The Heartbreak Cafe (44 page)

‘
Oh you poor thing – don’t be silly. Of course you need to talk
to someone.’ Her voice lowered. ‘Hold on a second, and I’ll just go
into the other room.’ After a brief wait – one that Jess used to
try and calm herself, Nina came back on the line. ‘Look are you
sure it’s not just an argument?’ she asked gently. ‘Maybe it’ll
blow over and you and Brian will be back on track before you know
it.’

‘
I don’t think so Nina. This time, I really think I blew it. He
kept going on about how deceitful I was and how I was deluding
myself … you should have seen the look in his eyes.’ The pain of
the memory was almost too much to bear; and strangely Jess
realised, it really did feel like physical pain – a sharp, acute
dart in her abdomen. Overcome, she sat down on the bed, just as
another sudden pain shot through her and she doubled over.
‘Ow.’

‘
Jess?’ Nina’s concern was audible. ‘What is it? What’s
wrong?’

‘
I’m OK,’ she replied breathlessly, although she really wasn’t.
And when another cramp assaulted her she realised that this wasn’t
some physical manifestation of her sadness, it was real, actual
pain. ‘Oh hell,’ she uttered, gritting her teeth.

‘
Jess …you’re scaring me now. What’s happening?’ Nina enquired,
urgency in her voice.

‘
I’m not sure. I’ve just started having really bad stomach
pains…’ she managed, her breath short.

‘
What … just now? Keep on eye on it. After all something like
that when you’re pregnant is not good.’

‘
OK.’ Jess felt panicked all over again. This was turning into
the worst week of her life. ‘Oh…!’ she squealed, as another painful
wave rushed through her and she dropped the phone on the
floor.

‘
Jess? Jess!’ she heard Nina call out but she had no choice but
to wait for the pain to subside before she could reach down and
retrieve it.

‘
I’m here,’ she said, trying to stand up. She leaned against
the dressing table, realising then she’d broken out in a cold
sweat. ‘I’m OK.’

‘
That didn’t sound OK to me.’

She shook
her head, ready to insist to Nina that everything really was fine
when she turned back to the bed she had been sitting on. ‘Oh my
goodness …’ she said softly, her heart racing.

‘
Tell me what’s happening.’

‘
I’m bleeding,’ she told Nina breathlessly, before stumbling
into the ensuite bathroom. She checked her trousers and found them
coated in blood. ‘Nina, I’m bleeding a lot. What do I do? What do I
do?’

‘
Oh no … look, OK, try and stay calm.’

Trying to
control her panic, Jess doubled over yet again as a fresh cramp
seized her abdomen and this time she physically felt something
moist rush through her.

‘
Jess try and stay calm, OK? What you need to do now is call
the hospital and get them to send out an ambulance. But before you
do that, can you give me Brian’s number?’

‘
No – I don’t want to involve Brian. He doesn’t want to be
involved and – ’

‘
Jess, he’s your husband and you need help. Unfortunately at
the moment I’m too far away to help you. Now give me the number,’
she asked, her calm controlled voice convincing Jess that there
really was no other option. She rattled off Brian’s mobile number,
all the while afraid to stir, fearful that the tiniest movement
would make it worse.

‘
Right, now hang up and call the hospital. And Jess, again, try
to stay calm. It could be nothing sweetheart, but it needs to be
checked out, OK?’

‘
OK,’ Jess nodded, grimacing afresh as she hung up on Nina and
called the hospital, all the while trying to fight her mounting
terror.

It seemed
like it was taking the ambulance forever to get there and Jess was
growing more nervous and exhausted by the minute. On the advice of
the hospital, she’d spent the last fifteen minutes on the
downstairs bathroom floor with her feet elevated, and had left the
front door on the latch for the paramedics. By now she was
breathless and damp with sweat, her fair hair plastered to her
face, as each new cramp felt like it was tearing her body in two.
Finally, she heard movement at the front door. Thank heavens, thank
heavens …

‘
In here!’ she called out, hearing frantic footsteps from down
the hallway. However, it wasn’t the paramedics, but Brian, who
looked just as terrified as she felt.

