The Heart Series: Complete Boxed Set (105 page)

I flicked through the pages of the assignment due in two weeks’ time. We were on a week’s break, and I was due to start back after the holiday had finished. I clicked on Google for some research, but it was useless. I needed to go to check some books out of the library. I sighed in despair and tossed the paper down onto my desk. Today was not the day I’d be leaving this house.

This is it, just walk out the door and go to the library. You can do this. You can handle this. I told myself over and over, yet my brain didn’t seem willing to believe it.

Just go, turn the handle and open the door.

“Oh this is stupid,” I said out loud as I grabbed the handle and wrenched the door back. I quickly locked it behind me and cautiously headed to the library. With everyone I passed, I nervously looked on. I was like a man on the verge. I needed to calm down, but my hands were sweating and I could feel my heart quicken each time a guy walked towards me.

Calm the fuck down.

I sighed when the library came into view. I was almost there, just needed to check some books out, and then I could go straight home.

A quick skim of the shelves gave me the books I needed. I was glad I got in there quick smart before anyone else checked them out. I pulled out my library card and promptly checked them out, slipping them into my satchel. When I got outside, I took a breather. I had done this. I was fine. Well until my eyes fell upon my usual haunt of Starbucks. I had mixed feelings about the place. My first thought was of Luke, but B had told me he had quit his job there. The only good reminder was of mine and Ollie’s first date there. The thought alone made me smile thinking back to how shy he had been that day. He was so damn cute, I had never seen that before. I remembered just how happy I felt at the prospect of something potentially happening between us. We had come so far in just those few weeks, everything was looking so rosy until Luke had stepped in and promptly fucked up my whole life. I hated him for what he had done, his actions had blown my world to pieces and now I was left to deal with the cruel aftermath.

I wanted to go in.

Fuck, could I?

I suddenly felt nostalgic, like the memory playing inside my head was not enough. I sighed at the stupid thought. I just needed to go home and stop going down memory lane, it brought me nothing but sadness. Except my legs didn’t seem to comply with my wishes as I headed towards the doorway. I took a deep breath, swinging open the door. Everything was the same except for Luke standing behind the counter. There stood in his place was another cute guy, but I didn’t let that thought linger. I was going to order some coffee and then leave. Except after I paid, I walked over to our table. The one we had our first date and sat at every time. It was our table, we had even made a joke out of it. I felt lost without him but being here brought a little comfort sparking all the good memories inside. I relived each one, sipping on my coffee. I closed my eyes and let the general chatter wash over me. It was good to be out, to have my freedom back. Today had been a big step in taking back my life. I would have to tell my therapist about it, she had been pushing me in our last few sessions to go out alone, to slowly build up my confidence. She’d be happy I’d finally found the courage, B too. I’d have to FaceTime her later and tell her the good news.

I sighed and drained the last of my cup, I was just about ready to leave when a shadow cast over me. I instantly looked up into the blue eyes I felt like I hadn’t seen in forever.

“Is this seat taken?” Ollie asked.

I stared at him stunned. Was he really here? Oh god was this one of this annoying dreams where you wake up pissed because you wanted it to be real.

He stood there staring at me looking slightly amused.

“Errr no,” I managed to choke out, prompting him to take it. He smiled dragging it out from under the table before sitting down, quickly stripping off his jacket. He was wearing the green and black checked shirt that he always rolled up at the sleeves. I loved him in that shirt; it brought out his eyes. My eyes flicked back up to his face when I realised he was staring. He smiled and I blushed.

God that was a first.

“Do you want another?” Ollie asked.

I nodded and he stood swiftly heading towards the counter. I was in shock. He was here. He was really here. But why? Was it just coincidence? Or did he come here too, did it hold the same memories to him as it had to me. My head was filled with far too many thoughts that I didn’t notice he had returned. He placed both cups down then sat back in his chair. I freaked a little and took a big slurp promptly burning my tongue.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I murmured angrily.

Ollie snorted and my eyes flashed to his then softened. It was good to hear him laugh, to see him sat in front of me.

“So how have you been?” he asked between sips.

“Oh you know, nearly got killed by a homophobic nut job but apart from that fine,” I replied sarcastically.

He spat the best part of his drink across the table as I grabbed a napkin quickly drying off my face.

“You always were straight to the point,” he added.

“Yep, that’s me.” There was no denying that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come by sooner. I wanted to. I just—”

“It’s fine,” I quickly cut in.

“No it isn’t, I was so ashamed for believing Luke’s lies. I just thought because you kept it hidden from me there was more than what you were telling me. The more I thought about it, the more I read into it.”

