The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (42 page)

Someone had plans to take over the throne.

No matter how mean he had been to me, he was still family, and my heart could not make sense of Ay attempting such an act. I was the last of his daughter’s children. Could he truly be that cruel a person? He would not want his heart to weigh unfavorably, would he? Did his time on the earth count for more than his time eternal? Perhaps he did not believe in the gods as Smenkhkare had not believed.

In any case, I could not leave my quarters without a harem of girls cloaking me. They were my servants who kept themselves around me and did not let me go anywhere without them checking out the rooms first. I thought it all silly. Someone who seriously wanted me dead could bribe a servant girl to finish the task. I did not speak these thoughts though because Tutankhaten did not worry when I had the ladies around me.

He came to check on me every morning and would wake me with a kiss. We still slept in separate quarters, but I could tell his love for me was filling his heart and prompting him to express this emotion more physically. He made sure I had the same women about me as the day before, no errant women slipping in whom he had not seen there the day before. Then he would go about the business of a king. There were viziers still to be elected and compensation to be divided between temples. He had also received word from Wannefer about the temple construction and was busy making plans for his own stellae. I asked to be a part of his plans, but he said he worried too greatly about me when I was away from my rooms. So for him, I stayed put.

My feelings for him were still muddled. I thought of the look in his eyes when I was scared in the tomb, his fear for my life. It melted my heart. But I also thought of Amyntas and how he had been there for me when I had no others to trust. How he had given me faith when I had none. How we had talked and laughed and been like husband and wife in all but body. Each of these feelings was so different. I knew I loved Tutankhaten, but did I love him as a wife should? Could I give him the love and devotion that all men desired from their wives?

I was ashamed of myself for these feelings. There should not be a question. After all, Amyntas had taken another woman as his wife, and Tutankhaten was my husband. Why could my heart not accept these things! I felt disgusted with myself for doubting my love for Tutankhaten. Love should not be this hard.

I tried to ease my thoughts and reasoned it was because Amyntas had my daughter, the daughter I had once longed to have with him. Surely my love for her was just spilling over onto a love that was now lost to me.

It was forbidden. I had said it many times to myself and to him. We were forbidden. Was my heart so wild that it longed for that which it could not have? As a lioness trapped in a cage, could my heart not be tamed to the fate in which it belonged, or would it continue to scratch at the walls enclosing it until these walls finally cracked enough for it to escape?

I sat in my room as my thoughts brewed within me. In truth, as the wife of a king, there was not much to do. I could not leave my rooms, so I could not seek the splendors of the land to entertain me. We still had not seen the sky-scratching pyramid tombs Tutankhaten had so eagerly spoken of. I had the papyrus stories that I had brought with me when we left Waset, but now I feared reaching in and pulling out another repressed memory.

Mutbenret was my sanity. She came to visit every other day. I looked forward to our conversations. My servant ladies saw me as unapproachable. They were shy and submissive, never expressing an opinion that differed from mine. They had no personality. Mutbenret talked to me as a true friend would, as an honest and active listener.

She had traveled with her husband and found work as a helper at the city’s House of Life. She loved helping the students learn about the gods and would often talk about their frustrations and successes as a proud mother would her child. I could picture her as a perfect guide for them as they worked to remember the many gods our people found comfort in.

There seemed to be a god for every situation and emotion of life. Perhaps another reason Aten’s religion failed was because the people could not find something clear to relate to. It took work to believe and have faith in a god so mysterious that He had no images of Himself for them to look upon. It would be so easy for me to forget Aten and find comfort in a god or goddess so readily available, so clearly defined to a certain need like marriage, childbirth, learning, etc. Despite this ease and how much passion I saw in Mutbenret for them, my heart longed only for Aten. His mystery drew me closer and did not conform. He demanded the best of me, and I found joy in discovering this part of myself.

As days turned into weeks, I rejoiced when Tutankhaten woke me one morning to inform me that we would be leaving for Akhenaten. Finally, I would be away from this ornamented and fragrant prison. It was beautiful, spacious, and served my needs, but it offered me nothing beyond its hard surface.

