The Girls Who Went Away (53 page)

giving baby up for,
see
relinquishment

increasing occurrence of, 8, 183

letters to author about, 288–93, 299–300

as only option, 9–11, 81, 97, 103, 143, 153, 160, 161, 190, 274, 281

open, 189, 249–50, 317

race and, 62–63, 108, 110

signing papers for, 22–23, 82, 170–71, 179, 181, 186–87, 192–93, 199–200, 282, 300, 304, 315

by single mothers, 117–18, 189

as social solution, 148–50, 183, 185, 205, 208

state laws regarding, 53, 248–49, 258, 315–16

today, 188–89

adoption agency:

false papers filed with, 129–30

false statements made by, 151, 154, 182–83, 185–86, 187, 325

information kept secret by, 194

and medical issues, 223, 259–60, 317

reunions facilitated by, 249–50

social workers in,
see
social workers

Adoption Jigsaw, 293

adoptive fathers, absent, 125, 182

adoptive mothers:

alcohol use by, 124, 125

honor to, 132

protection of, 63

unable to bear children, 1–2, 118, 154

adoptive parents:

bonding with their babies, 179

divorces of, 151, 152, 182

false statements made about, 151, 154, 182–83, 187, 325

financial situations of, 152

marriage as qualifying factor of, 151–52, 163

openness of, 4, 189, 292

African Americans, 107–10, 116–17

American Adoption Congress (AAC), 248

anger, 121, 131, 208, 209, 211, 214, 240–41, 269, 277–78, 285, 306, 310

Ann, 106–7, 152, 180–81, 188, 207, 219

Annie, 24–27, 112–13

Australia, adoption issues in, 293–94

authority, respect for, 25, 78, 161, 209

babies:

biracial, 62–63, 110

bonding with, 20–21, 143, 159, 176–77, 179–80, 199, 230, 258, 263–64

expenses of, 22–23, 87, 91–92, 136–38, 150, 160, 187, 192, 274

loss of, 13, 53, 208, 309, 310

as miniature persons, 153

mothers not to see, 176–77, 191, 192, 194, 282

mothers unable to be near, 215, 217

as only child of their mothers, 217–18, 242–43, 263, 303–4

in purgatory, 17

rejection of, 91, 121, 124, 210

saying good-bye to, 21, 61, 92, 160, 170–71, 178–79, 239–40

seeing, 20–21, 50, 61, 89, 170, 176–77, 179, 180, 192, 199, 229–30, 274, 304, 314

as taken away, 12, 132, 178, 187, 191–92, 219, 236, 290, 304–5, 308

trying to replace, 193, 195, 215, 216, 232, 236

unwanted, 10–11, 183, 185, 291

wanting to keep, 69, 86, 91, 147, 148–49, 185–86, 192, 280, 290

baby’s birth:

depression following, 20, 21, 131, 153, 200, 202, 209, 210, 211, 283, 305

different life after, 50, 52, 153, 171, 200, 202, 207–45, 305

mothers unprepared for, 121, 158, 175–76, 180, 181, 229, 239

procedures, 19, 49–50, 60–61, 88–89, 158–59, 169–70, 175–76, 191, 199, 229, 282

Baird, William, 43

Barbara, 30–31, 44, 74, 76–77, 221, 247

Barrett, Robert, 148–49

Bastard Nation, 249

bastards, 11, 87, 191, 198, 314

Bea (scholarship), 145–46, 153

Becky, 37–38

betrayal, 242–44, 268

Bette, 44–45

birth certificates, 4, 248–49, 258

birth control:

abstinence, 37, 38, 44–45

access to, 7–8, 29, 40–43

doctor’s visit required for, 41–42

ignorance about, 24, 29, 37, 42, 43–45, 55, 296

as illegal, 40–41, 43

information handed down to next generation, 40

and moral judgments, 40–42

rhythm method, 44, 45

and sex education, 296–97, 317

withdrawal, 44

birth control pill, 41, 43, 203

birth mothers,
see
mothers

Bonnie, 71, 213, 252

Buxton, C. Lee, 43

Cambell, Lee, 225

Carol I, 10, 36, 113–14, 185–86

Carol II, 33–34

Carole I, 29, 136, 141–42

Carole II, 10, 108–9, 220, 223–24, 297–98

Carolyn I, 38–39, 176, 212, 261–63

cars, parking in, 30–31, 197

Catholic Charities, 63, 134, 137–38, 194–95, 234–35, 253

Catholic Church:

abstinence preached by, 44–45

adoptive family in, 17, 59

flexible rules in, 190

homes for unwed mothers run by, 47, 58–60

priests’ advice, 16–17, 69–70, 97, 134

sex not talked about in, 122

Catholic Social Services, 86, 94

Catholic Welfare, 265

Cathy I, 69

Cathy II, 10, 42–43, 74, 118, 209, 250, 266–67

Charlenea, 178, 264–65

Christine, 117–18, 151, 175, 218–19, 269–70

Claudia, 54–66

communism, fear of, 111, 122–23

Comstock, Anthony, 40–41, 43

Comstock Law, 40–41

Concerned United Birthparents, 193–94, 204–5, 225

conformity, social pressure of, 9–11, 102, 104–7, 111, 112, 123–24, 148, 197, 211

