The Heart (34 page)

And as the wind picked up and I held Grant closer to me than ever, the unthinkable happened. I embraced the idea fully and with renewed certainty.

“Grant, if you can hear me, I love you. I’ll always miss you. I’ll always wish you were here,” I said as a few solid tears trickled down my cheeks. “I’m so thankful,” I said as my chest burned. “I’m so thankful to have known you, to have loved you. God, you were awesome. I’ll see you again.”

I heard my wind chimes sound behind me as another strong gust kicked up and swept over the pond and thunder rolled in the distance. I grunted and stood with the baby in my arms and made it to the house just as the rain started to come down. My phone vibrated next to me as I sat in my recliner, watching the rain pound away on my deck. I looked over to see a message from Jack.

Jack: I love you.

Rose: Rap & R&B 101 Come Back to Me, Janet Jackson

In the six days he’d been gone, he’d texted me every day with the same words. I wanted to give him the time he needed to come to grips with our situation. I had no plans of giving up on him, and even though he’d been absent, I knew he wasn’t going to let go of us, either. At least, I hoped he wouldn’t.

Life had been cruel to us both. Even ten years after his devastation and loss, he was still giving in to his fear, but it was only through his love for me that he had to face it again. He’d lived through unrequited love and loss, and I’d put him in the position to feel the exact same hurt. I couldn’t fault him for that. It made him human. It was hard to believe a man as beautiful as Jack could feel so insecure, but it made him even more real to me. He had a fragile heart and it wasn’t a flaw. It was a gift.

And I wanted that heart.

Laying Grant on my bed, a new decision made, I walked over to my desk drawer and grabbed an empty purple journal. I sat in my chair as I watched the rain fall outside and stared at the tree that had changed my world what seemed like a lifetime ago.

I picked up my pen and began to write.

We fell in love in a lightning strike, an anomaly in a sea of lost people.

“It’s really coming down out there, folks,” the broadcaster announced along with flashflood warnings for the southern parishes of Louisiana. I pressed through the storm in my SUV, my wipers working overtime as renewed excitement raced through me.

I’d finished writing the story of me and Grant the previous day, and once I was done, I wrapped the journal in purple ribbon and tucked it away in a hope chest. But I knew deep inside, as Grant had professed in his last words to me, he’d always have a home in my heart.

Always.

Though I knew those memories and the time I spent with Grant would probably never truly fade in detail, I could no longer relive them the way I had been.

The same heart that I swore could never hold another was now heavy and full of Jack and had been for some time. I’d just been afraid to admit it.

I missed him every minute of every day. That was how I was supposed to feel about the man I loved. I wanted to be surrounded by him constantly. I wanted that overwhelming need for him, a new and permanent part of my life. I was fully in love, fully invested in him, and I was determined to convince him of it.

The GPS informed me I had another twenty minutes as I took the exit as instructed.

I spent that time remembering the rough patch my parents had gone through when I was twelve.

It had been far too obvious with the extended silences at the dinner table, and my father’s long absences out of town for work. Though I’d never caught my mother crying, I could feel her heartbreak. It had lasted for what felt like an eternity. I remembered thinking: if they didn’t make it, no one could. Even then, I knew how special their connection was.

But even the best, rarest kind of love had its flaws, took work, patience, and dedication.

Feeling hopeless, I watched them disconnect. Those were some of my darkest days. I couldn’t imagine them not being together. I couldn’t imagine life with them separately, and apparently, neither could they because they’d put a stop to it. And I had witnessed it.

I was once again sneaking around for my usual midnight snack when I saw the living room light on. It was pouring outside, and I remember seeing lightning strike a few blocks away out of the kitchen window. I heard the sound of the TV but knew my mother was simply staring at it without retaining anything. She’d been so quick to smile whenever Dallas and I walked into the room, but I’d wanted to, more than once, comfort her.

