Authors: Heather Thurmeier
Chapter Seventeen
Olivia smiled at the woman next to her on the couch at Tyler and Sophia’s house, already having forgotten her name. Mildred? Margaret? It didn’t matter either way. She was on Sophia’s side of the family and therefore someone she probably would never have to see again.
Regardless, she smiled sweetly and spoke kindly, listening intently as the woman droned on about pregnancy symptoms and how hers compared to Sophia’s. She tried her best to look interested in swollen ankles, morning sickness, and strange food cravings but it was challenging. Someday, if she was lucky, she would be able to contribute her own stories, but that was in the distant future.
Sawyer sat on her other side, his arm casually thrown across the back of the couch, near enough to her shoulders that anyone looking would think they were cuddling, even though they weren’t actually touching. She preferred it that way.
Since the day on the beach, they hadn’t spoken about what had happened, or what was said between them, and she was okay with that. She didn’t want to deal with the realization of how she felt about him anyway. So instead, they pretended it hadn’t happened.
He’d been too focused on presenting to Marcus to deal with any lingering questions about their weekend at the cabin anyway. With every day that passed, Sawyer looked a little worse. If they didn’t hear something soon, she was starting to worry he’d really follow in his father’s footsteps and drop dead of a heart attack.
She had to admit, the stress had been bothering her too. Restless nights and weird dreams were making her long for the days when she used to be able to sleep in. Even her appetite was off. Nothing except fruit looked appealing anymore and her stomach had bordered on nauseated for the last week or so. She did not deal with stress well.
The baby shower hadn’t spurred much excitement from Sawyer, but she thought it would be a great distraction, at least for a day. Now that they were here, she was right. He’d been joking and visiting with everyone, seemingly happier than she’d seen him in weeks. Even she felt in better spirits socializing.
“Let’s head outside,” he said. “There are people I want to introduce you to.”
She accepted his hand and followed him out to the deck off the side of the house. A warm summer breeze blew through her hair as they wandered over to a couple leaning against the railing.
“Aunt Bea and Uncle Stan, this is my girlfriend Olivia,” Sawyer said, motioning to the older couple. “They’re in town from Santa Anna.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said, smiling while trying to commit their names and faces to memory. These were definitely people who could show up again at Gran and Gramps birthday party. A girlfriend would remember their names.
“Finally, a girl who is ballsy enough to hook you. I like you already,” Stan said, grinning ear to ear. “You must be a feisty one.”
“I do my best to keep him in line.” She glanced at Sawyer to gauge his reaction. He looked genuinely amused and not at all put off by the suggestion of being tied down.
“You have no idea.” He grinned and pulled her against his side. She snuggled into him, playing along. It wasn’t a hardship since his arms always made her feel protected and loved. She stiffened slightly, forcing the notion of love from her mind, not ready to go there again.
When there was a lull in conversation, she asked, “How long are you staying in town? Maybe we can have dinner one night. At our place.”
Our place.
The ease of saying it surprised her.
“Just the weekend,” Stan said. “We’d hoped to stay longer this time, but a friend of ours has landed himself in the hospital and we’ve got to get back to take care of his house and pets.”
Bea looped her arm through Stan’s. “If you’ll excuse us, we still haven’t had a chance to say hello to Gran.” They wandered back into the house.
The deck overlooked the rolling hills of the Hudson Valley—green for as far as they could see, dotted with houses here and there. She understood a little more why Tyler didn’t feel the need to keep the cabin. With this view, he probably felt like he was on vacation every time he was out there.
Sawyer’s fingers traced a path back and forth across her lower back as they stood there enjoying the beautiful scenery and the sun setting over the hills. Not so long ago, feeling his hand there would have made her uncomfortable, but lately, it seemed to bring her peace. Her nervousness at having to meet new family and friends melted away and she simply embraced the moment of calm. Sighing, she threaded her arm around his waist and relaxed.
The sun dipped lower and lower on the horizon, casting the trees into warm amber light. Fireflies glowed as dusk set around them and she giggled when one lit up an inch from her face, startling her.
“Scared of a little lightning bug? Sad.”
She swatted him on the chest. “I didn’t expect it to be so close to my face.”
“Maybe he likes your face. Maybe he thinks you’re pretty foxy. Isn’t that why they light up to begin with? To attract the opposite sex?” He grinned down at her.
