A tiny flash of light sparkled out of the corner of my eye. It was my angel's wings pin glittering in the dim light. I unpinned the wings from the bottom of my sweatshirt and cradled the tiny pin in my hands. Even in the dim light of the Jeep, it was radiant. I held the pin in my palm, closing my hand around it and pressed my hand to my chest. The pain in my heart grew overtaking the warm feelings I had for Jamie.
I knew what the nagging feeling was that prevented me from fully loving Jamie. It was Varick.
I stared out the side window of Oma's Buick. My lap was warm from the chicken tetrazzini on my lap. I gripped the covered casserole dish tightly, feeling the warmth on my hands. Soon, the warm feeling would change to the searing burn of the healing. I shuddered.
"Cathy is going to be so shocked with what you can do, Jacey. I just hope she is well enough to handle it."
Oma was talking at me but I didn't think the words were for my benefit. She seemed to be trying to convince herself. I glanced at her warily before turning back to the window. I stared at my own reflection. The girl in the glass looked scared, unsure, and tired. I pursed my lips together in disgust, ignoring the girl staring back at me.
I shouldn't be tired. I had slept well last night after Jamie fixed my car enough to run it into Mike's Body Shop. He then drove me home. He only stayed long enough to say goodnight, leaving me on the front porch to watch him go. He didn't bring up the kiss and neither did I.
I went to bed confused, my emotions rolling around recklessly inside me. I thought I was going to have nightmares all night of Jamie, Varick, and the Fury again. But I didn't. I slept soundly all night, waking to another bright, sunny day.
I was jolted back to the present as Oma slowed to pull into Cathy's driveway. Cathy's small yellow home was welcoming. She had a white picket fence surrounding her garden of daffodils, tulips, and iris.
We stepped from the vehicle, me carrying the casserole. I stopped to wait for Oma who retrieved a plastic bag and a thermos from the back seat. Oma lead the way to Cathy's back door and knocked on the door before ringing the doorbell.
"Coming." A weak voice was heard from the other side of the door. A minute later, the scrapes and creaks of the door's locks were heard and it squeaked open.
Cathy blinked her eyes adjusting them to the bright sunlight. "Come in, come in," Cathy said graciously, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. I stopped before entering and stared at the casserole dish in my hands.
Varick. Where is Varick?
He had said he would be here to help me through this. I needed him here. I wanted him here. I fought the sadness that was growing.
My heart filled with hope when I heard the high pitched whine of a motorcycle approaching. Varick's silver motorcycle flashed in the sunlight, momentarily blinding me as he pulled in. Varick stepped off the bike, yanked off his helmet, and walked toward me, running his hands through his hair. He didn't look at me. My heart dropped into my stomach.
What is wrong? Did I do something to upset him? Is it what Oma said to him last night?
My heart dropped further as one more reason flashed through my brain.
Had Varick seen the kiss? Does he know?
My breath caught in my throat as he approached.
I kept my eyes down, suddenly filled with shame and guilt. I saw his boots stop just in front of me.
"You better be careful. You look like you're about to drop that casserole. That'd be a shame," Varick's rich voice teased.
I lifted my face, allowing my eyes to travel up Varick's faded torn jeans and white shirt. I looked last at his face. He had a broad smile and looked as if he was genuinely glad to see me. His eyes crinkled at the corners with amusement as he stared at me. I did just about drop the casserole dish as the blueness of his eyes yet again startled me.
Chuckling, he reached for the dish, just before it slipped from my grasp.
"Maybe I ought to carry this." He held the dish in front of him.
I stared at him in disbelief. "You came."
"Of course. I told you I would be here." Varick looked more intently at me. "Shall we?" Varick nodded his head toward the open door.
I only hesitated a moment before entering. All I needed was to look at Varick's grin and I had the strength and courage I needed. Varick was right behind me.
Oma was in the kitchen pouring hot coffee out of the thermos for her and Cathy. Cathy had settled back in her recliner, covered with an afghan. She looked tired and cold, but happy to see us. I shook my head sadly. This disease must be aggressive and the treatments harsh for her to look so different in the span of a week. Oma walked into the living room with the two steaming cups of coffee and gave one to Cathy.
