The Jewish Dog (3 page)

I understood my neighbors' curiosity
.
There was no dog quite as spotted and spectacular as my mother
.
Her fur was thick and strewn with patches of black
,
grey
,
and white
.
Her paws bore matching white socks
,
her teeth were white and unblemished
,
and her coiled tail was adorned with long
,
soft fur
.
I could do nothing but watch and admire.

Despite my mother's beauty and pedigree
,
I quickly understood that her place in the broader hierarchy – four-legged and two-legged combined – was not as high as I had first surmised
.
My esteem for my mother diminished when I understood that the Gottliebs
,
and the Gottliebs alone
,
controlled the light
.
There were chandeliers hanging from the ceiling
,
upside-down shrubs with flowers that produced light
.
The family members determined when there would be light in the room by using a small switch by the door
.
The Gottliebs could make light into darkness and darkness into light – ordinances of heaven and earth
!
But the light and the dark are but an example
.
In fact
,
one could say that humans controlled everything.

And my mother? I woefully learned that her only responsibilities were nursing
,
carrying my brothers and me by our napes
,
and naturally
,
bathing us with her tongue whenever she was so inclined
.
Humans
,
on the other hand
,
determined everything
.
They determined when we'd go out for a walk
,
when meals would be served
,
and how much food would be set in our bowls
.
Of all their magical powers
,
I was most jealous of their ability to open and close doors
.
If only I could change the state of a door so easily
:
open
,
closed
,
open.

Naming was also the authority of the Gottliebs
,
and whatsoever they called every living creature
,
that was its name thereafter
.
When my mother was adopted
,
they named her Bruriah
.
They selected her name as a sign of honor for her wisdom and splendor
.
They were very impressed with her ability to sit
,
lie down
,
bark
,
reach out her right paw
,
reach out her left paw
,
and roll over on demand
.
Every time she displayed her skills
,
she was rewarded with a piece of chicken or a rich beef bone
.
I made up my mind to acquire the same skills
,
forthwith.

CHAPTER 3

O
nce we were weaned off Mother's milk
,
Reizel
,
Joshua
,
and Herschel's friends began visiting our home
,
accompanied by their parents
.
The young visitors would try to convince their parents to adopt one of the puppies
.
Fritz Leiter
,
Joshua's friend
,
was torn between me and my oldest brother
.
I wanted to impress him
,
but my tail jerked suddenly in a strange and involuntary motion
.
I tried to catch it in my mouth
,
but no matter how fast I turned
,
my tail was always one step ahead
.
Eventually
,
I surrendered to my dizziness and fell on my back
.
Fritz told Joshua that he was not interested in a stupid dog
,
and took my brother home
.
Several hours later
,
I parted with my sister
,
who was taken by a young girl named Helena Luntz.

And then there were three.

“Daddy,” asked Reizel
,
“don't you think Bruriah is sad that we're giving away her puppies?”

“We'll only give her puppies to good families,” Kalman promised.

More young boys came with their parents
.
The conversations were almost identical.

“What a beautiful dog
!
Let's adopt him!”

“And who will feed him? And who will take him out on walks?”

“We will.”

“And when the excitement dies down
,
who will take your dog out for walks?”

“We will take care of him forever.”

“And what will happen when you get drafted into the army?”

That question remained unanswered.

“‘We will take care of him forever
 . .
 .'” Kalman imitated the conversations as soon as the empty-handed speakers departed
.
“‘And what will happen when you get drafted into the army?' Not that the parents intended
,
God forbid
,
to ask what would happen to their children's pure souls when they'd shell hospitals and crush innocents under their tanks
.
They just wanted to know whether the burden of walking the dog would fall on their shoulders.”

“You're exaggerating,” Shoshana told him
.
“Hitler talks a lot
,
but talking about war is not the same as waging war.”

“Do you really think I'm exaggerating? And what about the passports that I need to arrange?”

“Bureaucracy at the Ministry of Interior is a pain in the neck
,
but it's not quite war
.
By the way
,
have you taken care of that yet? If you want
,
I can go
.
I'll be near City Hall tomorrow anyway.”

Before Kalman could respond
,
Joshua barged into the kitchen
,
bursting with an idea
.
“We're three children,” he said
,
“and we now have three puppies
.
So if we leave the puppies at home
,
each of us will have our own puppy.”

“That's some very impressive numerical symmetry,” Kalman responded
.
“But we decided we have to give the puppies away.”

