The Good Enough Husband (20 page)

“You’ve been quiet,” Elaine said as they passed a wooded se
ction of the property and what looked like a dilapidated paddock gate. Through some young trees, Hannah saw an old barn.

“Did you ever keep horses here?”

“No, never. The previous owners were descendants of the original builder. He was some kind of horse nut. There were a lot of horse properties back then, before it all got developed and subdivided. Walter and I always talked about turning that barn into something; a playhouse for the kids, a library for him. We never got to it.

“If it were up to Walter, he’d tear it down. But I so love the hi
story of it. You know what it’s like coming here from New York. We grew up in an area steeped in history with the old carriage houses in Manhattan, brownstones in Brooklyn. California developers would plow everything down if given half a chance. I like to think of it as my stand against the constant Western spirit of ‘new, new, new.’”

They walked and talked for a half hour more. Hannah’s st
omach growled, giving her hunger away. She didn’t want to end her bonding time with Elaine. It looked like her child was going to be blessed with wonderful grandparents.

“Sorry,” she said, putting a hand over her stomach.

“Nothing to be sorry about. I was always starving when I was pregnant. Let’s get you a snack. Dinner won’t be ready for a couple of hours yet.”

Hannah genuinely liked Ben’s parents. It had been awkward at first, with them showing up at the house on Sea Court. But she was glad they were going to be her baby’s grandparents. After all the
years of awkward in-law dinners and worry about the future, she finally felt content. As soon as Michael consented to the divorce, all would be okay.

***

Abbe and her family arrived as dusk was falling, and the Coopers prepared to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. She was glad they came early. Despite the snack Elaine had made for her, she was starving. The family gathered in the large dining room, and Hannah, not wanting to intrude, stayed back from the festivities. Abbe’s six-year-old son got the lit Shamash candle from Walter, and lit the one candle on the right of the menorah. He was very proud of himself for having done such a ‘big boy’ task. After the prayers were said, they sang a few songs, then Elaine and Abbe went to the kitchen to get dinner.

“You okay?” Ben asked. He sat next to her at the ornately carved dining room table.

“I’m fine,” Hannah said, smiling. “A little hungry.”

“Then you’re in the right place. Mom doesn’t cook that often anymore, but she still goes all out for the holidays. It’s got to be hard on her this year with the first night of Hanukkah back to back with Thanksgiving. But she wouldn’t hear of skipping either. Thinks it’s important for the kids to have traditions.”

Elaine didn’t disappoint. She brought out platters filled with latkes, brisket, and kasha varnishkes. It reminded her so much of New York. She’d grown up having these dishes at her friends’ houses, but it had been a long time. Hannah wasn’t shy about eating and helped herself to a satisfying helping of each dish, topping her latkes with both sour cream and applesauce.

After dinner, she watched Abbe, Ben and the kids start the dreidel game.

“Hannah, you can’t sit there. You have to join us!” Abbe beckoned her over.

She pulled her tired body from the hard little couch in the fam
ily room and got down on the floor with the kids. It had been years since Hannah had done this, so Abbe’s husband, Isaiah explained the rules and they were off. Abbe crowed when she won the gelt, and Hannah had to laugh despite her heavy heart, thoughts of extracting herself from Michael weighing her down. Abbe was like Ben in so many ways, but different, more outgoing, louder, bawdier, but genuinely nice. The Coopers were a family she could grow to love.

When Isaiah ushered the kids off for a potty break, Abbe held nothing back.

“I guess there’s not much to do up in Shelter Cove,” she said.

“Abbe—″ Ben’s voice held a warning.

“What? She’s pregnant. It’s not like it’s a secret that you’ve been doing the deed up there.”

“It’s a lovely town,” Hannah put in diplomatically. “The beaches are scenic, and Cody has enjoyed the trails through the redwoods.”

Abbe leaned against Ben. For a moment, Hannah imagined them as children sharing this same closeness. “I can’t imagine you being a father, Benji. I remember when you couldn’t even put your shoes on the right foot. And remember that girl you went to prom with in high school? You were so nervous about your first time. Didn’t I end up buying condoms for you?”

Ben colored. It was the first time she’d seen him blush. Walter hid a smile. “Abbe, that’s enough. I hear your children clomping down the hall now,” Ben’s father said. With the children settled on the floor, Walter said, “Now let’s get this game going. I’m going to beat the pants off the two of you. I have years of experience at spinning.”

She didn’t win a thing, but it was the most fun she’d had in a long time.

***

Hannah was coming out of the powder room, when Ben pushed her cardigan into her hands. “What?”

“Come with me,” he said, urging her out the back door.

“What about your parents? Should we tell them…”

“They’ll figure it out. C’mon.”

Silently, she followed him across the lawn, past the paddock and toward the old barn. “What’s in there?” she asked, shrinking back, imagining all sorts of creepy crawlies.

“You’ll see.”

Ben pushed open the door, she stepped in hesitantly, entering another world. Fairy lights twinkled, illuminating a small loft area in the barn.

“Can I go up?”

“Of course.”

Carefully, she climbed the narrow wooden ladder and hoisted herself up to the loft. There was nothing more than a futon mattress covered by a soft wool blanket, and the lights. So simple. So pe
rfect. Ben came up right behind her and settled himself next to her on the cushion.

“When did you do all this?” she asked, gesturing to the lights.

Ben laughed. “I didn’t. Abbe set this up years ago for smoke outs. When you and Mom were walking, I wondered if it was all still here. I brought out the sheets and blankets from the linen cabinet, plugged in the lights, and the heater. It was a miracle they both worked.”

Hannah leaned back against the rough wood wall, her feet and legs toasty from the blast of heat from the small metal box. Ben disappeared for a minute and moved stuff around in a far corner of the loft. He brought back two pillows, from the old couch she’d seen downstairs.

