The Last of the Red-Hot Vampires (12 page)

“The trials,” I said, changing my shoes from sandals to tennis shoes. “Yes, I was thinking about that. I'm getting a little tired of having these trials sprung on us when we least expect them.”

A slow smile spread across his face as I stood up. “I think one of the things I admire most about you is the way you face life head-on. It's refreshing to find a woman who doesn't play games.”

“Hey now.” I poked him in the chest, then smoothed over the spot with the palm of my hand. “Men play just as many games as women do.”

“True, but we aren't the masters of manipulation that you women are.”

I gave a faux sigh, opening the door as I did so. “Spoken like a man raised in the dark ages. Can you take me to the Court of Divine Blood?”

The retort that perched on the edge of Theo's mind faded away in his surprise. “You want to go to the Court?”

“I do.” I took his hand as we walked down the hall toward the stairs, a secret part of me thrilling to the sensation of his thumb brushing the top of my hand. “It's time we take charge of this situation, Theo, and I mean to do just that. I'm going to see whoever is in charge, and have a little discussion about this whole trial thing. And while we're there, we can find out what it will take to get you a pardon.”

“You think it will be just that easy?” he asked, amusement rich in his voice and face.

“Of course it won't be easy. But we can at least approach the problem in a logical manner, and that means learning enough to have a sound understanding of what sorts of solutions are reasonable. Thus, to Court we go.”

Theo's lips twitched.

“We are smart people, Theo,” I said as we marched down the stairs, pausing so he could don a long overcoat and a hat he'd bought off the pub owner. “We both have perfectly good brains, you have knowledge of the Court, and I have…well, I know physics, which I'm not quite certain how it will benefit us, but I am confident that we'll figure it all out.”

Theo's laughter trailed behind him as we dashed out to his car.

It failed to reassure me.

“You've got to be kidding.”

“You're not impressed?”

I made a face and considered the white stone building. “On the contrary, I'm always impressed by castles. This one is particularly nice. It has a nice view of the ocean, and it's not falling down like lots of the castles Sarah has dragged me to see.”

“But?”

“Portland Castle isn't really my idea of heaven,” I said, waving a hand that I hoped would express all the emotions I was having difficulty verbalizing. “I know, I know, the Court isn't heaven, but it's similar, and well, this just isn't my idea of what heaven should look like!”

Theo laughed and took my hand, leading me in through the entrance, on the tail end of a group of tourists. “Would it help if I told you that the Court itself isn't in the castle?”

“Then why—”

“One of the portals is contained here. This way.”

Heedless of the tour group, which was heading for the Tudor kitchens, Theo turned left and walked down a short hallway to a thick wooden door bearing a sign that read
PRIVATE
.

“You'll have to forgive my curiosity, but what was life like when this castle was new?” I asked as we entered a small, dark room, no doubt an administrative office. I shivered a little at a draft that seemed to be centered at the doorway.

“Dirty. Everyone had lice and diseases. And it smelled. Here we are. See this?” Theo pointed at a small niche in the outer wall of the room. It was probably intended to hold a candle or lamp. “Press the far left side, and the entrance to the portal should be revealed.”

A dull rumbling noise had me turning around in surprise. The wall on the far side slid back about three feet, leaving an opening through which it was possible to enter. “Good gravy, don't tell me this castle has a secret passageway?”

“No doubt several. It was built by Henry VIII. He had a partiality to secret passageways. Left at the fork, then straight on.”

The passageway was lit with soft lights, for which I was grateful considering the uneven floor. I proceeded down the narrow passage, obediently taking the left branch when the passage split into two. “What happens if you come here when someone is in the office?”

“Doesn't happen. That room is unoccupied, just made to look like an office in case someone stumbles upon it.”

“Haven't the castle people noticed it?”

“I'm sure they have, but the room is warded so that they think nothing of it. All portals are created in such a way. They are visible to mortals, but made so that unless you know what the portal is, no memory of it will remain.”

“That's a handy trick,” I said, pushing back the skeptical thought that such a thing was impossible. “Is there anything else I should know other than what you told me on the drive here?”

“Through that misty blue doorway,” Theo directed.

I stopped before the twirly bluish lights that evidently served as a portal to the Court. Despite several mental lectures, my stomach continued to churn unpleasantly.

“I told you—I've only been to the Court once, for a petition that failed. Non-members are seldom allowed in, and then only on Court business. I can't imagine they'd deny you and your champion entrance since you're undergoing the trials, but politeness will count heavily on your side.”

