The Heart-Shaped Emblor (The Ewlishash Series) (17 page)

“Do you remember what it was? A church? An old school house?” I urged.

“No,” she said, and Dad shook his head.

“Okay. Thanks anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you,” I added as I waved on my way out the door.

Once in my car, I finally had a moment to absorb what happened. My life seemed to be completely out of control, yet at the same time, synchronous.

The cool wet air depleted my mood even further. Everything was foggy and unclear. I was emotionally numb.

As I drove down the road, I decided to look for Jaden. I headed toward the state park, allowing Jaden’s misery to overshadow my parents’ revelation. The fog was so thick that I had to turn off the high beams.

Ten minutes passed before I finally reached the state park. I circled the park several times, but found no white building. A long, dirt road went all the way around the main entrance, so I tried it. I was at the tail end of the gravel road when I saw a faint old building under the moonlight. After pulling over, I rolled down my window and could make out a broken windmill, hardly visible through the dark and fog. Nevertheless, I was there.

I got out cautiously, my eyes darting back and forth across the area. My nerves were on high alert, making every breaking twig and swaying branch seem like a giant was walking over them. Even the fresh scent of dew on the grass filled my senses.

After taking a deep breath, I headed toward the building. I looked as far as I could through the fog, but there was nothing there. I didn’t want to head inside the building alone, so I peeked through a broken window instead.

There was nothing inside but damaged wood and shattered glass shimmering under the night sky. No odd star shape, no round building. The place from my dream must be a different building and windmill. I got back into my car. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed as I pulled onto the road again.

Too much time was passing, and I knew I should be calling Alexander, but I just couldn’t yet. My chest ached with worry and fear not only for Jaden, but also as to who I really was. What if my father had forced my mother, did that make me bad as well? Confusion cluttered my mind, and before I knew it, I was lost in a sea of mist, unable to locate the highway again.

I pulled over to figure out where I was, and my phone rang, breaking me from my moment of frustration. It was Alexander.

“Hello?”

“Aislinn? Are you hurt? What happened?” He sounded frightened.

“I’m fine.”

“Where are you?” he demanded.

“I’m not sure.”

“It’s almost eight-thirty. What’s going on? Are you in your car still?” Now I understood his panic.

“Yes,” I replied. “I got lost.”

“You should have called me. I’ve been worried sick. What’s around you? I can come find you.”

“I’m not sure. I was out by the state park, but I couldn’t find my way back to the highway. It’s too foggy to tell exactly where I am.”

“Aislinn,” he protested. “You sound upset. What’s going on?”

“I…” I tried to speak, but my throat hurt from suppressing my emotions.

“Okay,” he said calmly. “Focus on me, really hard. I’ll be able to find you.”

“I’ll try,” I agreed. I closed my eyes, and pictured Alexander. I thought very hard,
I need you
.

When I opened my eyes, Alexander walked out of the fog and toward my car. Shock distracted me from my misery, if only for a moment. I looked down at the phone, realizing that he had found me before I could even hang up. He was fast.

I hung up my phone just as he reached my door. Alexander opened the door and grabbed my hand, pulling me from the car. The gentle shock that always came from his touch had grown to be a comfort already. My body reacted on its own, and I was buried in his arms in no time.

“What happened?” he urged again.

“I need a minute, please…”

He hugged me tighter. “Take all the time you need.”

“I think I may be in shock,” I confessed. “Today has offered up more than my mind can take in.” My words came so softly, I wasn’t sure if Alexander caught all I said.

“That’s okay,” he chuckled. “It’s a good thing I know how to find you.” He rubbed my shoulders.

“And now… now I have to learn even more about myself if I have any hope of helping Jaden.” I sighed wearily.

“True,” Alexander acknowledged. “But the Jarwin only approved for you to know exactly what you needed, not all. So I think you can handle what I have to tell you. You already know much more than I did at your age, and you seem to accept things very well. Not really needing proof, just questions answered.” He broke off for a moment, becoming very serious. “So… Are you going to tell me what your parents told you?”

I looked up at him, eyes wide. “How did you know they talked to me?”

“You said they were hiding something from you, and then the Jarwin told me your parents were going to talk to you about something important.”