All this talk about sex and attraction stirred up those feelings for him she was trying so hard to ignore. She shrugged. “How would I know? I’m not an expert on the sexuality of bugs.”
“Your expertise is reserved solely for humans, huh? Good to know.”
“You know what I meant.” She hit him again. Her hand lingered on his chest. She hadn’t had this much contact with him in a week and it felt good. Really good.
“I suppose we should stop watching the view and actually visit with some of the other guests, huh? I wonder who else is out here…” His voice trailed off as they looked around the deck, which had been bustling with activity earlier, but was now desolate.
This whole time they’d been cuddling each other and no one had even been around to see. How had they not noticed everyone else leaving? Usually they were both so on their guard at these family functions that they noted each person’s every move.
As if reaching the same conclusion simultaneously, they both dropped their arms and stepped away from each other. His brow creased as he held her gaze. A sense of disbelief and confusion radiated off of him, matching her feelings exactly.
Turning, they made their way back into the house without another word.
…
Sawyer sipped another mouthful of sangria and tried not to show how much he disliked it. Of course there was also soda and water, but he needed alcohol to get through the rest of the evening. Getting so close and cuddly with Olivia earlier, without even meaning to, had really thrown him for a loop. It was as if he’d lost time when he was out on the deck with her. The idea he could be so comfortable with someone that he’d simply lose all sense of time and place made his heart race.
What would make him so focused on her that he forgot everything else around him? That he’d forget they were acting, and simply enjoy the moment without thought of what people would expect of them?
“Hey, earth to Sawyer,” Tyler said, snapping his fingers. “It’s your turn, dude.”
He looked around feeling lost. “Um…”
“
Baby Got Back
,” Olivia whispered. “Say it.”
“
Baby Got Back,”
he said.
Everyone laughed.
“Guess we know what’s on his mind,” Uncle Stan said.
The game moved on to his left and he turned to whisper to Olivia. “What was that?”
“The name of a song with baby in the title. It looked like you needed help, and apparently you did, if you didn’t even know what game we’re playing.”
“And you couldn’t have told me to say one a little less…suggestive?”
She giggled. “It was the only other one I could think of and I didn’t want to say it. So I gave it to you.”
“Thanks, I think.” He sighed and sunk further into the couch.
“I could have left you floundering and then you’d have to face your punishment like the big baby you’re acting like.”
“And what would my punishment have been?” If it was a spanking, he was all in. The next game, he’d be the worst player in the history of baby showers.
She nodded toward the people sucking apple juice out of baby bottles, each looking more exhausted than the last.
“Okay, thank you. That would be humiliating.”
As the games continued, he and Olivia continued to be terrible at each one. Of course, she was marginally better than him. When she’d had to diaper the toy baby, she’d come in third, whereas he’d come in last. And when he’d picked up the doll to show off his handiwork, the damn diaper had fallen straight to the floor. Even he’d had to laugh at that one.
But when Olivia cradled the doll in her arms while waiting for the next game to begin, a lump formed in his throat, and no amount of sangria had been able to dislodge it. She looked amazing holding a baby, even a toy one. He glanced to Tyler and Sophia, who had moved on to opening gifts. His cousin held up a tiny baseball jersey and he was sure there was a twinkle of moisture in the soon-to-be father’s eyes.
Olivia cooed. “So sweet.”
Yes, she is,
he thought, his attention returning to the woman at his side. She was the sweetest thing he’d had the pleasure of experiencing. She was a woman unlike any other.
The spike of jealousy toward his cousin’s life unsettled him. But the jolt of longing for a life like that with Olivia nearly made him see stars. Was it possible he could actually imagine a future with her? What kind of future could he honestly commit to?
He drained his glass of sangria and hoped that if he ate enough of the alcohol soaked fruit, he’d find the answers he needed.
…
Olivia sat on the crinkly white paper covering the examining table in the doctor’s office and waited impatiently. She had so many other things to do. Taking time off work for him to tell her she had the flu, or needed more sleep, was not one of them, but on the off chance that her continued tiredness and lack of appetite was something serious, she’d wait and see what he had to say. She was ready to feel better.
The doctor walked in and went straight to the counter, opening her chart. He glanced quickly to the test strip laying across the container of urine the nurse had made her supply and noted something on her paperwork.
“So, am I dying?” she asked, mostly joking.
“No. You’re pregnant.” The doctor turned to face her, leaning against the counter.
