The Heart (23 page)

I saw her signals, all of them mixed and completely fucking unreadable. She was scared, but she had nothing to fear from me. I thought I had read her well enough to take her in the way she begged me to, but if I was wrong, that made me more of an asshole than I felt like.

I wasn’t wrong. No fucking way was I wrong.

This woman had me twisted.

I kept busy, knowing she’d have to face me eventually, and if this was a brush off, make the inevitable excuse. She believed what we’d done had been a mistake, and that cut deep, deeper than it should.

What the hell was I doing, anyway?

I pulled out my ear buds blaring Wu-Tang’s “C.R.E.A.M.”, another one of Rose’s rap suggestions, and threw my mallet down with a curse.

“Jack?”

I jerked my head up, hearing Rose’s voice, but saw Dallas instead. It hadn’t struck me how alike they sounded.

“Hi,” I said, unable to mask my temperament.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” I replied with a smile as I noticed Annabelle take a step toward me. “I’m dirty, baby girl.”

“So is she,” Dallas encouraged as she led her daughter my way. All my anger and worry dispersed as Annabelle took an unsure step without her mother’s help and landed in my waiting arms. I didn’t have much experience with kids until I met Dallas’s children, and yet somehow, it felt natural as Anna looked up at me with a one-toothed smile. She was the most beautiful little girl I’d ever seen. My chest squeezed as she began to talk to me brokenly.

“It’s unreal, she’s been through four sitters and came close to hating her grandparents, and with you, it’s just so natural,” Dallas said, amazed.

“Maybe she’s just opening up a bit?” I said, bouncing her in my lap.

“Sometimes a girl just needs the right guy to get her to do it.” I froze with Annabelle in my lap, knowing our conversation had moved into dangerous territory.

Dallas sensed my hesitation and reached for Anna. I kissed her cheek and breathed in her scent before I let her go. Anna protested and held her arms back out for me as I started to put my tools back into my box. I had finished the details of the lobby. I only had a few more projects left before I ran out of excuses to stay.

“I’m leaving soon.”

Dallas simply nodded as she held her daughter close. “She’s just... Rose is... Jack, if you’ll be patient—”

“I don’t think that’s the problem,” I said wearily. Unable to keep my thoughts to myself, I asked the question that had been weighing on my mind since the minute I met her.

“What’s she afraid of?”

Dallas looked down at me with a mix of both sympathy and warning. “You.”

I walked out onto the porch, my morning coffee in hand, still in the yoga pants and Austin t-shirt I’d tossed on before I’d turned in the night before. My hair was disgustingly piled on top of my head, and I gave zero shits as I scanned the land in front of me. I’d hidden at my mother’s for the past two days, terrified to face Jack.

He’d texted me twice each morning to tell me I was beautiful and called once, to which I hadn’t responded. His text hadn’t come this morning, which stung in a way I wasn’t prepared for. I hated myself for my behavior, but even more so, I hated the reaction I had to what we’d shared. There never would be a better man to take that Band-Aid away. Though this one hadn’t been painless, at least not in the aftermath, the guilt... the guilt was too much to bear. I sipped my coffee, disgusted with myself.

Dallas had told me when I confessed to her that I’d been intimate with Jack that I’d created this hurdle in my own mind, and that only I could jump over it. I knew she was right. I knew somehow I’d martyred my future romantic life in the ridiculous notion that I could keep Grant close by keeping a man’s affections and attention at bay.

But the other half of me, the one that truly wanted to live again, knew the stupidity of it. I was in an all-out internal struggle to break free. Suddenly aware I wasn’t alone, I looked to see Jack watching me closely from the foot of the porch. The only thing that startled me was just how breathtaking he was to look at.

“Hi,” I offered pathetically.

He took the steps two at a time and was in front of me, clear irritation and confusion covering his face. He hadn’t shaved in the days since I’d last seen him and it was irresistibly sexy. I held my coffee out to him, but he shook his head.

“I could make you a cup,” I offered, pointing my mug toward my open bedroom door.

Ignoring my offer, he reached out, and I flinched as he pulled the clip from my hair so it fell around my shoulders in a hot mess.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, in which I assumed was in lieu of my missed text. Emotion choked me as he looked at me puzzled but full of honesty. I set my cup down on the railing and faced him head on as I pushed out a breath.

“What happened between us was...” I paused, unable to voice the reason for my hesitation.

“What happened between us was fucking perfect, and I dare you to say different. And don’t even try to pretend with me, Rose. You want a repeat as much as I do.” He moved toward me, and I felt my body open to him before my mind had a chance to catch up. I was in his arms, his mouth on mine, a moan vibrating in the back of my throat.

His tongue massaged me, coaxed me, and told me the truth. It had been perfect. What had transpired between us had been more than just sex, more than need, and was filled with a deep connection. With his arms around me and his mouth on mine, I didn’t have to put any more thought into it until he tore his lips away with unsettled eyes.

“But you weren’t sure,” he declared with regret in his eyes. I hated that look. I wanted it gone but was sure it was only a reaction to my hesitance. Once again, I was forced to hide the truth from him, but I wasn’t sure why. I needed to come clean. He could see my guilt, but he didn’t know the reason for it. I didn’t want him to think what happened meant any less to me than it did to him. I wanted nothing more than to explore our connection but the fucking guilt was choking me.

I opened my mouth to speak just as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He reluctantly let go of me but pinned me with his eyes. I could feel the small amount of anger radiating from him. He briefly looked down at the text and cursed in aggravation.

