The Gray Institute (The Gray Institute Trilogy Book 1) (41 page)

'So you choose to do the worst of the two options? I thought you had sense!' Malachy argues back as Amber shrinks against the wall.

'I do! That's why if I'm to be Confined either way, I'd rather be Confined doing what's right. Letting Sir Alec know that he can't control people's lives, that a quiver of his thumb can't determine whether we live, or melt to nothing as vegetables in the Confine.

That he can't take an innocent girl from a loving home and family, and place her into a life of solitude and eventual death.

That the Auctoritas can't force everybody to live in fear of them!'

'You sound like the Rebels, Eve, and look where they ended up.' Malachy snarls. 'I understand your anger and frustration, the way the Auctoritas and Sir Alec run things isn't fair, but it never has been. This is the way it's always been and we learn to survive, to look after ourselves, it's the only way to avoid Confinement...'

'Is this the way you'll run things, Malachy? When it's your turn to rule?' I ask, stopping him in his tracks. He closes his mouth, eyeing me with suspicion, considering my question.

'That's irrelevant. My father rules right now and his laws are the same as every Auctorita before him. You can not go against them and remain unpunished. That you would even think of doing it proves to me that you have no idea what you're doing.

It's not even a good plan!'

'You're right, it's not, but it's the only one I have. I don't want to live a life on edge for the next month, waiting for the day that Sir Alec will realise I've failed. Waiting for the day that he leads me to the west wing. I want to choose my own destiny, choose when I go out, not have all my choices made for me.

Go and tell Sir Alec if you like, tell him everything, but you'll only be prematurely administering what will eventually happen regardless.' I fold my arms resolutely and watch as Malachy's face falls.

I realise in that moment that he truly thought he could convince me, make me see sense and turn me against my plan with Lorna. His eyes flash in panic as it quickly dawns on him that I won't change my mind.

'Eve...' He stammers, his expression changing from rage to despair. My heart tugs, like being pulled by strings, whilst simultaneously a butterfly of hope flits in my stomach.

I grimace, knowing that these feelings, however real they feel, are not and are simply a product of his feral impression upon me.

He steps towards me, his blue irises seeming to melt with his gaze, and holds his hands out slightly, reaching for my common sense. 'Please, don't do this.' He begs as I back away.

An overwhelming and odd sensation floats over me, like being in a warm, fuzzy bubble away from the world, and for the first time in a long time, I feel as though I've taken a hit of heroin. My knees weaken, my arms shake, a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach – a mixture of floating and twisting, like clouds and a knife – threatens to double me over.

I breathe in and out slowly, attempting to calm myself just as an even stranger feeling convulses in my lower abdomen, spiralling downwards.

'I have to.' I manage to stammer the words, forcing them out of my mouth as I attempt to control the storm raging within my organs.

'You don't,' He shakes his head very slightly, the heat of his gaze making me dizzy. 'You don't have to go through with this. You could just stay here... with me.' He reaches his open palm towards me, outstretched and upwards and the urge to take it, to brush my skin against his, almost overpowers me.

Amber moves ever so slightly in the corner of my eye, edging towards the door. My head snaps to look at her and she freezes, rooted to the spot, her hand outstretched towards the door knob.

'What are you doing?' I bark, all thoughts of Malachy, all strange feelings and sensations gone in an instant.

'I was just...' She stutters, her eyes like a rabbit caught in headlights.'I thought you might like to be left alone.'

'Of course you did. And I'm guessing your next destination was Sir Alec's office, am I right?'

'Eve,' Malachy's tone warns me. 'Leave her alone. She means you no harm.'

'No, you're right,' I snap, facing him once more. 'It's you that does. I told you never to use that power on me again and yet here we are, the second time in a week you've broken your promise to me.'

'What?' He frowns, his gaze narrowing. 'I haven't used it on you. Not once since I walked through that door.'

'Sure,' I nod sarcastically, beating Amber to the door and opening it for her. 'Both of you can leave. Go run to Sir Alec.'

Amber sprints for the exit, shooting past me like a bullet, unable to get out of the room fast enough. Malachy hesitates.

'Out, Mal.' I sigh wearily, grateful as he crosses the room towards the door. He stops before me, his intention not to leave but to close in.

