The Good Enough Husband (19 page)

Pausing outside the heavy double doors, Ben took a deep breath. He was doing the right thing. He was doing the right thing. He’d vowed never to come back to this place. The last time he’d been here, those many years ago, he’d been with Samara. She’d refused to get a ring anywhere else. And she’d refused to let him shop alone. They’d sat in a small private room looking at settings and stones for damn near three hours—until his ex had been sati
sfied. That one visit had set him back a pretty penny. Clearing the memory from his head, he had to remember Hannah was different. It was all different this time even though he was in the same place. But he wasn’t a jewelry expert, and he couldn’t think of another place to go.

At least this would be the last time he had to come here. R
esigned, he pulled one of the heavy pewter colored doors open and allowed the vacuum of warm air to suck him in. The store was preternaturally quiet. There must be some noise-canceling device that muted all sounds inside the rarified walls. He hadn’t walked two feet before a soft-spoken woman appeared at his side.

“I’m Elsa,” she said in an unspecific foreign accent, holding out her hand in greeting. “How can I help you?”

Elsa was a small woman, with graying hair that looked as if it had once been jet black, scraped back into a bun. Her gray cashmere wrap sweater was accentuated with a silver brooch. Her other jewelry was very simple. The only incongruity was the coiled elastic bracelet and key dangling around her wrist. Everything was locked up in a place like this. He looked down at his own fraying jeans and worn boots and felt underdressed. Working with animals was hell on a wardrobe.

Time to get this over with. He wished Hannah could be here with him. But then there would be no surprise. “I’m looking for an engagement ring,” he said matter-of-factly.

She led him to a quiet corner, and two maroon upholstered chairs. “When are you going to pop the question?”

“Wednesday or Thursday.” He’d made up his mind on his way to San Francisco.

“A holiday proposal with family and friends?” Elsa said smiling indulgently.

He nodded. Ben wanted Hannah to know that he was no c
oward. Trusting was hard for him, but when he invited someone into his inner circle, he was committed. He was ready to take the next step if she was, and Ben wanted the world to know it too. They’d spend the weekend in Davis for his parents’ regular holiday shindig and he’d do it there. Maybe they could be married by Christmas. He didn’t want any child of his coming into the world with parents who weren’t one hundred percent committed to each other. He felt a sureness, a rightness this time that he hadn’t felt before. Ben chalked it up to age. Deep down in his bones he knew that this was the right time with the right person.

“Yes, but I don’t live close by, so I can’t wait for a custom ring. I’d like to know what you have available right now.”

Elsa, probably sensing a guaranteed sale, asked a few questions and retrieved a few rings from a velvet tray behind lock and key.

Despite all the bling, he thought a simple ring would suit Ha
nnah best. After looking through the four or five standard ring settings, he picked something Elsa described as an open curve diamond band, with a one and a half carat square cut solitaire. He held the small ring in the palm of his large hand. It looked and felt right. He was as sure of the ring as he was of his decision.

Ben paid for the ring, glad that it didn’t cost as much as his car, and got the fancy wrapping. Pocketing the blue and white box in his large jacket, he left the store with a spring in his step. The damp fog had burned off, revealing warming rays of sunlight. His mood matched the weather. Looking at his watch, he hadn’t re
alized he’d been shopping for so long. Maybe it was set up like a casino on purpose so people didn’t know how much they were spending.

If he walked briskly, Ben would make it to Dottie’s at Market and Sixth in time for his lunch appointment with some old friends. He felt a sudden pang. Ben missed more aspects of his old life than he had realized. When he’d cut Samara out of his life, he’d left it all behind, Marin, San Francisco, and many of the friends he’d made over the years. A lot of his college friends, and even some people he’d met later had stayed in the Bay Area, but he’d dropped out of his social life there. Two hundred and fifty miles made friendships impossible, and he’d wanted it that way in the begi
nning. Until Cody had brought Hannah into his life, he hadn’t realized that he might not be destined for a life on Walden Pond.

