‘Look at me now! I am over a hundred and twelve!’
He strode towards the opposite pavement and waved his cane angrily at a taxi that had to do an emergency stop just inches from his shins.
‘Confound you, sir!’ he shouted at the cabby. ‘Driving like a madman!’
‘But how do you know my name?’ I asked again, still confused.
‘Simplicity itself,’ he replied. ‘The Mighty Shandar wrote a list of all the Dragonslayers that were to come, so the outgoing Dragonslayer would know the new apprentices and not employ some twerp who would bring dishonour to the craft. You were chosen for your calling over four centuries ago, my girl, and rightly or wrongly, you will take your vows.’
‘But my name’s not
actually
Jennifer Strange,’ I said, ‘I’m a foundling – I don’t know what my name is!’
‘It’s Jennifer Strange enough for the Mighty Shandar,’ he said cheerily.
‘I’m going to be a Dragonslayer?’
‘Goodness me, no!’ chuckled the old man. ‘You are to be an
apprentice
Dragonslayer.’
‘But I only started looking for you this morning—’
The old man stopped again and fixed me with his bright blue eyes.
‘Think of a huge feat of magic.’
I thought of moving Hereford’s cathedral two feet to the left.
I nodded.
‘Good. Then double it. Double it again, multiply by four and then double
that
. The answer is one tenth the size of the Old Magic involved here.’
‘But I’m not sure I want to be a Dragonslayer’s apprentice.’
‘Sometimes choice is a luxury that fate does not afford us, Miss Strange. We’re here.’
We had stopped outside a small house which was only one of many in a row of ordinary-looking terraced dwellings. The building had two large green garage doors and painted on the road outside was a faded yellow hatched box with the words ‘Dragonslayer, No Parking’ in large letters. The old man opened the front door and beckoned me in.
He turned on the lights and I looked around, amazed at what I saw. The room was large and airy and seemed to be living quarters and garage all rolled into one. At one side of the room was a kitchenette and living area with a large table, sofa and TV, and in the other half, parked in front of the double doors, was an old Rolls-Royce armoured car. The car was of heavy riveted construction and had emergency lights like a police car. Two twin-tone sirens were bolted to the turret and all over the vehicle were sharp copper spikes, protruding in every direction like a large metallic porcupine’s, and which reminded me of the armour that Dragonslayers and their steeds donned all those years ago.
‘A Rolls!’ I exclaimed.
‘It is
never
a Rolls, young lady,’ admonished the old man. ‘Neither is it a Roller. It is a Rolls-Royce, and don’t you forget it.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Times have moved on a bit, you know,’ he went on. ‘I started with a horse but changed to the Rolls-Royce when they demolished the stables to make way for the shopping precinct. I’ve never used it although it remains in tip-top mechanical condition.’
I followed the old man over to the far wall, upon which hung a long lance, whose sharpened tip glistened dangerously, and on a table beneath it lay an exquisite sword whose long blade ended in a large hilt, bound with leather and adorned with a ruby the size of an orange.
‘Exhorbitus,’ said the old man in a soft, reverential voice. ‘The sword of a Dragonslayer. Only a Dragonslayer or his apprentice may touch it. One finger of an unauthorised hand and “Voof!”’
‘Voof?’ I queried.
‘Voof,’ repeated the old man.
‘Quark,’ said the Quarkbeast, who understood something important when he heard it.
‘Someone tried to steal it once,’ continued the Dragonslayer. ‘Broke in at the back. Touched the ruby and was carbonised in less time than it takes to wink.’
I withdrew my hands quickly and the old man smiled.
‘Watch this,’ he said, picking up the sword with a deftness that belied his old age. He swished it about elegantly and then made a swipe in the direction of a chair. I thought he had missed, but he hadn’t. He prodded at the chair and it fell into two pieces, neatly cleaved by the keen blade.
‘Impressive?’
I nodded.
‘It’s power-assisted,’ he explained. ‘I’d never be able to heft it at my age. If you thought that was cool, watch this.’
He laid the point of the sword on the concrete floor and leaned gently on the hilt. The blade sank slowly into the hard floor as though it were mud. When it was embedded a good ten centimetres the old man stopped pushing. It stood upright in the floor, humming gently to itself and still sinking – carried by its own weight as it cut through the concrete.