'Eve,' He attempts to get my attention as I focus my gaze on the floor, refusing to look up at him. 'Eve, I swear I didn't use it on you,' His voice is soft, his tone gentle. 'Please believe me.' He begs and I lose the battle with myself, looking up into his crystal blue eyes.

'I only used it on you when Lucrezia was there. Her gift is the ability to shroud herself from other Immortals, so they can't sense her presence or hear her coming. I knew you'd be oblivious to her, I did it so that you'd come quietly, for that I'm sorry.

But I haven't used it on you since.'

If what Malachy says is truth, then the feelings and sensations I had only moments ago were either a natural instinct towards him, or genuinely my own.

'Eve, I'm begging you to reconsider your plan to help Lorna Gray. Have you stopped to consider what will happen to Tia? To me?' He asks.

'Nothing will happen to you, you're an Auctorita. And I've distanced myself from Tia for that precise reason.'

'Being an Auctorita doesn't spare me from breaking the law. Sir Alec knows I helped you in your task, he'll think I helped you with this too. And Tia might be one of Sir Alec's favourites, but she's not higher than his own daughter on his list of priorities. She will suffer the consequences too.'

My face drops as I realise that he's right. Didn't Sir Alec tell me himself that he was glad Malachy was helping me? He'll think that he helped us escape, and what Malachy says about Tia is more than likely too.

He says nothing more as he passes me, exiting the room with little more than a glance my way. I close the door behind him, slamming it with full force, it creaks on its hinges as the walls either side of it shake and buckle.

An image of Malachy rotting in the Confine flits involuntarily across my mind and I sink to my knees, my head in my hands.

The thought of Tia bearing the consequences of my actions is enough to make me despair, the thought of Malachy doing the same is unbearable. I make a decision, there on the floor, that I will have to suffer in order to prove their innocence, and I know how I'll have to do it.

It will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do, hurt those I love in order to save them.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Aaliyah Fall's office is on route to Theory class, I pass it almost everyday. Outside, a huge silver plaque reads
Ms Aaliyah Fall: First Year Head
. Despite Ms Fall being our Head of Year, we don't actually see her all that often, so the only impression I have of her is the one I got during that very first meeting when Tomos O'Brien got a telling off. It's because of this that I'm not looking forward to speaking with her today.

It's a Saturday and Ms Fall should not be in her office, but if I'm as good at reading people as I think I am, Ms Fall is the kind of person who takes her work home with her. I knock lightly on the polished oak door and a stern voice calls from beyond it.

'Come in.'

Ms Fall's office is sparse and lacking in decoration. The walls are lined with metal filing cabinets and the mahogany desk in the centre of the room is littered with papers and folders. Ms Fall herself sits at a stone age computer, her dark eyes fixed on me with a look of unwelcome surprise.

'Close the door,' She orders, tapping at her keyboard, clearly irritated by my intrusion. I wait patiently for her to finish, trying not to further annoy her by fidgeting.

'Miss Ryder, how can I help you?' She asks, leaning back in her chair and focussing her piercing gaze on me. 

'Morning, Ms Fall,' I begin politely, feigning confidence as my knees threaten to buckle. Ms Fall intimidates me almost as much as Sir Alec. If she were the last Immortal on Earth, I still wouldn't want to be anywhere near her. 'I'd like to discuss with you the possibility of a change of Mentor.'

Ms Fall looks surprised, but she covers it quickly, rearranging her expression until she looks suspicious.

'You no longer want Miss Carey to Mentor you?' She frowns deeply, holding my gaze intently.

'That's correct,' I nod feebly. 'I would like a different Mentor. And also a room change.'

'I see,' She replies, though it's clear she doesn't. She narrows her eyes, smoothing her crisp white shirt over her flat stomach. 'May I ask the reason for this sudden change of heart?'

'Tia – Miss Carey – and I are no longer compatible with each other. We have irreconcilable differences and I feel it will be counter-productive to my education to keep her as my Mentor.' I try to sound educated and firm, but end up sound pathetic and pleading.

'I see,' Ms Fall repeats, pausing. 'It may have escaped your attention, Miss Ryder, but there are only twenty students in both the first and third years,' She raises an eyebrow. 'There is no-one to swap with Miss Carey as your Mentor.'