My father had still managed to show up to every one of my soccer games, determined to save face, and yet I felt their emptiness. Dallas ignored the tension in the house, lost her in her own world, and refused to talk to me about it. I think she was just as scared as I was. I was just about to take residence next to my mother and pull a blanket around us when I heard my father’s truck brakes squeak in the drive. I dodged his headlights and jumped back into the kitchen to get a clear view of the front door. My mother lifted from the couch in confusion. When she saw his truck, she smoothed down her long hair and her nightgown then met him at the door.

My father stood there, defeated and soaking wet, just feet away from her as she looked at him with hopeful eyes.

“What happened?” he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

“You stopped talking to me,” my mother answered with the same shakiness in her voice.

“This life,” my father said with his eyes glued to her. “I can’t do it without you. I can’t, baby. I‘m so fucking lost.”

I heard my mother’s soft sob as she wrapped her arms around him. “You can’t shut me out, no matter what happens.” I stood, silently crying in the kitchen as my parents made promise after promise.

“This project, it just drove me insane. It’s not worth it. Jesus, baby, what did I do? I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. God, I love you. I’m so sorry,” he whispered as both my mother and I cried together in separate rooms.

“I should have listened, Seth,” my mother said as he held her face in his hands.

“Never again, it’s not worth it,” he said as his mouth descended in a kiss. “You’re all that matters. This family is everything.”

“I know,” she replied in a soft whisper and held him tightly to her. “Love me, Seth.”

“I’ll never stop,” he whispered back as I made my way up the stairs, snack-less but with a huge smile on my face.

My parents would never truly know how much influence they had on me in the romantic sense. Maybe one day I would confess to them just how much they’d moved me, just how much they’d shaped my heart. I had them to thank for the leap I was about to make. They had their timeless story, and I was ready to fight for mine.

I had no real plan but to show up in hopes that seeing me in the place he loved the most, in his world, would make a sort of difference in his outlook. I wasn’t sure what it would take to convince him of my love, but I knew I had to try.

Because I was no longer the only one who needed him.

I was going to have his baby.

When the GPS told me I’d arrived, I parked quickly in the first available space and gave myself a good once over in the rearview. I’d spent the morning pampering myself at the spa and salon. It seemed I’d made a few permanent changes of my own. I looked over my carefully applied makeup, straightened my sweater dress, and noted my Chucks were still tied. I’d never be the woman who suffered four-inch heels in lieu of comfort. I was comfortable in my own shoes. The warm dress I’d bought was blue with gray flowers that reminded me of Jack’s eyes.

I was six weeks pregnant and neither of us had noticed, too involved, too busy trying to race back to each other. Even in his absence, I hadn’t even blinked at my missed period or the new fullness of my breasts. It had only occurred to me when I began getting sick a few days ago to take a test, and when I did, I felt nothing but elated. Shocked but elated... and fearful. Jack and I had barely had the chance to get to know each other. I had no idea how he would react to the news or if he still wanted me.

Pushing my shoulders back with a deep breath, I ran my manicured hands through my blowout, thankful for the modern day weapons to battle the ever-present frizz, especially on a day like today. I realized I hadn’t looked at my surroundings once since I’d arrived downtown but ignored my disappointment. I had tunnel vision, and its name was Jack Sawyer. I scanned his building and jerked back slightly in surprise to see Jack on the balcony a few stories above me. He was staring into the distance, completely oblivious to me underneath him. I watched him for a few moments, admiring his rugged good looks as I sat there trying to come up with a good opening line and praying for some small reprieve from the relentless cold rain. The building was as old as New Orleans, that much I could tell, but had been newly renovated. Jack had told me New Orleans was magical and that the city itself couldn’t be explained but needed to be experienced. Even in the dreary setting, I believed him. Or maybe it was the optimism I felt from just looking at him.

“I love you,” I whispered as I watched him and a slow smile spread on my face. Seconds later, a beautiful woman appeared behind him. She had long auburn hair and a stunning figure, and seemed way too intimately familiar with him. They said a few words and I saw Jack’s slow smile,
my
smile, light up his face.

