I slumped down onto the floor, hopelessness filling me. I had no idea how I would "charm" an eleven-year-old boy. The thought of marrying one disgusted me. I was quite unprepared for such a life. Papa was right to be worried.
But who knows how much misfortune would befall our family if I could not get the shrine repaired? Perhaps, if I married, I could convince the Imperial family to repair the shrine, but how many years would
that
take? Emperors were not known for swift action.
As I lay with my cheek against the cool wood floor, a horrible realization grew within me: I was going to have to disobey my father. I was going to have to disappoint my clan and perhaps ruin my family's chances for advancement. A part of me wondered how I could dare do such a thing; I might become an outcast, disinherited, my name only whispered in curses at Court. But another part knew that I had to act before I was caged within the Palace walls.
***
That night, before I went to bed, Suzume pestered me with questions. "So? When do you go to Court? Who is it he wants you to marry? Will you take me with you?" It was impossible to ignore her.
"Papa wants me to marry a child, an eleven-year-old prince," I grumbled at last. "Truly it is, as they say, a woman's fate to wet her sleeves with tears a thousand times."
"It is also said," Suzume argued, "that a woman's will can shatter stones. You Good People give up too fast. You can easily boss around a boy of eleven. You can teach him to do what you like. And if he beats on you, it won't hurt as much, neh?"
I stared at her, shocked. "Court gentlemen do not beat their women."
"They don't? Another good thing about you People Above the Clouds. I hope I can find a husband among you."
"But Suzume…" No, I could not disappoint her.
"What about your shrine? Maybe when you marry, you can get your new husband's family to fix it as a wedding present."
"Perhaps."
"Ah. You have some other plan. Well, if you need any help, just ask me. You're brave, but you need somebody sensible like me to steer you right."
"I hope it will not come to that. If you please, I am very tired and would like to sleep." In truth, I could not stand her common chatter any longer. I climbed onto the sleeping platform and blew out the lamp.
"I understand, Lady Puddle. Big days ahead, neh? Sleep well." She picked up a lit taper and walked noisily out of the room, sliding the shoji shut behind her.
But I only pretended to go to sleep. When I could no longer hear her footsteps, I sat up again and found a narrow ebony box that I keep with my treasured things. I opened the box and took from it a long black feather. I then lifted up the shutters that led to the garden beside my rooms, and I slipped outside.
The garden was unfamiliar to me, so I stumbled and tripped on stones and bushes. If anyone had caught me, I would have claimed that I had gotten lost while seeking to do a necessary thing. But I was quite alone.
When it seemed I was far enough from the house to not be heard, I took the feather from my sleeve and said, "Goranu."
For a long time, nothing happened. A cold night breeze ruffled my kimonos, and I hugged myself for warmth. "Goranu?" I said again, a little louder.
There, against the starry black sky, I saw an even darker shape move across the stars, across the gray face of the moon. The shape of a large black bird. It circled down, closer and closer, until it landed behind some tall plum trees nearby.
I took a few steps closer toward the trees. "Goranu?"
He emerged onto the path, now in the shape of a young man wearing a black jacket and trousers, and with a very long nose. "So. Little Puddle," he said. "You've changed residence. I couldn't find you for a while. Did they kick you out of the temple because you refused to teach Buddhism to one who asked it?"
"Please don't be unkind, Goranu," I said, though I had expected him to be. "I know I have no right to ask anything more of you, but I am desperate." Long ago, I had tried to explain to Goranu that I could not bear to teach him the sutras because, since he is a demon, it would kill him painfully. Even though it might mean he would find a better life on the next turn of the Wheel, I could not face hurting him so.
"Heh. The Little Puddle has gotten herself in trouble again, and she thinks,
Hey, I know this silly tengu who will do anything I ask, if I trick him into believing I will teach him the sutras
. Well, I am a tengu, and I know tricks, and I am wise to yours.
