The Last Days of Rabbit Hayes (36 page)

‘I’m being bitchy. You’re right. Rabbit made her choice. More importantly, you made your choice and I accept that.’

‘You do?’

‘It’s going to be hard on Ma and Da, but you’ll come home more often.’ It was an order as opposed to a request. ‘And I’ll make sure Ma gets on a plane to the States, even if it kills her.’

Davey chuckled. ‘Just tell her she’s going to Wales.’

‘We’ll come over when we can and it’ll all work out.’

‘Thanks, Grace.’

‘Don’t thank me because I swear to God, Davey, if anything happens to her, I’ll come after you with a hammer.’ Grace was most definitely her mother’s daughter.

‘Or a mug.’

‘Who told you?’

‘Rabbit and Ma.’

‘I’m mortified.’

Rabbit’s eyes fluttered. Her breathing became slightly louder and she moaned in her sleep. She seemed agitated, which indicated pain. Grace pressed the buzzer. A nurse they hadn’t seen before came in and looked at her chart. ‘I’ll just be a minute.’ She administered the necessary medication to get ahead of the pain.

‘Where’s Michelle this week?’ Grace asked.

‘She’s in the South of France with some friends.’

‘That’s nice.’

‘Yeah, it’s a wedding.’

She left as soon as Rabbit was settled.

‘She was supposed to get married.’

‘Who?’

‘Michelle, the nurse. Her ex is now shacking up with some young one in the house they bought together and she’s in the spare room.’

‘Hate that,’ he said.

The conversation ended naturally. Neither was really interested in gossiping about the nurse and her tragic love life. Instead they focused on poor Rabbit’s bloated, distorted, oddcoloured face, and her loud breathing through her cracked lips.

‘She was so beautiful,’ Grace said.

‘She always wanted to look like you, Grace.’

‘That ended the day Johnny Faye told her she would be the most beautiful girl in the world.’

He smiled. ‘They were something, weren’t they?’

‘The odd couple,’ she said.

‘Yeah, they were definitely that.’

‘She’s been seeing him in her sleep,’ Grace said.

‘I know.’

‘Going back in time, she says.’

‘It’s the drugs.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Come on, Grace.’

‘I’m not like you pair. I believe.’

‘In what? Going back in time?’

‘Don’t be a dick.’

‘And, besides, I believe too. I’m just not sure what I believe in.’

‘Hedging your bets,’ Grace said.

‘Exactly.’

‘You’re so like me da.’

Rabbit stirred, reached for her cuddly rabbit and held it close. ‘Da,’ she said.

Davey stood up and ran out of the room. He found Jack by himself in the prayer room. ‘She called out for you, Da,’ he said.

Jack blessed himself and turned to his son. ‘If I’m not going to pray today then I never will again, son,’ he said, as if explanation was needed.

Davey didn’t follow his da to Rabbit. Instead he stayed in the prayer room. It was cool and less suffocating than Rabbit’s room or the canteen. He sat there for at least half an hour, and if anybody had bothered to ask him what he thought about during that time, he would not have been able to answer them.

Juliet arrived at Reception with a bunch of flowers big enough to cover her upper body. Fiona wasn’t sure if it was OK to bring them into her mother’s room but, having spoken with a nurse, she said to go ahead. Mabel walked behind the child, who insisted on carrying the heavy arrangement. She burst into the room flowers first.

‘Ma, these are for you,’ she said, peeping through them at her mother. Rabbit looked so unlike herself that she very nearly dropped them. Jack took them from her and placed them on the floor – the display was too big to fit anywhere else. ‘They’re beautiful, Juliet,’ he said, but she hardly heard him: she was focused on her mother’s shallow, fast-paced, open-mouth breaths. There was an urgency that hadn’t existed before. Her body seemed smaller, skeletal, with the light blanket clinging to and emphasizing her bones; her face seemed puffier, darker, almost black in places. Her bed was like an island, no longer connected to life-saving fluids or machines.

Mabel put a hand on Juliet’s shoulder in an attempt to steady the trembling child, but it wasn’t enough to calm her. She flew into a fit of hysteria.

‘She’s thirsty! You can see she’s thirsty – why aren’t they giving her water? And when’s the last time she ate?’

‘We can use the lollipops, if you like,’ Jack said, in a calm voice.

‘She needs water. She needs food. She’s dying because they’re not doing anything. They’re starving her in here. Ma – Ma?’ She was grabbing at her mother’s arm but Rabbit lay still even as Juliet shook her. ‘Ma, please wake up.’