‘As sharp as nothing else on this earth. It will cut through carbide steel as though it were a wet paper bag.’
‘Why is it called Exhorbitus?’
‘Probably because it was very expensive.’
He withdrew Exhorbitus from the floor and replaced it on the desk while I looked around. All over the walls were lurid paintings of Dragons showing how they attacked, how they drank, how they fed and the best way to sneak up on them.
I pointed to a large oil painting of an armoured Dragonslayer doing battle with a flame-breathing Dragon. It was quite graphic and very exciting. You could almost sense the heat and the danger, the sharpness of the talons and the clanking of armour.
‘You?’
The old man laughed.
‘Dear me, no! That painting is of Augustus of Delft doing battle with Janus during Mu’shad Waseed’s failed Dragon campaign. He was doing frightfully well right up until the moment he was sliced into eight more or less equal parts.’
He turned to me more seriously.
‘I’ve been the Dragonslayer for seventy-two years. I’ve not even
seen
a Dragon, let alone killed one. The last person foolish enough to actually launch an attack was Belinda of Froxfield just before the Mighty Shandar finalised the Dragonpact. Since then there has been only one living Dragonslayer down the ages – seven since Belinda – and none of us has ever so much as set foot inside a Dragonland. But that’s not to say we don’t know a thing or two about Dragons.’
He tapped his head.
‘All the knowledge since the first Dragonslayer went to do battle is up here. Every plan, every attack, every outcome, every failure. All this information has been here ready and waiting just in case.
But it has never been needed!
Not one Dragon has ever transgressed the Dragonpact. Not one single burnt village, one stolen cow or an eaten farmer. I’m sure you’ll agree that the Mighty Shandar has done a pretty good job.’
‘But that’s all changed.’
His face fell.
‘Indeed. Events, I fear, are soon to come to fruition. There is a prophecy in the air. It’s like cordite and paraffin. Can you smell it?’
‘I’m afraid not.’
‘Must be the drains, then. The pre-cogs say I am to kill the last Dragon, and I will not falter in the face of my destiny. Shortly I am to do battle with Maltcassion, but I cannot do it alone. I need an apprentice. That person is
you
.’
‘But he is the last of the Dragons!’ I cried, feeling exasperated at Mr Spalding’s lack of interest. ‘Such a noble beast should not go the way of the Buzonji or the Lesser Shridloo—’
‘My child,’ said the old man, dabbing his mouth with a spotted handkerchief, ‘the Dragon’s time is
over
. Even the dullest of seers can’t help but hear the premonition of the Dragon’s death. It’s being transmitted on the low-alpha; I’m surprised the dogs can’t hear it. Next Sunday at noon I’m to go and destroy him, and you must help me prepare.’
‘But there’s no reason for you to go up there,’ I pointed out. ‘He has not transgressed the Dragonpact in any way.’
The Dragonslayer shrugged.
‘There are still four days left; much can and will happen. This is bigger than me and bigger than you. Whether we like it or not, we will play our parts. Few of us understand the reason we are placed here; be grateful that you have so clear an objective.’
I digested his words slowly. I still did not hold that the Dragon had to die, nor that premonitions are certain to come true. But on the other hand it struck me that the Dragonslayer’s apprentice might be well placed to ensure the Dragon’s survival. If I was to be anything other than a passive observer in the next few days I was going to have to move fast.
‘How do I become your apprentice?’
‘I was beginning to think you’d never ask,’ he replied, looking at the clock nervously. ‘It usually takes ten years of study, commitment, deep learning and the attainment of a spiritual understanding of oneness worthy of a Dragonslayer’s apprentice, but since we are in a bit of a hurry I can give you the accelerated course.’
‘And how long does that take?’
‘About a minute. Place your hand on this book.’
