"When will I see you again? Soon?" I asked.
"Sure," Jamie softly answered. "But, no running. I don't think I'll be up for that anytime soon."
"Yeah, okay." I let out a nervous giggle.
Jamie was quiet again. He ran his hand down the side of my face, softly caressing with his knuckles. Unexpected tenderness filled my heart. Then abruptly, he placed his hand on the steering wheel.
"Bye," he called out, backing into the road. With a squeal of his tires, he was gone.
Overwhelming sadness crushed my chest as I watched him drive away. I brought both hands to my chest, almost as if to protect my heart from breaking. New tears threatened to spill out on my cheeks. I was filled with confusing and conflicting feelings. Jamie had been right. We had shared an incredible event earlier in the day, an event for which Jamie had no explanation. I was disappointed with myself for not sharing what I had just learned. He was entitled to an explanation. I owed that to him.
Taking a couple of deep breaths, I tired to clear my heart and my mind of the disappointment and regret I was feeling. Remembering Oma's tortured expression at seeing me with Varick, I turned to confront that issue and explain it to her. I was puzzled by the intensity of Oma's feelings and actions. I tried to imagine how Varick must appear to someone seeing him for the first time. Wincing, I acknowledged that he did look a little scary, dressed in those dark clothes and black boots with the large black tattoo stretching the length of his arm. But would that alone justify the intensity of Oma's response?
Walking through the house, I struggled for the words I would use to explain to Oma. I wanted to be honest with her, so she would know everything. But I also didn't want to scare her. This was going to be difficult.
I stopped at the slider door with my hand on the handle. My eyebrows crinkled in confusion as I tried to make sense of the scene in front of me. It appeared as if Varick was consoling Oma. She was standing on the deck, her back to me. Her head was bent down, only occasionally looking up at Varick and her shoulders shook lightly with her sobs. Varick had his hands on Oma's shoulders, rubbing gently. I couldn't hear what he was saying. Oma nodded her head in response. Varick placed his hands on Oma's arms, rubbing briskly. As he did, he looked directly at me, standing behind the closed slider door. Cocking his head to the side, Varick gave me a small smile.
My heart jumped into my throat at the sight of that smile. But I was still baffled by Oma's behavior. Slowly, I opened the slider door. As soon as I did, I heard Varick. "She's going to be alright." His lips never moved and I realized he was using one of his talents to speak only to me. He continued silently, "She's just not ready for all this yet. She thought there was more time." I was thoroughly confused now.
He nodded in response, smiling wider. I walked over to Oma until I was standing within touch. "Oma?"
"Oh, Jacey," Oma moaned, whirling around and engulfing me in a hug. She crushed me to her and I was surprised by the power in her frail frame. Her hug scared me. She was holding me tightly, as if she might lose me at any moment. I was scared and confused. I thought I would be the one that would have to explain everything to her. Somehow, she must know about me, about Varick, about everything. But how was that possible? What scared me even more was that she actually seemed to know more than I did. And, from her actions, I figured that what she knew wasn't good.
I hugged Oma back, but I really wasn't feeling it. As Oma cried on my shoulder, I looked past her to Varick. He was standing a couple feet behind us, his hands on his hips. He cocked his head slightly to the side and raised one eyebrow. A smug smile peeked from the corner of his mouth. I returned a wary smile back.
"You're being such a good sport, Jacey. She loves you so much. She's just scared," Varick silently said to me. I stared back at him. "Scared of what? That is what your thinking, isn't it?" I nodded in acknowledgement.
Thought he couldn't read minds.
I rubbed Oma's back to comfort her and her sobs quieted. She was still holding me close, crushing me to her small body.
But Varick didn't answer, much to my irritation. He just continued smiling.
Oma let out a labored sigh. She slowly unwrapped her arms from around me. I followed her lead, mirroring her actions. She stood up straight, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry Jacey. I don't know what came over me." Oma looked at me. Her eyes were dark with fear, concern, and grief. The last and only other time I had seen Oma's eyes like that was at Opa's funeral. Oma definitely knew something I didn't. Now, I was really scared.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Varick shake slightly. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Immediately, a warm calmness spread over me like a cozy blanket. The fear and anxiety growing inside me dissipated as the warmth covered me. I relaxed. Varick must have known somehow that I was frightened by Oma's words and actions. He had said that he could respond to the physiological changes in my body. When he opened his eyes, I mouthed, "Thank you." He nodded in recognition.