“Oh.” My eyes narrowed. “How did they know?”

My mood soured even more. Had they already known about my adoption? If so, why hadn’t they revealed it to me? For some reason, I felt deep down that my parents’ revelation had something to do with why Jaden was missing.

Alexander pulled me closer, looking into the distance. “They know, because they know many things. About us, about this world, and beyond.” He met my gaze again, pulling my face up so he could see that I was listening. “The Jarwin told me that things were kept from you, and in turn, from me. Since your safety now seems to be in question, they felt it was time for you to know the truth. But they can’t just interfere with our lives. They’re not like us, or the Tirates. The Jarwin are something entirely different. I will explain what I know of them one day, but for now, we need to focus on you. For tonight, all you need to know is that they felt it was time for you to know the truth. So they nudged your parents into revealing it to you.”

“Nudged?” Though nudging didn’t necessarily sound like a horrible thing, I shuddered anyway.

“Yes,” he reiterated. “Basically, they made your parents feel like they had to tell you now, whispering in their ears that it was ‘the right thing to do.’ That they owed it to you to be honest.” His voice got lighter. “They urged me to buy you that Celtic jewelry set. I think to help your mom face reality.”

“So…” I spoke with agitation. “This ‘present’ isn’t really a present out of caring? The only reason you got it for me was to guilt my mom into admitting my adoption?” The words came out like fire. My anger at all the lying found its way to the easiest target present.
Alexander
.

His mouth fell open, and he withdrew from me. He stroked his chin, lost in his thoughts, and walked over to the wooded area next to us.

“Of course… adopted, that makes perfect sense. Your birthday, it may be wrong. This may be the correct time after all. Maybe it’s not too early.”

Alexander ignored my other questions and continued on his rant into the trees.

“Hello?” I asked, irritated. “Are you going to keep talking to the woods over there, or answer me?”

It took Alexander a minute to realize I had spoken to him. His face filled with a colorful rage, and he paced back over to me.

“First of all, that was a present because I care about you. The cost may have been a bit steep, but the Jarwin assured me that would be the best gift for you.

“Second, I didn’t do anything to guilt your mom into telling you that you were adopted! I didn’t even know that until you shot off your mouth in anger! So don’t make accusations, please! The Jarwin only do what is best for us. They depend on our abilities too much to cross us. The only reason your family kept that from you was for your safety.

“Third, there’s really no need to throw such harshness around, Aislinn! I understand you have had several big things dropped on you today, but aim your arrows elsewhere.” Alexander glared at me, darkness consuming his eyes. His neck muscles tightened. Maybe I’d made a wrong assumption, but did he have to sound so
enraged
?

I immediately got back into my car and locked the door. I knew I couldn’t get away from him, but he was freaking me out again, which I really couldn’t take right now.

I leaned on the steering wheel, hiding my face. Part of me wanted to run away from all of this. Learning what my abilities were for had always intrigued me, but now, it felt like a curse.

Part of me longed to go back to the time when all I worried about was getting Cooper’s attention or dealing with his critical remarks. Those nasty remarks were nothing compared to the fury that Alexander unleashed on me every time he lost his temper. He rarely yelled, yet the darkness in him scared me, like he could snap at any given moment. That was what frightened me.

Alexander rapped on the window.

“You know those locks can’t keep me out right?” he asked with a bit of sarcasm.

I held up my middle finger.

“Oh,” he said quietly. “Do you want me to leave, then?”

I nodded.

Alexander didn’t move. He just stood outside my window, and I knew there was nothing I could do to get away. As long as he desired it, he would be at my side whether I could see him or not.

He leaned down to the window. “I’m sorry. I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“I’m working on that, I promise.” He leaned his head on the glass. “Will you finish talking with me? We can finish in the car if you’d like.”

I sat debating for a moment. Truly, I needed him. But my fear kept trying to get the better of me. I wasn’t sure I could trust him. Would he defend me with his life if he were mad at me?

“Fine,” I said coolly and hit the locks again.

He scooted into the passenger side and waited silently for me to speak. This wasn’t going to work. I needed Alexander to understand what he did to me every time I saw him like that. He needed to know that I couldn’t trust him when I had no idea if he would be able to control himself. We needed an agreement.