“I’m what now?”
“When was your last period?”
The room tilted and she clung to the edges of the table. Her last period? A couple of weeks before the gala?
“Six weeks ago or so.” She felt faint as the words left her mouth. She was late. She was never late.
“It looks like you haven’t had a prescription for birth control refilled since…” He flipped back in her chart. “Years. Is there a reason you stopped taking them?”
“I took my pills religiously until I ran out. It was hard to get them in some countries while traveling. I meant to come in and get a new prescription when I got home, but I’ve been so busy…”
How could she be so stupid not to take precautions? But Sawyer had.
“Both times Sawyer used a condom. I saw him put the damn thing on.” She hopped off the table and paced. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
“Are you sure he put it on correctly? He used a new one every time?”
“Yes and gross. How many ways are there to put on a condom? Is it even possible to do it wrong?”
“You’d be amazed at some of the things I’ve heard. Regardless, condoms are not one hundred percent effective even if used correctly. That’s why doctors always recommend a secondary contraception as well, like the pill.”
“Thanks for rubbing it in, doc.” She scowled at him. “But wouldn’t we notice its
ineffectiveness
in some way? Leakage or something?” Just saying the words made her stomach do another flip-flop.
“Not necessarily.”
“But I can’t be…”
The doctor pulled a chair closer to the side of the bed. “There are options, if you’d like to discuss them.”
“Options?” She’d always planned to have children at some point. The only option in her mind was whether or not she’d ask for an epidural during labor. There was no way she was giving up this baby. “No. I want my baby.”
“Okay then. Congratulations are in order. Start taking pre-natal vitamins once a day and make an appointment with your obstetrician.”
With that, he left the room, the door closing behind him with a soft thud.
A baby?
A baby.
I’m having a baby
. Sawyer’s baby.
Chapter Eighteen
Sawyer paced his office. Marcus had called to request a meeting at two and it was already almost three. This had to be it. A couple of weeks had passed since their final presentation, which was more than enough time for him to decide who he wanted on the project. It had to be a meeting to say he’d chosen Sterling, but he hoped the day would go even better than that.
After he dealt with Marcus, he was taking Olivia out to celebrate. While they were at dinner—he’d already made a reservation at one of the nicest places in town—he planned to offer her something he’d never expected.
A future with him. If she’d have him.
He’d made her a position at Sterling. It wasn’t a top spot or anything, but higher than her current one. It would also be full-time and permanent.
More than that, he wanted to offer her a real relationship—not that he’d gone so far as to buy a ring or anything. He was miles away from being there yet, if ever, but he didn’t want to stop dating her either. Bachelorhood be damned, he liked her, and the thought of going back to flirting with random women at the bar didn’t thrill him. He owed it to himself, and her, to see if there was anything real between them.
It wasn’t the lifelong commitment she wanted, but it was all he could offer.
“Do you have a minute?” Olivia asked, coming to his door.
He glanced at his watch again. He didn’t have time but he didn’t want to brush her off just because he was anxious. “Sure. Come in.”
She closed the door, leaning against it. The shadows under her eyes looked darker and the whites of her eyes had a pink tinge. Had she been crying?
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yes and no. I…” She bit her lip and looked at the floor. Her hand went to the door handle as if she wanted to leave. “I should do this at the apartment, not here. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He went to her, grasping her shoulders and peering at her. “Tell me.”
“This isn’t the right time or place, but you should know as soon as possible.” She met his gaze and fresh tears lined her lower lids.
“What? Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”
“I went to the doctor today.” She bit her lip.
“Are you sick?” She didn’t look as great as she usually did, but she didn’t really look sick either.
“I’m…pregnant.”
He dropped his hands to his sides and stepped back until he hit his desk. Perching on the edge, he felt the room spin. What did she say? No. It wasn’t possible. He could barely manage a dating commitment. He couldn’t handle having a baby with someone.
“But we…but you’re on…and I used…”
“I’m not on any pills,” she whispered. “I forgot to get a prescription when I came back to the States.”
“You forgot?” his voice rose an octave.
“I haven’t taken them in years. I forgot to start up again.” She folded her arms across her chest. “User error can contribute to condoms being less effective. Didn’t
you
know
that
?”
“If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have bothered using one, for all the damn good it did! And there was no ‘user error’ on my part. I’ve never had this happen any other time I’ve had sex.”
“We weren’t even supposed to have sex!”