He had taken a battered volume from a small cupboard and held it out to me. Etched in faded gold upon the cover was:
The Dragonslayer’s Manual
. I placed my hand on the worn leather and felt a feeling like electricity tremble in my fingers, run up my arm and tingle along my spine. As I closed my eyes images of battle entered my head, memories of Dragonslayers long dead, passing on their wisdom of centuries to me. I could see the Dragons in front of me, their faces, their ways, their habits; I felt the beat of a wing and heard the whoosh of fire as a Dragon set fire to a village. I was upon a horse, galloping across a grassy plain, a Dragon bellowing a fearful yell and igniting an oak tree, which burst into fire like a bomb. Then I was in an underground cavern, listening to a Dragon telling me stories of long ago, of a home far from here, a land with three moons and a violet sky. He spoke of a hope that humans and Dragons could live together, of old things passing away and a new life without strife. Then we were on the coast, running along the beach with a Dragon splashing beyond the surf line. I could see the images, and smell them and almost taste them . . . when, abruptly, it all stopped.
‘Time’s up!’ said the old man, grinning. ‘Did you get it all?’
‘I’m not sure.’
‘Then answer me this: who was the second Dragonslayer?’
‘Octavius of Dewchurch,’ I said without thinking.
‘And the name of the last horse in my service?’
‘Tornado.’
‘Correct. You have the knowledge. Now swear on the name of the Mighty Shandar and the Old Magic that ties you to your calling, that you will uphold every rule of the Dragonpact until you are less than dust.’
‘I swear,’ said I.
There was a crackle of electricity and a fierce wind blew up inside the building. Overhead I heard a peal of thunder and somewhere a horse whinnied. The Quarkbeast Quarked loudly and ran under the table as a globe of ball lightning flew down the chimney, floated across the room and evaporated with a bright flash and the pungent smell of ozone.
As the wind subsided, the old man became unsteady and sat on a nearby chair.
‘Is anything the matter?’ I asked him.
‘I am sorry if I have deceived you, my child,’ he murmured softly, the brisk energy that he seemed imbued with not more than two minutes ago having left him entirely.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, anxious not to leave my new friend and master.
‘I have been economical with the truth,’ he answered sadly. ‘Sometimes it is necessary for the greater good. You are not an apprentice, you are the Dragonslayer proper. I will not be joining you on Sunday; you will go alone.’
‘No—!’
‘I’m afraid so. You were late in arriving, my child; Old Magic kept me from the ravages of nature. I am not a hundred and twelve but almost one hundred and fifty – and I can feel the years advancing by the second. Good luck, my child, in whatever you do and however you do it. Fear not for me because I fear not for myself. Loyal Dragonslayers are always welcome in the Palace of Shandar. The keys to the Rolls-Royce are in that drawer over there; always check the oil and water daily, and . . .’
Here his voice started to falter.
‘. . . you will find living accommodation up those stairs. The sheets were clean on this morning. I have prepared for your arrival every morning for thirty years.’
If his face had been wrinkled when I met him, it was twice as wrinkled as the years poured on to his ancient body.
‘Wait!’ I urged him. ‘You cannot go now! Who is to follow me?’
‘No one, my child. Your name was the last on Shandar’s list. Maltcassion will die in your tenure. You are the last Dragonslayer.’
‘But I have much to ask you—!’
‘You are a clever girl.’ He coughed, his voice growing weak. ‘You will do well of your own accord. Be true to yourself and you will not fail. But please, do one thing for me.’
‘Anything.’
He handed me a scrap of paper.
‘I gave my watch to be repaired last Tuesday. Would you fetch it and give it to the serving lady named Eliza at the Dog and Ferret, with my love?’
‘Of course,’ I replied, tears welling up in my eyes and running down my cheeks. He beckoned me closer.
‘And it is prepaid, the repair,’ he added, ‘so don’t let the cheeky monkey charge you twice.’
‘I understand.’
‘One last thing,’ he murmured. ‘Will you fetch me a glass of water?’
I left him and went across to the sink. He must have been wanting to spare my feelings, for when I got back there was nothing left of him but his suit, hat and silver-topped cane lying in a heap on the floor among a fine smattering of grey powder. He was gone, home to the Palace of Shandar. I didn’t know what he would find there, but I hoped that he would be happy.
Thus it was that I, Jennifer Strange, sixteen years next month and loyal subject of King Snodd IV in the Kingdom of Hereford, took on the rights and responsibilities of the last Dragonslayer.