The Ice Palace (2 page)

Wait. Better wait, and it would be sure to come some day.
For the time being she must be content with things as they were, and they were strange enough.

She must never let the others notice anything. And she thought she had managed it. Then one of her friends said to her, a little enviously, ‘You
are
interested in Unn, I must say.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Aren’t you? You stare at her the whole time. Do you think we don’t notice?’

Do I? thought Siss, stunned.

Her friend laughed sourly. ‘We all noticed it a long time ago, Siss.’

‘All right, I have then, and I shall do it as much as I like!’

‘Yah!’

Siss had thought about it all constantly. And then at last it had come,
now.
Now, today. That was why she was walking here.

Early this morning the first note had been lying on her desk: ‘Must meet you, Siss.’ Signed, ‘Unn’.

A ray of light from somewhere.

She turned and met the eyes. They were at one with each other. Extraordinary. She knew no more than that; she could think no more about it.

Notes had crossed on this wonderful day. Willing hands helped them along from desk to desk.

‘Would like to meet you, too.’ Signed, ‘Siss’.

‘
When
can I meet you?’

‘Whenever you like, Unn. You can meet me today.’

‘I’d like it to be today, then.’

‘Will you come home with me today, Unn?’

‘No. You must come home with me, or I shan’t meet you.’

Siss turned round abruptly. What was this? She met the
eyes, saw Unn’s nod confirming the note. Siss did not hesitate for a second but sent her reply: ‘I’ll come with you.’

And the notes ceased. They did not speak to each other until the school day was over. Then they stood talking quickly and shyly. Siss asked whether Unn would come home with her all the same.

‘No, why should I?’ asked Unn.

Siss hesitated. She knew it was because she thought she might have something that Unn’s aunt did not have – and then she was used to her friends coming to her. She was ashamed and could not tell Unn this.

‘No, nothing special,’ she said.

‘You’ve said you’ll come to me now.’

‘Yes, but I can’t go with you straight away. I must go home first, so they’ll know where I am.’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘Then I’ll come this evening,’ said Siss, fascinated. It was the mystification that fascinated her, the aura she seemed to see all round Unn.

This was what Siss knew about Unn – and now she was on her way to her, after going home to let them know.

The cold nibbled at her. It creaked underfoot, and the ice thundered down below. Then she caught sight of the little cottage where Unn and her aunt lived. Light shone out on to the frosted birch trees. Her heart pounded in joy and anticipation.

Unn must have been standing at the window watching for Siss, for she came out before Siss reached the doorstep. She was wearing her school slacks.

‘It must have been dark?’ she asked.

‘Dark? Yes, but that doesn’t matter,’ replied Siss, though she had been quite nervous of the darkness and the short cut through the wood.

‘It must have been cold, too? It’s dreadfully cold here this evening.’

‘That doesn’t matter either,’ said Siss.

Unn said, ‘It’s such fun that you wanted to come. Auntie says you’ve been here only once before, and then you were quite small.’

‘Yes, I remember that. I didn’t know about you then.’

They took stock of each other as they talked. Auntie came out, smiling pleasantly.

‘This is Auntie,’ said Unn.

‘Good evening, Siss. Come along in quickly. It’s too cold to stand out there. Come into the warm and take off your things.’

Unn’s aunt was friendly and placid. They went into the warm little living-room. Siss took off her boots, which were frozen hard.

‘Do you remember how it looked when you were here before?’ asked Auntie.

‘No.’

‘It hasn’t changed either. It’s exactly the same as it was
then. You were here with your mother. I remember it very well.’

Auntie seemed to be talkative; presumably she seldom got the chance to chat. Unn stood waiting until she could have her guest to herself. But her aunt was not ready yet.

‘Since then I’ve seen you everywhere but here, Siss. Of course there was nothing to bring you here either – until Unn came to live with me. It makes such a difference. I’m lucky to have Unn, you know.’

Unn waited with impatience.

Auntie said, ‘I know, Unn. But don’t be in such a hurry. Now Siss must get something warm inside her.’

‘I’m not cold.’

‘It’s all ready on the stove,’ said Auntie. ‘I think it’s too cold and too late to be out at this time of day and in this weather. You ought to have come on a Sunday.’

