The Light of the Blue Pearl (28 page)

He was grinning at her thinking he was being
adorably funny, she just rolled her eyes; it was only partially
amusing.

She had no desire to get back into a long
discussion that would ultimately end up unresolved, she was
starving.

“Want to have them bring some breakfast up?”
she asked, snuggling back under the covers; awake didn’t mean
up.

He laughed at her laziness. “Sure,” he said,
reaching over and calling down to the front desk.

After he called he snuggled under the
blankets with her and wrapped his arms around her front, her head
resting on his chest.

“You know this means one of us is going to
have to go to the door when it’s here, right?” she asked, smiling
up at him and batting her eyes.

“Yeah, and I know which ‘one’ of us it’s
going to be too,” he said, laughing. “It’s alright; I’m not ready
for you to put clothes on yet anyway.”

She whacked his arm, though honestly neither
was she. This was her last day, and possibly her last with Ian; she
wanted to spend it in bed, relaxing alone with him.

When the knock finally came, Ian got up and
slipped on his pants. She heard him open the door, but the voice
she heard next was one that she had not expected to hear.

“Oh, I’m sorry I must have the wrong room,”
Scott said, with a questioning look of recognition on his face. “I
was looking for Ethne?”

Ethne’s heart began to race.
Scott is
here
! She thought.
What on earth is Scott doing
here?!

She quickly jumped out of bed and threw on
her clothes trying to get out there before Ian said too much,
although she figured his bare chest was probably saying enough.

When she emerged from the room she saw
Scott, his eyes looked at her with stunned disbelief and a sadness
she would never forget.

In that instant everything flooded back to
her. It was as if the memory of him had been put on ice, denied
access and locked away far in her mind, in a place where she could
somehow manage to live without him. In that moment though, it had
been freed and everything she felt for him had returned to her.

Ian looked incredibly relieved to see her,
obviously having absolutely no idea what to say, his face had gone
pale; with no introductions he too knew who it was at their
door.

Ian stepped back letting Ethne take point.
Half wanting to disappear from the room completely to allow the two
of them to be alone, but not wanting to leave her alone – he had
created this mess too.

“Scott,” Ethne said, breathless from rushing
to get there before Ian made a bigger mess – not that that was
possible. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” he
asked, looking over at Ian.

“Umm…yeah, this is Ian,” she said, barely
able to find her voice. “Ian, this is Scott.”

“Ian,” he said, matching the name to a face
while letting the scene digest, it left a bitter taste in his
mouth.

Even so he reached over to shake his hand.
Ethne’s mouth dropped, that had not been what she expected.

“Nice to meet you, Ian,” he said, his face
not betraying his true feelings. “I’ve heard…so much about
you.”

The cliché of his comment did not go
unnoticed, Ethne really hadn’t told him that much about Ian; if it
hadn’t been for the day he had seen him, she wouldn’t have ever
spoken of him.

“Likewise,” Ian said.

They were being far too polite she decided.
This was an awkward moment; they all knew it, why didn’t these
boys
act like it?

If she hadn’t felt so bad about how Scott
must be feeling she would have said something, clearly they all
knew how…uncomfortable this was, for all of them. She supposed it
was good they were being courteous, even though it was clearly
insincere, it was probably better than the alternative.

The last thing she wanted was an argument
between the two of them, the one she was probably about to have
with Scott was going to be more than enough.

With the looks going on between Ian and
Scott she barely felt like she was even in the room. She stepped
between them, forcing an end to the uncomfortable handshake.

Instead of letting his gaze linger on Ian a
moment longer, she hugged Scott, so tightly she didn’t think she
would ever let go. Had he not forced her to, she probably wouldn’t
have.

He hugged her back only for a moment before
pulling himself away, forcing her arms to let go.

Ian watched them, an ache forming in his
heart, a feeling he didn’t particularly care for.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

Before he could answer, Ian interrupted.
“Ethne, I’m going to go, let you two talk.”

She felt horrible, she knew he should, but
it felt terrible knowing he would be leaving. This was not at all
the day she had pictured only moments before.

“Oh, no…you stay,” Scott said. “I was just
leaving.”

Ethne turned to see him start to leave,
confusion and panic hitting her when she realized he might actually
leave before she could explain.

Explain
.

Explain what
? She thought. She
realized there may be nothing she could say that would make any of
this any better for him; still she had to try.

“Scott, wait!” she said, heading for the
door to follow him.

“Ian,” she said. “Please don’t leave; I’ll
be back later, okay?”

“Okay,” he said.

She could see the hurt in his eyes; this was
an even bigger mess than she had ever anticipated. Half of her just
wanted to scream “I told you so!” at both of them and
disappear.

But she remembered her feelings for Scott
now, and they were stronger than ever. She felt like she had
finally woken up – she could slap herself for having walked out on
him.

She ran down the stairs and caught up to
him. She grabbed his wrist to try and make him stop, but he was
determined to be on his way, shaking her off like she was a frail
leaf in the fall.

“Scott…please!” She pleaded again, this time
running ahead of him and standing in his way.

He went around her.

This obviously wasn’t working; she tried a
different tactic.

“Fine…,” she said, stopping in her tracks
and calling behind him. “Leave me.”

He stopped; she could almost see the hairs
on the back of his neck stand up. He turned to face her.

“Excuse me?” he said. “Leave you? I believe
you beat me to that.”

She knew she had hit a nerve. That had been
her intention; anything to make him stop.

“I deserved that,” she said, walking towards
him, closing the gap between them quickly. “Will you at least let
me try to explain?” she said. “To apologize?”

He didn’t answer, but his lack of movement
was enough of one for her.

She gestured for him to follow her as she
led him to a private table where they could talk.