‘
Oh Jess, honey, what’s happened?’ He flung off his coat,
casting it to the floor and got on his knees next to where she
lay.

She burst
into tears, partly out of relief of not being alone any longer but
mostly because it was Brian who’d come to her rescue. ‘I’m not …
I’m not sure, I’ve been having cramps and then I started bleeding
and well, all this blood…’

‘
Ssh, ssh, let’s get you to the hospital.’ His hands were
shaking as he grabbed a towel and soaked it in water, before gently
cleaning up some of the blood on her legs. ‘But what’s going on … I
mean… are you hurting?’

Jess
wasn’t concentrating on the pain any longer; she was much more
focused on his presence. ‘Nina called you?’

‘
Yes, love she did.’

‘
And you came,’ she said tearfully.

‘
Of course I came, of course I did.’

‘
But after everything …’ It would be too much to bear if he was
just here out of duty, and then took off again after all of this
was over. Way too much.

‘
Let’s not talk about that just now OK?’ he said, his voice
catching, and Jess noticed that he too had tears in his eyes. Then,
they both heard some commotion outside followed by a knock on the
door, and Brian quickly got to his feet. ‘That’ll be the
ambulance.’

She
couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him cry – if ever –
and it made her worry all over again. ‘Brian this is all my fault.
I should never have –’

‘
Oh honey, it will be fine, we are going to get you to the
hospital and everything will be fine. We’ll be fine … the baby will
be fine.’

‘
But you don’t even want …’

‘
Of course I do. I promise I do,’ he mumbled, his voice
choking. ‘Everything will be fine.’

An hour
later, the doctor left Jess’s hospital room and she sobbed into a
pillow. Brian was half-sitting on the bed next to her, trying
awkwardly to hold her while also avoiding the surrounding tubes and
IV.

She had
lost a lot of blood.

‘
I can’t believe it,’ she cried, turning to look at her
husband, relief flooding through her. ‘I can’t believe everything’s
OK.’

‘
Told you it would be,’ he replied with a lopsided grin, but
still his face was pale and there was something in his expression
that Jess couldn’t quite read.

Well
maybe he might be having mixed feelings about it all, but the one
thing that had come out of this momentous scare was that she now
knew for sure that she wanted this baby, wanted it with all her
heart.

And if it
meant that as a result she couldn’t have Brian, well she would just
have to live with that.

‘
You don’t have to stay, you know,’ she said tentatively. ‘You
heard the doctor; I can go home. I’ll be right as rain.’

‘
Of course I’m going to stay. Where else would I
be?’

‘
Well, where you’ve been for the last few days I
suppose.’

‘
Jess I …’ he ran a hand through his hair and she waited for
him to tell her that he couldn’t deal with being a father, didn’t
plan for this, all the words she knew he wanted to say.

‘
It’s OK, honestly. I understand. You never wanted this. It was
all my doing, and you were right to be angry.’

‘
It’s not that…yes, of course I was upset that you didn’t
include me in all of this but …’

‘
But what?’

‘
Jess, I have to tell you. Until today, I was convinced that
you were … well that day at the party … I’ll be honest, I truly
thought you were making it up.’

‘
Making what up?’ she asked, frowning.

He looked
at her stomach. ‘Well … the baby … the whole pregnancy
thing.’

She
stared at him, flabbergasted. ‘You thought I was pretending to be
pregnant?’

He
nodded.

‘
Oh my goodness Brian, what kind of psycho would do something
like … I just can’t believe that you would –’

‘
Calm down …I know - I know it was stupid, but I figured you
got carried away and then didn’t know how to fix it.’ Brian now
looked like he was sorry he’d said anything but Jess was
dumbfounded. All this time he’d been thinking she was making it up?
So that was why he’d been going on about her ‘coming clean’ and
‘telling the truth’.