“I confronted Luke and told him to come clean but he refused, he didn’t want to be outed and so placed the blame on me. But I never once gave him reason to believe I ever wanted more. That was all on him.”

“I know, B rang me and told me the whole story but I knew in my heart you were telling the truth. I guess I always seem to believe the bad, it’s just something I’ve became accustomed to.” His eyes dropped down looking ashamed.

“B rang you?” I asked surprised.

He nodded. “Yeah, she told me everything and about how much you missed me. She said you were slowly getting back to the old Elijah but she was afraid that you’d lost a part of you that day.”

I smiled sadly. “I think I did,” I admitted. “It’s taken everything to come out here today. I hate being stuck indoors, but I’m too scared to venture out. My therapist said I should celebrate each small achievement, so that’s why I’m here. I was at the library and I just decided I needed to be here. It made me feel closer to you. I know that sounds stupid—”

“No, it doesn’t. I come in here most days, well once I found out Luke had quit. I think part of me was waiting for you to walk through the door. I was too scared to ring in case you rejected me,” he confessed with a frown.

“I would never do that.”

“Well I wouldn’t blame you with the way I acted. I was a coward.”

“You were scared,” I said trying to reassure him.

“I’m tired of being scared.” He sighed.

“Me too.” I stiffened as he grabbed my hand, his eyes flashed with a fear of rejection before I squeezed it reassuringly. I felt his hand slowly relax.

“So I finally came out to my parents.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “You what? Oh god, how did they react?”

“Well my dad went ballistic and threw me out,” he said shrugging like it was inevitable.

“No!”

“Yep, he told me he was ashamed of me and he wouldn’t have me living under his roof a moment longer.”

“Wow, that’s harsh.” I pulled a face at the very thought of their cruelty.

“Yeah, my mum didn’t say anything but the look of disgust she wore throughout was enough to tell me I didn’t have her approval.”

“So I take it you won’t be working for your dad anymore?” Although that was a given after the way he had reacted.

“Yeah, I got booted out the house and fired in the same day.”

The look in his eyes filled me with such sadness. “Sheesh, that’s one tough day.”

He nodded. “Yeah, but it’s fine now. I went to stay at my nan’s for a week, my granddad was big in the property lettings before he retired and managed to get me a small flat. He’s paying the rent on it, I refused at first but he told me I would only be getting it in my inheritance so I may as well have it now.”

“Wow, I like your granddad already.” He sounded much better than what his disgraceful parents did. I was glad he had someone in his family that was looking out for him.

He smiled at just the mention of his name. “He is a legend, he said he’s ashamed of my parents. Especially my mother, he said he never raised her to have this view on life and hates that she’s so materialistic and concerned about what everyone else is thinking rather than her own.”

“Well, he hit that nail on the head,” I added.

“He always is straight to the point, you would get on well with him that way.” He chuckled.

“I’d like to meet him, sounds like a really nice guy.” I smiled at the thought of meeting the nicer side of his family.

“He’s the best. I got the keys a couple of days ago and started to move my stuff. It’s what they call a studio apartment, which they mean tiny.” He pulled a face.

“You say tiny, I say cosy,” I replied winking.

“I don’t have much but it’s furnished, just have to buy a few things to brighten it up. It’s a blank canvas at the moment, I’m just staring at beige walls.”

My body stirred just at the thought of a challenge. “Well I could help in that department,” I offered.

He instantly smiled. “I was hoping you would say that, I just didn’t like to ask.”

“Well I’d need to see it first, to see what I have to work with.” I could already feel myself mentally starting to put ideas together.

“I’m not going to be around much as I’ve just started my new job, working at Southerby’s in town,” he warned but that was fine, then I’d be able to just go with my own idea.

“Working at a rival coffee shop? They won’t be happy about you being in here,” I whispered jokingly.

He smiled. “I know, but I came here only for you not for the coffee.”

“Oh,” I replied, stunned at his honesty.

“Well I might have to make that my new coffee shop haunt now I know a cute guy is working behind the counter, plus they sell the most amazing cupcakes, like seriously they are to die for.” I could eat them by the dozen, just the thought alone had my mouth watering.

“I think I’ve already eaten my body weight in them,” he confessed with a smile.

“Maybe you can slip me a free one the next time I’m in?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He winked and I grinned. He squeezed my hand and his face lost his smile and mixture of sadness now crossed his face.

“I’ve really missed you, Elijah.” The honesty present in his eyes told me he meant every word.

“I know, I’ve missed you too.” I really had.

“Do you think maybe in time we can get back to where we were?” he asked frowning at the prospect that I might refuse.