“If not all of them
,
can't we have at least two?”

Kalman shook his head and Shoshana said
,
“No!”

“If only we could just keep one puppy. . . .”

“No
!
Only Bruriah stays
!
We must give away the puppies!”

Shoshana clarified
:
“Bruriah is exceptionally bright
,
but her puppies don't seem to be that smart
.
Bruriah is purebred and noble
,
but her mongrel puppies don't look like anything special
.
Bruriah is very careful about the rules of hygiene
,
but her puppies
,
God have mercy
,
can't tell the living room from the lavatory.”

Weeks went by and a new home for us was still not found
.
As the number of visits from young friends dwindled
,
Matilda became the next natural candidate
.
Shoshana and Kalman asked her if she'd be interested in adopting one of us.

“I would love to take one of them
,
I really would,” Matilda said
.
“Unfortunately
,
I can't
.
You don't know my husband
.
He would never allow an untrained pup to come and soil our house
.
On the other hand,” Matilda began
,
the spark of a new idea in her eyes
.
“Remember Uncle Siegfried
,
whom I told you about? The one whose wife fell ill over the summer?”

Shoshana nodded.

“His dogs are very old
.
He recently mentioned that he'd like a new dog or two
.
He needs good dogs to help guard his sheep enclosure.” Matilda promised she would talk to her uncle about taking two of us.

“And it's possible,” she said
,
“that Uncle Siegfried will be able to come by to visit as early as next week.”

And thus
,
the question remained
:
which of the three of us would stay? Reizel declared that she could not choose
.
Joshua was fond of “the one with the crooked tail.” Herschel of “the one with the black circle around his eye and the brown patch on his chest.” Meaning
,
me
.
Generally speaking
,
you could say that I was Herschel's favorite
,
and Herschel was mine
.
He was the only one of the three siblings who dared disobey his parents and sneak me food during mealtimes
.
I was astute enough to understand that the food I was receiving was strictly under the table
,
and I was careful to eat it discreetly
.
Herschel also let me sneak into his room in the dead of night to share his bed
,
and he would never turn his face away when I thanked him with a grateful lick on the cheek.

Herschel would relentlessly try to convince his siblings
.
“Look how cute the white one with the black circle around his eye and brown patch on his chest is.” Seeing the look of sublime happiness on the faces of the children each time I did something that was considered “adorable,” I came to understand that I had to do as many “adorable” things as possible in order to stay with the family
.
I pretended that there was no pup as eager as I was to satisfy his owners
.
All it took was a peek from a member of the family and I started wagging my tail
.
I stopped pulling randomly on my leash
,
and each time one of the children came near me
,
I'd curl up at their feet
,
reducing myself to a soft and warm little ball of fur
.
I discovered my manipulative side
.
“Aww
,
he's so adorable,” Shoshana melted when I went to sleep with my front paws in Kalman's slippers.

With tremendous effort
,
I taught myself to stand on my back legs for five seconds straight
,
while pawing the air with my front legs
.
When Herschel threw sandwich pieces
,
I caught them in my mouth in midair
.
The children emitted cries of jubilation
.
I would hold a paw out to family members and rest my head on their knees
.
I was always rewarded with soft petting and looks of compassion
,
confirming my theory that all my brown-nosing and dog tricks would indeed achieve the ultimate goal.

Thus it transpired that my two brothers were given to Matilda's Bavarian uncle
,
and I was left
,
for the time being
,
in the safety of my mother's bosom on the Gottliebs' living room carpet.

“Mother,” begged Reizel
,
Joshua
,
and Herschel
.
“Maybe we can just keep the last one?”

She didn't even bother responding directly
.
“You know the answer
.
When we find a home for him
,
he will be given away.”

CHAPTER 4

T
he decree was made following a unique and unforgettable evening that the family called “Seder Night.” He who has not seen Seder Night in the Gottlieb household has not witnessed true happiness
.
From my present sagacious perspective at my advanced age of twelve years
,
and from my deep familiarity with the Jewish calendar
,
I can unequivocally say that Passover
,
the holiday of freedom
,
is undoubtedly the most important holiday
.
Sukko
s
is very nice
,
and I did indeed enjoy sleeping outside in the dog-
sukka
h
built for me by Herschel and Joshua as an add-on to the family
sukkah
.
And the Hanukkah
latke
s
and Purim
hamantasche
n
were delicious
,
don't get me wrong
,
but Passover is
,
beyond all shadow of a doubt
,
the genuine article.