'Ah.' I nod. How could I not have realised that? It's silly mistakes like that which will trip mine and Lorna's plan up. I need to focus more, get my head in the game.

Ms Fall is still glaring at me intensely.

'I'll talk to Sir Alec,' she says suddenly. 'See what he makes of it. If you're absolutely sure that this is what you want?' It'll be pretty awkward if I stop sharing a room with Tia, but continue to have her as my Mentor. I'm not sure if my plan will work that way. I'll just have to hope that Sir Alec gives me special privileges again on account of my task.

'Yes, Ms Fall.' I nod eagerly.

'Very well,' She shrugs. 'I'll confer with Sir Alec over the Mentor situation. As for your room, if you're not happy there, you are, of course, permitted to move. But I'll speak to Miss Carey first; she may wish to move instead. Will that be an issue?'

'No, Ms Fall.' I shake my head. She nods, dismissing me, her attention already back on her work.

*

I'm in a permanent state of misery. I know that despite our differences, Tia will be deeply hurt by my decision; something I would never in a million years want to do to her.

But I have to remind myself that I am doing this
for
her.

When Lorna and I escape, Sir Alec will believe that Tia and I fell out over it. Maybe he'll think that I asked for Tia's help and she refused. Either way, he'll know that she objected to it from the start.

Of course, I could just tell Tia about my plan to absolve her of blame, but she doesn't agree with my aiding Lorna anyway and would surely involve Malachy again. The two of them teaming up would be too much for even me to handle.

It doesn't take long for news of my betrayal to reach Tia's ears and by that evening, a raging thumping on my bedroom door alerts me to her presence. I put down Tia's copy of
Jane Eyre
and head to the door. She's not alone and I couldn't be more disappointed in her choice of escort.

'Good evening, Ryder.' A nauseatingly familiar and unwelcome voice drawls, and I stare into the snarling face of Lucrezia Beighley. She looks delighted that the tables have turned between Tia and I, and she revels in seeing me so down in the dumps. I wonder how much she knows about the 'feud' between Tia and I, given the fact that Tia knows very little about it herself.

'I've come for my things.' Tia snaps, pushing past me into the room. She throws open her wardrobe and drawers, filling a huge bag with clothes, make-up and shoes.

Lucrezia glides across the threshold, her eyes trained on me, identical to Malachy's yet so completely different. The ball of green fire makes it so hard to imagine that she and Malachy are of the same genes and yet to look at her, she's the spitting image of him.

'I had no idea that you disliked me this much, Eve,' Tia cries, turning to face me finally but refusing to stop throwing things into her bag. 'If you wanted rid of me as a Mentor, or for me to move out, why didn't you just talk to me about it before asking Ms Fall? We used to be friends! I don't know what's wrong with you!' Her voice sobs though her eyes don't and I turn away from her so that I can't see her hurt.

'Don't turn your back on me!' She shrieks, and her rustling and clattering stops. 'What have I done wrong?' She asks, her eyes darting towards Lucrezia. She, like I, knows that one wrong word in front of Lucrezia Beighley could have Sir Alec crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.

'Just go, Tia.' I mumble, leaning against my bedpost, my face turned away from her. I hope I'm right in thinking that, even though I've clearly hurt her, Tia would never tell anyone about the escape plan. No matter how angry she is, I'm pretty sure that she couldn't live with herself if I ended up in the Confine because of something she said.

She pauses for a moment, staring at me, before gathering up the last of her things and heading to the door. On her way, she spots the
Jane Eyre
book lying on my bed.

'That's mine!' She shouts, grabbing for it and scooping it into her bag. She turns on her heel and storms through the door, not waiting for Lucrezia before climbing into the lift.

The whole ordeal lasts less than five minutes and I breathe a sigh of relief when it ends, forgetting, for a moment, the presence of a silent Lucrezia.

'What exactly was your
disagreement
with Carey over?' She asks. Her voice is smooth as silk but the underlying suspicion is all too clear.

'Nothing that concerns you.' I retort wearily.

'On the contrary, Ryder, everything concerns me. Like, why have you and your girlfriend just had a lovers' tiff? Like, why is my brother following you around like you're a bitch in heat?' She steps closer towards me and I turn to face her, holding her steely gaze.