Siss looked at Unn and replied, ‘I couldn’t do that when it
was
today,’ Auntie laughed good-naturedly. ‘No, in that case …

‘And I’ll get home easily before Mother and Father go to bed,’ said Siss.

‘Yes. Come over here and drink this.’

They drank what Auntie had made them. It was good, and warmed them. Siss’s excitement lapped around her, subtle and enticing. Soon they would be left alone.

Unn said, ‘I have my own room. We’ll go there.’

Siss’s tension snapped. Now it would begin.

‘You have a room to yourself, too, don’t you, Siss?’

Siss nodded.

‘Come on then.’

Auntie, so friendly and talkative, looked as if she wanted to come with them into Unn’s bedroom. She was clearly not
allowed to do so. Unn interrupted so decisively that Auntie was left sitting in her chair.

Unn’s room was tidy, and Siss immediately thought there was something strange about it. Two small lamps made it bright. All kinds of newspaper cuttings had been hung on the walls, and a photograph of a woman so like Unn that there was no need to ask who she was. After a while Siss saw that the room was not at all strange; on the contrary, it was very like Siss’s own.

Unn looked at her enquiringly. Siss said, ‘It’s a nice room.’

‘What’s yours like? Is it bigger?’

‘No, about the same.’

‘There’s no need to have anything bigger.’

‘No, there isn’t.’

They had to make small talk for a bit before they could get going. Siss sat on the only chair, her trousered legs stretched out in front of her. Unn sat on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs in the air.

They pulled themselves together, looked at each other searchingly and took stock. This was not so simple – for some mysterious reason. They were embarrassed as well because they wanted each other’s company. Their eyes met in understanding, in a kind of longing, yet they were deeply embarrassed.

Unn jumped down on to the floor and pulled at the door handle. Then she turned the key.

Siss started at the sound and asked quickly, ‘Why did you do that?’

‘Oh, she might come in.’

‘Are you scared of that?’

‘Scared? Of course not. It’s not that. But I want us two to be alone together. Nobody is to come in now!’

‘No, nobody is to come in now,’ repeated Siss, beginning to feel happy. She felt that the bond between Unn and herself was beginning to be tied. Back in their places they fell silent again. Then Unn asked, ‘How old are you, Siss?’

‘Eleven and a bit.’

‘I’m eleven, too,’ said Unn.

‘We’re about the same height.’

‘Yes, we’re almost the same size,’ said Unn. Even though they felt drawn to one another it was difficult to get the conversation going. They sat fingering objects within reach and looking about them. The room was snugly warm. It was on account of the roaring stove of course, but not that alone. A roaring stove would not have helped if they had not been attuned to one another.

In this warmth Siss asked, ‘Do you like living here with us?’

‘Yes, I like being with Auntie.’

‘Yes, of course, that’s not what I meant. I mean at school and – why do you never … ?’

‘Look, I said you weren’t to ask me about that,’ said Unn curtly, and Siss had already regretted the question.

‘Are you going to stay here for good now?’ she asked quickly. Surely
that
couldn’t be dangerous? Was there some danger here? No, there couldn’t be, but she didn’t feel quite safe either; evidently it was easy to go too far.

‘Yes, I’m going to stay here,’ answered Unn. ‘I have nobody else to stay with now besides Auntie.’

They sat in silence again. Then Unn asked searchingly, ‘Why don’t you ask about my mother?’

‘What? Siss looked away at the wall as if caught. ‘Don’t know,’ she said.

She met Unn’s eyes again. It was unavoidable. So was the
question. It had to be answered because it was about something important. She stammered, ‘Because she died last spring, I suppose. That’s what I heard.’

Unn said clearly and loudly, ‘My mother wasn’t married either. That’s why there’s no -’ She stopped.

Siss nodded.

Unn went on, ‘Last spring she fell ill and died. She was ill for only one week. Then she died.’

‘Yes.’

It was a relief when this had been said; the atmosphere felt lighter. The whole district knew what Unn had just told her. Auntie had said all this and more when Unn arrived last spring. Didn’t Unn know that? Still, it had to be talked about now in this beginning of the friendship that was to be forged. There was something else, too. Unn said, ‘Do you know anything about my father?’