That fateful Seder night
,
the Gottliebs had invited their friends Marta and Hirsch Jacobson and their children
.
Marta spent the entire morning with Shoshana in the kitchen
,
where they diligently prepared the holiday delicacies
.
Tormented by the intoxicating fragrances
,
I thought evening would never arrive
.
Marta spent hours making
charose
s
and
eingemachtes
. A wonderful fragrance of black radish
,
burnt sugar
,
and almonds filled the kitchen
.
Shoshana fried eggs for
ayer
-
lokshen
. She soaked
matzo
s
in chicken soup
,
and added bone marrow to make
kneidlach
. She tasted a bit from the ladle and sprinkled another pinch of salt
!
What torturous aromas
!
I felt as though the tip of my snout was about to be torn off my face
.
Toward the afternoon
,
they worked together to make
kartofelnik
. Shoshana grated potatoes and Marta scrambled eggs
,
crumbled
matzos
,
and mixed it all with savory chicken fat
.
For an hour and a half
,
the house was filled with fragrances that kept me from focusing on anything but the marvelous dishes in the oven
.
Then it was time
.
The
kartofelnik
was taken out of the oven
,
baked and browned
.
Marta tapped on her masterpiece lightly with a spoon
,
and the hollow sound that resonated from the dish confirmed that it was ready
.
That was it
.
I could take it no more
.
I felt as though I had died
;
the tempting aroma wafting from that potato casserole had long pushed me past my pain threshold.

Herschel
,
Reizel
,
and Joshua wanted to pinch a bit of
charoses
and nibble on the crunchy edges of the
kartofelnik
,
but Shoshana forbade them from eating before dinner
,
and sentenced them all to naps so they wouldn't be conquered by weariness before it was time to sing
Chad Gadia
. I
,
too
,
although not expressly asked
,
curled up in a living room corner and dozed off.

Much to my chagrin
,
the night started off on the wrong paw
.
For the first part of the Seder (up until
yachat
z
) I was locked up in Shoshana and Kalman's bedroom
.
The reason
:
one of the guests
,
Moishe Jacobson
,
would howl and yowl each time I came close
.
When the scent of his fear reached my nostrils
,
my chest swelled with pride
.
For the first time in my life
,
I felt powerful
,
masculine
,
and intimidating
.
The pride was then banished by scorn – how is he not ashamed to be afraid of an adorable little creature like me? Finally
,
the scorn was replaced by a sudden gust of aggression
.
I felt an overpowering urge to bite something
.
I pounced with all the might my four tiny legs could muster, and caught the hem of Herschel's pants in my jaws
.
Herschel shook his leg to and fro
,
trying to shake me off
,
but I just tightened my grip and refused to relent
.
It was an exciting game
.
Herschel
,
who enjoyed seeing my playful spirit
,
took my head between his hands and growled encouragingly
.
Alas
,
the game that caused so much joy for me and Herschel filled Moishe's heart with fear
,
and I soon found myself behind a locked door
.
The tantalizing scents of hard-boiled eggs
,
gefilte
fish
,
and well-done roast beef reached my snout by way of the small crack between the door and the floor
.
I barked my frustration
,
but Kalman commanded me to be quiet
.
I had no choice but to lie silently on the floor and let out the occasional whimper.

My mother approached the door from the outside
.
It saddened her to hear my whimpering
,
but she wasn't locked up with me because Moishe wasn't scared of her
.
My mother was serene and mature
.
She would spend most of her time in the corner
,
not engaging in juvenile antics like me
.
Suddenly the door opened
.
The great burst of light that pervaded the room blinded me
.
From darkness to great light
.
Herschel was standing in the doorway
.
He kneeled by my side and whispered in my ear
,
“Joshua and I asked Moishe to give you another chance
.
Behave yoursel
f
!”

“You see
,
Moishe?” Herschel explained as he stroked my forehead
.
“This puppy is called ‘the white one with the black circle around his eye and brown patch on his chest.' There's nothing to be afraid of
,
he's a small and harmless puppy.”

“Come, Moishe,” the little coward's mother called. “Pet him.” After being promised a spoonful of
charoses
, he agreed to pet me, with certain stipulations. He would pet my back and nothing else, and on the strict condition that my head and canine teeth would be kept far away from him.

