teased. “They’re not so bad.”

I blinked up at him and gave a watery smile, before turning back to Mark and Sharon. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. Thank you.”

Mark winked at me, “Whatever he’s told you about me, I only live up to about half of it.”

I laughed lightly, enjoying his sweet humor. “I can see that.”

Sharon waved a hand in front of her face and dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her napkin. “No, you’re worse!” she cried at her husband. “You weren’t supposed to make me cry over dessert! Nobody should cry over dessert!”

“She’s never going to come back if you keep it up, Mom.” Ben’s hand played with the sleeve of my white and yellow printed blouse, feeling so familiar that my body and soul couldn’t help but notice. “You’ve ruined lemon bars for her forever.”