The illuminatus! trilogy (30 page)

“Well, it would be logical enough that someone around that time would think of that,” said George. “And who more likely than a Mason who was an unfrocked Jesuit?”

“You recognize that what I tell you is relatively plausible,” said Hagbard. “That’s a good sign.”

“A sign that it’s plausible.” laughed George.

“No, a sign that you’re the kind of person I’m always looking for. Well, the Illuminati, after staying above ground long enough to recruit a hard-core membership from Masons and freethinkers and to establish international contacts, allowed it to seem that the Bavarian government had suppressed them. Subsequently, the Illuminati launched their first experimental revolution, in France. Here they suckered the middle class, whose true interests lay in laissez faire free enterprise, to follow the Weishaupt slogan of ‘Liberty, Equality, Fraternity.’ The catch, of course, is that where equality and fraternity rule, there is
no liberty. After the career of Napoleon, whose rise and fall was purely the result of Illuminati manipulations, they started planting the seeds of European socialism, leading to the revolutions of eighteen forty-eight, to Marxism, finally to the seizure of Russia, one-sixth of the earth’s land mass. Of course, they had to engineer a world war to make the Russian Revolution possible, but by nineteen seventeen they had become quite good at that. World War Two was an even more clever job and resulted in more gains for them.”

“Another thing this explains,” George said, “is why orthodox Marxism-Leninism, in spite of all its ideals, always turns out to be not worth a shit. Why it’s always betrayed the people wherever it established itself. And it explains why there’s such an inevitable quality about America’s drift toward totalitarianism.”

“Right,” said Hagbard. “America is the target now. They’ve got most of Europe and Asia. Once they get America, they can come out into the open. The world will then be much as Orwell predicted in
Nineteen Eighty-four
. They bumped him off after it was published, you know. The book hit a little too close to home. He was obviously on to them—the references to Inner and Outer parties with different teachings, O’Brien’s speech about power being an end in itself—and they got him. Orwell, you see, ran across them in Spain, where they were functioning quite openly at one point during the Civil War. But artists also arrive at truth through their imaginations, if they let themselves wander freely. They’re more likely to arrive at the truth than more scientific-minded people.”

“You’ve just tied two hundred years of world history up in a theory that would make me feel I should have myself committed if I accepted it,” said George. “But I’m drawn to it, I admit. Partly intuitively—I feel you are a person who is essentially sane and not paranoid. Partly because the orthodox version of history that I was taught in school never made sense to me, and I know how people can twist history to suit their beliefs, and therefore I assume that the history I’ve learned is twisted. Partly because of the very wildness of the idea. If I learned one thing in the last few years, it’s that the crazier an idea is the more likely it is to be true. Still and all, given all those reasons for believing you, I would like some further sign.”

Hagbard nodded. “All right. A sign. So be it. First, a question for you. Assuming your boss, Joe Malik, was on
to something—assuming that the place he sent you did have something to do with assassinations and might lead to the Illuminati: what would be likely to happen to Joe Malik?”

“I know what you’re suggesting. I don’t like to think about it.”

“Don’t think.” Hagbard suddenly pulled a telephone from under the railing of the ship. “We can tap into the Bell System through the Atlantic cable from here. Dial the New York area code and dial any person in New York, any person who could give you up-to-date information on Joe Malik and on
Confrontation
magazine. Don’t tell me who you’re dialing. Otherwise, you might suspect I had someone on the ship impersonate the person you want to speak to.”

Holding the phone so Hagbard couldn’t see, George dialed a number. After a wait of about thirty seconds, after numerous clicks and other strange sounds, George could hear a phone ringing. After a moment, a voice said. “Hello.”

“This is George Dorn,” said George. “Who is this?”

“Well, who the hell did you think it was? You dialed my number.”

“Oh, Christ,” said George. “Look, I’m in a place where I don’t trust the phones. I have to be sure I’m really talking to you. So I want you to identify yourself without my telling you who you’re supposed to be. Do you understand?”

“Of course I understand. You don’t have to use that grade school language. This is Peter Jackson, George, as I presume you intended that it should be. Where the hell are you? Are you still in Mad Dog?”