"Thanks so much Clare. Just what I needed to warm my bones." She took a tentative sip, testing the heat of the liquid.
As Oma sipped her coffee, she noticed Varick standing in the kitchen. She raised her eyebrows at me over her cup of coffee.
Walking over to Cathy, I said. "Cathy, this is my friend, Varick." He seemed startled by my sudden introduction. "Varick?" I said, motioning to him.
He cleared his throat and walked over to us. Standing before Cathy, he bowed slightly, stating, "How do you do, Ma'am."
I cringed slightly at his introduction.
"I've been better," Cathy answered, her eyes moving over him suspiciously. They stopped on his tattoo. "My, that's quite a tattoo you have." She glanced back at Oma.
I cringed again.
"This old thing?" Varick asked, raising his inked arm. "Geez, I've had this forever."
I just about choked with laughter at Varick's statement. I covered my mouth pretending to cough instead.
Oma stared at me, then spoke to Cathy. "How are you feeling today? Were you able to sleep last night?"
Cathy took a long sip of coffee before she answered. She closed her eyes, seemingly enjoying the hot brew warming through her body. "I'm very tired and I didn't sleep very well. The pain keeps me up at night."
Oma went on. "Cathy, I know of something that might help with your pain." Oma's eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed. I looked warily at Varick, who had stepped behind me, closer to the kitchen, after his awkward introduction. His arms were crossed in front of him as he smiled.
"Really? I'm all ears." She winced as she moved in the chair.
"Well, we brought you a gift that might help. Jacey brought you a gift." Oma gestured toward me. I startled at the mention of my name.
"Jacey?" Cathy asked, turning her attention towards me. I gave Cathy a feeble smile.
"Yes, Jacey," Oma said, smiling broadly. "Jacey has a gift she would like to share with you. Jacey, come here, child, and tell Cathy about your gift." She smiled encouragingly. I glanced back at Varick before stepping forward. He nodded at me.
I turned to Cathy who appeared confused. She glanced from me to Oma and back. "Clare, what's going on?"
"Tell her honey. Tell her what you can do." Oma's voice was higher than normal.
I knelt down in front of Cathy, so that our faces were at the same level. I took a deep breath. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest with my nervousness. "Cathy," I started slowly. "I think I can heal you." My words sounded strange to my own ears.
"Heal me? What do you mean?" Cathy's confusion was evident on her face.
I swallowed hard, turning to glance at Varick. He nodded again. I turned back to Cathy. She was sitting up more. And she was staring at Varick. Her eyes shifted to Oma. "Clare, what's going on?" Her voice was wary, edged with anxiety.
"It's alright Cathy. Just listen to Jacey." Oma nodded at me. "Go ahead, honey."
"I'm a Healer. I can heal you with a touch of my hand and your cancer will be gone."
I sure hope I am right
. I stared at Cathy anxiously.
Cathy snorted. "Are you joking? Clare, tell me she's joking. I have stage four terminal pancreatic cancer that has spread to my liver. I am going to die and from the sounds of it, fairly soon. I honestly don't appreciate the joke." Her eyes were hard as she looked at me.
I shook my head defensively. "No, Cathy. It's not a joke. I can heal you." Oma nodded her head enthusiastically in agreement. "All I need to do is put my hands on you."
"Put your hands on me? Like I watch on the religious channels? You're gonna smack me in the head and yell, 'You are healed'? I don't think so. I'm not falling for it." Cathy shook her head obstinately.
I looked helplessly at Varick. I hadn't expected this to be the difficult part. I stood up, ready to accept defeat. Oma wasn't so easily dismissed.
She sat next to Cathy and grabbed Cathy's exposed hand. I was shocked to see the difference in skin color. Oma's skin was pale white with brown age spots and Cathy's looked yellow from jaundice, an obvious sign that her liver and pancreas were not functioning correctly.
Oma's voice wavered as she spoke. "Cathy, you are right. You are going to die from the cancer. She can heal you from the cancer and you will live. But you have to let her do it."
Cathy just stared at Oma.
"Please, Cathy."
Cathy's gaze shifted back to me. "Why haven't I heard of this gift you have before?" Cathy's gaze moved to Oma. "How come?"
Oma was about to answer when I interrupted. "I just discovered it. My mother had it as well. We have to keep it a secret to protect the power and to protect me." My voice was stronger. I felt stronger.
