The Light of the Blue Pearl (31 page)

She couldn’t resist hitting him again; the
“near death” experience had certainly made him cheeky.

“And what makes you think I’m going to sit
next to you?” she asked, returning the gunfire.

He laughed, obviously quite amused with
himself.

“Well, I suppose if you can refrain from
passing out or puking all over me, I could be talked into it,” he
said.

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence and
obvious charity,” she replied.

“Anything for you my dear,” he said, before
getting up and heading into the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”
he called from the other room.

It had been about two hours since the
beginning of the ordeal had interrupted their dinner. Things could
have been worse, all the same she was already hungry again – the
excitement seemed to have burned through all of her dinner
calories.

“I’m hungry actually,” she said. “Is there
anything to eat in there?”

He peeked his head back into the room.
“You’re hungry?” he asked in disbelief. “How can you possibly be
hungry after the dinner I just bought you?”

“Speaking of which,” she said. “Did you
actually pay for that?”

He thought for a moment and laughed. “Oops,
I guess not. It seems an earthquake makes the perfect cover for a
dine and dash,” he said, tossing her a banana. “I’ll take care of
that tomorrow before we go.”

“A banana?” she asked. “Seriously? There’s
nothing else in there.”

“Nope, ‘fraid not my little piranha. Want me
to call down and see if they can bring you something?”

“No,” she said, peeling the banana and
reluctantly eating it, wishing instead that it was a burger and
fries – tonight had made her
really
hungry.

“You sure?” he asked again. “You don’t seem
terribly happy about the banana.”

“Well, I’m not a monkey,” she said. “And I’m
hungry.”

He laughed, picking up the phone and calling
the front desk to see if they could do anything for them this
late.

Surprisingly they responded by bringing her
up a nice plate of food, it wasn’t a burger and fries, but it was
better than a banana. She ate it with a huge grin on her face.

“I honestly don’t know how you fit that much
food in you, you’re tiny,” he said laughing. “I swear you eat more
than I do.”

She shrugged. “Beats me.”

When her stomach was once again satisfied,
she realized it was time for her medication. Her thoughts flashed
back to the car they’d been in just an hour or so ago, and how for
a moment taking it hadn’t seemed as important.

Still, even after everything that had
happened and the new thoughts that ran through her head, she didn’t
feel like tempting fate. She excused herself and went to the
bathroom; looking at herself in the mirror she swallowed her pill,
wondering if things would ever be different from this.

She felt tethered to the pills, like without
them she would fall into an abyss, a life full of seizures or the
possibility of them. There was a chance she could eventually go off
the medication, though with a risk, and considering how she felt
she didn’t particularly feel like encouraging the odds for
reoccurrence.

One thing tonight had taught her though was
that she couldn’t look so far into her future that she could no
longer see the present. For all she knew the world could end
tomorrow, or at least her world, with or without seizures – there
wasn’t much point in worrying so much about it.

As she twisted the lid back onto the bottle
she slipped it in her bag and left the bathroom smiling.

Ian was well aware of her mood when she
stepped into the room. “Why the big smile?” he asked.

“I don’t know, guess I’m just happy to be
alive,” she said, strolling over to the window and looking out at
the calm ocean.

They had felt a couple of small aftershocks
after the bigger earthquake, but they hadn’t been that bad. One
bonus about being from California, you got pretty used to the
feeling of an earthquake.

Ian on the other hand wasn’t accustomed to
earthquakes and yet had stayed fairly calm during it, though his
grip on her had tightened; she knew a lot of his calmness was an
act.

“Have you ever experienced an earthquake
before?” she asked.

He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms
around her, letting her lean into him as they both looked out at
the night sky.

“Nope, I haven’t,” he said. “And I can’t say
I care to again.”

She laughed. “Aww, they’re not that bad, you
get used to them after a while – unless they are really big
anyway.”

“Yeah, sure you do,” he said, squeezing her
a little tighter.

“You must be used to hurricanes,” she added.
“I don’t think I’d care for those.”

He laughed. “I’d take wind and rain over the
ground shaking any day.”

She smiled, half-heartedly. “So…I guess that
means you’d be hard pressed to leave Miami then,” she said,
remembering the words he had said to her during dinner. “Not that
I’m asking you to.”

He let go of her then and walked in front of
her blocking her view of the sea.

“Would you want me to?” he asked, his eyes
penetrating hers, his gaze unwavering from her face.

She hadn’t meant to stir up this
conversation, she hadn’t meant to make it seem like that’s what she
wanted; the question had simply slipped out. Now she was left not
knowing what to say, she honestly wasn’t sure what she wanted. She
dropped her gaze no longer being able to take the intensity of
his.

“I don’t know, Ian,” she said. “I don’t
know.”

He lifted her chin gently, not allowing her
to shy away from giving him a real answer.

She couldn’t speak, tears started to form in
her eyes, the confusion of her feelings for both of them rushing
back to her. She knew she was going to have to decide soon;
tomorrow morning would be here in only a few hours – her time with
Ian was quickly coming to an end.

The thought of never seeing him again made
her heart ache, but it did the same when she thought of Scott.
After the earthquake it had occurred to her it wasn’t her fear of
losing them that kept her from choosing, it wasn’t that she would
prefer to be alone, it was simply that she couldn’t decide; she
didn’t know how. She hated the thought of hurting either of them so
much, it seemed only fair that she didn’t choose; that was why she
would opt to be alone, the only reason.

Scott had opened her eyes to life again; Ian
had been there while they were opening. They had both had a hand in
her feeling human again. How could she say goodbye to either one of
them?

They had been standing there for what seemed
like an hour, her silence holding them in a state of suspension. He
was waiting for an answer and seemed would not be giving up that
right.