Connie I, 187

Connie III, 75, 177, 208–9, 222

contraceptives,
see
birth control

counseling:

to deal with decision, 97, 153, 223, 235–36, 296

to deal with emotions, 96–97, 177, 181, 193, 203, 204, 222–24, 292

to deal with family issues, 128–29, 131

to deal with grief and loss, 52, 83, 141, 235–36, 283, 309, 316

to deal with nightmares, 222

unavailable to mothers, 9, 152, 158, 175, 181, 236, 239

Crittenton League,
see
Florence Crittenton system

date rape, 33–34, 107, 115, 237–38

Deborah, 101, 140, 219–20, 251–52

denial, 34, 36, 37, 43, 48, 56, 91

Diane I, 69–70

Diane II, 103–4, 181–82, 215

Diane IV, 9, 12–13, 34–35, 210, 225–26

divorce, social stigma of, 112, 113

DNA testing, 77

Dorothy II, 14–23

double standard, 8–9, 19, 34, 36, 37, 45, 74–75, 76, 77, 168, 297, 314

Edith, 103

Education Amendments Act (1972), 72

Eisenstadt v. Baird,
43

Eleanor, 5–6, 319–28

Empty Arms, 225

extended families, 109, 110

“fallen women,” 133–34

fathers:

abuse by, 71, 109

adoption arrangements made by, 127–28

as already married, 313

blame not assigned to, 9, 34, 36, 45, 74–75, 76, 168, 297, 314

denial by, 56, 77

emotional consequences for, 75, 257, 303

as first love, 164, 199, 279

and medical issues, 259–60, 317

no subsequent contact with, 59

not interested in reunion, 285

not ready for marriage, 68–70, 85–86, 120

not using condoms, 15, 24, 37, 38, 42, 44, 45

other pregnancies caused by, 76–77, 273

paying part of costs, 136, 137

reunion with, 65–66, 200, 255–56, 307

spreading stories, 80

supportive, 305

visits not allowed with, 140

walking away, 25, 68, 97, 229, 290

wanting to marry, 185, 197, 200, 303

wife and family of, 65–66

fathers of baby’s mother:

decisions made by, 86, 190, 280–81

and getting a job, 90, 92, 93

regrets of, 317

supportive, 60, 86, 104, 156

feeblemindedness, 144, 147

Fessler, Ann, 1–6, 319–28

Fisher, Florence, 225, 251

Florence Crittenton system, 144–47

changing philosophy of, 133–34, 147, 148–49

counseling offered by, 141

maternity homes of, 108, 134, 136, 138–39, 141, 150, 167–69, 273, 325

redemption offered by, 133–34

and reunion, 264

scholarships available from, 145–47

Ford, Henry, 30

foster homes, 108–9, 110, 178, 182, 185, 304

friendship rings, 45

Glory, 11, 12, 67, 114–15, 176, 212, 220, 263–64

grandparents, 135, 198, 202

grief:

burden of, 153–54, 179, 187, 207–8, 209, 211, 283, 285, 292, 309

counseling to deal with, 52, 83, 141, 235–36, 283, 309, 316

mother urged to bury feelings of, 13, 180, 187, 207–8, 226–27

reawakened by reunion, 263, 269, 316

unacknowledged by society, 180, 226, 293

unresolved, 209, 263, 309

Griswold v. Connecticut,
43

guilt, 12, 162–63, 209, 211, 243, 293

Hazel, 320

healing:

counseling and, 283

in reconciliation with their own mothers, 236, 294

in reunions, 66, 163, 247, 252, 269, 278, 317

and society, 163

husband:

abusive, 161

as adoptee, 109

choosing, 52, 88, 215, 231, 236, 315

and divorce, 214, 309, 315

as drinker, 214–15

not told about child, 26, 27, 94, 214, 267

and subsequent children, 193, 203–4, 232

supportive, 27, 50–51, 97, 172, 193, 205, 211, 241, 253–54

trying to love, 231–32

and waning interest, 263–64

and wife’s child, 95, 233, 252, 253–54, 278, 284, 295

illegitimacy, stigma of, 148, 183

International Soundex Reunion Registry, 235, 251, 260

Internet:

communication via, 225, 226

reunion Web sites on, 249

IUD (intrauterine device), 41

Jeanette, 120–26

Jennifer, 279–85

Jill, 141, 287

Joyce I, 11–12, 36, 38, 133, 291

Joyce II, 115, 290–91, 294–95

Judith I, 149–50

Judith III, 44, 270–72

Karen I, 140, 155–63

Karen II, 180, 213–14, 218, 253–55

Kathi, 45–46, 134–35, 176–77, 208, 218, 267–68

Laurinda, 8, 75

Leslie, 77, 197–205, 296

Levitt, William, 107

Life
magazine, 183–85

Linda I, 312–18

Linda III, 73

listening, 299

loose women, 10, 111, 148

loss, sense of, 83, 96, 268, 306

Lydia, 78, 302–11

Lynd, Robert and Helen, 30

Lynne, 68, 138, 152, 153–54

Madeline, 237–45

Maggie, 42, 187, 226–27

Margaret, 72, 190–96

Marge, 79–84

marriage:

and contraception, 43

and divorce, 8, 26–27, 68, 113, 161

happiness dependent on, 111, 150

intention of, 24–25, 45–46, 75, 85, 127, 164–65, 197, 228–29, 280

and legitimate babies, 67–68

and motherhood, 11, 106, 151, 153, 170, 175

and premature births, 67

promises of, 32–35

statistics of, 67, 105–6

Mary I, 135, 153, 265–66

Mary III, 102, 261

maternity homes, 133–54

babies staying in, 143, 159, 177–78, 199

being sent away to, 80–82, 103, 138–40, 142, 157–60, 167–69, 197–98, 302–3, 314

change in philosophy in, 143–50

classes offered in, 139, 157, 273

contact with outside world, 140, 168–69

costs of, 87, 91, 136–37, 160, 192, 274

counseling available in, 141, 153

counseling unavailable in, 9, 152, 158, 175, 181, 236

disapproving staff in, 58–60, 118

false names used in, 139, 157

friendships in, 19, 81, 141, 142

history of, 133–34, 142–43, 144–45

locked doors of, 140

meals in, 169

as only option, 11–12, 25–26, 49, 153, 190

as positive experience, 141, 169, 190, 273

as punishment, 153, 162

racial segregation in, 108

redemption as goal of, 133–34, 143

running away to, 17–18

scholarships available from, 145–47

as traumatic experience, 142

volunteer staff in, 169

Maureen II, 39–40, 41–42, 68, 214–15, 296–97

media:

building social acceptance of adoption, 183–85

family images in, 115–16

stories of love and romance in, 30, 31

motherhood, and marriage, 11, 106, 151, 153, 170, 175

mothers:

adoptive,
see
adoptive mothers

alcohol and drug use of, 23, 83, 200–201, 213, 223

allowed to keep babies, 116

blame placed on, 9, 11, 19, 23, 34, 40, 74–75, 77, 97, 163

brainwashed, 149–51, 198, 303

decisions made by, 141, 150–51, 153

decisions taken from, 127–28, 153, 167, 186, 190, 280–82, 302–3

deemed unfit, 148, 149, 151, 170, 179–80, 188, 195, 205, 299

delinquent behaviors of, 144, 147, 240, 275, 285

denial by, 91, 123–24, 154, 210, 238, 270, 282

education of, 62, 109, 116–17, 139, 145–47, 192, 305

emotions buried by, 23, 61, 81, 83, 103, 128, 132, 153, 154, 169, 180, 186, 187, 188, 203, 211, 218, 219–20, 269, 270–71, 285, 305–6, 315

entering helping professions, 193, 195, 199, 205, 297–98, 306–7, 317

and finances, 22–23, 78, 87, 127, 137, 150–51, 153, 158, 160, 192, 314

hidden by family, 72, 74, 134, 135, 152, 303

honor to, 132

loaded language about, 310

medical issues of, 130, 131, 223–25, 233, 234, 259–60, 315

mentoring for, 310–11

in the military, 312–14

myths about, 10–11, 97, 183–85, 287

neurotic label applied to, 147–49

nightmares of, 163, 221–22, 234, 272, 292

not ready for marriage, 15–18, 70–71, 197, 273

overachievers, 220–21, 274

overprotective, 218–19, 232

poor choices of men by, 215–16

reputation of, 10, 134, 238

reunited with their children,
see
reunion

single, 17–18, 189;
see also
unwed mothers

social stigma of, 72, 144–50, 158

subsequent children of, 95, 96, 125, 128–29, 163, 172, 193, 203–4, 213, 214, 218–19, 232, 233–34, 252, 255, 264

talking about the experience, 194, 203, 225–27, 247, 253–56, 262, 263, 267, 278, 301

urged to move on and forget, 9, 12–13, 83, 89, 133, 153, 154, 158, 172, 187, 200, 226–27, 230, 263, 281, 285

vulnerability of, 150, 162–63, 170, 190, 192, 236, 297, 298, 299, 302

mothers of baby’s father, 15, 17, 87, 128, 129–30, 131

mothers of baby’s mother:

abusive, 91, 98, 303

aging, 66, 98, 196, 241, 252, 294–95

anger and betrayal expressed by, 104, 107, 166, 240