“I'm always polite. Except to Sarah, but she's my oldest friend, so plain speaking is allowed,” I said, taking a deep breath to calm my stomach. Theo must have felt my nerves, because he put his hands on my shoulders, giving them a supportive squeeze.

If you prefer, you can leave the talking to me. I might not be a member of the Court, but I'm more comfortable with the members than you are.

No, it's OK. I can do this. You're sure they won't separate us?

I won't let them.

I was comforted both by the warmth of his hands on my shoulders and by the smile that brushed my mind. With another deep breath, I pushed through the bluish haze, and entered the Court of the Divine Blood.

“OK, now I'm impressed. I can't even begin to imagine the equations it would take to explain the time and space of the Court.” I stopped on the cobblestoned corner of what appeared to be a pleasant European village circa the early eighteenth century. Ahead of us was a town square complete with well. Several people in modern dress were sitting on the broad wooden lip of the well, chatting. More people strolled through the square, some carrying briefcases, others walking in small groups, a few popping in and out of the half-timbered, Tudor-style buildings that lined the square. Someone whizzed past us on a bicycle, the rider chiming happily on a bike bell that warned of his approach. An orange cat sat in a pool of sunlight, licking her paws. Three dogs chased a small, laughing child. Overhead, birds sang elaborate songs in the trees that lined the square. Above it all, tall spires of various buildings could be seen over the blue-tile roofs capping the stone and wood structures that surrounded the square. It was idyllic, pleasant, and completely mind-boggling when you considered that it was all located in a small English castle.

“As with most elements of the Court, it's best if you just accept it and not try to figure it out,” Theo said, consulting a signpost with several narrow arrows on it.

“I've never been one for blind faith,” I reminded him, smiling as a hummingbird flitted toward me, pausing in front of my face to give me a thorough look before flying off. “Don't get me wrong, this is really lovely, but it's not very heavenly, is it?”

Theo looked amused. “What were you expecting? Fluffy white clouds and choirs of angels playing the harp?”

A young woman walked by carrying a tray of pies. They smelled…well, heavenly. I sniffed the air appreciably. “Maybe nothing quite so trite. So the Court is made up of a town?”

“Yes. Or a palazzo, or cathedral, or forest. The one time I was here, it resembled a desert, complete with snakes and scorpions. It all depends on the whim of the sovereign.”

I turned from admiring the clothing displayed in a shop at the edge of the square, and looked warily at Theo. “Sovereign? You mean…er…”

“No. I told you, this is not heaven. The Christian concept of God is based on the Sovereign, just as are the deities of other religions, but they are not the same thing.”

“But there is one…er…deity in charge?”

“The sovereign isn't one entity.”

“So it's multiple beings?” I asked, thinking of the Greek and Roman gods.

“No. The sovereign is the sovereign. Neither one, nor many. It just is.”

“You refer to the head of the Court as an ‘it'?” I asked, more confused than ever.

Theo shrugged. “The sovereign has no gender. It is simply the sovereign. It presides over the Court and enforces the canon. All else is done by the mare.”

“Mare? Mare like the dark area on the moon?”

He smiled, and my heart turned over. “No, in this case it's an old term that is more or less equivalent to princess. The mare are the sovereign's right hand, so to speak. It will be one of them who grants you membership to the Court once you pass the last trial.”

“How many mare are there?”

“Three.”

“So the mare are female, but the leader of the Court is gender neutral?” My mind balked at accepting so many impossible ideas at once, but I was firm with it. My new attitude was going to be one of “go with the flow” that held off judgment until I had sufficient information to make an intelligent conclusion.

“That's right. Ah. That looked like a messenger. Stay here. I'll be right back.” Theo dashed off down one of the narrow alleys that snaked off of the square. I forced a pleasant expression on my face, and tried to look as if I frequently found myself in pseudo-European, out-of-time town squares.

Two young men in a small horse cart drove past me, the horse's hooves clip-clopping pleasantly on the cobblestone. Behind them, a young woman in a short black skirt and long pink scarf, perched on a bright yellow motorbike, whipped around the horse cart with a wave at the driver.

This place was definitely going to take some getting used to.

“Well, hel-lo there, beautiful.”

I turned to face the speaker. A man wearing a skimpy tank top and black and turquoise biker pants leaned against a light pole, giving me a salacious once-over. “You must be new. I haven't seen you around the Court. The name's Gabriel.”