'You realise it's not you he's interested in?' She asks, her eyes glittering. I draw a breath and wait for her to mention Aleks Anzhela, but it seems that even Lucrezia thinks twice before speaking about her.

'Speaking of your brother, I need to see him. It's important.' I tell her. She bristles, jealousy causing her left eye to twitch.

'Certainly. But first, Sir Alec would like to see you.' She smirks, using a long forefinger to beckon me forward.

I follow her solemnly to Sir Alec's office, which is becoming more familiar to me now than my own room. She utters not a single word to me on the journey there, but looks insufferably pleased with herself. It makes it all the more funny when, as I step through Sir Alec's door, desperation to come inside and witness my punishment overwhelms her and she accidentally takes a step forward, jumping as the guard steps in her way. 'Sorry, Miss Beighley, not you.' The guard says, firmly but politely.

Lucrezia's eyes light up with indignation and she backs away from the guard, her cheeks pinched with embarrassment.

'Don't you know who I am, you stupid moron?' She shrieks, and I stifle a giggle as the door closes behind me, blocking my view from a scene I would have paid money to see.

Sir Alec's office is darker than usual, the only light comes from the moon and two candles on sticks either side of the room. I take a deep breath and emerge from the shadows, smiling politely in Sir Alec's direction where he lounges in a quilted armchair.

'Have a seat, Miss Ryder,' He gestures familiarly at me, and then at a wooden chair next to his desk. I do as he asks, amazed that I feel none of the fear or apprehension I usually do when entering Sir Alec's domain.

Perhaps my will to live has disappeared along with my morals.

And loyalty.

'How are you?' Sir Alec asks, eyeing me closely.

'Fine, thank you.' I nod.

'I find that hard to believe. Moving Miss Carey out of your room can't have been easy.' He raises an eyebrow and I squirm, trying to guess the answer he's looking for.

'Well, no, that was difficult.' I agree, twitching my fingers, feeling the first of my nerves begin to quake.

'It's strange,' He muses, glancing out of the window to the cliffs below. 'I always thought Miss Carey and yourself were very close.'

'We were.' I insist.

'So what happened?' He asks, catching me off-guard. I was stupid to believe that Sir Alec wouldn't be interested in playground gossip.

My brain works fast as I rifle through mine and Tia's relationship, looking for a plausible reason for us to argue.

'It was because of Meredith.' I blurt out, having a rare and sudden brainwave.

'Meredith?' Sir Alec raises an eyebrow.

'Meredith Draper,' I nod. 'Tia's friend. She... she likes Malachy, you see. Loves him, even. And she thought, because Malachy was helping me with Lorna, that there was something else going on. Tia knew that there wasn't but Meredith made her choose between myself and Meredith.'

'And Tia chose Meredith?' Sir Alec frowns.

'Well, not exactly. I sort of... forced her to choose Meredith. So that she wouldn't have to choose between us. But Tia took it the wrong way, she thought I was casting her off.'

He doesn't believe me, but that's the plan. When Lorna and I escape, he will instantly remember this moment – the moment he knew I was lying to him – and will realise that the argument was actually about the escape plot.

Or at least, think it was.  

'I see,' Sir Alec replies through clenched teeth. 'And I'm assuming there is nothing going on between you and Mr Beighley?'

'No!' I shout just a little too loud, alarming him. 'Of course not! He's an Auctorita.' I explain quickly, assuring Sir Alec that I know my place. He nods, satisfied – if only for the moment.

'Very well. Your room situation is resolved now that Miss Carey has moved in with Miss Draper...' This comes as no shock to me and I nod silently. 'As far as a new Mentor, Miss Ryder, correct me if I'm wrong but I get the impression you don't really need a Mentor. You know your way around the Institute – better than most of the older students – and you can make your own friends; you've been here long enough.

What would you say to my proposal that you have no Mentor as of now?' He asks. I shrug, nodding.

Having no Mentor would suit me just fine; one less person looking over my shoulder at what I'm doing and where I am.

'Very well then, you may go,' He nods and I thank him, rising to head to the door. As I cross the luxurious, faux fur rug, Sir Alec unexpectedly calls me back.