Oma was still distraught. She was holding my hands tightly. She kept repeating, "I'm so sorry, Jacey. So, so sorry."
Finally I spoke. "Oma, what are you sorry for?" When I spoke, it seemed to awaken Oma from whatever stupor she was experiencing.
"Oh, Jacey," Oma moaned, "I'm just so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have prepared you. I just thought I had more time."
"More time for what, Oma? Tell me what you know." Oma glanced at Varick. He nodded encouragingly. My lips pursed together in irritation. What could Oma and Varick possibly know and be sharing between them?
"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" I asked, looking from Oma to Varick and back again.
Oma slowly began. "Jacey, I know what you are and I know what you can do." I stared back at Oma, my face clouded with disbelief. "I know who he is and what he does," Oma continued, nodding her graying head at Varick. I glanced at Varick. He nodded in acknowledgement, his arms crossed over his chest. Oma sniffled and wiped away new tears. Very quietly, she added, "And I know what's coming for you."
"Coming for me?" I tried hard to the bile in my stomach from rising into my throat. I glanced back at Varick. I could really use his calming powers right now. Varick already had his eyes closed. The wave of warmth washed over me, instantly calming my fears.
"Jacey?" Oma's voice quivered with emotion. But before she continued, I spoke.
"Oma, if you know what Varick is and what he can do, then you know that nothing can hurt me so long as he is around. Varick will keep me safe!" I said fiercely, grabbing both of Oma's hands in my own. "He will protect me. He will."
"That's right, Jacey. I will." I heard Varick's voice speaking to me privately. I felt myself growing stronger, more confident, and less scared with each word Varick said. He would protect me; I had no doubts. However, a nagging feeling sat in the pit of my stomach that neither of us would come out of this totally unscathed.
Oma sniffled again, bringing my attention back to her.
"Oh, Oma," I wailed, not being able to control my own grief. "Please don't cry. I don't like it. Everything will be fine. You'll see." I hugged her tightly. She returned the hug murmuring her apologies in my ear.
We held each other for a moment, Oma still crying softly. I was confused by Oma's actions and words. What did she know? How did she know it? This was so overwhelming. Pulling away from Oma I stated firmly, "Now, we have to stop this. Crying isn't going to get us anywhere. Isn't that what you always told me growing up?"
Oma wiped the tears away, allowing the corner of her mouth to turn up in a smile. "Well, that was always Opa's saying."
"Yeah, I know."
"You're right, Jacey," Oma stated, in a stronger voice. "You are such a brave, beautiful girl. I am just so afraid of losing you like I did your mother and Opa. I couldn't bear that loss," she added, her voice catching.
I turned to Varick for encouragement. He hadn't moved. He still stood with his arms crossed over his chest, the half-smile playing on his lips. I turned back to Oma and gave her a kiss on her cheek. As my lips brushed the soft, wrinkled skin, I was reminded of how frail and aged she really had become.
"Do you still want to go to church this morning?" I was hoping she would decline, so I could spend more time with Varick. There were still so many questions to be answered.
"Yes, I would like that very much," Oma said her voice gaining strength. She was no longer crying.
I winced at her acceptance. Darn, I would have to go with her, which meant I had to leave Varick just when I had found him again. I looked at him, disappointment clearly evident on my face. Varick's eyes twinkled in response. "Go, be with her," he communicated silently. "She needs you."
I winced again. I knew he was right, but I didn't want to leave. My body language conveyed the same message to him, I was sure.
I could almost hear him chuckle in response. Instead, I heard his voice loud and clear in my head. "It's alright, Jacey. I already told you. I'm sticking around. We will talk more later."
"Promise?" I mouthed to Varick silently.
Smiling in response, Varick nodded his head.
Resigning myself to going with Oma and leaving Varick, I turned back towards Oma. "Come on. Let's go inside. I have to go get cleaned up quick if we're going to make the service on time."
Oma sighed, an obvious sign that she was feeling better. "Alright, Jacey. I think I need another cup of coffee to calm my nerves anyway."