Varick's words whispered in my head. "Well said, Jacey."
I turned and smiled at Varick. He smiled in return, his arms crossed in front of him.
Cathy sighed heavily. "Is that true, Clare?"
"Yes," Oma answered.
"Can she really cure me?" Cathy's voice squeaked with emotion.
"Yes, I can." I stood up straighter, rolling my shoulders back.
"Yes, you can," Varick whispered in my ears.
I smiled.
"Okay, I'll let you try. It won't hurt to try I guess."
My eyebrows shot up. Yes, it would hurt. It was going to hurt both of us. I could feel my heart begin to hammer in my chest as I thought of the burn.
"Steady," Varick said only to me. "Just stay calm. You can do this." I was glad he was here.
"So, when do you want to do this?" Cathy asked, glancing between me and Oma.
"Now. We might as well just do it now." I rubbed my hands together briskly in front of me until I felt a warm glow.
"Well, where do you want me?" Cathy asked us as she struggled to get out of the chair she was in. Varick stepped to her aid, holding her hands and arms to support her. He was so gentle as he helped her stand and guided her back to her bedroom. "Thank you, young man," Cathy said, her eyes looking at Varick approvingly. "You are a strong lad, aren't you?" Cathy was breathing heavily from her effort. She looked so frail and tired.
My heart broke for her as I watched her shuffle down the hallway to her bedroom, leaning heavily on Varick. I followed them, Oma right behind me. I felt Oma's arm circle around my waist as she came up behind me.
"You can do this, Jacey. I know it. " She kissed me gently on the cheek and squeezed my midsection.
I patted her hand on my waist. "Thank you, Oma."
I instructed Varick to help Cathy into bed. He deftly picked her up and lay her gently on the bed.
"Oh," she said awkwardly at Varick's action. If her skin wasn't so yellow, I would have expected a blush across her cheeks.
"Okay, lay on your stomach if you can." I knew I would need to place my hands as close to her liver and pancreas as I could and the best place would be her lower back. Oma and Varick gently assisted her in turning onto her stomach. Oma discreetly pulled down her nightgown to cover her thighs.
"No, Oma. I need to be able to touch her bare skin."
Oma and Cathy looked quickly at Varick.
"Oh, right," Varick stuttered uncomfortably. "I will wait right outside the door." He turned to leave when I stopped him.
"Varick, wait." I felt the rise of panic. I didn't think I could do this without him. I was only strong and confident because he was with me.
Varick smiled broadly. "I'll be just outside this door." I nodded quickly, smiling back at him.
Once Varick was out of the room, Oma pulled up Cathy's nightgown exposing her bare back. I brought the quilt that was folded neatly on the end of the bed up to cover Cathy's lower half of her body so that only her back was exposed.
I concentrated on my breathing, trying to keep steady and calm. I rubbed my hands together again to warm them up, so they wouldn't be cold on Cathy's skin, even though I knew once I began the healing, she surely wouldn't feel cold.
I sat down on the bed, next to Cathy's legs. "I'm going to tell you what to expect." I didn't truly know what to expect myself, but I was at least going to share what little I did know. "Just lie still and try to relax as much as you can." That seemed like good advice. Oma sat on the opposite side of the bed next to Cathy's legs. She held Cathy's hand for support and smiled encouragingly.
"I am going to place my hands on your back. I'll be applying a bit of pressure right where your tumors are so it might hurt a little."
"Okay." Cathy's voice was muffled.
"You are going to feel some heat where your cancer is. It will feel like a heating pad at first, okay?
"Uh huh," Cathy mumbled. Oma stared at me in astonishment.
I continued. "It will get hotter. That is the healing. It is going to grow until it burns. It's probably going to get very uncomfortable at that point."
I listened to myself speaking as if I really knew what I was talking about. I shook my head slightly, suddenly annoyed with myself.
"You are doing fine. Keep going." Varick's words tickled in my ears.
"Let's see if this works."
"You have done this before, right?"
"A few times."
I took a deep breath. Then another, and another. I kept my breathing calm and steady. I flexed my fingers on both hands.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes, I'm ready."
I looked at Oma. She smiled at me and quietly said, "You can do this."