The Ice Palace (3 page)

‘No, it’s too cold. It doesn’t get warm enough indoors when there’s such a hard frost outside. Not in this house.’

‘But it is warm here, I think.’

‘No, there’s a draught. Can’t you feel it, too? When you stop to think about it?’ ‘Maybe.’

Siss thought about it. It was true. She was a bit cold. The window-pane was covered with rime. Out of doors there had been frost for an eternity. Siss snatched up her clothes as well.

‘There are plenty of things to do besides running about naked,’ said Unn.

‘Of course there are.’ Siss wanted to ask Unn why she had done this but found it difficult to begin. She let it go. They put their clothes on again without haste. To tell the truth, Siss somehow felt cheated. Was this all?

They sat in the same places as before, the only places there were in the little bedroom. Unn sat and looked at Siss, and Siss realized that there was something that had not come out after all. Perhaps it might become exciting. Unn did not look happy any more. What had happened just now had only been a flickering of the eyelids.

Siss became nervous.

‘Aren’t we going to find anything to do?’ she asked when Unn failed to take action.

‘What should we do?’ said Unn abstractedly.

‘If not I must go home.’

It sounded like a threat. Unn said quickly, ‘You mustn’t go home yet!’

Oh no, Siss didn’t want to either. She was really trembling with eagerness to stay.

‘Haven’t you any pictures of where you lived before? Haven’t you an album?’

It was a bull’s-eye. Unn ran to the bookshelf and took out two albums.

‘This one is all of me. Me all the time. Which one do you want to see?’

‘Everything.’

They turned the pages. The pictures were of somewhere far away, and Siss did not recognize a soul, except when Unn was included. She was in most of them. Unn provided brief comments. It was like all other photograph albums. A radiant girl peeped out from the page. Unn said proudly, ‘That’s Mother.’

They looked at her for a long time.

‘And that’s Father,’ said Unn a little later. An ordinary youth standing beside a car. He looked a little like Unn, too. ‘That’s his car,’ said Unn.

Siss asked, half afraid:,’Where is he now?’

Unn replied discouragingly, ‘Don’t know. It doesn’t matter.’

‘No.’

‘I told you, I’ve never seen him. Only his picture.’

Siss nodded.

‘If they’d been able to find Father, I don’t suppose I’d have come to Auntie,’ added Unn.

‘No, of course not.’

Once more they looked through the album with just Unn in it. She had been a splendid girl all along, thought Siss. Then they came to the end of that, too.

What next?

They were waiting for something. She could tell by Unn’s silence. Siss had been waiting for it all the time, so tensely that she started twice as violently when it finally did come out. Now it came tumbling as if out of a sack.

After a long silence Unn said, ‘Siss.’

The start!

‘Yes?’

‘There’s something I want -’ said Unn, flushing.

Siss was already embarrassed. ‘Oh?’

‘Did you see anything on me just now?’ asked Unn quickly but looking Siss straight in the eyes.

Siss became even more embarrassed. ‘No!’

‘There’s something I want to tell you,’ began Unn again, her voice unrecognizable.

Siss held her breath.

Unn did not continue. But then she said, ‘I’ve
never
said it to anyone.’

Siss stammered, ‘Would you have said it to your mother?’

‘No!’

Silence.

Siss saw that Unn’s eyes were full of anxiety. Was she not going to tell her? Siss asked, almost in a whisper, ‘Will you say it now?’

Unn drew herself up. ‘No.’

‘All right.’

Again silence. They began to wish Auntie had come and tried the door.

Siss began, ‘But if –’

‘I can’t. So there!’

Siss drew away. All kinds of notions raced pell-mell through her brain and were rejected. She said helplessly, ‘Was this what you wanted?’

Unn nodded. ‘Yes, that was all.’

Unn nodded as if relieved, as if something was over and done with. There was nothing else to come. At once Siss felt relieved as well.

Relieved, but as if cheated, too, for the second time that evening. All the same, it was better than hearing something that might frighten her.

They sat for a while as if resting.

Siss thought: I’d like to go now.

Unn said, ‘Don’t go, Siss.’

Silence again.

