The Lion Triumphant (38 page)

One of the sailors kept saying: “It were as though he keep his strength till then, Captain ’Lyon. It was though he clung to life till he knew she could make port.”

Jake was quieter than I had expected. I had imagined he would fly into recrimination; but he was seaman enough to understand exactly what had happened.

The
Lion
had not disgraced him or herself; she had stood up nobly against a more powerful adversary. She had given as good as she had taken. Perhaps better, he promised himself. He took satisfaction in picturing the sinking of the Spaniard. He was certain she had gone to the bottom of the sea.

He called curses on her and her crew. But his great concern was with the
Lion.
He stayed on her throughout the rest of the day and far into the night while he tried to satisfy himself that she could be made seaworthy again.

Then he came back.

“It shows what she can do, Cat,” Jake said to me. “I’d always known it. There’s not another of her class who wouldn’t have gone down, but here she is and in a matter of months she will be herself again. I’ll see to that.”

This was indeed a time of disaster. The day after the
Lion
had arrived home, my pains started. It was too early and my child was born dead.

What made the tragedy more hard to bear was that the child had been a little boy.

I was desperately ill. The fact that I had lost my longed-for child did nothing to help my recovery, and for two weeks it was believed I could not survive.

Jake came and sat by my bed. Poor Jake! I loved him then. His
Rampant Lion
all but a wreck, the son he had so desired was lost to him. And I, whom he loved in his fashion, was about to die.

I heard afterward that he was almost demented and threatened the doctors that if I died he would kill them, that he spent his time between my sickroom and his ship; it was not until the end of the second week when it became apparent that I had a good chance of recovery and that the
Rampant Lion
would sail again that he became his old self.

I was delirious often; I was not entirely sure where I was. Often during that period I believed I was in the Hacienda and that soon Don Felipe would come into the room. Once I thought I saw him standing by the bed, holding the candle high while he looked at me. At another I was holding my son in my arms and he was watching us.

One night I came out of my delirium and saw that it was Jake who stood by my bed. I saw his clenched fists and heard his muttered words.

“You are calling to
him!
Stop it. You gave him a son. Yet you cannot give me one.”

I was afraid suddenly, afraid for Roberto because I understood in that moment how violent Jake’s feelings could be. I knew the fact that I had borne Felipe a son would be like a canker in his mind, and that his fierce hatred of Felipe, of Spain and all things Spanish would be concentrated on my son.

I wanted to appeal to him. “Jake,” I said, “I am going to die…”

He knelt by the bed and took my hand; he kissed it fiercely, possessively. “You are going to live,” he said, and it was like a command. “You are going to live for me and the sons we shall have.”

I understood something of his feelings for me. He needed me in his life; he could not contemplate being without me. His lips were on my hand. “Be well,” he said. “Be strong. Love me, hate me, but stay with me.”

I felt secure then, but when I began to get better my anxieties about Roberto returned. What would have happened to him if I had died? I asked myself.

It was in this mood that I sent for Manuela.

Manuela had been unobtrusive since her arrival in England; if she was homesick for Spain she had never shown it; and she and Roberto had something in common because they were both of Spanish blood.

So while I lay weakly in my bed, I summoned her and bade her sit beside me and assure me that there was no one in earshot.

“Manuela,” I said, “tell me, are you happy in England?”

She answered: “It has become my home.”

“You have been good to Roberto. He trusts you more than he does the others.”

“We speak Spanish together. It is pleasant to speak as though one is at home.”

“I have thought a great deal about him while I have been lying here. He is young yet, Manuela, and not able to take care of himself.”

“The Captain hates him, Señora. It is because he is the son of Don Felipe and you are his mother.”

“I have come close to death, Manuela. I clung to life because I feared for Roberto.”

“Your passing would be in the hands of Almighty God, Señora,” she said reproachfully.

“I am still here, but weak. I want you to make me a promise. If I should die I wish you to leave here at once with Roberto. I wish you to take him to my mother. You will tell her that I asked that she should care for him. She must love him because he is my son.”

“And the Captain, Señora?”

“The Captain does not love Roberto, as you know.”

