The Heartwood Box: A Fairy Tale (40 page)

She wanted to curl up into a ball, to dig a hole and bury herself in the ground, anything to hide from Declan’s gaze
.
What was wrong with her
?
She was a monster! 

“Genevieve!  It is time you learned to battle this mode of thinking
.
Think, child!  Use your reason
.
If Sally begged for such a punishment, would you despise her or would you feel compassion and try to help her see that she did not deserve anything so horrible
?
Why should I no
t feel that for you as well?”

Perhaps because it was Declan, his words sank in
.
They were so sensible she must agree, no matter how much that voracious guilt within her wanted to scoff at them
.
It was far from defeated
.
A
clamorous inner voice argued, “
But that’s S
ally, she deserves forgiveness.”
  But for the first time in years, that voice did not seem buttressed by all the powers of truth and goodness
.
The result was confusion, but in this case, confusion was infin
itely preferable to certainty.

“It’s hard for me,” she finally admitted.

“Yes, but I hope with reflection you will be able to make some sense of this need for punishment and distinguish those ways it is safe to indulge and those that are clearly self-destructive.” 

“I’ll try,” she said but felt defeated
.
Just the thought that she should stop blaming herself so much raised an overpowering lash of guilt
.

“That’s all I ask
.
Genevieve, that still leaves what happened with Derek
.
I realize this is difficult, but I truly need to know how you feel about it
.
Are you angry
?
Do you feel my son mistreated you?” 

“No!” she protested, surprised at her own vehemence
.
“He didn’t—I told you, I know he would have stopped.”

“Leaving aside everything to do with Damian, do
you
feel that things went too far?” 

She blushed sharply, but she felt like she owed Declan—and Derek—the truth
.
“No, I don’t,” she
confessed
.
“With the scourge…
.
It wasn’t just the adultery
.
I know how much Damian cares about his brothers
.
I was sure I’d destroyed your fami
ly
.
What happened with Derek…
.
It’s not the same,” she finished lamely.

Declan was thoughtful
.
“Your response is not quite what I imagined it would be, daughter
.
I still believe Derek should have stopped sooner
.
Whatever his instincts told him, caution was warranted
.
It was your first time together, as well as your first time engaging in such rough play—and he most definitely did not have Damian’s permission
.
Nonetheless, I am greatly relieved by what you’ve told me
.
I remain concerned about the feelings that prompted the scourge to appear in your box
.
I would like to suggest something, but I don’t wish to offend you or give you the impression I am trying to sway you
.
I would not be disappointed or displeased at all if you reject it.”

“Yes, sir…
.
Please, I appreciate your scruples—if there is anything you think might help me, I want to
hear it.”

“I think Derek can provide you a safe outlet for these feelings before they progress to something more self-destructive.”

“It doesn’t offend me at all, sir,” she said sincerely
.
“I greatly appreciate how frank you’ve been with me
.
I just don’t want to do anything that would
hurt Damian.”

“I know my sons, Genevieve
.
Damian will make peace with this
.
As I said before, within our family we firmly believe that there is nothing wrong or shameful about these needs
.
As long as sensible limits are observed, you and Derek should be able to explore this side of your desires
.
You understa
nd why it must be with Derek?”

She almost chuckled
.
She did understand
.
There was something dark and hungry in Derek that made him relish punishing her
.
Damian had the same look when she was chained to the bed, but never once had she felt that he craved hurting her.

“What about Derek?” she asked.

“What about him?”

“Would it hurt him—to do that for me?” 

Declan looked awestruck
.
“Genevieve, what I would give for you to see yourself as I see you—you have a rare spirit
.
Your joining this family is the best thing that has ever happened to Derek
.
I would not suggest it if I thought it would hurt him—if only to protect you from further guilt
.
In fact, if it were kept within limits, it would satisfy a strong need in him.”

“Why—why does he want to hurt me
?
Is he angry that I’m here?”

To her amazement, Declan looked almost abashed
.
“That is a complex question, one that I’ve never answered completely to my satisfaction
.
The best I can come up with is that there is a deep though dark kind of pleasure that comes from exercising complete dominion over another, challenging them to work through the pain to find the pleasure that hides behind it
.
I can say emphatically that such acts are not incompatible with deep affection and love
.
Some unfortunate people are driven to give pain from hatred of the object, but surely you can tell that Derek cares deeply for you
.
I suspect what happened between you was partly driven by his fear of how strong his feelings are, but the desire to punish and give pain has always been a part of Derek’s nature.”