With a new lease on life, he took a seat at one of the small wooden tables in Dottie’s Diner. Ben marveled at how many people they could crowd into a small space. The restaurants in Shelter Cove had nothing but space. The neighboring diners were never close enough to touch.

Thinking about his clothes for the second time today, he felt like Davy Crockett. All he was missing was the beaver hat. Maybe it was time to fill up some space in that closet. He quickly dismissed his thoughts. Hannah liked him fine the way he was. And he liked the new, less self-conscious him as well. Thank goodness, it wasn’t too long before Colette and Hugh came in, the self-reflection was killing his buzz.

“Ben,” they both said at the same time. He couldn’t believe how glad he was to see them. The strong hugs he gave them were genuine. Colette and Hugh were ‘partners.’ They’d been together since college, had a house, and kid and all that, but refused to ma
rry until their gay friends could as well in every state.

“It’s great to see you guys,” Ben said, his heart feeling sudde
nly expansive. Maybe he’d been too far away and alone for too long. His heart beat like the Grinch’s on Christmas day.

“We thought you’d fallen into a hole down there.”

“Long hibernation.”

“You were cryptic on the phone. What brings you out of your cave?” Colette asked.

Ben pulled the small box from his pocket and set it on the table. Colette gasped.

“Ben Cooper, are you getting married?” Hugh asked.

“Aren’t you the dark horse?” Colette said. “Who is she? Do we know her? How did you meet anyone down there? From your e-mail it seemed like a lot of coyotes, bears, and the regular dogs and cats, with a few horses thrown in.”

Ben gave them an overview of his and Hannah’s meeting.

“I never thought you’d do this again,” Colette said. Never one to mince words, she continued. “She’s engaged too, you know. It was kind of sudden.”

His curiosity got the best of him. “To the same guy?”

Colette’s leg jerked under the table. Ben was sure Hugh had nudged it with his own. Colette looked down, her face contrite.

“I shouldn’t have said anything. Let’s hear more about Ha
nnah.”

“Guys,” Ben said. “I’m a big boy. I know my wife cheated on me. It’s why I left. I’m not keeping a torch alive for her. Tell me how she’s doing.”

“She dumped the guy she left you for when she met Tim. He’s a Silicon Valley entrepreneur. His company made those little video cameras that were so popular a couple of years ago. He sold to some huge corporation.”

“So she landed her billionaire,” Ben said, sounding more bitter than he meant to. He pocketed Hannah’s ring when the food came to the table. Colette had a lentil burger. Ben looked down at his plate and saw a lot more micro greens than had a right to exist. Maybe he didn’t miss the Bay Area quite so much.

“I think it was only half a billion,” Colette said, after thoughtfully chewing her so-called burger. “We got an invite to their wedding coming up in January. I think they’re going to tie the knot at a vineyard in the South of France.”

“You’re going?” It wasn’t that he was looking for loyalty. They were all adults. Colette and Hugh could have other friends. Even if their friends included his cheating ex. After all, he was hundreds of miles away and never saw them.

She shrugged. “It’s the South of France,” she enunciated each word. Colette and Hugh fed the homeless and rescued dogs. He couldn’t see them sipping champagne in France. “They’ve chartered a jet for the guests.” A jet. A goddamned jet. Ben shook his head in disbelief. How could he have thought he and Samara could ever have been compatible? A small town vet could never compete with dot com half-billionaire.

Hugh pushed the condiments toward Colette. “So tell us about Hannah.”

And he did. Every sentence that left his mouth erased the sting of Samara’s betrayal. He wasn’t jealous so much as regretful. Ben wished he could have met and married Hannah years ago, never tasting the bitterness of deception.

“So, I guess it’s worked out for both of you,” Hugh said. “You and Samara have met the right people. We couldn’t be happier for both of you.”

Ben relaxed his face. He couldn’t begrudge Colette and Hugh this trip. Hell, if he wasn’t divorced from Samara, he’d probably want to go too. He hadn’t been to Europe in years.

***

Hannah couldn’t stop moving. She alternatively fiddled with her earrings, her headband, her remaining rings, her phone. Ben must have noticed because he turned to her with a question in his eyes.