AGREEMENT

“
Why do you do that?” My voice cracked. “You say you’re sorry, but you still scare me. How am I supposed to be able to trust you with my life when you make me fear you so much? I just don’t know if this is worth it for me.” My voice began to fade, but he didn’t seem to notice. Alexander stared at the dashboard in silence.

I watched as the fog moved in strange twists in front of the car.

“I don’t know why the Jarwin chose you for me.” Alexander’s words flowed so slowly that it seemed like he might be trying to hold something in. “I’m just so… angry still.” He turned his head away. “It doesn’t seem like I’m in any shape to be with anyone right now, especially someone so important.” He bit his lip, a frown forming on his face.

“I’m not saying that we should, or shouldn’t, be together.” I placed my hand on his leg. “But I need a partner I can trust all the time, not just when your mood is right. There are times that I’m going to make you mad, and until you can figure out why you get enraged so easily, you aren’t going to do anyone any good, not even yourself.”

“I know,” he said solemnly, refusing to meet my gaze.

“Maybe,” I suggested, “before you tell me about all these ‘bad’ guys, for lack of a better term, and my ‘purpose,’ lets you and I make a pact. Tonight, before anything else, talk to me about your anger. What are your triggers? When did it start? In return, I’ll tell you about myself. Not the stuff you get from the Jarwin, but about me, from my very first memory, right up until finding out about my adoption. What do you say?”

More silence ensued. Alexander really didn’t seem to want to discuss his anger, but my face told him it was necessary. I wasn’t about to trust him on a whim because he’d had one tragic experience growing up. He needed to earn my trust.

“All right.” He finally gave in. “But we don’t have time tonight to recap your entire life. Plus, there are better ways of doing that. Sitting in the night fog isn’t safe or warm. Is there somewhere inside you want to go?”

“Would you mind speaking in front of Hope? I think it’s a safer place to be, and it’s warm. Plus, I’d like to fill her in on my situation, get her opinion maybe. I think it will save time to say it all in front of her.” Part of me also felt safer knowing that I wouldn’t be alone with him, in case he had another flare-up of fury.

“I…” His voice broke off. “I can’t, Aislinn. I don’t mind going there after I talk to you about myself, but I’m not even ready to face my anger issues yet. It’s just, with you I have no other option.”

“Yes you do,” I interrupted.

“Okay,” he acknowledged. “But that is not an option for me. So I only have one, and that’s to talk to you. Something I really don’t want to do. After that part of the conversation, we can go to Hope’s for the rest. Fair?” His voice leaned toward a lighter note.

“Fair,” I agreed. “You talk, I’ll drive.”

“I really don’t want to do this.” He slumped further into his seat.

“And I really don’t want to blindly trust someone I hardly know. It seems that our only options are to learn to be together, or run away. I would rather be vulnerable to one another, and in that, find each other’s strength. Wouldn’t you?”

How could he have argued? My logic made perfect sense, given our circumstances. Alexander would have to talk, and I would have to listen.

I started the car and headed into the night fog.

“I’ve always had a temper,” he began. “Even from early on. If another kid took a toy from me, I would throw a fit and end up hitting or pushing until I got it back. I always felt bad later if I hurt someone, but I still reacted that way to begin with. So my temper is just a part of who I am.” He paused for quite some time, and I thought he had changed his mind, but he finally spoke again. This time softer, more clearly. “It wasn’t until I lost Yasmine that I really got out of control. It was just too much.” He turned to me, meeting my gaze tenderly. “Do you remember, in my letter, I told you how I couldn’t see her after she died?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “You said you would explain that later.”

“Well,” he continued. “The reason that’s a problem is because that means that either she wasn’t human, or she didn’t just die. Either scenario doesn’t make me feel very good.”

“Can you explain that more?” I interjected. “About why there could only be those two options.”

“When we change our speed to a faster vibration, we become less solid. Like when most people see ghosts. They are translucent. That’s because ghosts are vibrating faster than they did in their bodies, not ultimately as fast as we can, but close.