“I’m at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.”

“Knowing your bad habits, I’m not surprised. Have you heard about what happened to us? Is that why you’re calling?”

“No. What happened?” George gripped the telephone tighter.

“The office was blown up by a bomb early this morning. And Joe has disappeared.”

“Was Joe killed?”

“Not as far as we know. There weren’t any bodies in the wreckage. How about you—are you okay?”

“I’m getting into an unbelievable story, Peter. It’s so unbelievable
that I’m not going to try to tell you about it. Not till I get back. If you’re still running a magazine there then.”

“As of now there’s still a magazine, and I’m running it from my apartment,” said Peter. “I only hope they don’t decide to blow me up.”

“Who?”

“Whoever. You’re still on assignment. And if this has anything to do with what you’ve been doing down in Mad Dog, Texas, you’re in trouble. Reporters are not supposed to go around getting their boss’s magazines bombed.”

“You sound pretty cheerful, considering Joe might be dead.”

“Joe is indestructible. By the way, George, who’s paying for this call?”

“A wealthy friend, I think. He’s got a corner on flax or something like that. More on him later. I’m going to sign off now, Pete. Thanks for talking.”

“Sure. Take care, baby.”

George handed the phone to Hagbard. “Do you know what’s happened to Joe? Do you know who bombed
Confrontation?
You knew about this before I called. Your people are pretty handy with explosives.”

Hagbard shook his head. “All I know is, the pot is coming to a boil. Your editor, Joe Malik, was onto the Illuminati. That’s why he sent you to Mad Dog. As soon as you show your face down there, you get busted and Malik’s office is bombed. What do you think?”

“I think that what you’ve been telling me is the truth, or a version of it. I don’t know whether to trust you completely. But I’ve got my sign. If the Bavarian Illuminati don’t exist,
something
does. So, then, where do we go from here?”

Hagbard smiled. “Spoken like a true
homo neophilus
, George. Welcome to the tribe. We want to recruit you, because you are so gullible. That is, gullible in the right way. You’re skeptical about conventional wisdom, but attracted to unorthodox ideas. An unfailing mark of
homo neophilus
. The human race is not divided into the irrational and the rational, as some idealists think. All humans are irrational, but there are two different kinds of irrationally—those who love old ideas and hate and fear new ones, and those who despise old ideas and joyfully embrace new ones.
Homo neophobus
and
homo neophilus. Neophobus
is the original human stock, the stock that hardly changed at all for the first four million years of human history. Neo-philus is the creative mutation that has been popping up at regular intervals during the past million years, giving the race little forward pushes, the kind you give a wheel to make it spin faster and faster. Neophilus makes a lot of mistakes, but he or she moves. They live life the way it should be lived, ninety-nine percent mistakes and one percent viable mutations. Everyone in my organization is
neophilus
, George. That’s why we’re so far ahead of the rest of the human race. Concentrated neophilus influences, without any neophobe dilution. We make a million mistakes, but we move so fast that none of them catch up with us. Before you get any deeper, George, I’d like you to become one of us.”

“Which means what?”

“Become a Legionnaire in the Legion of Dynamic Discord.”

George laughed. “Now that sounds like a gas. But it’s hard to believe that an organization with an absurd name like that could build anything as serious as this submarine, or work for such a serious end as foiling the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.”

Hagbard shook his head. “What’s serious about a yellow submarine? It’s right out of a rock song. And everybody knows people who worry about the Bavarian Illuminati are crackpots. Will you join the Legion—in whatever spirit you choose?”

“Certainly,” said George promptly.

Hagbard clapped him on the back. “Ah, you’re our type, all right. Good. Back through the door you came, then turn right and through the golden door.”

“Is there someone lifting a lamp beside it?”

“There are no honest men on this voyage. Get along with you now.” Hagbard’s full lips curled in a leer. “You’re in for a treat.”