‘Juliet, it’s OK,’ Mabel said.

‘It’s not OK, Mabel, it’s not – they’re killing her.’

‘Juliet . . .’ Jack couldn’t say any more: he was crying again.

Juliet ran out of the room before Mabel could stop her. She raced down the corridor, shouting ‘Nurse!’ over and over again. Davey heard her and came running from the prayer room; Molly, Marjorie and Grace rushed out of the canteen, and Mabel had followed her out of the room, leaving Jack alone with Rabbit.

They converged on her, but Davey was the first to reach her.

‘She’s not dying! They’re killing her!’ Juliet screamed at him.

‘Come here,’ Davey said, and he opened his arms.

‘No.’ Juliet’s eyes were so full they bulged.

‘Come here, Juliet,’ Davey said.

‘They’re killing her, Davey.’

‘They’re not, kiddo. It’s just her time.’

‘Not yet, Davey,’ Juliet cried, and he walked up to her and took her in his arms. She didn’t resist. Instead she hugged him tight and cried on his shirt. ‘She can’t go yet.’ She couldn’t catch her breath.

‘Shush,’ he said. ‘Shush, Bunny.’

Slowly they started to turn, him guiding her in a tight circle, around and around, and gradually she calmed. He whispered something into her ear and she gulped. Her tears dried, her breathing steadied. The others stepped back and walked away, leaving Juliet to be comforted by her uncle.

Molly knocked on Rita Brown’s office door. Even though she had sought her out, she was slightly relieved when Rita failed to answer. She turned to walk away but immediately spotted Rita coming down the corridor, file in hand and wearing what appeared at first glance to be an orange jumpsuit.
Christ on a bike.
Her bird’s nest hairdo was still a sight to be seen, but her smiling face offered immediate if small comfort to a woman on the very edge of reason.

‘Come in,’ she said, and Molly followed. She didn’t need to be asked to sit down.

‘I was hoping to catch up with you. I heard about the incident. How are you feeling?’

‘Oh, I’m fine. Have to have a few tests but I’ll be fine.’

‘I’m glad. How are you all doing?’

‘Good, bad, fine, terrible, depends on the second of the day, really,’ Molly said.

‘Well, that’s how it’s supposed to be.’

‘Rabbit’s daughter Juliet and my son Davey are in with her now. Couldn’t stick seeing my granddaughter watch her mother die – it’s not right, but, then, how do you tell her to leave?’

‘You don’t.’

‘What if it scars her for life?’

‘This will scar her for life, no matter what you decide to do. You’ve just got to try your best to minimize the damage.’

‘By making her suffer through every heart- and gut-wrenching moment of this?’ Molly said.

‘If that’s what she wants.’

‘It’s not right,’ Molly said again. She was so used to being sure about everything and now she was lost. For the first time in Molly’s life, she didn’t know what was best. She didn’t know what to do. The loss of control was terrifying.

‘Juliet will remember her mother dying. She will never wonder about it, she’ll never regret not being there, she won’t have questions, and she’ll know that her mother had a good death,’ Rita said.

‘She’ll remember her mother dying,’ Molly repeated. The rest of the sentence momentarily lost meaning. ‘That’s what she’ll remember.’

‘It’s not all,’ Rita said.

‘I was trying to think what I remember before I was Juliet’s age and you know what I came up with?’

‘What?’

‘Fuck all.’

‘It’s different for Juliet. She’ll hold on to those twelve years and you’ll all help her,’ Rita said.

‘I’m impressed you know what age she is,’ Molly said.

‘It’s my job.’

‘Well, you’re not bad at it.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You could do with hiring a stylist, if you don’t mind me saying, but you have a way with people.’

Rita grinned and chuckled a little. ‘Well, now, Molly, that’s not the first time I’ve heard that but, honestly, I am what I am and I like what I like . . .’

‘And I bet you’ve got more than one cat.’

‘Four.’

‘Good for you, love,’ Molly said.

Molly felt marginally better when she left Rita’s office. She had texted Father Frank earlier and he had responded to tell her he was in the car park. She climbed into his car.

‘Well?’

‘We’re nearing the end.’

‘Are you sure you still want me to do this?’

‘She won’t let me have a proper funeral for her but she mentioned nothing about last rites.’

‘What about the rest of the family?’ he asked.

‘Leave them to me.’

‘OK. I have a few visits to do.’