“Thanks.”

“Things will probably be crazy this weekend and I wanted to spend some time alone with you.”

If her heart could melt, it would be a puddle on the floor. She grabbed his hand in hers and leaned over to kiss him.

“I didn’t come here to seduce you,” he said, putting a hand in the middle her chest. She raised her eyebrows. “Okay, not quite yet. I…After Samara, I didn’t think I’d ever trust anyone again, let alone trust myself. I don’t know what your divorce was like, but mine was shit. Samara wanted to spend hours divvying up the stuff, and I wanted out.”

“Your lawyer must have loved that.”

Ben grimaced. “Probably cost me more, but I let him handle all the pots and pans.” His look sobered. “After today, I don’t want to talk about it ever again, but I need to get this out.

“It was hell being cheated on. It was a blow in so many ways. To find out someone you trusted, up and had sex with someone else—then lied about it.” He shook his head, his eyes closing at bad memories. “It’s taken me some time to trust my judgment.” He reached and fingered the hair that had fallen in her face, pushing it back. “I know we haven’t known each other forever, and this little one,” he placed a hand on her abdomen, “has made things a little more urgent. But I want you to know that I love you, and him or her.” He paused again. For a moment, Hannah thought he was going to propose. Instead he said something so Californian, she had to laugh. “I think it’s going to be a great ride.”

Great ride was not “let’s get married.” Hannah didn’t know if she was relieved or not that there was no ring forthcoming. A thought slammed into her head like a sudden migraine. She should tell him about Michael. It was now or never. If he found out, she didn’t know what would happen. But he couldn’t find out. She’d fly down, make Michael see sense, and get back to Ben. Not every secret in a relationship was meant to be shared.

“You’re quiet. Sometimes you seem so far away,” he said, his large hand wiggling her leg.

“I’m here. Thinking about what you said.”

Then he kissed her. All talk, all worry, everything but Ben vanished. Where she expected fierce passion, she got gentle lovemaking. His kisses were soft, his touch delicate.

“Ben, I might be pregnant. But I’m not going to break. I pro
mise.”

She was pretty sure he’d heard her, but his approach didn’t change. He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead, her ears. She shivered when his tongue traced the whorls of her ear, and licked at the pearl studs she wore. She slipped her hands under his sweater and tried to pull him closer, urge him to take her quick
and hard. But he wouldn’t budge. Pleasure warred with guilt. He was going too slow. She was thinking too much.

The more she pulled at him, the slower he went. Caressing her stomach with feather light touches. Rubbing his thumb over her bra, glancing off the nipples that grew hard at his touch. He eased her clothes off slowly. His hands seemed to touch every one of the fine hairs on her arms and legs. Her skin pebbled in the warm air. One more of his feather light touches and she thought her skin was going to catch on fire.

Hannah couldn’t remember if Michael had ever touched her this reverently.

Damn him.
Damn
him. Damn
him
. She refocused on Ben, touching and kissing the most desirable man she’d ever known. She
had
to push Michael out of her head. He was intruding on the most perfect moments of her life.

When Ben finally entered her, sensation blotted out the world. She could only hear and feel the man moving over her. By instinct, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him deep. With his exhalation of breath, she knew he’d finally lost control. She nearly died at the sound of his control slipping away. This, this is what she needed.

“Oh, God, Hannah, I don’t know if I’ll ever get enough of you.”

She would never, ever get enough of Ben Cooper.

***

Thanksgiving morning, a few of Walter and Elaine’s friends trickled in. Abbe’s kids had stayed overnight—giving the parents a much needed break—but they were back by noon to help with the kids and the meal. Everything would have been perfect if it weren’t
for the phone that persistently vibrated in her back pocket. Slipping away to the back paddock, she finally took Michael’s call.

“Happy Turkey Day.” Her tone was less chipper than the words belied.

“Why are you ignoring me?” he complained.

“Michael, it’s Thanksgiving. Last night was the first night of Hanukkah. When exactly was I supposed to take your call?”

“And now you’re Jewish? Did you find that part of yourself, too?”

“Michael,” she said, injecting a note of warning in her voice. Hannah never tolerated disparaging anyone. She’d had too much of that in her life.

“I’m sorry, but we were always together during the holidays.” Something in his tone made her shiver.

“Michael, your family is only forty-five minutes away. Are your brother Kendall and his partner down for the day?”

“You’re my family,” Michael said, ignoring her. One- way conversations were becoming the norm.

“Michael, I know this is hard. I can fly down next week and we can talk about this in person.”

“I plan to see you before that, Hannah. I don’t want to spend the holiday alone.”

“Michael,” she said firmly. She’d been far too solicitous. “We’re not together anymore. Nothing is going to change that. I’m very sorry that it’s hard for you. But we both need to move on with our lives. Why don’t we agree to meet on Tuesday?”

“Did you tell him the baby may not be his?”

Another shiver coursed through her. Alarm bells started to sound in her head. This was going to be anything but convivial. She should have listened to her mother. She should have told Ben about Michael. She should never have told Michael about Ben. Hannah had to head this off before the Michael disaster spilled over into her life with Ben.

“I’ll call you in a few hours. I’ll give you my flight times and you can meet me at the airport. Deal?”

But he’d already hung up.

Hannah called Southwest and made flight reservations from Sacramento to John Wayne Airport. It would be the best ninety-nine dollars she ever spent if she could get Michael out of her life once and for all. She made her way back to the house.

Ben cornered her in the dining room. He looped his arms around her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

“Where’d you go?” he whispered into her ear. She shivered, with need instead of fear this time. It was going to be a long few hours before they could be alone together.