But the silence was not to be trusted, nor had it been any of the time. Here the wind came in sudden, capricious gusts, quick to change direction. It had dropped, but here it was again, unexpectedly, making her jump.

‘Siss.’

‘Yes?’

‘I’m not sure that I’ll go to heaven.’ Unn looked away at the wall as she said this; it was impossible to look anywhere else.

Siss went hot and cold. ‘What?’

She must not stay here. Unn might make up her mind to say more.

Unn asked, ‘You heard what I said?’

‘Yes!’ She added quickly, ‘I must go home now.’

‘Home?’

‘Yes, or I’ll be late. I must get home before they go to bed.’

‘They won’t go to bed yet.’

‘I must go home, so there.’ She hastened to add, ‘Soon it’ll be so cold my nose will drop off on the way.’ She was forced to talk nonsense in her perplexity. Somehow she had to get out of this. She simply had to run away.

Then Unn giggled as she should at what Siss had said, readily joining in the joke. ‘You mustn’t do that,’ she said, ‘let your nose drop off,’ glad because Siss had changed the subject. Again they felt they had avoided matters that were too difficult.

Unn turned the key in the lock. ‘Sit down. I’m only going to fetch your clothes,’ she said commandingly.

Siss was on tenterhooks now. It was unsafe here. What might not Unn say? But to be with Unn! For ever. She would say before they parted: You can tell me more another time. Whenever you like, another time. We couldn’t have gone further this evening. It had been a great deal as it was. But if they were to go further it would make things impossible. Home again as quickly as she could.

Otherwise they might get involved in something that would shatter it all for them. Instead they had shone into each other’s eyes.

Unn came with her coat and boots and put them down beside the roaring stove. ‘They might as well get warm.’

‘No, I must go,’ said Siss, already putting on her boots.

Unn stood without speaking while Siss bundled herself up against the frost. It was no use talking nonsense any more about her nose freezing off. They were tense again. They did not say the things that are usual in parting: Won’t you come again soon? Won’t you come to
me
next time? It did not occur to them. It was all embarrassing and difficult. Not spoiled in any way but far too difficult just now, face to face.

Siss was ready.

‘Why are you going?’

‘I told you, I must go home.’

‘Yes, but –’

‘When I’ve
said
I must –’

‘Siss –’

‘Let me go.’

The door was unlocked now, but Unn was barring the way. They both went in to Auntie.

Auntie was sitting in her chair with some kind of handiwork. She got to her feet, just as friendly as she had been earlier that evening.

‘Well, Siss are you leaving us already?’

‘Yes, I think I ought to go home.’

‘No secrets left?’ she asked teasingly.

‘Not this evening.’

I heard you lock the door, Unn.’

‘Yes, I did lock it.’

‘Well, you can never be too careful,’ said Auntie. ‘Is
anything the matter?’ she asked in a different tone of voice.

‘The matter? Of course not!’

‘You’re so cross?’

‘We’re not a bit cross!’

‘All right, never mind. I suppose I’m getting old and hard of hearing.’

‘Thank you for having me,’ said Siss, trying to get away from Auntie who only teased them and made them look stupid and knew absolutely nothing at all.

‘Wait a bit,’ said Auntie. ‘You must have something warm before you go out into the cold.’

‘No thank you, not now.’

‘You
are
in a hurry.’

‘She has to go home,’ said Unn.

‘Very well.’

Siss drew herself up. ‘Goodbye, and thank you very much for having me.’

‘Thank you for coming, Siss. Now you must run to keep warm. I can see it’s getting colder and colder. Black as pitch, too.

‘Why are you standing there, Unn?’ insisted Auntie. ‘You’ll be seeing each other in the morning.’

‘Yes, we shall!’ said Siss. ‘Good night.’

Unn stood in the doorway after Auntie had gone in. Just stood. What had happened to them? It felt as if it was almost impossible to part. Something strange had happened.

‘Unn …’

‘Yes.’

Siss jumped out into the cold. She could easily have stayed longer. She had plenty of time, but it was dangerous. Nothing more must happen.