“I will be glad to return to our home! I hope we can walk together to Aten’s temple and pay our respects.”

“I’m not sure if you should be roaming about the city,” he warily replied.

I grunted in frustration. “You cannot expect me to live out my life in my rooms. I can’t be dictated by fear. I must face my people, face the gods, even face the one who tried to kill me. Please, I am so bored here!”

Tutankhaten chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I understand your frustration. I felt it myself… in Akhenaten.”

I drew a sharp breath, upset at my disregard for his feelings. His memories of the city were far removed from mine. “I am sorry. I have thought only of my concerns. I have many good memories from the City of Light, but yours are much different from mine. Though they are not all good memories, the good seem to overshadow the bad.”

Tutankhaten took my hands. His were warm against mine. I could feel them pulsing as he spoke, “I too have good memories, but nobody needed me there. Nobody cared if I existed.”

“That is not true!”

He smiled out of the corner of his mouth, shyly, “Well, it’s mostly true. Out here, the possibilities for our lives are innumerable. There is so much to see and do here. My heart pounds with excitement when I wake! I look forward to every day that comes to me!”

“I am glad you have found your place. When we started, you had no idea who you were anymore.”

“I know that Ay and Horemheb do most of the work, but being Pharaoh has given meaning to who I am. It’s like everything that happened before has helped me to see how our people felt under Father’s reign. They too were shunned, ignored, and made to feel unworthy of the god’s gifts. Now I can help them! I want to help them, An.”

My eyes filled with happy tears. As he looked back to me from his dream-filled reverie, he looked confused.

“I am sorry, husband, but the way you can look back at your suffering and find a meaning to it all, it’s beautiful.”

“I am sorry I have shut you in. I should have known better. I let fear control my actions. I will be mindful of that.”

“I understand why you did it. I… I cry because I have yet to find
my
purpose. Even if you had not kept me safe in here, the question would still be unanswered. I hope to find what you have.”

Tutankhaten pulled me close and wrapped me in a tight hug. I could tell his arms were longer and becoming muscled. His torso was also longer; I did not have to hunch down to rest my head on his shoulders.

His voice was like a gentle song in my ears. “I know you think of your daughter. One day, we will all be a family. Once Ay’s temper is sated, she will rejoin you. We will find a way, I promise.”

I pulled away and wiped my wet face with the sleeve of my dress. I imagined Meket’s voice in my head saying “so queen-like,” but no one else was around. I smiled. Even in death she still found a way to tease me.

“I am sorry,” I said to Tutankhaten. “I did not want to ruin your tunic before you hold court.”

“No one pays much attention to me, and I really don’t care. Besides, I’m Pharaoh, and I can look how I want. If I have makeup pressed against my shoulder, then I’ll just have to start a new fashion trend.”

I chuckled. “But they will pay attention. You will make them! Maybe you look as a child to them, but you are wise as any pharaoh should be. I would bet that there will never be a greater one after you!”

*****

The day was set. We would depart in two days for Akhenaten. As servants loaded our ships, Ay tied up the loose ends. So with no demands upon us, Horemheb fulfilled his promise. Our first hunting outing!

The air was crackling with an excitement you could feel. It was hard not to absorb some of the anticipation. Tutankhaten was almost jumping up and down as Horemheb prepared the skiff we would ride. We would hunt with bows this first time and perhaps throw sticks at a later date.

The port was already bustling, even though Ra’s boat had yet to rear its prow. I could hear all sorts of languages and strange sounds. It was hard to distinguish one conversation from the other with such all-encompassing and differentiated noises. I had heard these languages before, but my ear had become unfamiliar with them these past moons. I took in a deep breath and let life overtake my ka again. I could almost picture the Akhenaten quays in front of me as ships from all over the world came to visit the city when it was new.

Horemheb and other men from his regiment accompanied us. They too looked forward to a day of relaxation. Even Mutbenret came with Nakht-min despite her bursting belly, heavy with child. The carefree entourage put me at ease. Though I had longed for this freedom, I was still a little frightened of what awaited me outside my doors.