“I hope so. I’m not going to lie but it hurt that you weren’t there for me after the accident, but you’ve had your own shit to deal with.” I had to be honest with him if this relationship was going to work.

“That’s no excuse, I’ve no right to ask.” He made to pull away but I squeezed his hand.

“I’m glad you did. Look at me,” I ordered. “If these past few weeks have taught me anything it’s to live life the way I want. I nearly died that, day but now I’ve been given a second chance and I’m going to live it to the fullest.”

“I just want you to know that just because I wasn’t around, didn’t mean I didn’t care,” he whispered, urging me with his eyes to believe him.

“I know, I know.”

“Maybe we can be friends?” he asked looking hopeful.

“Possibly.”

Ollie’s face fell at the instant rejection. I grabbed his hand and his eyes flicked up to meet mine. “But I want way more.”

“Really?” he asked still looking unsure.

“Never been more certain in my life. Now how about buying me a brownie to celebrate?” I was more than ready for a chocolate fix after this intense conversation.

“Oh I think I can manage that.”

“Maybe make it two, you know just in case,” I added with a wink.

“So this is your new pad,” I remarked enthusiastically walking through the door. It was true, it was small but I could inject some colour into it. It didn’t take me long to work my way through, within seconds I was done.

“Like I said small,” Ollie added.

“No, you mean cosy. Do you know what type of vibe you want the place to have?”

“Not really.” He shrugged, looking lost by it all.

“Well, would you like it be more modern, retro or minimalistic?”

“Retro sounds good.”

“I know just a place that sells amazing prints. Now colour scheme.” I looked around the place. He had a black leather sofa so purple would help give it a colour pop.

“How about purple? Or maybe red?” They would both work well either way with the black, but I wanted him to be the one to decide.

“I think purple will look better,” he finally said and I had to agree. I smiled, excited about my new venture.

* * *

I spent the next few days out and about shopping. Ollie didn’t realise but giving me something to focus on helped to finally push myself back into the outside world. For the first hour, I nearly hyperventilated, but once I got into my stride, it all came effortlessly. My mother and Brianne were beyond ecstatic when I announced we were back together. B in particular had said she was so happy. I think she still lived with the guilt of what Luke had done and could now start to feel okay that I was finally in a good place after the attack. School was starting back soon, but I put that out of my head. Having to deal with the large crowds was going to be hard, but I refused to let myself slide back and become a hermit again. I needed to concentrate on the task in hand and not be distracted. Ollie was going to be blown away with what I had bought, if I did say so myself. His new pad was going to have the boost it needed. I felt excited for the first time in a while, especially when Ollie handed over a key for me to let myself in. I tried not to read too much in it, it was because he was busy at the coffee shop, but this little piece of metal held so much hope. He’d told me he wanted me to have a copy and that his place was just as much mine. I had goose bumps when he uttered those words. Slowly but surely those little pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together in building the future I had so desperately wanted.

After finally completing my shopping trip, I set about making the flat a real home. I knew it must have been really scary to be thrown out into the real world at eighteen, I was grateful for the fact my mother would be willing to keep me at home for a few more years, because bills over buying clothes, the thought alone horrified me. I set about hanging the prints and arranged the cushions, rug and lamps around the room. After hanging the curtains and light shades, I stood back to admire my handiwork—the place looked a million times better. I grabbed the pizza menu and rang in an order knowing Ollie would be more than tired when he arrived home. I’d just gotten the pizza plated when he walked through the door looking beyond shattered.

“Oh please tell me that’s pizza I can smell,” he asked looking hopeful.

“Correct, extra pepperoni just the way you like it.”

“You are a lifesaver.” He took a huge bite and groaned, looking like he really needed that.

“Ahem.” I motioned with my eyes towards the lounge area and his eyes flicked over then widened.

“Oh my god, I love it,” he said surprised by it all.

“You do?” I asked feeling pleased with myself. The smile on his face was more than worth all the hard work.

“Thank you so much.” He crashed his lips against mine and I fell back groaning against the counter.

“Shit sorry, I haven’t hurt you, have I?” He leapt back looking scared by my reaction.

“No, I’m fine, but maybe my lips are a little bruised. You want to kiss them better?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” He chuckled and I groaned with happiness the moment they touched mine again. It had been so long since I had felt this kind of euphoria that only his lips could provide. We kissed until we had to come up for air, it was the only reason I could think of stopping right now.

“Oh wow,” he breathed and I couldn’t help but agree.

“I think the pizza is getting cold.”

“It was worth it though. I seriously can’t believe what you’ve done though. Thank you. It looks far more homely now.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m pleased I could help you with your new home.”