Unn remained in the open doorway, where the cold and
the warmth met. The cold moved past her into the living-room. Unn seemed not to notice.

Siss looked back before she began running. Unn was still standing in the lighted doorway, beautiful and strange and shy.

Siss ran home. At once she was struggling blindly with her fear of the dark.

It said: It is I at the sides of the road.

No, no! She thought at random.

I’m coming, it said at the sides of the road.

She ran, knowing there was something at her heels, right behind her.

Who is it?

Straight from Unn and into this. Had she not known that the way home would be like this?

She had known, but she had had to go to Unn.

A noise somewhere down in the ice. It ran along the flat expanse and seemed to disappear into a hole. The thickening ice was playing at making mile-long cracks. Siss jumped at the sound.

Out of balance. She had not had anything safe with which to set out on the return journey through the darkness, no firm footsteps striding along the road, as she had when she had walked
to
Unn. Thoughtlessly she had started running, and the damage was done. At once she had been abandoned to the unknown, who walks behind one’s back on such evenings.

Full of the unknown.

Being with Unn had made her over-excited – even more so after she had said goodbye and left. She had been afraid when she took the first steps, half running, and her fear had
increased like an avalanche. She was in the hands of whatever it was at the sides of the road.

The darkness at the sides of the road. It possesses neither form nor name, but whoever passes here knows when it comes out and follows after and sends shudders like rippling streams down his back.

Siss was in the middle of it, understanding nothing, simply afraid of the dark.

I’ll be home soon!

No you won’t.

She did not even notice the frost tearing at her breath.

She tried to cling to the image of the living-room in the lamplight at home. Warm and bright. Mother and Father in their armchairs. Then their only child would come home, their only child who, they tell each other, must not be spoiled, whom they have turned into a game so as not to spoil her – no, it was no use, she was not
there,
she was between the things at the sides of the road.

But Unn?

She thought about Unn: splendid, beautiful, lonely Unn.

What’s the matter with Unn?

She stiffened in mid-stride.

What’s the matter with Unn?

She started once more. Something gave warning behind her back.

We are at the sides of the road.

Run!

Siss ran. There was a deep, powerful thunderclap somewhere in the ice on the lake, and her boots clattered on the frozen road. There was some comfort in it; if you couldn’t hear the sound of your own footsteps you might go crazy. She
hadn’t the strength to run very fast any more but went on running all the same.

At last she could see the light at home.

At last.

To come into the light of the outside lamp!

They fell back, the things at the sides of the road, and once more turned into a mutter outside the circle of light, leaving Siss to go in to Mother and Father. Father had an office in the district, and now he was sitting comfortably in his chair, very much at home. Mother was reading as she usually did when she had time. It was not yet time for bed.

They did not jump up anxiously when they saw Siss, out of breath and covered in rime. They sat in their chairs and said calmly, ‘What in the world, Siss?’

She stared at them at first. Weren’t they afraid? No, not in the least. No, of course not – it was only she who was afraid, she who had come from outside. What in the world, Siss? they said placidly. They knew she could come to no harm. Nor could they say much less than, what in the world – since she had come home gasping and exhausted, her breath frozen into icicles on her upturned coat collar.

‘Is anything the matter, Siss?’

She shook her head. ‘I was only running.’

‘Were you afraid of the dark?’ they asked, laughing a little, as one ought at people who are.

Siss said, ‘Pooh, afraid!’

‘Hm, I’m not so sure,’ said Father. ‘But in any case you should be too big for that sort of thing now.’

‘Yes, you look as if you’ve been running for dear life the whole way,’ said Mother.

‘Had to come home before you went to bed. After all, you did say–’

‘You knew we shouldn’t be going to bed for some time yet, so you needn’t have –’

Siss was struggling with her frozen boots. She let them thud on to the floor.

‘What a lot of remarks you’re making this evening.’

‘What remarks?’ They looked at her in amazement. ‘Have we said anything?’

Siss did not reply but busied herself with her boots and socks.

Mother got up from her chair. ‘It doesn’t look as if you -’ she began, but stopped. Something about Siss stopped her. ‘Go in and have a wash first, Siss. It will make you feel better.’