The Light of the Blue Pearl (22 page)

“Ethne?” she heard Scott say, probably for
the millionth time. “Are you okay?”

Wiping the tears from her eyes and realizing
that she was completely soaked she looked up to see a concerned
Scott looking at her.

“Ummm…,” she said, clearly not okay but
having no desire to admit to what she had just dreamt about, she
lied. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You sure?” he asked. “You don’t seem
okay.”

“I’m fine,” she said, getting up. “I just
had a nightmare.”

“Oh,” was all he said.

Clearly after the day they’d had, a
nightmare wasn’t all that strange; perhaps he wouldn’t feel the
need to press it further.

After she changed her nightgown and washed
her face she had planned to return to bed, though the pool that was
left on her side was less than appealing.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. “Did you
sleep at all?”

“No,” he said. “Not really – I couldn’t get
comfortable.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, sitting down next to
him and taking his hand, having no desire to deal with the mess her
nightmare had left.

He looked over at her side of the bed,
although it was nearly morning, neither of them had really
slept.

“We should change the sheets so you can go
back to bed,” he said.

“I suppose,” she said. “I’m sorry about that
– I hate to make you get up right now.”

“It’s okay – you look like hell” he said,
poking her in the side, trying to make light of something that had
obviously really upset her. “No offense.”

“None taken,” she said with a blank
expression.

“Did you want to tell me about it?” he
asked, the look on her face actually having him quite
concerned.

“No, not really,” she said. “I’d rather just
forget it.”

“Okay….if you’re sure,” he said.

She helped him get out of bed and took care
of the sheets quickly so that he could lie back down. Although he
couldn’t find a comfortable position, his body nonetheless needed
to rest; she would be damned if she was going to give that
nightmare a chance to come true.

For the third time that night she lay back
down next to Scott, this time snuggled up closely to him, needing
to feel his warmth to shake off the cold numbness of the
nightmare.

After a few moments she could hear him
breathing peacefully and looked up to see him sound asleep; a
blessing after such a long night.

She hadn’t wanted to close her eyes again,
lest she slip back into that dark place, but she had no choice. Her
body and mind were beyond exhaustion. For all she cared, she would
be happy to stay in that bed forever, never leaving Scott’s side
again. Which is why the decision she had made after waking up from
that nightmare was all the more difficult, but she would deal with
that later.

For now she was simply going to relish in
his warmth. She touched his hand with hers, lightly, not wanting to
disturb him, and fell fast asleep.

W
hen they had both
finally woken from their less than ideal night, it was
mid-afternoon. Scott had already been awake when she finally opened
her eyes, though he said he had slept well and actually looked to
be telling the truth.

“Want some breakfast?” she asked, groggily
turning to face him.

“Maybe,” he said. “But, not yet.”

“How are you feeling?” he asked, clearly
still concerned about her attempt to turn their bed into a
pool.

“I’m fine,” she said, with no intention of
returning to that subject. “How are you?”

“I’m feeling a little better,” he said.
“Still sore, but I think I’ll live.”

He smiled at her thinking that statement
would make her do the same, but instead saw a completely different
expression on her face.

“Boy, tough room.”

“I’m sorry, honey,” she said, apologizing
with a morning kiss. “I am just worried about you.”

“Well, don’t be,” he said. “I’m going to be
fine; another week or two and I’ll be as good as new. And in the
meantime you can pamper me, it’s about time it was the other way
around don’t you think?”

His sense of humor had obviously not been a
casualty of the accident – she was very pleased about that.

With head injuries and accidents like that
in general, it truly was a gamble what the outcome would be. Scott
had been very lucky; she had been too.

Not only was she reeling at the fact that
she had almost lost him, but the realization of how close she had
come to dying had not gone unnoticed by her.

She had spent so many years afraid of one
potential cause of death; she had been completely ignorant to the
fact that she too ‘could be hit by a car tomorrow’.

The effect of this realization was not
really bringing her to a positive conclusion, but she didn’t want
to share that with Scott…not yet anyway.

He needed her now and she was going to make
sure that he made a full recovery, and quickly.

After lounging lazily in bed together she
finally got up to make them something to eat. She ordered him to
stay put.

He was not pleased by her bossiness but
could tell arguing would only result in him not getting any food,
so he stayed in bed.

She brought him a book to read while he
waited, he opted instead for some pointless TV, he wanted to be
distracted, but he didn’t really want to think.

After a while she came back in with a tray
full of waffles, orange juice, bacon and fruit.

“I should get hit by cars more often,” he
said, with a huge grin on his face.

“That’s not funny,” she said, setting the
tray over his lap and joining him back on the bed.

“What are you watching,” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, flipping the TV
off.

They sat in silence eating and looking at
each other. When they finished Scott said he was feeling tired, so
she gave him his pain pills and pulled the covers back over
him.

She had no desire to face the day either, so
she lay back down with him and did her best to stay quiet.

They spent the next three days like that.
She should have gone back to work but had no desire to. He half
joked that her boss was going to fire her if she didn’t; she said
she didn’t care.

Scott was back on his feet the next morning,
albeit with strict orders from her to do nothing strenuous. He
laughed at the thought that she had any control over him.

Nonetheless he did follow her advice; he too
had no desire to go back to the hospital.

***

Three weeks had passed since the accident.
Life had almost returned to normal, except for one fact: Ethne had
not.

Scott had seen a shift in her ever since the
night she woke up completely soaked. He had been incredibly
concerned, but she clearly wasn’t going to talk about it so he had
let it be.