(“Every perversion,” Smiling Jim screamed. “Men having sex with men. Women having sex with women. Obscene desecrations of religious articles for deviant purposes. Even men and women having sex with animals. Why, friends, the only thing they haven’t gotten around to yet is people copulating with fruits and vegetables, and I guess that’ll be next. Some degenerate getting his kicks with an apple!” The audience laughed at the wit.)

“You’ve got to run very fast to catch up with the sun, That’s the way it is, when you’re lost out here,” the old woman said, stressing the last five words in a kind of childish singsong…. The woods were incredibly thick and dark, but Barney Muldoon stumbled after her…. “It’s getting darker and darker,” she said darkly, “but’s always dark,
when you’re lost out here”
…. “Why do we have to catch the Sun?” Barney asked, perplexed. “In search of more light,” she cackled gleefully. “You always need more light,
when you’re lost out here”
….

Behind the golden door stood the lovely black receptionist. She had changed into a short red leather skirt that left all of her long legs in view. Her hands rested lightly on her white plastic belt.

“Hi, Stella,” said George. “Is that your name? Is it really Stella Maris?”

“Sure.”

“No honest men on this voyage is right. Hagbard
was
talking to me telepathically. He told me your name.”

“I told you my name when you boarded the sub. You must have forgotten. You’ve been through a lot. And sad to say you’ll be going through a lot more. I must ask you to remove your clothing. Just shed it on the floor, please.”

George unhesitatingly did as he was told. Total or partial nudity was required in lots of initiation rituals; but a twinge of anxiety ran through him. He was trusting these people simply because they hadn’t done anything to him
yet
. But there was really no telling what kind of freaks they might be, what kind of ritual torture or murder they might involve him in. Such fears were part of initiation rituals, too.

Stella was grinning at him, eyebrows raised, as he dropped his shorts. He understood the meaning of the grin, and he felt the blood rush hot as a blush to his penis, which grew thicker and heavier in an instant. Being aware that he was standing nude with the start of an erection in front of this beautiful and desirable woman, who was enjoying the spectacle, made him swell and harden still more.

“That’s a good-looking tool you’ve got there. Nice and thick and pink and purple.” Stella sauntered over to him, reached out and touched her fingers to the underside of his cock, just where it met his scrotum. He felt his balls draw up. Then her middle finger ran down the central cord, flicking the underside of the head. George’s penis rose to
full staff in salute to her manual dexterity.

“The sexually responsive male,” said Stella. “Good, good, good. Now you’re ready for the next chamber. Right through that green door, if you please.”

Naked, erect, regretfully leaving Stella behind, George walked through the door. These people were too healthy and good-humored to be untrustworthy, he thought. He liked them and you ought to trust your feelings.

But as the green door slammed shut behind him, his anxiety came back even stronger than before.

In the center of the room was a pyramid of seventeen steps, alternating red and white marble. The room was large, with five walls that tapered together in a gothic arch thirty feet above the pentagonal floor. Unlike the pyramid in the Mad Dog jail, this one had no huge eye goggling down at him. Instead there was an enormous golden apple, a sphere of gold the height of a man with a foot-long stem and a single leaf the size of an elephant’s ear. Cut into the side of the apple was the word KALLISTI in Greek letters. The walls of the room were draped with enormous gold curtains that looked like they’d been stolen from a Cinerama theater, and the floor was covered with lush gold carpet into which George’s bare feet sank deeply.

This is different, George told himself to quiet his fear. These people are different. There’s a connection with the others, but they’re different.

The lights went out. The golden apple was glowing in the dark like a harvest moon. KALLISTI was etched in sharp black lines.

A voice that sounded like Hagbard boomed at him from all sides of the room: “There is no goddess but Goddess, and she is your goddess.”

This is actually an Elks Club ceremony, George thought. But there were strange, un-BPOE fumes drifting into his nostrils. An unmistakable odor. High-priced incense these people use. An expensive religion, or lodge, or whatever it is. But you can afford the best when you’re a flax tycoon. Flax, huh? Hard to see how a man could make such big money in the flax biz. Did you corner the market, or what? Now, mutual funds, that was more down to earth than flax. I do believe I’m feeling the effects. They shouldn’t drug a man without his consent.