She stilled under his gaze. “Have you spoken to your parents since we left that morning after Logan’s party?”

“It’ll be fine,” Ben said blithely.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“I’ve smoothed things out with Mom and Dad. We’ve agreed to disagree right now. It’ll be the family for Thanksgiving.” His emphasis on the word, ‘family’ did not go unnoticed.

“Did Marty usually come?”

“No. Marty has never been a part of our family celebrations. Marty goes wherever Marty goes. Abbe said he’s spending Thanksgiving with Hallie’s family down in Riverside County,” Ben said with some finality.

Well, that was at least one less confrontation she’d have to face. They pulled up to the Coopers’ house. It was the first time she’d seen the all white, two-story, gabled-roof affair in daylight. Imposing was the word for the New England style house that ou
tshone the millions of post World War II tract homes she’d seen during the endless Realtor caravans she’d attended.

Elaine’s greeting seemed a little standoffish when she pulled open the door. She embraced Hannah in an awkward hug. Hugging little old ladies was probably the only time Hannah hated being tall. She felt like a giantess who could pick up Ben’s mom with one arm.

“What year is this house?”

Elaine stepped back from the hug. “It was built in 1887—one of the oldest in the city. There’s quite the history behind it. I can
show you some stuff we collected in the study—later. Why don’t you come in and sit down? You must be tired.”

“We’ve been sitting for hours. Can I take a look around ou
tside?” There must have been an acre of land around the house. That was huge in California real estate. Most of the buyers she’d sold to considered a five thousand square foot lot generous.

“Not at all,” Elaine said. “Why don’t I join you?” Ben’s mom got a jacket from a peg by the front door and slipped into rugged looking loafers. Ben smiled, and took their bags inside.

They walked for a while, Elaine pointing out little historical facts about the property and Davis. But something about the interaction felt stilted.

“Have I offended you?” Hannah asked. She’d turned over a new leaf and wanted everything to be out in the open going fo
rward. Never again did she want to face the awkwardness she’d had with the Keeslings.

“Oh, dear no. I’m sorry.” Elaine turned to Hannah and grabbed her hands, her genuine warmth coming through with her touch. The hug this time was real. “Ben spilled the beans. Congratul
ations! We’re so happy. It’ll be lovely to welcome another grandchild into this family.”

Hannah didn’t know what to say. She and Ben hadn’t agreed to silence. Of course, she’d shared it with her mother because that’s what women did. But they hadn’t talked about the three-month rule that so many of her friends abided.

“Thank you, I guess. We didn’t…” It was awkward being thirty-seven and having to explain an unplanned pregnancy. It was like there was a neon sign on her head:
we didn’t use a condom
.

“Oh, honey. I’ve been around a Manhattan block a time or two. I know that you and Ben weren’t planning this. But you’re both mature adults and happy about it. Am I right?”

Hannah nodded.

“Then we’re happy for you. You know, Walter and I have learned a lot in the last forty years or so.” Elaine paused for so long, Hannah started to consider Elaine’s age and senility. Then she spoke, her voice full of quiet regret. “Marty was an unwanted baby.” At Hannah’s expression, Elaine softened. “I’m sure his mom loved him. But when she got pregnant, there was a lot of stress. Walter didn’t want that child to be born either. It very much upset his carefully ordered world. And as you can imagine, I was quite resentful for years. But I sorely regret how we all handled it.

“Marty was blameless. If Minnie was determined to have him, we should have all done what we could to make him feel welcome from the beginning. Children are not responsible for the circumstances of their birth. But the adults around him or her are very much responsible for how they treat that child.”

Hannah tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. Elaine was so right. She’d been a surprise to her parents, and while she knew they loved her, Hannah had often felt like she had put their lives on hold, held back their respective careers, and ended their marriage. If her mom could have continued to tour with her dad… Even if she’d had a baby with Michael, she may have somehow projected that on her child—her sacrificing the city for Orange County, gi
ving up her artistic career, choosing a safe marriage. Hannah vowed right then to make sure the baby she was carrying always felt wanted and loved, no matter what.