‘No!’

‘Nor do I, except for the little Mother told me. I’ve never seen him. He had a car.’

‘Yes, I suppose he did.’

‘Why should he?’

‘Oh, I don’t know – people often do have cars, don’t they?’

‘Yes, I suppose so. I’ve never seen him. There’s nobody else besides Auntie now. I shall stay with Auntie for ever.’

Yes! thought Siss, Unn would stay here for ever. Unn had a clear pair of eyes that held Siss fascinated, just as they had done the very first time. There was no more talk about parents. Siss’s father and mother were never mentioned. Siss was sure Unn knew everything about them; they were simply at home in a respectable house, Father had a respectable job, they had everything they needed and there was nothing she
could tell her. Neither did Unn enquire. It was as if Siss had fewer parents than Unn.

But she did remember siblings.

‘You have brothers and sisters, don’t you, Siss?’

‘No, there’s only me.’

‘That’s very convenient then,’ said Unn.

It occurred to Siss what Unn’s remark really meant: she was going to stay here for ever. Their friendship lay open before them like a smooth path. Something important had happened.

‘Of course it’s convenient. It means we can meet even more often.’

‘We meet every day at school as it is.’

‘So we do.’

They laughed briefly at each other. This was easy. It was just as it should be. Unn took down a mirror that was hanging on the wall beside the bed and sat down again, holding it in her lap.

‘Come over here.’

Siss did not know what this was about, but she sat beside Unn on the edge of the bed. They each held a corner of the mirror, held it up in front of them, and sat without moving, side by side, almost cheek to cheek.

What did they see?

Before they were even aware of it they were completely engrossed.

Four eyes full of gleams and radiance beneath their lashes, filling the looking-glass. Questions shooting out and then hiding again. I don’t know: gleams and radiance, gleaming from you to me, from me to you, and from me to you alone – into the mirror and out again, and never an
answer about what this is, never an explanation. Those pouting red lips of yours, no, they’re mine, how alike! Hair done in the same way, and gleams and radiance. It’s ourselves! We can do nothing about it, it’s as if it comes from another world. The picture begins to waver, flows out to the edges, collects itself, no it doesn’t. It’s a mouth smiling. A mouth from another world. No, it isn’t a mouth, it isn’t a smile, nobody knows what it is – it’s only eyelashes open wide above gleams and radiance.

They let the mirror fall, looked at each other with flushed faces, stunned. They shone towards each other, were one with each other; it was an incredible moment.

Siss asked, ‘Unn, did you know about this?’

Unn asked, ‘Did you see it, too?’

At once things were awkward. Unn shook herself. They had to sit for a while and come to their senses after this strange event.

In a little while one of them said, ‘I don’t suppose it was anything.’

‘No, I don’t suppose it was.’

‘But it was strange.’

Of course it was something, it had not gone, they were only trying to push it away. Unn replaced the mirror and sat down with apparent calm. Both of them kept silent and waited. Nobody tried the handle of the locked door. Auntie was leaving them in peace.

Apparent calm. Siss was watching Unn now, and she saw how Unn was controlling herself. Her heart gave a jump when Unn said abruptly, enticement in her voice, ‘Siss, let’s undress!’

Siss stared at her. ‘Undress?’

Unn seemed to be glittering. ‘Yes. Only undress. That’s fun, isn’t it?’ She began to do so at once.

Of course! Suddenly Siss, too, thought it would be fun, and began taking off her clothes in a rush, racing with Unn, to be ready before Unn.

Unn had the lead and was first. She stood shining on the floor.

Immediately afterwards Siss stood, shining, too. They looked at each other. The briefest of strange moments.

Siss was on the point of making the sort of racket that presumably was expected of her and looked about her for something to tackle. She got no further. She noticed Unn’s quick glances, something tense in her face. Unn was standing very still. For a moment it was there, then it was gone. Unn’s face was happier, easy and pleasant to look at.

At once she said, as if happy in a topsy-turvy way, ‘Ugh, no, Siss, it’s cold after all. I think we’d better dress again at once.’ She picked up her clothes.

Siss stayed where she was. ‘Aren’t we going to kick up a row?’ She was ready to turn somersaults on the bed and perform similar antics.