The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (45 page)

Perhaps my husband’s age would become his strength. His imagination was still not weighed down as an adult’s would be… as mine had become. This would not last much longer, I knew, with a nation dependent upon him. For now, though, he still held his wonder. Things were just beginning, and his decisions had not yet come to fruition, good or bad, so he had not felt any recourse from them.

Still untethered, maybe his ka could fly high to the heavens and whisper in the ear of the gods. Then he would return and bring us peace. He would learn the secret words so the people would forget their anger and frustration. They would forget their suffering.

But how can the heart forget what the body feels? This was my ever-present question. Even my husband was suffering from his past. Soon enough, his eyes would shadow gray with age. The imagination and freedom would evaporate, and only reason would remain.

The people were still angry at Aten, but it was not His fault. It is ours. His servants had failed Him.

Bless us, Aten, as we are forced to completely abandon You. As I am now called Ankhesen
amun
. As my husband is now known as Tutankh
amun
.

*****

We arrived back at Waset in time for the Opet Festival. The celebration would last for 27 days and coincided with the annual river flooding. There were no crops to plow or plant, so citizens had much more free time during the Akhet season. It was a good celebration to return for. It was meant for re-confirming Pharaoh’s divine right to rule and at times was called the birthday celebration of the king’s ka. I could feel the pulsing excitement of the festival even when we were still several iteru away from the main port.

At the beginning of the festival, and what felt like just seconds after we stepped off of the boat, Tutankhamun and I gave offerings of incense and water to the gods Amun-Ra and Mut at their temples. We could see the progress made on the Great Temple as we visited. It was impressive how much had been built up since our last meeting with Wannefer. We did not have time to linger, and as we stepped into each god’s temple, we promised them a renewal of their cults. We had practiced these promises on the journey back from Akhenaten and said them word for word as we had been instructed.

Once this task was over, we could breathe a sigh of relief. We returned to the palace to recover from the long river travel and to await the Festival of Boats early the next morning. The priests had to prepare the gods for their voyage, so we had the rest of the day to ourselves. Tutankhamun was, of course, overwhelmed with more appearances and governing disputes. People had held onto their demands until his return. The palace moved in a flurry and was full to bursting. I had thought I would be a part of these exhibitions, but Ay quickly pulled me aside and said my presence would not be needed.

Feeling rather insulted and, to be honest with myself, childish, I decided to sulk in my room for a bit and blow off my anger. As I opened the doors, though, every harsh feeling I had melted away. I saw a familiar figure standing before me. Her smile was bright, and her eyes were soft.

I ran into her open arms.

“Tia! You are alive. I am so overjoyed to see you!” I said with tears already choking my throat.

She stroked my wig and held me close. “Amenemose has been very loyal to you. He helped me back here so I could await your return and surprise you. I hope you like surprises still.”

“I do!” With relief washing over me, I stepped away from her and undid the pins in my wig. “What about your family? Do you have enough provisions? A good house?”

“We are in a good neighborhood, yes. Many of your followers have gathered together in that area.”

I pulled out a couple more pins, loosening the wig on my head, and set them on my vanity. “What do you mean
my followers
?”

“Those who you have blessed, who you have shown your grace to. Many people adore you and only support your husband because of your marriage to him.”

The wig came loose from my head, and I set it aside. Its beads clattered together sharply. “I have simply done as any person would in my position.”

Tia came up and took my hands in hers. “You have always underestimated yourself, An. Now come with me, I must show you something else.”

She led me from my rooms using one hand to guide me forward. I brushed out my hair a little with my free hand. My hair had been piled loosely atop my head and fell down to my shoulders as it was finally unbound from its shell. My head felt much cooler now that it was open to the air. My hair was damp with sweat. Some women shaved their heads for their wigs, but I felt uncomfortable doing such a thing. For much of my youth I had longed for a thick head of hair. I did not want to shave it all away again.