“It could be our home,” he added hesitantly.

“I think we’re getting a little bit ahead of ourselves there.”

“Sorry, forget I said anything.” Ollie made to walk off but I grabbed him pinning him into the counter.

“Let me finish. I can’t move in full time, my mother as much as she loves and supports us would not be happy, but I can stay over say two nights a week.”

“Make it three and I’ll throw in a pizza.” He grinned, his eyes urging me to give into his demands.

How could I possibly refuse?

“Well three it is then,” I replied, as his lips soon found their way to mine. “What about the pizza?”

“We can warm it up later, I’m not done kissing you yet.”

Now that was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

* * *

“Do you fancy staying over tonight?” Ollie suggested smiling.

“Err I’d have to ask first.” My mother as laid back as she was always liked to be asked, after all it was only polite to let her know about my whereabouts.

“I just would like you here. If you can’t, that’s fine.” He shrugged trying and failing to not look disappointed. The look on his face made me smile knowing how much he wanted me to stay.

I quickly typed out a text and got an instant reply. That’s what I loved about my mother she was just so amazing.

“She said it’s fine and that she hopes we have a great night.” I grinned.

“So what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know yet, but I know the first thing I want is those lips of yours.”

“Yeah, I think that can be arranged,” he replied grinning.

We kissed and touched and tasted each other, but one thing we had never discussed was how ready Ollie was for taking this further. I was scared of pushing it so kept it strictly PG with my hands never venturing south of his hips.

“Elijah,” he moaned between kisses.

“Yeah.”

“Will you touch me?”

“I am touching you,” I replied sarcastically.

“No, I mean will you touch me?”

My hand slowly slid down from his chest to be met with his hard cock standing to attention in his jeans.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked hesitantly, scared that he might suddenly decide different. I wanted him to be okay with everything we did together. I didn’t want to rush him in anyway.

“I’ve never been more certain,” he breathed sexily.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” I urged, the moment he uttered those words I would back off.

“Okay.”

I managed to prize open the button and slid my hand inside, feeling him rock against me, his cock straining against his underwear.

“My, someone is a big boy,” I remarked when my hand slid by the barrier of the cotton and gripped him tight in my hand.

“Fuck,’ he hissed.

“Do you want me to—?”

“No, keep going, I need this, I need you.” His voice sounded strained but I knew he was enjoying every minute of it, so I wanted to make it as amazing as I possibly could.

“Okay.” I moved my hand along his length, starting with slow strokes, building up faster.

“Oh god,” he panted between kisses. “So good, so damn good.”

“Do you know what would be better?” I asked. Hoping he would agree to my next plan of action.

“What?”

“My mouth.”

He pulled away looking slightly alarmed but then nodded slightly, that was all I needed. I manoeuvred him around and slid off the sofa, opening his jeans wider as my fist still held him. I gave him one last look as he closed his eyes and my mouth zeroed in on him. I licked the head and he flinched before relaxing, taking him deeper and deeper into my mouth. My fingers squeezed his balls, and he groaned with delight as I continued on giving him his first male blowjob.

I had become quite a master at it and I could see by the way his toes curled up tight and the way his fingers clenched onto my hair, he was close.

“Oh god Elijah—oh god—fuuuuuck.”

He came fast and hard in my mouth and I swallowed, wiping the corner of my mouth as I sat back up and looked into the most beautiful dreamy blue eyes. I could tell he’d had the best orgasm of his life and a deep sense of pride filled me that I was a part of giving him so much pleasure.

“Oh god,” was all he could manage to get out.

“I told you I’m good,” I replied feeling proud.

“I’ve never came that hard and fast before, I nearly broke a blood vessel.”

I laughed at his honesty. “You’re welcome.”

“God, I love your mouth.”

“Why, thank you.” I pretended to bow.

“Do you want me to—”

“No, it’s fine,” I insisted, waving him away. This was his night, I wanted to give him the pleasure he so richly deserved.

“But I could—”

“Have you ever?” I cut in but from the look on his face it was apparent he hadn’t.

“No.” He blushed and I couldn’t help but smile at how innocent he was.

I took hold of his hand as his eyes made their way to mine. “Then I can’t wait to be your first but not tonight, this is about you.”

“Thank you, it was . . .”

“Mind-blowing?”

“Yep, I’m so glad you’re here, that I get to experience this with you.”

“Me too, I can’t wait to experience more firsts with you.”

I watched his eyes light up in excitement at the prospect of having a future together and I smiled feeling the same security wash over me. He was all I wanted and it comforted me to think he felt exactly the same.