‘
But why would you think I would ever do something so …?’ She
shook her head. ‘OK, so I know I have an active imagination but … I
just can’t believe you would think such a thing.’

‘
I don’t know I’m sorry… it was a combination of things. I’ll
be honest, I was mad. I was mad about how stubborn you were, how
you seemed to have a one-track mind. I was mad how you announced
you were pregnant. I mean, Jess, I didn’t even know. There was
nothing private, nothing special about that moment. That should
have been something you and I learned about together.’

She
nodded, once again ashamed of that.

‘
So you have to understand that I was hurt, and yet you were
more worried about your friends, about what they thought of you
rather than our life together.’

Jess
couldn’t believe it. No wonder he hadn’t engaged with her
throughout it all and no wonder he’d been so distant and weird
about everything. And although she couldn’t immediately forgive him
for thinking so badly of her, in a way Jess was glad there was some
kind of explanation. ‘But what did you think I’d do when the baby
was supposed to be born – steal one or something?’

He
shrugged. ‘Honestly, I wasn’t sure. But then for a while there you
were talking a lot about Nina and how she might not be able to cope
when her baby was born and I wondered if …’

Jess’s
mouth dropped open as she tried to follow his line of thinking.
‘You seriously thought I was considering taking in Nina’s baby? And
you say I have a vivid imagination?’

Now Brian
looked shamefaced. ‘I know, it was stupid and then when I found you
earlier in the middle of all that blood, I felt so guilty,’ he
added, shaking his head. Then he took a deep breath and reached for
her hand. ‘But now that I know you weren’t making it up, and that
everything is …OK, I suppose now I’m trying to get my head around
the idea that we’re going to be parents.’ He smiled. ‘Can you
imagine me – a dad?’

Jess’s
heart flooded with relief. ‘You’ll be an amazing dad,’ she said,
taking his hand and squeezing it. ‘That is, if you still want to
be.’

‘
Of course I do, and I promise you that I will never walk out
that door again – never let another misunderstanding come between
us. I just need you to promise me that whatever happens, you’ll
talk to me about it – the way you used to.’

‘
I promise.’ He reached across to kiss her and Jess realised
she had been hungering for him, needing him and his support. She
ran her fingers along his face.

They sat
together in silence for a moment until the peace was broken by the
sound of Brian’s mobile. He looked at the display. ‘Oh no, it’s
Nina. I promised I’d let her know how you were and I
forgot.’

‘
The poor thing, she must have been frantic. She was very good
with me when it was all happening – despite you thinking we were in
some form of cahoots together,’ she added wryly. ‘I really don’t
know what I would have done without her.’

She took
the phone from Brian and explained to a relieved and delighted Nina
that everything was fine. ‘Thankfully it was just a scare and I’m
going home this evening.’

When
they’d finished talking Brian smiled.

‘
I thought from the start that she was a good person, a good
friend,’ he said. ‘She’s been there for you more in the short time
you’ve known her than people like Emer and Deirdre, I hope you know
that.’

Jess
nodded sadly. She wasn’t sure what the future held for her
friendship with the girls, but whatever happened she was going to
be there for Emer, the same way she always had. That was what real
friendship was about, being there when people needed you, not about
making them feel left out and vulnerable. But, Jess thought,
perhaps in that regard, she herself had been her own worst
enemy?

‘
It’ll be nice though, our baby growing up at the same time as
Nina’s, won’t it?’ Brian said smiling.

But Jess
didn’t reply. Because from the recent conversations she’d had with
Nina, she knew that such a thing still wasn’t
guaranteed.

‘
She’s going to be fine.’ Nina declared, hanging up the phone
to Jess.

She, Ruth
and Trish were in the cafe pondering over the newspaper article
they’d found that morning.

‘
Oh, that’s good news,’ Ruth said, her hand moving to her
stomach in a subconsciously protective gesture. ‘The poor thing;
she must have been terrified.’