I paid little attention to where she was leading me. My thoughts were busy thinking up things Tia and I would do together. This was truly beginning to feel like home. We came to a darker area beyond the throne rooms and the guest chambers. There was much noise here, hammering and sizzling. Smoke collected around my vision and brought tears to my eyes. As I got used to the dimness, I could see that we were in a labor area connected to the palace on one side with the temple connected on the other.

Tia weaved me through muscled workmen busy making statues and…

…and necklaces! There was jewelry of all kinds here. I knew what that meant. My breathing stopped.

Before me stood a man with his curly hair tied back and covered with a stripe of cloth. Strands of blonde still fell around his eyes and ears. His chest and arms were bare and filled out with thick muscle. A gilded belt fastened his kilt, which reached down to just above his knees. His feet were wrapped in leather sandals that had seen much use. With his hands, he was piecing together what looked like a shirt made from metal scales.

Tia coughed to get his attention. He looked up first at her and then brought his deep green eyes to mine.

“An,” he said. It had never sounded so beautiful a word before.

I wanted to rush into his arms and hold him close. I longed to be near him and kiss his lips, cheeks, forehead, everything about him. I wanted time away from everything else in this world.

“Amyntas,” I breathed.

Tia tilted her head over to an empty room. I could see it was some sort of storage room. She practically shoved us in there and stood guard at the entrance, closing the door most of the way shut.

Amyntas wrapped me up in his strong arms. My entire body tingled. My belly felt as if an exotic dancer was moving rapidly inside it. I hesitated in my bodily response but soon found myself responding to his touch, arms wrapping around him tightly.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

He stepped backwards, took my hands, and kissed them one at a time. “I’m here because I miss you. Also because the king needs a vest of armor, and Amenemose knows I’m the best metalsmith he has.”

“Pharaoh needs armor?” I shook my head. Armor for Tutankhamun, my husband… “No, you can’t be here.”

“And why not?” His eyes were heavy-lidded as he bent over and kissed me fiercely on the lips. I found my lips eagerly responding with a desire that was so great I could feel it spreading throughout my body. I hungered to stay with him forever, to leave the palace and run away so I could have uncountable more moments like this.

A bucket dropped. Its clatter echoed around us, and we quickly parted. I breathed heavy, my body burning and screaming for more. A passion was released in my heart. It was the source of the rhythm it beat to. It was a part of my very being.

I could still see the glinting armor through the crack between the door and the wall. It shimmered from the fires in the workshop. My heart seemed to stop the race it was losing at the reminder of my outside world. “No, you… you can’t be here.”

“An, I know that things haven’t, that I haven’t --”

“Thank you for the drawing you made, but it is not safe for her to remember me. Please, give my daughter everything that I cannot. That is all I need.”

I started out of the room, but he stepped in front of me. My eyes were at his collar bone. I did not want to raise them up into the depths of his, the green pools which I would happily drown in. I could see the sweat glistening off his tanned chest a finger’s width from my face. It rose and fell with his breath. He gently put his hands on the side of my arms as if I might break at his touch.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“That is not why I must leave.”

“Then why are you running from me?” He began to caress my skin. The hairs on my forearms prickled.

“I… I just got over you. I cannot say goodbye again.” I stopped the tears from flowing. I had to be strong if I was going to do this.

“Do you still care for me?”

I looked up and at last met his gaze. “I love you.”

He kissed me again, softly this time. His lips felt like a feather against mine.

I stepped back. “Please, you must leave me. I… I want to be with you, but that time has passed. When we met, I had no expectations on me. I never thought I would get caught up in ruling a kingdom. My heart was once free to give itself to you, but now I must take it back even if I regret doing so. You have a wife and a baby of your own. If you need compensation for caring for my child on top of that, I will give you whatever you ask in gold. But anything else --”

“An, stop. That is not what I want.”

“I cannot betray the expectations of my people. I must give Pharaoh a child. He deserves better than me, my desires being for someone else, for you, but it is all that he has right now. And Mara deserves better than a sister who steals her husband’s heart.”