I have heard mortals say that girls are untrustworthy, and now I know they speak the truth."
I pulled my hair in frustration. "Please, Goranu, stop! I know I have been horrible to you, and I am so very sorry. I just didn't want to see you hurt. But I would not have called on you if I did not need you."
"Hah. So. As long as I am here, tell this silly tengu what your problem is so I can laugh at you some more."
So I told him about the dreams and the shrine.
"Ah," he said. "That is bad. It is a dangerous thing to upset a kami. Now you see the trouble it brings not to keep your promises."
"I had forgotten the promise!" I wailed, and then quieted, for I realized there were people sleeping not far away. "I was just a child, and cold and frightened. I wasn't even sure a kami was listening."
"Tch. Then why did you make the bargain, eh? That is no excuse."
"But I want to set it right, now that I remember. My father won't help me. He wants me to go to Court immediately and marry an eleven-year-old boy."
"Hmmm." Goranu walked, chin in hand, back and forth in front of me. "Marry a little boy? No, that does not seem right at all. You mortals are beyond understanding sometimes."
"Yes," I sighed. "So, please. If you could just fly me to the mountain lodge where my sister Sotoko now lives, that would be enough. The shrine is on Lord Tsubushima's land, and her husband is Lord Tsubushima's son. Surely they can help me. Will you do just that one thing for me?"
"Why should I?"
"Because… because you are the only one who can-" I could not speak any longer then, as tears were flowing from my eyes and my words caught in my throat. Unable to help myself, I wept into my sleeves.
Goranu sighed then, too, and said, "Stop that. Stop it right now. So, so. I am just a silly tengu, after all."
"Then… you will fly me to Tamba Province?"
He faced me squarely and said, "You know my price."
I wiped my face and realized it was no use trying to shelter him from suffering if he was determined. "I… I have the Lotus Sutra that I copied out in my own hand while at the temple. I will give it to you if you take me to Sotoko. Will that suffice?"
"In your own hand?" he said, softly. "That would be a treasure worth flying to Chang-an for. Bring it, and I will take you wherever you wish."
I did not understand why a copy would be so important to him, but I quickly fetched the scroll from my things, tucked it into my sleeve, and returned to him in the garden.
Goranu was again in bird shape and squatted down so that I could climb onto him. I crawled over his wing and onto his back, feeling happier than I had been in a long while.
"Oof! You've… grown, Little Puddle. Or you are heavier than I remembered. Hang on." He ran a few steps down the garden path, flapping his big black wings as hard as he could.
I dug my fingers into his feathers and savored their musty scent. It was so good to be flying with him again.
Goranu leaped into the air, and I thought I saw, as he passed over the house, Suzume standing on the veranda, watching us.
I hope she does not run and tell Papa
, I thought.
But there is nothing to be done for it now
.
How wonderful that night was! The lanterns of Heian Kyo glimmered below us like thousands of fireflies gathered in one place. The land round about was darker than the darkest silk. The stars above us were bright as sunlight glinting off water. The moon glowed like a silver mirror. As I lay between Goranu's great beating wings, I wished the flight would last forever.
But after an hour or two, we at last descended into the mountains of Tamba Province. I caught a whiff of pine-scented wind that made me shudder.
"Hang on," said Goranu. "This may be a rough landing."
I wrapped my arms around his neck. With several jarring bounces, Goranu finally stopped in front of the gate of my sister's mountain lodge.
"Um. You can let go of me now," said the tengu in a slightly strangled voice.
Reluctantly, I let go of his neck and slid down his back to the ground. I took a little time to adjust my kimonos and smooth my windblown hair. When I at last turned to enter the lodge, Goranu, in human form again, blocked the gate.
He held out his hand. "Your payment?"
"Ah. Yes." Though it made me sad, I took the rice paper scroll from my sleeve and handed it to him.
Goranu began to take the scroll as if it were made of gold. Suddenly, it gave off a red glow. "Ow!" said the tengu, and he dropped it on the ground.