A tear slid down her cheek and he wiped it
away almost instantly.

“Don’t cry, Ethne,” he said. “And don’t be
afraid of hurting me; just tell me what you want.”

She took a deep breath before answering; it
felt as if she had stopped breathing during that moment.

“I would like to go to bed,” she said,
knowing it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but the day had been
long, very long and she was too exhausted to give any of this
another thought.

“Okay,” he said, leading her into the
bedroom.

He helped her get under the covers and lay
down next to her, wrapping his arms around her possibly for the
last time.

Ian drifted off to sleep quickly, within
minutes she could hear his soft breaths and felt the warmth from
them on her neck.

She was exhausted, but she would not be
sleeping that night. Instead she felt Ian’s arms around her; safe
and warm in his embrace she closed her eyes and tried to think of
what she was going to do.

I
n the morning she
felt him stir, his arms tightening around her as his eyes opened to
the light pouring in from the window.

She turned to face him and smiled, his arm
still draped over her waist.

“Morning,” he said, yawning. “Did you sleep
well?”

She hadn’t, and she knew the day was going
to be a challenge given that fact.

“Yeah,” she said. “I did...you?”

“Like a baby,” he said, rolling onto his
back and stretching the sleep away. “What time is it?”

“About nine,” she said, not having to
look.

He got up and went to the bathroom, leaving
her alone in the bed; they only had a couple more hours before they
had to go.

When he got back she was lying in bed facing
the window, he crawled back into the covers and started rubbing her
back.

“Want me to call down for some breakfast?”
he asked, laughing. “Who am I talking to, of course you do!”

“Ha ha,” she said, her mind only partially
there in the room with him. All night she had been thinking about
today, and now it was here, she was no more prepared for it than
she had been yesterday.

Ian didn’t seem to notice, but instead
dialed for breakfast, seeming blissfully unaware of the fact that
they would be going home today, and parting ways.

“Don’t you need to go get all of your stuff
– say goodbye to your friends?” she asked. “Or are they flying back
with you?”

“Well, actually, most of my stuff is here
now, in case you hadn’t noticed,” he said, smiling – a fact he
seemed proud of. “And yeah some of them will be flying back with me
today.”

“Oh,” she said, unsure of how the intrusion
of others made her feel.

That seemed to not go unnoticed; Ian moved
closer to her and stroked her hair. “But don’t worry, they won’t
bother you.”

She smiled at him. “I wasn’t worried about
that, exactly,” she said. “Though it will feel strange having your
friends around.” She paused a moment before adding, “For our
goodbye.”

At the mention of the dreaded moment she
could see the sadness in his face. “You wouldn’t answer me last
night,” he said, his gaze settling on the covers below him rather
than on her. “I guess you just did.”

He got up from the bed and started getting
dressed, she had obviously just torn his heart in two; hers had
already been in that state all night when she had made her decision
about how today was going to go.

She got up and walked over to him quickly
before he had a chance to flee the room. “Ian,” she said, putting
her body in the way of him and the door. “Wait.”

“For what?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, Ian,” she said. “I don’t know
what else to do, I can’t ask you to change your entire life for
me…not yet anyway.”

“What do you mean ‘not yet’?” he asked,
backing up and sitting on the bed.

Just then they both heard a knock at the
door. They looked at each other, the morning of the day before
coming back to both of them.

“Let’s hope that’s breakfast,” Ian said,
only half joking.

He got up, threw his shirt on this time and
answered the door. He returned to the bedroom holding the tray of
food and set it down on the nightstand.

Even with the sadness she had brought to the
room a moment ago, she was still really hungry, he didn’t appear to
be.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked.

“Not until you answer my question,” he said,
sitting back down on the bed.

“Okay,” she said, sitting down next to
him.

She sighed, folded her hands in her lap and
turned to face him.

“I didn’t sleep last night,” she confessed,
seeing his face turn from disappointment to worry. “I was up all
night thinking.

“And what I decided was that I don’t think
we can be rash about this decision. Being here with you in Belize,
both times, has felt so…separated from reality, and even though I
felt the same way when I saw you in San Francisco, I’m not sure I
can be impartial about it, until I’m no longer here, alone with you
in Belize; I need time to think.

“What I don’t want is for you to put your
life on hold for me…I cannot guarantee anything about what I
decide. I only know how I feel about you, about Scott, and right
now I’m just confused.”

He took her hand and held it palm up,
tracing the inside of it lightly with his fingertip.

“I understand, Ethne, I really do,” he said.
“And honestly if you had asked me to leave Miami, I probably would
have said yes. But it would have been an answer out of the passion
I feel for you, I can’t say whether it would be the right decision
or not. I stand by what I said all along, that I support whatever
you decide, whoever you choose. All I ask is that you tell me
someday – don’t leave me wondering day after day whether you might
call and tell me that it is me you want.”

His hand on hers felt like magic, his
fingertip stroking her palm almost putting her in a trance, and his
words filling her with happiness.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and
hugged him tightly and whispered “thank you” in his ear.

When she pulled away a tear was running down
her cheek even though she had a smile on her face. He wiped it away
and smiled back at her.

“Can we eat now?” she asked.

He laughed really hard and shook his head.
“Yes, we can eat now,” he said, handing her the plate he had held
for ransom.

For some reason even though they would still
be saying goodbye, having the difficult words already spoken had
left the atmosphere around them lighter. They enjoyed their
breakfast together before packing up and leaving the hotel room for
the last time.

Their home away from home, for the second
time, proving to be a place unlike any other; even with the
excitement of the night before, San Pedro was a paradise that would
always be in her mind and her heart.

Ian stopped by his own room and gathered the
few items he had left behind; he briefly introduced her to his
friends, all of them smiling at the person who had stolen him away
for practically their entire vacation.