We walked toward the slider leading into the house. Oma entered slowly, proceeding to the kitchen to get her coffee. Before entering, I stopped, my hand on the slider handle. I heard Varick's warm, rich voice tickle my ears. "Shalkep zuep talowo, Mia Helsoka" he whispered. "I'll be around, watching, My Healer." His words were like a lullaby, sweet and soft. I closed my eyes and soaked in the words as a soft breeze blew past me, caressing my bare skin and sending goose bumps up and down my arms. I turned toward where Varick was standing. He was gone.
Not again. When would I see him again? Disappointment crushed my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe normally. I brought my hand to my angel's wings pin, fastened securely on my t-shirt, and lightly rubbed the tiny pin with my finger.
Varick's voice returned, instantly claming me. "Soon, my Healer. I'm never far away. Trust me."
I exist because you exist.
Oma poured herself a cup of coffee. Her hands were shaking, making it difficult for her to pour. She put both the cup and the coffee pot back on the counter. She seemed to be holding on to the counter as if it were supporting her. She looked up, toward the heavens. I couldn't hear her, but I was pretty sure she was praying. She didn't know I was watching her. She thought I was still upstairs getting ready for church. She looked so old and frail standing there in the kitchen next to the sink with the morning sunlight streaming in around her. My heart broke for her. She was in such pain, her heart filled with fear and grief. I wanted desperately to comfort her, to tell her not to worry. However, I was pretty sure that would be a lie. And she obviously knew more than I did anyway. There was something that she had not shared with me.
"Oma?" I said gently, standing in the entry to the kitchen. I didn't want to scare her.
"Oh. I thought you were still upstairs getting cleaned up." She grabbed the coffee pot and poured the rich, hot liquid into her cup. "I was just pouring myself another cup. Would you like one too?" She was trying hard to make her voice strong, but it wavered slightly.
"Yes, please."
She poured me a cup of coffee, picked up both mugs and carried them over to the little kitchen table in the breakfast nook. "Come and sit down for a minute."
I walked over to the table and sat down. Oma placed a steamy mug of coffee in front of me and I encircled my hands around it. I brought the mug close to my face. The steam curled around me, dampening my skin. I breathed in the rich, fragrant coffee aroma. Oma pulled a chair out next to me, scratching the wood floor as she did. She sat next to me and sipped her coffee. We sat silently for a moment, neither of us saying anything. We just stared out the bay windows at the spring morning unfolding before us.
I stole a glance at Oma. She was deep in thought rubbing her hands absently across the surface of her coffee mug. I had more questions to ask her. I wanted all the information that she had. If I was going to stay safe and keep her and Varick from harm, I had to know exactly what I was up against. I needed to know what she knew.
"Oma, how do you know about me and about Varick?" I caught my lip between my teeth waiting for her response.
Oma didn't answer right away. Maybe she was so deep in thought, she hadn't heard me. Just as I was about to repeat it, Oma took another sip of her coffee and turned to look at me. She took a deep breath, no doubt to settle her own nerves and placed her hand over mine. "I know about you and about Varick, because I know all about Healers and their Protectors. And I know all about them because your mother, my daughter, was also a Healer."
"What?" I choked, blinking as if someone had slapped me across the face. "My mother was a Healer?"
"Yes, Jacey. She discovered it in much the same way as you, I imagine. But, she was older, already twenty. Which is why I thought I had more time with you." The came fluidly now. I just stared back at her, barely breathing. She continued. "I remember there was an accident where she worked; someone cut their hand badly with a box cutter. Your mother healed it with her own hands." Oma's eyes grew misty as she recalled the memories of my mother. She was rubbing the tops of my hands with her own. "She was so excited and so scared. Talking a mile a minute. You know, you do that too when you are excited, Jacey," She smiled as she compared me to my mother.
Shaking her head back and forth, Oma continued. "I was scared too. I didn't know what to make of her gift or where she got it. Opa kept me grounded and calm. Without him, I'm afraid of what I might have said or done to your mother. I was just so scared of her and what it meant for our family." A shadow of sadness swept over Oma's weathered face. I blinked, still in shock by Oma's admission.