After they sat down she took a deep
breath.

“First, tell me how you found me.”

He shrugged, not making eye contact. “I
don’t know, you’d been gone so long, I was worried. I couldn’t
think of anywhere else you would go, so I called here to check and
they confirmed you were here.”

“Why did you wait so long?” she asked.

“I’ve been in the hospital,” he said.

“What?! Why?!” she asked, suddenly feeling
like she deserved a title that was worse than the ‘worst person in
the world’ – if such a thing existed. “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” he said, finally looking up at
her. “I had some severe headaches; they were concerned so they made
me check in for a few days just as a precaution.”

She felt like climbing into his lap and
hugging him, but she knew he wouldn’t allow it; she didn’t deserve
such a thing.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Scott,” she said,
trying to take his hand, but he wouldn’t let her. “I’m so
sorry.”

“Why did you do it?” he asked, his gaze once
again looking anywhere but at her. “Why did you leave?”

“I think you know why I left,” she said. “I
got scared, of losing you, or that something would happen to me. I
know it doesn’t make any sense to you, that to you leaving the way
I did was the same thing, maybe it was…I don’t know, I got scared.
I wasn’t thinking clearly when I left that day; I’ve been down here
ever since trying to come to a decision. I had planned on going
home tomorrow and begging you to forgive me.”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, gesturing upstairs to
Ian. “I can see that.”

“I didn’t meet Ian here on purpose,” she
said, anger suddenly flooding in at the accusation. “He was just
here when I got here, pure coincidence, believe me or don’t, I’m
telling you the truth.”

He looked at her only for a second to know
that she was; he knew her.

“But you spent the night with him?” he
asked, again the look of hurt returned to his eyes, this look was
almost more than she could bear.

She looked down at the table, ashamed.

“Yes…I did,” she said, there was no use in
denying it, he knew her, and she wouldn’t have lied to him anyway.
She respected him far too much to do that.

“You know I like him,” she said, looking up
at him again. “I’ve been very confused, Scott. When I first got
here I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever go home again. I hated that I
hurt you that way; I didn’t see how you’d ever forgive me. I ran
into Ian on my fourth day here, I had spent the first three in bed
completely shut off from the world.”

She paused a moment, the silence between
them palpable.

“I checked my messages, you never called…I
couldn’t bring myself to call you. Now I guess I know why you
didn’t call,” she said. “If I had known you were in the hospital I
would have come home in a heartbeat, I’m so sorry, Scott.”

Up until this point she had been able to
keep herself fairly calm, but the tears were forming now. How she
could have doubted him cut her to the core.

He took her hand then, warming only
slightly.

“I know you would have, Ethne,” he said.

After sitting in silence a moment, feeling
his warm hand holding hers she looked up at him. “So now what?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean, where do we go from here?” she
asked, terrified of his answer.

“I suppose that’s up to you,” he said.

“Me?” she asked. “How so?”

“Well it seems you have a decision to
make.”

“You mean you forgive me?” she asked,
completely in shock at the idea that he could be so forgiving after
what she had done.

“Of course I forgive you,” he said, smiling
at her warmly. “I love you, Ethne. It broke my heart when you left,
I won’t lie about that. I was so angry I swore I didn’t care that
you had gone. But that was a lie to myself that quickly faded. As
soon as I left your house and returned to my empty one, I knew I
would try to find you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call that night. The
headaches started right after you left, I couldn’t do anything,
they were excruciating. As soon as they had stopped and I had a
moment to think…I thought about Belize. I didn’t actually think you
would come all the way here though; I was surprised when they told
me that you were. So tell me, why did you come here?” he asked.

“I wanted to feel safe,” she said. “After
your accident I just felt so afraid. Everyday it grew until I
couldn’t take it anymore; I was terrified that something else was
going to happen to separate us. I guess I should have been afraid
of myself,” she said, realizing for the first time that she was
really the one standing in her own way more than anything else that
had ever happened to her.

She had let fear win.

“I came back here because it was the one
place I had felt safe, when you sent me here it changed me; I
wanted to get back the sense of calm that I had experienced a year
ago.”

“And did you?” he asked.

“Partially,” she said. “But honestly I have
mostly been conflicted, especially after running into Ian.”

“Ahh, yes…Ian,” he said. “We are back to the
decision you have to make.”

“Decision?” she asked, although she knew
exactly what he meant.

I
t felt like they
had been talking for hours, although it probably had been less than
one; the subject matter was heavy and exhausting. Unfortunately, it
had only just begun.

“Decision…about Ian, and me,” she heard him
say again, her mind had wandered briefly; she felt like she had
just
had
this conversation.

“Oh, yeah…that,” she said.

“You clearly have feelings for him, Ethne,
anyone could see that,” he said.

“I do,” she confessed, for the second
time.

“So…?” he asked again.

“Well you see, the thing is, he hates
chicken aprons, and well, I’ve grown to love them, so I really
don’t think it’s going to work out.”

Of course she was joking, the mood was way
too heavy and she couldn’t take it anymore. She knew that the minor
diversion wasn’t going to veer them off course enough though, she
was getting sick of talking about this, she didn’t want to choose –
neither of them was going to be happy with the decision she was
leaning towards.

He laughed, only a little, had it been any
other time she knew he would have had a gigantic smile on his face.
She missed that smile.

“Please don’t try to dodge the question,
Ethne – I think we both have a right to know.”

“I’m sorry, Scott, you should know I was up
half the night having this exact discussion with Ian, frankly I’m
exhausted of it.”

“I can understand that, Ethne, and honestly
I don’t want to think of what you were doing the other half of the
night. I think I’m being very understanding here.”

She saw that her joke hadn’t taken them very
far; the serious grey cloud was hovering and not going away.