“Gabriel? I'm surprised to see you without your trumpet.” I didn't protest when the man took my hand and gave it a rather sloppy kiss, although I badly wanted to wipe my hand afterward.

“Alas, I am not
that
Gabriel,” the man said with a smile that bordered on a leer as he not-so-subtly eyed my breasts. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I am a cherub, not a vessel.”

“A vessel?”

“Gabriel. He's a vessel. So, are you here alone?”

“You are
not
a cherub,” I said, willing to be polite, but not made a fool of. I casually stepped to the side, to put a little space between us.

His leer got a bit brighter as he leaned closer. “Winged babies, right? In diapers, flitting around from cloud to cloud? Cupid and all that?”

“That is the standard image of cherubs,” I agreed. “I'm sure I don't need to point out that you're far from that.”

“It's a common misconception amongst the mortals.” He suddenly touched my neck, mumbling something about a bit of lint on my collar when I backed out of his reach. “The truth about us is much more pleasant, I think you'll agree. You are new here, aren't you? You must have a tour.”

“I'm actually waiting here for someone,” I said as Gabriel the not-so-very-cherubic took my hand and tucked it into his arm.

“This won't take long. It's best to think of this incarnation of the Court as a giant wheel, with the main square here as the hub. There are three areas on the outer edges of the town, all reachable from this square,” he said, ignoring my protest. He waved a hand toward the people at the well. “That's the equivalent of the office water cooler. Those are shops along the edges.”

I had a bit of trouble coming to grips with the idea of a celestial shopping mall, but managed to get my mind to overlook the trouble spots and move on. “Shops. All right. Does the…er…does the sovereign change the appearance of the Court often?”

Gabriel shrugged, and escorted me down one of the four cobbled streets that led away from the square. “Whenever it gets the urge to, I guess. Over here is the petitioner's park, and through that archway is the library.”

I caught a glimpse of a green open space as Gabriel whisked me by an arched doorway into another area. “You'll forgive my ignorance, but what exactly does a cherub do?”

“Communication, for the most part. I'm in charge of the Internet. See that building? That's the athonite. Don't go in there if you don't want to be bored to death. It's full of hermits who prose on about nothing for hours on end.”

“You are in charge of the Internet? In charge how?” I asked, little warning signals going off in my mind. I stoked up my “go with the flow” intentions, and told myself I'd sort it all out later.

“Oh, this and that. It's mostly automated now, so it doesn't take too much effort to keep running. Leaves me time to spare for more pleasurable activities, like showing a lovely lady around the Court.”

“You've clearly devoted much time to flattery. It's second to none,” I said with a smile I didn't really feel, gently extracting my hand from his arm as we walked through a tunnel.

“Why, thank you, sweet lady.” He kissed my hand, then gestured widely as we emerged through an arched doorway into the third area. “Behold, the sanctuary.”

“Is the sanctuary a, for lack of a better word, holy place?” I had tried to keep an eye on where we were going, memorizing as best I could the twists and turns through the town so I could find my way back to the main square. I gave up doing that as soon as I realized there were frequent signposts like the one Theo had consulted.

Gabriel laughed, and gave my fingers a squeeze, replacing them in the crook of his arm. I gritted my teeth against the desire to remove my hand. “I can see you're going to need some help understanding how things work here. Holy has no meaning in the Court.”

Portia? Where are you?

Shoot, I keep forgetting I can mind-talk to you. I'm in another section of the Court. I'll be right there.

I do not like to be kept waiting. Where are you?

Keep your girdle on, I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Someone is showing me around.

Who?

“And here we are. The sanctuary is the area containing the offices and living quarters. No tour is complete without a visit to the grand apartments.” Gabriel gestured toward a bridge leading to a square-turreted castle that, for some bizarre reason, reminded me of Sleeping Beauty's castle in Disneyland.

“Hang on one minute, now,” I said, coming to a stop. “I am not going back to your apartment with you, if that's what you're thinking. I told you that I'm with someone, and he's waiting for me, so if you don't mind, I'm going to return to the square. Thank you for the tour—it was edifying in a number of ways.”

He grabbed my hand to keep me from leaving. “What's your rush? Your friend will wait. My apartment is very special. I think you will enjoy it…and me.”

I gawked at him, unable to believe I was hearing what I was hearing, but the lascivious look on his face left me in no doubt as to the meaning behind his double entendre. “I have no intention of enjoying you.”

Portia?

Coming!

“Why not?” Gabriel winked at me. “You could do a lot worse than a cherub, you know. We're known for our sexual skills.”