Hunting was a pastime for men and women of Kemet. Though no longer a necessity, even with the dwindling economy we found ourselves in, it was a favorite activity for our people. Hippos were among the most dangerous, so this would not be our task for today. We were hunting ducks. Nakht-min knew of a spot just north of the city where they liked to gather.

Mutbenret and I sat together at the back of the skiff as rowers pushed us gently along the river. We passed reeds, rushes, and papyrus flora. The papyrus plants were tall and sprayed out greenery from their tops like water blown out from a large splash. The shore was also dotted with blue and white lotus bushes. Their colors burst forth from between flat green leaves.

Moving farther from the city, I noted that emmer wheat plants overtook the land and were sprouting up tall and proud. Farmers, their skin dark and freckled, were busy beginning to harvest and cart them off to market. Other land workers were planting their seeds for next season, preparing for the inundation.

Tutankhaten sat near the front with the rest of the soldiers. He sat on a chair that folded up, so it could be taken with him whenever he went in case his foot became a bother. He was restringing his bow with the help of Horemheb as we traveled.

“He has changed greatly since our first voyage. I can almost feel the confidence from him,” Mutbenret said, breaking my thoughts apart.

“I was noticing that myself a few days ago,” I replied, my face flushing.

“Do not fear what you are feeling. You are very lucky! Many queens are forced to marry someone who spends more time with his harem than with his wife, or more often,
wives
.”

I sighed. “I should expect a harem soon, shouldn’t I?”

“All pharaohs have them. Do not take it personally. It is a way to produce sons and ensure a continued legacy. Of course, it’s not like they don’t enjoy it!”

She recited a rhyme. She always had a rhyme for any occasion.

“When in his bed our pharaoh is pleased;

He showers his blessings, all lands appeased
.

But if his bedroom finds discourse
,

his anger flows without remorse.”

She continued on with a sly smile, “There is also the rhyme,
If you wish prosperity, sons bring forth posterity
. I think either excuse works for pharaohs!”

A grimace quickly shadowed her expression, and she rested her hand on her belly.

“Is the baby due soon?”

“At the end of summer. Maybe even into the new year if he is stubborn like his father. He likes to kick at my ribs. I think he is already running out of space.”

“You sound so confident when you say that. He.”

“Oh yes. I have seen him in my dreams. I am certain he was speaking to me. So small yet so ready to connect with this world.”

Nakht-min came up behind us. He put his hands onto Mutbenret’s shoulders, and started to rub her muscles. She leaned back into him with a satisfied smile.

“Are you feeling all right?” He asked.

“Yes. Our boy is just testing his strength against my bones.”

Though Mutbenret said this in jest, Nakht-min’s face was pained. He kissed the top of her head, then looked over at me.

“My queen, Pharaoh was hoping you would help him with his arrows. We are almost at the tributary.”

I got up, my chest filling with warmth as I walked over to him. A smiled played at my lips.

I was wanted.

As I approached, Tutankhaten stood, removed the pillow on his chair, and handed it to me. He, too, was smiling.

The skiff began to turn to the east as I sat down on the pillow and scooted up next to his chair. Horemheb handed me the quiver of arrows.

“Did you want to try with the bow?” Tutankhaten asked me.

“Not today. Today, I will let you tame our lands, Mighty Pharaoh!”

He laughed at this and looked out eagerly ahead of us. He was putting a thumb guard on his right hand and a cloth over his forearm to protect himself from the string. Then he tested the string tension as other men took positions at our sides. Some men had bows and others held bronze-tipped spears to catch fish.

I noticed that the other men’s arrows had different colored feathers at their ends. So this was how they would know the amount of ducks Pharaoh felled. I had no doubt Tutankhaten had wanted it this way. He wanted to show off despite his inexperience. I knew he had practiced often with Horemheb and was ready to finally put his skills to use. I noticed my breath became shallow and quickened at the thought. I was nervous for his performance today. I let a quick prayer to Aten silently escape my heart for his success. Perhaps he was overconfident? I thought it a perfect quality in him. He would need it as the pressures of the crown grew. Perhaps I could use a little overconfidence myself.