When the terms were set and Moishe's reward guaranteed, I received my petting. His pet was little more than a fleeting graze from a terrified, trembling hand. After a few of these finger-tipped attempts, he placed his small palm on my back and ran it through my fur in a real petting. He broke into a proud smile, one befitting a heroic warrior safely returning from the battlefield.

Once the ice was broken
,
we could move on with the ceremony
.
Twenty diners
,
their seats cushioned by pillows
,
reading from their books
,
offering their own interpretations
,
telling stories
,
and asking questions
.
I must interpose that
,
even without understanding the content of the questions (my vocabulary not yet being up to snuff)
,
I got the feeling that they already knew all the answers.

Kalman asked his children to read from the book
,
insisting on the precise pronunciation of every Hebrew word
.
After the children tried their hands at reading
,
Kalman summarized the plot for them
.
“The Egyptians
,
led by Pharaoh
,
plotted to wipe out the Jews
.
For many years
,
they ruthlessly enslaved the Jews until God took pity
.
God plagued the Egyptians
,
sending frogs
,
lice
,
wild animals
,
and hail to make their lives miserable
.
They were suitably punished for their sins
,
and throughout the streets of Egypt
,
not a dog barked on the night of their clandestine escape.”

“And now,” Shoshana turned to the young participants
.
“Now you must find the
Afikomen
!
”

The children scattered throughout the house
,
opening and closing doors
,
moving pictures hanging on the wall
,
opening closets
,
and peeking under the couches
.
Fifteen minutes of searching went by
,
and the
Afikomen
was still nowhere to be found
.
I ran among the children
,
not wanting to feel left out of the commotion
,
but I had no idea what I was looking for
.
Herschel
,
who saw that I was itching to be part of the fun
,
decided to take advantage of my honed sniffing skills
.
He held a piece of
matzo
in front of my snout
.
Now I was in the game
.
I sniffed the
matzo
,
pointed my snout
,
and lifted one front paw like an experienced hunting hound.

“Onward,” Herschel commanded
.
“Find the
Afikomen
!”

In less than a minute
,
I was in front of the bureau
,
pawing at the second drawer
,
and letting out a series of barks
.
Disbelieving
,
the children opened the drawer and smothered me with words of praise
,
celebrating with the
Afikomen
in their hands
.
The knowledge that everyone was talking about me
,
and in a most positive light
,
gave me great pleasure.

Herschel insisted that I
,
and I alone
,
would receive the traditional gift for finding the
Afikomen
.

“What gift does he want?” Shoshana asked.

Herschel put his ear near my snout and pretended that I was whispering a secret.

“He says he wants to stay in our home!”

“No!” Shoshana answered
.
“Absolutely not
!
I already told you a hundred times – we are giving away the puppies.”

“In that case,” Herschel said defiantly
,
“the white dog with the black circle around his eye and brown patch on his chest will keep the
Afikomen
.”

He brought the
matzo
close to my mouth
.
I stuck my tongue out to taste it
,
and Herschel quickly pulled it away
,
a split second before I slobbered all over it.

Shoshana gave her husband a worried look
.
“Kalman
,
tell him to cut out the nonsense.”

“But Mrs
.
Gottlieb,” Moishe suddenly came through to my defense
,
“it's not fair
.
He's a good dog.”

“Passover is Passover
,
and tradition is tradition
,
Shoshana dear,” Kalman said in his convincing voice
.
“I'm afraid justice is with Herschel and the white dog with the black circle around his eye and brown patch on his chest
.
Even Moishe agrees with them. . . .”

“Tomorrow the puppy can have some pot roast,” Sho­shana tried to propose a compromise.

“He stays!” Herschel rejected the proposal.

“All right
,
we'll see
 . .
 .” she extended her hand to get the
Afikomen
from Herschel
,
but Herschel quickly hid it behind his back
.
He demanded explicit consent.

“Fine
,
fine,” his mother gave in
.
“Fine
,
he can stay
.
The white one with the black circle around his eye and brown patch on his chest can stay.”

Everyone began nibbling on the
Afikomen
,
and the hero of the evening was not forgotten
.
I
,
too
,
was given a piece of the magical
matzo
.
As soon as I tasted it
,
I spat out the sliver of tasteless cardboard and turned my head.

“Look at him,” Kalman said
,
pointing at me
.
“He must be thinking to himself
,
‘Is it possible that this fuss was all over a piece of dry and flavorless dough?'”

“He doesn't understand how I can be so bad at bargaining,” Shoshana said jokingly.