“You will know what I’m talking about when you begin your change. They are not always visible, but when you are tuned in and looking, there will be hordes of people. Mostly all deceased. We can see them because we’re moving close to the same speed. The only difference is that we have the capability to slow back down into a solid. Ghosts don’t have that ability. Their souls are permanently detached from their bodies. There is no slowing down, unless one wishes to be reborn.

“This is getting partly into the reason for our existence, which I want to get into later. But for now, this should do: Part of our purpose is to help others, both living and deceased.

“When people die, there’s almost always unfinished business. Those who need help tying up loose ends come to us. Because they don’t have bodies anymore, the souls sometimes need help to leave a message for loved ones, or to physically move or manipulate something for them.” Alexander shifted in the seat.

“You see, we resonate at a certain frequency in order to exist in this dimension, and when we die, we speed up in order to move on to the next. There is a three-day window of adjustment before we can enter the next dimension. It’s like a membrane to pass through, separating the planes of existence. If we leave loose ends, it can become difficult to speed up enough to move through the membrane and into the next phase. Those unable to move on have two choices: get help from us to make amends for whatever is holding them back, or be reborn into a body.” He took a deep breath and continued.

“With Yasmine, she was just gone. She wasn’t in her body or in between dimensions. Just simply gone. I’d never encountered that before. When I approached the Jarwin with the problem, they told me that meant one of two things. Either she wasn’t human, or someone took her soul. Why, I’m not sure. But she was gone, and no one would help me find her.”

I sat quietly listening to him. I wondered why someone would take her or what he meant by “not human.” What did that mean?

“You tried to find her?” My words came out as a whisper.

“Yes.” His reply was just as soft. “But I had no luck. Even still, to this day, I watch for her. I know that you are my responsibility now, but if something happened to you, I wouldn’t just let it go either.”

“Where do people go when they disappear?” My biological mother entered my mind.

Alexander’s eyebrows pinched. “I’m not sure. There are so many places that we could go. It’s hard to pinpoint one particular location.”

“What do you mean? If we change speeds, does our speed effect where we can go?”

“Very much so. We have to be careful, as I will explain later, not to enter a portal while we are in our changed state. Not even the Jarwin know what happens if we do that. There has never been a case amongst us where someone has passed through a portal and been able to return. We have no idea where they lead… or
when
they lead. That’s why, when you begin to change, I will help you learn how to travel safely.”

“What’s a portal?” My eyes opened wide with curiosity.

“A tunnel, so to speak. Some are spirals of energy, some magnetic, it really just depends on where you are.” Alexander’s voice grew lighter as we moved away from the topic of Yasmine.

“What about a vortex?”

“A vortex is a magnetic portal. Those are the most dangerous. When it’s an energy portal, sometimes we can speed up fast enough to get back out before it’s too late. But with a magnetic one, there’s no hope of getting out. The pull is too strong.” He stopped to stare at me. “Why do you ask? Not many people know what a vortex is.”

“There is one by Hope’s house.” I shrugged. “Before Hope knew who I was, we went there. I passed out,” I admitted, a bit embarrassed.

He flashed a look of horror. “Hope took you to a vortex?”

“Yes. The trees growing in a circular manner were quite the sight. Kiera came with. Why?”

“What the hell were they thinking?” he snarled, slapping the dash.

“Hey, careful there.” I gave him a stern look. “Why does that matter? It’s not like they knew who I was yet.”

He looked at me, rolling his eyes. “Aislinn, Hope may not have known, but Kiera has known since her birth. They should never have taken you there. If you had changed while you were there, you would have been lost forever.” There was an edge to his voice, and I could tell the rage could come back easily. But this time, he focused his anger toward Kiera and Hope.

I shrugged again, trying to brush it off. “Nothing happened, and now I know to stay away from there. No harm done. Let’s get back to Yasmine. I want to know what you think happened to her.”

Alexander’s shoulders fell forward. “I think someone took her. Who or why, I’m not sure… But for a few weeks leading up to her death Yasmine had said she was hearing voices, and that sometimes it seemed like someone was following her. She was frightened.