“No,” I whispered then shouted as he looked back at her with... love in his eyes, and she folded him into her arms. I’d never been a jealous woman, not in all my years, but somehow that had changed with loving Jack. I would have to get a hold of it at some point and bitch slap the hell out of it.

I moved quickly, unable to do anything else, and exited the SUV with a large lump of fear in my throat. I pounded up the steps, covered up to my ankles in the residual rain. I was soaked by the time I reached the doorstep and began to pound on it like a woman possessed.

I waited a full minute with no response and felt the vibration of music through the door. Minutes later, my soul crushed and hope evading me, I was about to take my leave when a woman who looked like she’d just stepped out of Whoville greeted me.

“Hi,” I said, taking in her bright green pants and purple... shirt, if you could call it that. “You must be Rory.”

“Rose,” she said, yanking me into the house and ripping my purse from my arm. “You should go upstairs.”

I looked at her oddly.

“I saw a woman,” I said as a lingering question. “He’s with her up there?”

“My nephew is good looking enough to make you crazy, I know,” she said, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers as she led me up the stairs. It was odd holding hands with her like that, but I couldn’t say Jack hadn’t warned me about her. She was an unusual person, as he’d described. We stopped at the doorway, and I instantly wanted to be anywhere else, but froze when Rory announced my presence.

“LOOK!” she shouted at the top of her lungs as an entire table full of people glanced our way. Jack’s eyes met mine. He stood up slowly from the long, full dinner table.

“I’m so sorry,” I said to Jack as heat spread throughout my face. “I should have called, but I wanted to surprise you.” I looked venomously at the woman who was seated next to him and made my excuse. “Maybe you can call me when you’re done here.”

Jack walked over to me as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, and the woman followed behind him while the rest of the table remained quiet. I didn’t want to meet her. Why didn’t Jack stop her?

“You just got here, why would you leave?” Jack said as he gave me the same damned smile he gave her moments ago. I wanted to slap it off him.

Hormones, Rose.

“You’re entertaining, apparently,” I said unable to keep the bite out of my voice. Jack laughed as he grabbed the hand of the woman who was ruining my life and squeezed it. “Told you she had a temper.”

“You haven’t a clue,” I pushed out with pure contempt.

“Rose, this is my Aunt Nadine,” he said with a chuckle as she stood in front of me with a humor-filled smile. She was much older than I’d originally deducted from afar. I wasn’t sure how much older she was, but she was stunning. “And this,” he said as he wrapped his arms around the next woman who approached and had his eyes, “is my mother, Amy. You’ve met my Aunt Rory. And over there,” he said of the two men seated at the table, openly enjoying my display, “is my Uncle Spencer and my father, Jack Sr.”

I cleared my throat as water dripped from every porous surface of my body. “Nice to meet you all.”

“Pleasure,” his uncle said from the table, a drink in hand.

“Absolutely is,” his father said, giving me a once over and winking at his son.

“Easy, Dad,” Jack scolded as his mother stood in front of me now. “You’re far prettier than he told us you were,” his mother sounded before she pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged her back, afraid of soaking her, but gave as good as I got.

“All right guys, she’s soaked. Start on your dinner and I’ll bring her back in a minute.” Wordless and stunned, Jack grabbed my hand and led me down the hallway where I’d left a puddle of rainwater then down a very long hall to his bedroom. I took a long look around at the high ceilings and the tasteful and strategically placed décor. There were masks of all kinds showcased on a shelf on his wall along with tons of other objects I couldn’t name to save my life. He had a four-poster bed that sat in the middle of the huge room dressed in pure white. Stacks and stacks of books sat next to a newly built library case. I was completely floored. He’d been such a huge part of my world, and I hadn’t so much as set foot in his. I pushed off the guilt as I thought of the way he’d left my world. Jack emerged from the adjoining bathroom with a towel and began to dry me off. When his attempt failed, and I was still shivering, he gripped the hem of my cotton dress, but I stopped him.