“Paul
is nearly done.” Lucky smiled up at me. “It’s a beautiful painting.”
I
looked down at the paper and smiled at the colorful picture. Paul had painted
the moon a sunshine yellow and stars of gold and silver. “Who’s that?” I asked,
pointing at a little stick figure in the bottom left-hand corner of the
picture.
“That’s
me.” He gave Lucky and me a shy smile. “So you never forget me.”
“Oh
we will never forget you, Paul.” Lucky reached over and gave him a big hug and
the little boy flushed with pleasure. “We will treasure this picture forever.”
We stood there watching him finish the painting and then he handed it to us
before turning back to his paints.
“I’m
going to finish mine now.” He grinned at us and I reached over and touched his
shoulder lightly.
“Thanks,
Paul.”
“
Au revoir
.” He smiled and Lucky held the
picture carefully. I told her to wait with Paul while I walked over to his
mother, who was beaming at me as I approached.
“Thanks
for talking to Paul, so many people are scared to stop and talk to him.” Her
eyes glistened with tears and I saw the love and appreciation in her eyes for
our simple deed.
“It
was our pleasure.” My heart went out to this woman. “I actually support St.
Jude Children’s Hospital and so I know some of what you’re going through.”
“It’s
been hard, but Paul is a trooper.”
“I
want to give you something.” I took out my pocketbook and pulled out a check
from the inner flap. I made it out for 100,000 dollars, signed it, and then
folded it and handed it to her. “I want you to take this. Put your name on it
or Paul’s and use it for whatever bills you have or for a college fund.
Whatever you want or need.”
“Oh,
no. I can’t take your money.” Her eyes almost popped out as she looked at the
check and she shook her head with a shocked expression.
“Trust
me when I say I can afford it.” I smiled down at her. “Consider it payment for
the wonderful painting your son made for me.”
“God
bless you, sir.”
“No,
God bless you for being so strong and raising a wonderful boy. God bless you
for being a wonderful mother.” I reached down and kissed her on the cheek.
“Please cash the check and let me do this for you and your son. It would mean
more to me than you will ever know.”
“Thank
you, Mr. Beaumont.” There were tears in her eyes as she looked down at the
check. “Thank you.”
I
smiled at her one more time and then walked away. My heart was full and heavy.
Lucky walked towards me and I laughed as I started at the front of her head.
“What
did you say to her?” Lucky inquired as we walked off arm and arm.
“I
just gave her our best wishes.”
“It
must be hard raising a child with cancer.” She sounded sad and I squeezed her
hand.
“It
is. But you do the best you can. As a parent, you just love your child and hope
for the best.”
“Yes.”
She nodded and looked up at me. “I’m really sorry about your mom, Zane.”
“I
know.” I kissed her cheek. “I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I
know.”
“What
do you want to do now?”
“Let’s
go and get something to eat. I have some presents to give you.”
“Oh,
Zane,” she giggled. “Not more presents.”
“Yes,
more presents.”
“I
have something for you as well.” She looked up at me slyly and I looked down at
her in shock.
“You
do?”
“Uh
huh.” She grinned. “I got it yesterday.”
“What
is it?”
“You’ll
have to wait and see.” Her eyes sparkled and I was intrigued. “Don’t tell me
you got lingerie.”
“Okay,
I won’t tell you that.”
“Oh,
my God, you went and got some new lingerie, didn’t you?” I asked excitedly.
“Zane,
you wish.” She shook her head and laughed. “I didn’t get any lingerie.”
“Oh
darn. Well, I got you a cute keychain with an actual key on it because you
unlocked my heart. I also got you a cute pink notebook with a little Eiffel
Tower statue on it because I want you to be able to write me more wonderful
love songs.” I paused. “Okay, I didn’t intend to just blurt that out like that,
I had a whole conversation planned for dinner, but you’re killing me here,
Lucky. I want to know what you got me.”
“My,
my, aren’t we impatient?”
“Did
you get beads?” Dirty thoughts entered my mind and I hoped Lucky couldn’t tell
what I was thinking.
“Beads?”
“You
know.” I winked at her and she shook her head in confusion.
“You
mean like a necklace?”
“No,
I mean beads-beads.” I winked again and caressed her behind with my hands, and
she shrieked as she realized what I was talking about.
“You’re
so disgusting, Zane Beaumont.”
“What?”
I faked a frown. “A guy can dream, right?”
“Argh.
Let’s go eat.” She rolled her eyes at me and I watched her ass as she walked in
front of me.
I
tried to keep my thoughts clean, but all of a sudden, I was no longer hungry
for food. I laughed at my dirty thoughts and then I thought back to Paul and
his mother, and my heart started to crack. His mother loved him so much. She
was the sort of woman that would do anything for her child. She would never
give him up. She would never pretend she didn’t know him. I just didn’t
understand why. In some ways, having seen my mother was worse than not having
seen her. Before I was heartbroken and hateful due to the unknown, but now, now
I was just heartbroken and devastated. I was literally devastated that my own
mother could look into my eyes and not feel a thing. There was no doubt in my
mind now that she didn’t love me. I didn’t know why she left, and frankly, I
didn’t care. I hated her. I hated her with every fiber in my being for making
me feel like a nothing. Like I wasn’t good enough. It was at moments like this
when I witnessed the real love of a mother to her son, that I felt the weight
of the world on my shoulders. I felt empty and alone, and as I walked, I felt
like the pavement could swallow me up and that no one would care.
“I
got some furry handcuffs.” Lucky’s voice interrupted my reverie and she grabbed
my hand. I looked up at her blankly and she stared into my eyes with a
searching look.
“What?”
I tried to smile, but it didn’t quite hit my eyes.
“I
got furry handcuffs?”
“Really?”