“I have to go. One of the machines—”

“It’s fine. I’ll just... I have to get to work.”

Jack nodded and withdrew, turning to walk away. I felt the pain of it and quickly spoke. “I don’t regret it.”

He stilled, as if waiting for more of an explanation, and when I gave none, he stopped waiting. He moved quickly, walking in the direction of the center. Panic gripped me as the thought that I had blown it with him began to race through me. Unsure of what to do, I watched him walk away, but more and more panic began to build, making it impossible for me to ignore it.

“Jack,” I called after him. His steps didn’t stop. I called his name again, sure he’d heard me the first time. When I got no reaction, my panic turned into action. I jumped on the cart, my hair whipping around me and my braless breasts bouncing with each damned bump I took. I was sure I looked as insane as I felt as I caught up with him and began yelling at black t-shirt clad back. “I’ve been... hurt, and I told you, it’s been a long time for me... since...”

When I got no response, I went in again. “You were great. It was great.” Jack gave me a sideways glance, letting me know what an idiotic statement that was, and at that moment, all I wanted to do was drive my cart into the pond.

“What I meant was, we... you... of course I want to do it again.” Jack picked up his pace in an attempt to hide his smile, but I saw it.

“Will you just get on the damned cart and give me a second! I’m not a morning person!” I was failing miserably, and we both knew it. Yet I had no idea what words he wanted to hear.

Jack kept walking as he paid me no attention, and I quickly became irritated. The heat, my inability to express myself to Jack, and the fact that he was ignoring me, had my temper flaring.

“Look, you horse’s ass, I’m trying to be agreeable, okay!” I skidded to a stop and yelled at his back. When he kept walking, my temper boiled over and I found myself blurting fluent idiot. “Ohhhhh, Jack, it was the best, most amaaaazing sex I’ve ever had! And I’m sure I would very much like to do it again and as soon as possible. Maybe right here, right now?” I tapped the seat next to me and gritted my teeth as he took one infuriating step after another. “No? Okay, so when you’re done being a jerk and can forgive my inarticulate way of being agreeable, give me a call!”

I heard laughter beside me and jerked my head in the direction of the farmers who were sitting at the field’s edge eating their breakfast. Humiliated again, I narrowed my eyes at Jack as he remained steadfast and ignored me. Furious at this point, I floored the cart and sped up to him as he neared the halfway mark to the center. No longer willing to be cast aside, and with my dignity hanging by a thread, I ran him off the sidewalk and knocked him sideways on his ass. Completely unconcerned with his wellbeing, I jumped off the cart and stood in front of him as he looked up at me, amused and chuckling.

“I’m trying here, Jack! What do you want me to say?!”

Jack grabbed a hand off my hip and jerked me down into his lap, much the same way he did the day I met him. His lips claimed my parted ones, and he kissed me hard and thoroughly. I gripped him tight to me and kissed him back with everything in me. He pulled away with my favorite smile, and I returned it.

“Honestly, baby, I just want you to shut the hell up at this point. I think you’ve said enough.” He shoved me off of his lap, and I landed on my ass with a thud. Indignant and still itching for a fight, I stood to watch him approach my cart and climb into the driver’s side. Fully expecting to join him, I stood open mouthed when he began to drive away in the direction of the clinic.

“Hey,” I protested.

“Time out, Rose.”

“You ass!”

“Get some new material!” I could hear his smile as I all but growled behind him, coming up with plenty of fresh material.

I looked to the sky as more hysterical laughter bellowed out behind me. I raised my hand and gave the one finger salute as I watched Jack drive off. Shoulders slumped, I turned to face my audience and glared in their direction, daring them to say a word. When nothing came, I stomped my way back home then broke down in a ball of laughter in the shower.

That night after my shift, I was disheartened to see Jack’s bike gone. I was a twenty-eight-year-old woman in a time out.

The next day, I decided to test out the waters with Jack by bringing catered lunch to the crew. Jack had a right to be pissed off, but at some point, we had to make peace. I’d done nothing but battle guilt and fantasize about him. I owed him an apology, but more than that, I’d screwed up the first real chance I’d had at making progress in a new relationship.

I brought the sandwiches through the double doors, unable to keep from scanning the lobby for any sign of him. My eyes found him on a ladder in the midst of mounting one of two huge healing poles he’d crafted by hand by mimicking a design he’d seen in Africa. I admired his stunning work as I spread out the food on a long plastic table and waited for any one of the workers to acknowledge me. After several minutes, and my nerves fraying at the ends, I put my finger and thumb to my mouth and with a loud whistle made damn sure everyone heard it. Seeing a few of the workers make their way over, I made a beeline for the break room to grab the cooler full of drinks.

With a deep breath, I reemerged to a table full of the hungry crew, who thanked me through mouthfuls of food and eager sips of cold beverages. Jack stayed planted on his ladder, his ear buds in and his attention far from reach. I admired his immaculate body as he worked diligently on his task. He was in his usual jeans and black work boots but had decided to forgo his t-shirt for a black wife beater. He was pure strength and masculinity, and I had to bite my lip hard to stifle the moan trying to escape my throat.

His arms flexed with every strike of his hammer. I took in the broad shoulders I’d had my hands on just days before that led down to a perfectly trim waist. I gasped a little as I visualized the movement of his hips as he hovered over me and what lay beneath his jeans.