‘Right. I’ll text you when the coast is clear.’

Molly looked left and right before getting out of the car. She knew it was against everything her dying daughter wanted, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

She met Grace in the corridor. ‘We were starting to worry.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Where were you?’

‘None of your beeswax.’

‘Ma?’

‘Wha’?’ Molly said innocently.

‘I know you. Spit it out.’

‘Father Frank is going to give Rabbit the last rites.’ Molly waited for her daughter to argue, but no protest came.

‘Well, what harm could it do?’ Grace said.

‘Exactly.’ Molly was relieved to have someone on her side. She knew Jack would go mad if he found out.

‘Don’t tell Davey,’ Grace said.

‘Agreed.’

‘And we’ll have to get me da out of the place.’

‘So we’ll send him off with Juliet, Davey and Mabel. Marjorie will be on our team.’

‘Send them off to do what, though?’

‘Get food?’

‘There’s a canteen here. They won’t leave for food, not now.’

‘I could always sound the fire alarm?’

‘Jaysus, Ma, that’s a bit extreme.’

‘Well, then, we’ll need to run interference. Marjorie can distract Davey – she knows how. You can distract your da and Mabel, and Lenny and the kids can do something with Juliet. He only needs five minutes,’ Molly said.

‘Right. You’ll say you want some alone time with Rabbit.’

‘I’ll turf Davey and Juliet out.’

‘And I’ll talk to Marjorie and Lenny,’ Grace said.

They parted ways at Rabbit’s door.

‘We’re doing the right thing,’ Molly said.

‘What she doesn’t know won’t harm her.’

‘Exactly.’

Grace moved to walk away, but her mother grasped her elder daughter’s arm. ‘I love you, Grace.’

‘I love you too, Ma.’

Molly successfully managed to kick her son and granddaughter out of the room on condition that she didn’t spend too much time alone with Rabbit. Then she texted Father Frank.

The coast is clear.

Give me five minutes.

We don’t have five minutes. Come now!

She would have added the angry-face emoticon if she’d known how to find it on her phone.

On the way.

He arrived two minutes later. She closed the door and ushered him over to Rabbit, who was slowly dying.

‘Oh, Rabbit,’ he said, and placed his hand on her forehead. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Yeah, yeah, enough of that, just do the job.’

He gave Molly a withering look.

‘Don’t look at me like that. We’re on the clock.’ She was watching the door.

He took out his sanctified oils and anointed Rabbit’s forehead. She moved slightly under his touch. He waited a second before sprinkling holy water. She stirred again, her eyelids moved. He backed away.

‘You know this has very little relevance if she—’

‘You said. I know. Please.’

‘I’m doing this for you, Molly.’

‘I know, and I’m grateful.’

Rabbit settled and he stood over her. ‘Purify me with hyssop, Lord, and I shall be clean of sin. Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Have mercy on me, God, in your great kindness. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.’

He laid his hand on her forehead once more. Rabbit opened her eyes and, as loudly as she could, she whispered, ‘Boo.’

Father Frank came close to wetting himself.

Molly shouted, ‘Sweet Jesus.’

Rabbit smiled. ‘You couldn’t help yourself, Ma.’

‘I’m so sorry, love.’ She was sorry to have been caught but delighted to see her little girl again.

‘Go on, Father. Skip to the good bit, for me ma’s sake.’

‘I will, Rabbit. May the almighty and merciful Lord grant you pardon, absolution and remission for your sins.’

‘Amen,’ Molly said. ‘Tell Juliet and the others she’s awake,’ she said to him. He said he would and was gone.

Juliet arrived with Jack, Mabel, Grace, Lenny and Stephen.

‘Ma?’

‘Hi, Bunny.’

‘It’s all right, Ma.’

‘Love you, Bunny.’

‘Love you, Ma.’

The others didn’t get a chance to speak because her eyes closed and she was asleep once more.

Molly wouldn’t leave Rabbit’s side for one moment after that. Time was precious and she was determined to spend every second of it with her daughter.

Davey missed Rabbit’s short revival. Marjorie had suggested a walk and, with Juliet safe in Mabel’s care, he took her up on the offer. They wandered around the well-worn garden path.

‘I wanted to say I think you’ll be great for Juliet,’ Marjorie said.

‘You don’t have to lie.’

‘I’m telling the truth, Davey. Part of me thought you were unsuitable and I’ve realized that another part of me didn’t want to lose Juliet too.’