Genevieve knew her face was burning as Declan’s words reawakened those dark desires she’d first felt in the cave
.
“This… feeling inside, I used to think it was a demon
.
It was so ugly, and it made my parents so unhappy
.
But then with Derek—it was like he knew it was there, but it wasn’t ugly to him
.
He kept calling me angel—I could feel
that I’d given him something…
I could give him pleasure.”

“If you hadn’t felt guilt towards Damian, then the experience would have fulfilled something for you
?
”

Tears started streaming down her face
.
“It probably sounds foolish to you—I know he and I are so different, but the day I met him, I thought, Derek is like me
.
He can’t control his moods
.
He knows what it’s like to make the people he cares for unhappy.” 

“Not foolish at all
.
Does he make you unhappy, Genevieve
?
Would you be happier if Derek were not in your life?” 

“No!”  She wanted to say that she loved him—she loved all of them, but she couldn’t stand being disloyal to Damian
.

“So perhaps the same is true of you,” he said softly
.
“Despite your troubles, your parents are deeply grateful that you are in their life.”  She gave him a shaky nod
.
“I think you will find that all of my sons consider the troubles of the past few days a trivial price to pay for the blessing of having you in their life
.
So the question for you is: can you accept a life where you are intimate with all three of them?” 

She forced herself to suppress her embarrassment
.
That would be a poor return for the respect and sympathy Declan had shown her
.
“I care for them—I love them,” she answered
.
“I just don’t want to hurt Damian—or Derek or Donal.” 

Genevieve could not mistake the joy that lit up the Fae Prince’s otherworldly features
.
“I swear upon all that’s sacred that I would not counsel you to any course that would hurt you or my sons
.
And make no mistake: you are Damian’s wife
.
His brothers must defer to him and obey the rules he sets in the household
.
I do not expect you will try to undermine those rules, given how much you’ve suffered seeing the brothers in conflict.” 

“No!” 

“I would remind you that you too must set limits
.
It is my sons’ nature to try to dominate, but that does not mean you are obliged always to give way
.
In all marriages there are quarrels and misjudgments, and this is no different
.
Working through them requires patience and negotiation, but they are crucial if this arrangement is to work.”

She smiled to herself, remembering her discussions with Damian
.
For the first time, she felt something like confidence, rather than a blind hope, that they would be able to talk things out and reconcile
.

“It is probably a good thing that you will have another day or so
.
Derek and Damian are proving stubborn as only two Black males can be
.
I advise you and Donal to treat this as a holiday and enjoy yourselves as much as possible before you must face those two more… demanding natures.” 

“Thank you,
Declan
, for everything,
”
she said kissing his cheek.

“Finally, she begins to learn.”

The field was littered with the bodies of demons and Reavers
.
They’d managed to cut off the retreating stragglers as they tried to regroup
.
Damian had lost track of how many he’d killed—for the first time in his life, he’d fought more brutally than Derek
.
He’d actually grabbed one poor sodding Reaver and crushed his neck with his bare hands until he practically ripped his head off
.
It was that or rip Derek’s head off
.
Derek had watched him warily but hadn’t said a word
.

At the end of the battle, Damian ordered their men to gather a huge pile of wood while the two of them silently dragged the bodies to the pyre
.
As the sun went down, they watched the flame consume them to ash.

Damian was frantic to get home, but he could not even contemplate forgiving Derek while his brother refused to apologize
.
And since Derek had never in his life apologized for anything, he was trapped
.
Damian felt like he’d made a hundred thousand allowances for him their entire life, but this time Derek had gone too far
.
Every time he thought about Genevieve’s backside, the way she’d huddled miserably when she exited the cave, he wanted to roar with rage
.
And then there was the fact that Derek would have
killed
him if their situations had been reversed—and still, he’d not said a word to him! 

In the meantime, Genevieve was home, possibly suffering
.
Declan had worried she might harm herself!  Damian needed to get back to her and reassure her
.
He’d never dreamt their sire could be guilty of injustice, but how else could he regard Declan’s decree
?
He’d set an impossible condition for their return and then given Genevieve, his wife, over to
Donal
.

“Have you nothing to say to me?” he burst out, too incensed for once to abide by his resolution not to speak before Derek did.

Derek looked at him stonily
.
“You know what happened—what more should I say?” 

“You sodding ass!  How about, I apologize for belting your wife and then screwing her.” 

“I am not sorry for that—you ask me to lie,” Derek returned, actually looking offended that Damian would think he would.

Damian couldn’t murder him
.
If he did, he could simply confide Genevieve to Donal’s life-long care
.
He knew his youngest brother’s powers of seduction and his taste
.
He wondered how long it would be before she was on her knees before him
,
while he sat here with Derek watching demon corpses burn!