I tried to look interested, but every time I thought about my mother, I felt as
if I was living in the pits of hell and that nothing would be okay again.
“No,
not really.” Her hands left mine and she reached up to my face. “Look at me,
Zane.” She pleaded and I focused on the look in her eyes because they were
shining bright with love for me. My breath caught as I stared at her, and she
smiled a wide, happy beautiful smile. “I got you a puzzle piece.”
“Oh?”
“Well,
two pieces. Two connected pieces.” She reached into her handbag and pulled out
a small bag. “Look.” She handed me the bag and I looked at the two wooded
jigsaw pieces that were joined together, one of the pieces said ‘Zane’ and the
other side said ‘Lucky’ and there was a heart in the middle, joining the two
pieces together.
“I
don’t know what to say.” I stared into her eyes, unable to think of words to
express how touched I was. “I’ve never received a gift that has meant this much
to me.”
“Do
you really like it?” She looked unsure as she spoke. “I know it’s not a Rolex
watch or a gold chain or anything, but it represents my love for you. You’re a
piece of me now, Zane. And I’m a piece of you. We’re connected by our love for
each other. We complete each other, Zane. I know that more than I’ve known
anything in my life. And I know that you’re hurting right now. I know that
you’re hurting more than you’ll ever be able to express to me. But that’s okay.
I love you. And I know how hard this is for you. I know how much you want to
just curl up and scream and shout. I know that the pain in your heart sometimes
feels greater than your love for me. But it’s okay, because I’m not letting go.
I’m not leaving. You’re a good man. The best man I’ve ever met in my life.” She
took a deep breath and continued. “Yes, there have been nights I have wanted to
scream at you. There have been nights that I have questioned what I’m doing,
and I’ve even wondered what I would have done if you had cheated on me with
Angelique. But I know you, you would never hurt me. Everything you have done
has been to protect me. You are my prince, Zane. You are my knight in shining
armor. And I am here for you, forever. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get
through the pain. I don’t know how a mother can do that to her own child, but I
know that there is no way that she will ever forgive herself for leaving you or
for what transpired the other day. I could see it in her eyes.”
“It’s
hard, Lucky.” I choked out in response, overwhelmed by her love and devotion to
me. “One moment, I’m fine, and then it hits me, and I just feel like nothing is
worth anything.”
“You’re
grieving.” She hugged me tight. “You’re grieving because the dream you had is
dead and the hope you held in your heart is gone.”
“Noah
thought she was looking for us.” I could hear the pain in my voice and I was
angry at how pitiful I sounded. “I’m glad he wasn’t there to witness what she
said and did.”
“Maybe
he was a lot stronger than you thought, Zane.” Lucky looked up at me. “Maybe he
already knew.”
“Perhaps.”
I took a deep breath and buried my face in the top of Lucky’s head. “I love
you, Lucky. I know that there are going to be hard days and easy days, and I
know that I’m going to annoy the shit out of you, and you’re going to make me
worry like crazy, but I want you to know that I love every inch of you. Your
love means the world to me. It is the only thing that is stopping me from going
insane.”
“We’re
puzzle pieces, Zane.” She kissed me softly. “We were made to fit together. I’ll
never let you go insane.”
Lucky
I
looked at the framed painting on the wall on the living room and smiled. It had
been a little over a month since we had gotten back from Paris and it still
feels like yesterday. As I walked into the kitchen, I smiled to myself at how
close Zane and I had become. I knew he was still hurting from what had gone
down with his mother, but I also knew that he was trying to accept that that
was a part of his life that he couldn’t change. He was more open now, and the
dreams had stopped. I looked at the envelope in my hand and said a quick prayer
before putting a stamp on it. I was mailing off an application to UCLA to
transfer to their History Department for the next semester and I thought I had
a fairly good chance at being accepted. I placed the letter on the counter and
opened the fridge to get something to eat for lunch. I was supposed to go out
with Zane, but he got caught up at the police station, finalizing all the
details of his year working alongside the FBI.
I
looked in the fridge and pulled out some pickles and cheese. I walked to the
cupboard to go and grab some crackers, but all of a sudden I felt sick to my
stomach.
“Oh
man,” I groaned out loud as I rested my head on the countertop. I was pretty
sure I had caught a cold from the changing temperatures, and wanted to go and
lie down. I literally felt sick to my stomach, and all I wanted to do was throw
up. I left the food on the counter and walked to the living room to go lie down
on the couch. As I was leaving, I heard my phone ringing, so I grabbed it and
answered.
“Hello.”
My voice was weak and I hurried to go and sit down in the nearest chair.
“Lucky,
is that you?” Sidney’s voice was loud and vibrant and I smiled into the phone.
“Yes,
Mr. Johnson. How was Chicago?”
“My
dear, it was fabulous, just fabulous. Betty and I went to the Sears Tower. Do
you know how high up that is? We thought we were going to die.” Sidney laughed
and I heard Betty muttering at him in the background. “But that’s not why I
called.” His voice turned serious.
“Is
everything okay?” My head slowed and I was scared he was going to tell me some
bad news.
“Betty
and I found some more papers in the file.” Sidney’s voice was slow and I heard
him sighing. “I told Betty we should leave this alone, but she told me we
needed to pass it along, and so I did, well now I know we were wrong.”
“What
are you talking about, Sidney? What’s wrong?” My face paled and I clutched my
stomach as it churned.
“We
shouldn’t have given you Noah’s paperwork.” He sighed. “I don’t think you
should contact his mother.”
“Why
do you say that?” I turned onto my side and closed my eyes.
“Noah
has some notes, in the file. I wasn’t being nosey, but the file fell and I saw
them,” Sidney continued.
“I
see.” I was scared to talk because I was sure I was going to throw up.