"Oh no! I should have realized," I said. "The sacred words will burn you."
"I will still take it with me," Goranu growled, shaking his hand and sucking on his fingers.
"Let me tuck it into your belt, so it will not hurt you."
"It will still be against my skin and feathers."
Not knowing what else to do, I removed my outermost kimono. I still had six other kimonos underneath, and Papa had said he'd buy me new ones, after all. I wrapped the scroll in the kimono so that it formed a thick bundle. "There, that should help." I gently reached over and pulled on Goranu's belt sash and tucked the bundle into it.
He breathed a soft, shuddering sigh.
"I'm sorry. Did that hurt you?" I looked up. His face was very close to mine.
"No, Mitsu-chan," he whispered down at me. "All is very well."
"Oh. Um."
"Um. You may let go of my belt now."
"Oh. Forgive me." I let go of his belt and took a step back. I did not want Goranu to leave. I did not want him to read the sutra and die. But I could think of nothing to say that would stop him. Already his fingers were sprouting feathers. He lightly touched my face and then took off running down the Western Road. In a moment, he was in the air, once more a darker patch of night against the shining stars.
NEW INCLINATIONS
The little stream is blocked by fallen leaves. Ah! It can flow a new way…
After Goranu's departure, I stared at the gate in the garden fence and wondered what to do. It would be foolish to stand out there shouting like a street vendor, so I pushed gently on the gate. It swung inward with only a faint squeak.
The house was on a steep hillside to my left. Bright lantern light shone through the translucent rice-paper-and-wood walls.
They have done much to repair this house
, I thought.
It looks almost pleasant.
By the dim light, I could see that the tall weeds that had hidden my escape with Amaiko had been cut down and a garden had been planted with a pleasant graveled path winding through it. I heard footsteps on the veranda of the house, and I glanced up.
A woman walked there, but she was dressed very strangely.
Instead of the many layers of kimonos, she wore Chinese trousers and a long jacket that was slashed at the hip. Her hair was tied back with a strip of cloth. She did not seem to see me. She went to the veranda railing and held out her right hand, which was wrapped in leather. "Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-ki!" she called out in a high-pitched voice.
Its wings only whispering, a hawk flew out of a nearby pine tree and landed gently on the woman's wrist. She turned toward me as she fed the bird something, and I recognized her.
"It is Sotoko!" I said to myself. "So I am not the only Fujiwara who has charmed a feathered creature to do my bidding. Perhaps it is a family talent."
Suddenly both my arms were grasped by large hands.
"So, what have we here? I think we've caught a little trespasser!" said a gruff, bearded man on my left.
"A servant trying to imitate her betters, I'll wager," said a gruff man with bad teeth on my right.
"No I'm not!" I said, struggling with them. "I am Fujiwara no Mitsuko, and if you are wise you will let go of me!"
"Oh, a
Fujiwara
, are you?" said the man on my left.
"Walked here all the way from Heian Kyo, did you?" said the man on my right. Neither of them made any sign of letting go.
"No. I flew here."
"Oh!" The man on my left said with a knowing nod at the other man. "She
flew
here."
"What is all the noise down there?" asked Sotoko from the veranda.
"Sotoko!" I called up to her, no longer caring about embarrassment. "It is me, your sister, Mitsuko! Tell your guards to let me go!"
"Mits-" Sotoko set the bird on a nearby perch and hurried to the end of the veranda. She ran down a flight of wooden stairs and came down the garden path to me. She put her hand under my chin and turned my face toward the light. "It is Mitsuko! Mitsu-chan, what miracle is this? You two, let go of her! She is no common criminal. We did not hire you to protect our house from our own family!"
Immediately, the two men released me. "You could have told us, my Lady," grumped the one on the left, "that you expected family visitors."
"She was alone, without the retinue of a noblewoman," complained the other. "How were we to know she was of your esteemed clan?"