When he got home from work that night the
house was dark, which wasn’t abnormal. He opened the door quietly,
not wanting to wake her if she were sleeping, and slipped
inside.

He took off his shoes and coat, set down the
white box on the counter and was just about to head to the bedroom
when he saw the note.

His heart stopped. She had never left him a
note before, had reserved that fun for him. Given her recent
behavior he knew this note was not going to be of the same
nature.

He took a deep breath and opened it.

“Dear Scott,

I don’t know how to do this anymore. I love
you and I’m sorry. Please let me go, you’re better off without me.
Please forgive me.

Love, Ethne”

Although he had expected something like
this, reading the words ripped at his heart more than he had ever
imagined they could.

While Scott knew Ethne’s past he really
hadn’t told her much of his. He too had taken a chance in letting
her into his life. And although he knew it was a gamble, he felt
now that it was a gamble he had lost.

Feeling the ache in his ribs increase with
every panicked breath he sat down at the table and put his head in
his hands.

The note had said nothing about where she
had gone; she had been off work that day so there was no telling
when she had left. He had no idea where to even start and no idea
if he even wanted to.

He loved her, but felt betrayed. His body
was only partially healed from the accident, although he assured
her everyday he was feeling better, the truth was he hurt like
hell.

How she could have left him now after
everything they had been through was beyond him. She was always a
flight risk, he knew that, but they were happy together, or so he
had thought.

Suddenly bitterness filled his insides when
he looked around the room realizing that he was in her home. He had
practically lived here since they met – even though this was
unspoken and never officially established – he had been here nearly
every night with her.

And since the accident he had only gone home
to his place once or twice. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut
so tightly the darkness almost turned to light again.

He was really not one who cried, but still
he felt the tears forming and an uncontrollable sadness taking him
over. Coupled with anger and confusion he didn’t know what to do
with himself.

It had been a long day, he was tired, and he
needed to rest, but he would be damned if he was going to rest
here; the darkness and silence mocking him, telling him how much of
a fool he had been to trust someone again.

Crushing the note in one hand he left it on
the table and grabbed his coat. He looked at the white box on the
counter, a surprise he’d had for Ethne, before he slammed the door
and left; he drove home in a quiet rage.

W
riting the note
had been one of the hardest things Ethne had ever had to do. It
absolutely broke her heart to write the words, and broke it even
more when she grabbed her bag and left her house, knowing he would
be home in a couple of hours to find it empty.

Leaving like this was never her plan, she
actually didn’t know what she was doing. But ever since the
accident and the nightmare she just couldn’t live in denial
anymore. She was too afraid to stay with Scott; too afraid that
something would happen to him or to her.

It had been almost exactly one year since
she had received the first note that had sent her to Belize, and
now she found herself heading there again.

She didn’t know where else to go, she felt
completely lost.

The note had said nothing about her plans.
She didn’t want him coming after her, she doubted he even would
have; he was likely to hate her forever after this – which she
supposed was for the best.

It was better he found someone else. She
never should have started the relationship in the first place; true
she had been very happy with him, but it was her fault he was hurt,
and she loved him too much to ever take that chance again. She
hadn’t had anymore seizures, not yet anyway. But that didn’t mean
she wouldn’t, and either way, she just couldn’t bear the thought of
him being taken away from her…or her from him.

She shouldn’t have let him in. She shouldn’t
have let “them” be a possibility. She had fought it, or at least
tried to, but somehow he had managed to get past her defenses.

The nightmare however had reminded her full
well why she had them, and they were up again…completely. So much
so that they blocked against any reasoning for what she now found
herself doing.

When the plane took off she felt no fear,
only sadness. A tear ran down her cheek as she looked down upon the
lights of San Francisco. She realized then that she had forgotten
her pearl, why that mattered she didn’t know. Another pang of
sadness hit her, joining the searing pain of what she had just done
to Scott.

She had made the decision to leave that day
so abruptly she had actually barely packed anything. Although
leaving had been in the back of her mind ever since the nightmare,
she really hadn’t taken the feeling seriously until today.
Something in her had snapped with no warning, she found herself
booking the flight and packing her bag without really even
thinking. She had no plans; she just knew she had to leave. She
wished she could just sleep rather than feel the pain she was
feeling. Imagining Scott down there somewhere reading her note made
her feel sick to her stomach. Another tear ran down her cheek, she
wiped it away expecting another to replace it soon enough. It was
going to be a very long flight.

***

The first flight had been excruciatingly
long. Though the worry and fear of flying had been replaced by self
loathing for what she’d done, neither option made plane travel any
easier.

When she landed in Miami she thought of Ian.
For a brief moment recalling the first time they’d met – how much
help he’d been in relaxing her nerves on the plane. Although a
distraction would have been welcomed this time around, she was
undeserving of it and frankly adding more complications to her
current situation would not have been helpful.

She had managed to stay composed, doing her
best to keep her crying to a minimum. Though that had not been easy
and she had failed a few times, drawing the attention of a few
passengers nearby.

There had been no one sitting next to her
this time on any of the flights and though that struck her as odd,
she was actually quite thankful for the peace and quiet that
allowed; she needed the time to think.

She had a lot of things to sort out, she had
no plans; she hadn’t planned this escape thoroughly and was now
back in Belize with no real idea of what to do next.

Hit head on like headlights facing a deer,
her unknown future struck her like the car that almost had.

Given the situation it was likely she would
be out of a job when she returned home, she hadn’t been able to
notify anyone she would be gone, obviously. Right now though she
just didn’t care; she was numb.