“You wanted it as much as I did. I definitely didn’t hear you complaining.” Olivia swiped at the tears running down her cheeks, and his chest felt as if it would cave in. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have yelled. This wasn’t the news I expected today.”
“Tell me about it,” she mumbled. “I thought you should know as soon as I did, since this baby is as much yours as it is mine.”
His baby. Their baby.
He’d wanted to keep their relationship going, but a baby? He tried to focus his thoughts. “But I can’t. I never wanted kids.”
“Of course you don’t. What bachelor would?” Olivia’s chin quivered as she clearly tried to hold back another round of tears.
His chest constricted again. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted a normal dating relationship with her, not a baby. But he didn’t want to hurt her. Damn it, why couldn’t he have a little time to deal with his thoughts before having to talk rationally about this?
“I didn’t mean…”
“I know what you meant. You’ve made it clear the whole time. You don’t do commitment. You don’t do relationships. I don’t even know why I bothered telling you.” She bit her lip as tears continued to slip down her cheeks. She swept at them quickly. “I can’t believe I did this to myself again. I thought I learned my lesson after Sam, but apparently not.”
“I’m nothing like Sam,” he said forcefully. He would never dump her or hurt her that way. “I would never get engaged to you like that.”
Olivia sucked in a breath and staggered back a step.
Shit. That came out all wrong.
Sawyer ran his hands through his hair. “I just need time to think. To—”
There was a knock at the door and she turned to answer it.
“He’s here, Mr. Sterling,” said Candace. Her gaze darted between Sawyer and Olivia, sizing up the situation and obviously realizing this wasn’t an average business meeting. She probably thought they were having a lover’s spat.
Ha. I wish.
“Should I send him in?” she asked.
“Yes, of course. Let’s not keep him waiting.” Sawyer took a deep breath. “We’ll talk more at home, okay?”
Home. Where his fake girlfriend and real baby-to-be would be waiting for him. A chill ran down his spine. He could barely be a boyfriend and now he was supposed to be a father?
The thought of having someone who depended on him the way a child would sent fear—deep, primal, all encompassing fear—through his body. This was his worst nightmare. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps with the company, but he’d never planned to go so far as to have a child to leave behind when his own ticket came up.
What the hell was he going to do?
He thought he saw Olivia nod before she slipped out of his office. Hopefully by the time he got home, he’d be able to think clearly and figure out how they were going to deal with having a baby together. The idea of a baby made his chest hurt. Taking a deep breath, he forced his thoughts off of his personal life and onto the task at hand. Marcus.
He pulled his shoulders back, straightened his tie, and plastered a confident smile on his face. This was it. The moment of truth. Everything else would have to wait.
He extended his hand as Marcus walked into his office. “Nice to see you again.” Marcus’s handshake was firm, but his demeanor was relaxed. “Since you called this meeting, I’ll let you have the floor,” Sawyer said.
“I liked what I saw in your presentation, and I like the way you guys think around here. I’d like to sign the contract with you.”
Sawyer shook Marcus’s hand again, overjoyed and relieved. “Thank you. You won’t regret it.”
“On one condition,” Marcus stated flatly.
“Name it.”
“I need you to physically oversee the marketing campaign. There are communication barriers I’m not sure we can break via email. I need you there, at least to get them kicked off on each campaign.”
Time away? But he’d been planning on starting a real relationship with Olivia. Of course, that was before all this talk of a baby. He wasn’t cut out to be a father. His own, as much as he loved him, had been a workaholic and Sawyer was already fulfilling that role. That’s what he knew how to be. That’s what he was good at. How was he supposed to suddenly tap into some paternal instincts he wasn’t even sure he had?
This wasn’t ideal, not when he knew Olivia wanted a stable commitment. Not with a baby on the way. Before, there’d been a chance she might be content with dating, but now? Now she would want more. Did he?
“How long do you think I’d be needed overseas? If it’s to get things started in each region, are we talking a week in each place? More? Less?”
“We’re not sure. Our vision has to be communicated properly. Could be a few months by the time you’re done. Of course, your expenses will be paid in full.”
“Can we do it remotely, via satellite video conferencing?”
Marcus shrugged. “Depends on the region. It’s possible, but I wouldn’t count on it. I need your agreement on this before I sign. If you don’t think you can commit, then now’s the time to tell me.”
Why did everything have to be a commitment?