“It has always been yours. You cannot steal that which you have always possessed.”

My lip trembled violently now. “Let me forget what we had. Remembering brings me too much pain. This is my fate now. If you need anything for your family, let Tia know. But please, I cannot be haunted by what could never have been in the first place! I cannot see you again.”

I met his gaze again, and there was fire in my eyes, a consuming fire ignited by rage at my fate, at where this life had thrust me. Had anyone ever asked me to be a wife, a queen? But my daggers were instead thrown carelessly at the man I knew I would always love. My life has lost its dreams.

He stepped aside, and let me leave. I did not look up again at his face. The hurt I had seen by my glance felt like a lifetime of heartaches. There was nothing I could do now. What was done was done. I had to step away.

I grabbed Tia’s hand and walked swiftly from the workshop.

“I cannot see him again, Tia. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, but it is misplaced in this regard.”

“Is everything okay, An?” She asked me.

“It’s Ankhesenamun now. I’m not a child anymore and so should no longer be called such.” I stopped and dropped her hand. “I appreciate your services. For now, I should prepare myself for the evening meal. Would you care to assist me?” My voice was crisp like bread left too long in the kiln.

Tia bowed before me. “I am here to serve you, Queen Ankhesenamun.”

“Good. And make sure the linens are cleaned and pleated tonight. I need to look my best tomorrow for the celebration.”

I spun around and clumsily ran into someone. I would have fallen backwards had Tia not been behind me to right my balance. I looked up with frustration momentarily blinding me.

Tutankhamun stood before me.

Sadness washed the fury from my eyes, sadness of what my heart felt and where I had just been. Here stood my faithful husband.

I blurted out, “I am so sorry!”

He laughed. “Are you all right? You look as if you have been out in the sun for too long.”

I did feel suddenly too hot. As I fanned out my dress, I felt like a conspirator, like an evil thing that was betraying him. I was worse than the Hittites who murdered our people and stole our lands. I was repulsed and felt sour bile rise up my throat like a snake slithering up my neck. All I could do was shake my head no.

He reached over and tucked behind my ear a stray hair which had fallen in my face. “Get some rest,
Meret
. Tomorrow is a big day. I promise I will make it a good one for you.”

I looked up into his eyes. Tutankhamun smiled at me with ease. He had called me his
meret
. The goddess Meret was the sole wife of Hapy, the god of the Nile. People associated her with rejoicing. She was the recipient of the bounty from the inundation of the Nile. He had called me, with one word, the sole receiver of his gifts and that which he rejoiced in. I was his one and only
beloved
.

“I promise to make you happy.”

His expression wrinkled slightly in confusion at my words. “You already do, every moment of every day. Why would you say such a thing?”

I was nothing more than dust that dried out the mouth and choked the lungs. I made harsh everything soft that existed around me. “I have been distant from you since we married. I just wanted you to know that my heart is now where it belongs.”

He blinked quickly. He then leaned over, close to me, close to a kiss. I closed my eyes. I could feel his breath against my lips…

“Your majesty?”

Frozen in midair, we opened our eyes and looked at each other. We knew that voice. Ay stood across the courtyard beckoning for Tutankhamun’s attention.

Tutankhamun stood upright and cupped my cheek with his right hand. “Don’t say such silly things, Meret. I will see you at dinner?”

I nodded my head, and watched him leave.

I felt like a snake, so low a creature that it had to drag its belly across the mud and the dirt. So evil that anything I kissed was poisoned.

And yet somehow, someone as beautiful as he loved me.

*****

The next morning, our boat traveled alongside a godly procession. Around us, the god images of Amun, Mut, and Khonsu were veiled and towed by barques along the shoreline of Waset. The waeb priests manned the sails and directed the boats along the coast. Tutankhamun and I stood at the prow of our boat holding hands. His touch helped me forget my feelings from the day before.