“I followed her myself, just to be sure, and never saw anyone. I felt sure that if she had been hearing voices, I would have heard them as well. I wrote off her worry to the fact that our wedding was fast approaching and thought that maybe she was getting cold feet. I even got a little irritated by her behavior. We knew we were perfect for each other, and I couldn’t understand her concerns.

“I should have listened rather than overreacted. Maybe, had I listened to her, she would still be here.” His face contorted, wrinkles of pain obscuring his normally strong appearance. “So, you see, her death was partly my fault. I got so caught up in my assigned tasks that I didn’t help the one person who was right in front of me. I can’t ever forgive myself for that, or the Jarwin for not telling me what they know. Even if I respect their authority, that doesn’t mean I always agree. Everything I now understand only seems to add to my guilt for not being able help Yasmine.”

Suddenly, Alexander’s outbursts had a reason; I understood his anger and why it wouldn’t go away. He needed a resolution. Something the Jarwin might be able to give him, but refused to. Would they do that to me if I asked about Relina? Might I become just as angry and bitter? I hoped not.

“That makes sense. Thank you for sharing.” I looked at him solemnly. “But the fact that I understand doesn’t mean I agree with you ‘aiming your arrows’ at me either. Maybe we can find an outlet for you. So when you start to feel the rage, you can let me know and back away. Or dissipate and come back… something—anything—to keep that side of you from me. I don’t want to see that darkness anymore. Do you think we can work something out?”

“I suppose so,” he surrendered. His eyes filled with mist as he met mine. “But I don’t know what. Let me think about that. Okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed. “Alexander?”

“Yeah?”

“I have something to tell you,” I hesitated. “I planned to before you got so mad outside, but then I panicked.” Guilt filled me instantly. Here I was making him promise not to take things out on me, and yet, I’d broken my promise to him. I hadn’t tried to shift, but I knew Alexander would still be angry with me for looking for Jaden alone.

“What is it?” He took a deep breath, appearing to brace himself.

“The reason I was lost, was because I drove out to the place where I thought Jaden was. Please don’t be angry.”

Alexander turned away from me, clenching his fists, but then relaxed them. When he faced me again, he kept taking deep breaths. “I understand.”

“So you’re not angry?”

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be? Then again, your promise didn’t include driving. I wish you understood the gravity of what’s happening here. Let me guess, you weren’t able to find her?”

“No,” I admitted.

“This isn’t going to be easy, Aislinn. These people are smart, and highly skilled in the art of deception. As much as I want to scream at you right now, I won’t. But this behavior needs to stop. We’ll find her together. Safely. Alright?”

I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“Should we go to Hope’s house now?” I asked.

“Yes.” Alexander still carried an edge of irritation, but I let it go.

“Can you call Hope for me? She should be back from Whistler, but I want to make sure it’s okay to go over there.”

“Sure,” Alexander mumbled and pulled out his cell.

“Hope?” He spoke low. “When will you be home?” He waited for a response. “Okay, we’ll head over now, then. See you soon.”

Alexander turned back to me. “She says she’ll be home within half an hour. We can head over now. By the time we find our way out of this no-man’s land, she should be there.”

“On my way.”

As we drove, I realized Alexander kept playing with a ring on his finger. I never noticed that he wore a ring. He twisted it in circles while his eyes fixed on the haze outside.

“Is that from her?”

He nodded. “Yes, the last thing she gave me. This was supposed to be my wedding band. Yasmine had a strange sense of humor.” He chuckled.

“Can I see it?” The moment I asked, my stomach lurched. “Unless that’s a problem. I just wanted to know why you laughed.”

He looked at me serenely. “I’ve never taken it off. This is a first, but I’m doing it to show you that I’m serious about resolving my past so that we can make way for us.” He gently twisted the ring until it slid off his finger.

When I had it in my hand, I could feel his warmth still radiating from it. I turned on the overhead light and understood why he had laughed. The ring was a perfect replica of the ring from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Why she had chosen such a ring for him was beyond me. I looked at him, puzzled.

He shrugged, grinning. “She was a fan of the books, then the first movie. She never saw the others. On our first official date, we went to the movie. The ring represented the first day of her truest happiness. It may seem kind of silly, as the ring describes the complete opposite from how I am, but she meant the ring to be symbolic of a specific time period.”