Those days of freedom were gone and if he didn’t embrace this opportunity with Marcus now, he’d lose it. He’d explain everything to Olivia tonight. As an added benefit, time away would give him a chance to sort out his feelings about the baby, about being a father—something he couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around right now.
“I’ll make it happen. I’m thrilled you picked Sterling.”
“Good. Rally the troops and let’s tell them all the good news.”
Sawyer blanched. “Now?”
“Why not? Let’s make it official.”
Sawyer lifted the phone receiver to his ear. “Candace, call everyone over. I have an important announcement.”
Through the blinds he spotted Olivia trying to look busy, even though he could tell she was doing anything but work. He wished he could tell her about the required travel in private.
Moments later, a group had formed outside of his office. With little time for any other options, he led the way across the room, but not before catching Olivia’s gaze and winking. He hoped she knew it meant everything would be okay.
Together, he and Marcus went to the small raised area at one end of the room, where they would sometimes do big company presentations. Once on the little stage, he raised his hands and the excited chatter dissipated.
“Thank you all for gathering so quickly.” He paused, trying to organize his thoughts. There were too many things swirling around in his brain today. “I have the great honor of announcing Todd Marcus has decided to sign with Sterling!”
Applause thundered through the room. Pride swelled within him. He’d done it. Months of hard work finally paid off. Hopefully this would be the start of a long and prosperous partnership with Marcus.
He searched for Olivia in the crowd, finally finding her in the center of the room, cheering along with everyone. Even with everything going on in her life, she was happy for him, for the company she was a temporary employee at. She was amazing.
“Let them hear the rest.” Marcus nudged him to continue.
Sawyer held up his hands and the crowd quieted. “There’s more. Also exciting, I think, though unexpected. Marcus has asked me to supervise the marketing efforts in each region to make sure the vision we created is maintained and communicated. I won’t be gone long, but it could be a few months.”
Sawyer looked back to Olivia, but she wasn’t where she had been. Scanning the crowd, he finally spotted her by the bank of elevators. Even at a distance, he saw her shoulders shake and her eyes glistening with new tears. He knew she’d be upset—about the travel, about the baby. Everything.
A strong hand gripped his shoulder as he started walking toward her.
“Let’s celebrate. I’ve made reservations at Bernie’s,” Marcus said.
Olivia stepped into the elevator, meeting his gaze briefly before the door closed. It was enough time to see the hurt and accusation on her face.
His insides twisted and he wanted more than anything to go after her, but Marcus squeezed his shoulder again looking for an answer. Reluctantly, he plastered a celebration-worthy smile on his face. He had to push everything else aside and finalize this contract. Then he’d go back to his apartment and deal with Olivia and the baby situation, and maybe he’d figure out what the hell he would do about it all.
…
Blinking away yet another rush of tears, Olivia jammed clothes into her bag. Being out of Sawyer’s apartment by the time he strolled back home was a necessity.
She couldn’t look at him and know that everything she’d thought he’d felt for her was nothing more than the lie they’d set out to tell together. He’d done his part. He’d played along as her boyfriend, showing her off, kissing her, cuddling her…
more
…
She had no one to blame but herself for the feelings she’d developed for him. He’d been truthful from the start about what he wanted: the cabin to call his home, a temporary girlfriend, and no real commitment. And then she’d gotten pregnant. So much for commitment free. But there had been moments when she’d thought maybe he might want more, too. Obviously those moments were a product of wishful thinking.
Since college and her relationship with Sam, the only thing she’d wanted was stability, a partner in life, and a family. Sam had been the first to rip that dream away from her and she’d fled from him, from her failure, from everything she hoped for but wouldn’t have. For five years, she’d travelled the world to escape her feelings about the past.
Now it was Sawyer’s turn to reject her and ruin everything. Heartache triggered the same fight or flight response, but this time she couldn’t run away, not when there was a child growing inside of her. This time, she had no choice but to stay and face her mistakes.
She’d gone into this arrangement knowing it was just that…a business arrangement, not a serious relationship. Wasn’t this exactly what they’d both wanted—an end date so they could move on with the rest of their lives? Maybe it’s what she’d convinced herself she wanted. But that was before there was a baby involved.
He’d said he wasn’t father material, that he never wanted children. It looked like he was proving his point by agreeing to travel, which would take him away from his responsibilities, away from his son or daughter…away from her.