“He hates him because he is a Spaniard.”

“He is a little impatient with him,” I prevaricated. “Roberto is not like Carlos and Jacko. I know you once loved Carlos dearly. I remember when you came to the nursery at the Hacienda…”

My voice faltered and she said vehemently: “Carlos has become the Captain’s boy. He shouts. He boasts he will slit the throats of Spaniards. He is no longer of his mother’s faith.”

“He is his father’s boy now, Manuela.”

I saw angry tears in her eyes. I knew that she was fiercely true to her faith and that she practiced it regularly but in secrecy.

“And Roberto,” she said softly, “he is different. Roberto would stay true. He will never forget that his father was a gentleman of Spain.”

“You love the boy, don’t you, Manuela? Carlos can take care of himself now, but if anything should ever happen to me look to my little Roberto.”

“I will do anything to save him,” she said vehemently, and as she spoke I knew that she was sincere.

I awoke to find my mother sitting by my bed.

“Is it really you?” I asked.

“My dearest Cat. Jake sent for me. I came at once and I shall stay until you are well again. Your grandmother has sent you many remedies and you know her cures always work.”

I took her hand and would not release it. I wanted to be absolutely sure that I had not dreamed she was there.

From the moment she arrived my recovery was rapid. I felt that I must get well with her to nurse me. I had always felt this when she nursed me through my childish ailments. She used to say: “All’s well now. Mother is here.” And I believed it now as I had then.

She and my grandmother had made garments for my child. “We shall leave them with you for the next,” she told me.

I felt wonderfully optimistic then. The next! I thought. Of course! What had happened to me was a disaster which befell many women during the course of their childbearing years. I had had one son. I could have another.

She brought into the house a sense of peace. I liked to hear her talking to the servants.

I told her of my interview with Manuela.

“My darling Cat,” she soothed me, “you need have had no fear. If this terrible tragedy had befallen us I should have come here and taken Roberto away with me. But, God willing, his mother will live long into his manhood.”

She asked me earnestly whether I was happy in my marriage and I did not know how to answer her truthfully.

“I doubt there was ever a marriage like ours,” I told her.

“He sent another man out with his ship, I hear, because he could not leave you.”

I laughed. “Dearest Mother, do not attempt to understand what my marriage is. It could never happen to one as gentle as you are. There is a wildness in me which matches that in him. Yet there is a good deal of hate in us.”

“But you love each other?”

“I would not call it love. He was determined that I should bear his sons. He selected me for that purpose. I have failed him now … and at the time when he all but lost his ship! I can find it in my heart to be sorry for him, which surprises me. Mother dear, do not look so put about. You could not understand us. You are too good, too kind.”

“My dear daughter, I have lived and loved and life has seemed strange to me often.”

“But now you have Rupert and everything is as you always longed for it to be.”

“Yet I could have taken Rupert years ago and did not. You see nothing is simple for any of us.”

“I used to think it would have been wonderful for me,” I said, “if I could have married Carey.”

She was a little impatient with me. “You delude yourself,” she answered. “All that is past. You have one child and you will have others. You are still living with an obsession of Carey, when you
have
Jake. You love him. You know you do. Stop thinking of the past. You loved your Spaniard, too, but now you have Jake. Face reality, Cat.”

Was she right, this wise mother of mine?

Jake came in and sat with me.

“You will soon be well,” he said, “now you have the best possible nurse.”

“Thank you for sending for her.”

“Now she is here I am going away for a short time. I have been thinking a great deal about Girling’s family.”

“What family has he?”

“His wife died recently—the sweat, I think. He has children who may be in need. He served me well. I must not fail him.”

“You must make sure that they are not in want,” I said.

“So thought I. I shall go to St. Austell and see for myself what is happening there. I know I shall leave you in good hands.”

He left the next day.

The house seemed peaceful without him. I was able to get up. I sat at the window and looked out over the Hoe. I could see the
Rampant Lion
there. Men were working on her. Her canvases and rigging were being overhauled. The shipwrights were going back and forth in the little boats; they would be busy repairing her faulty timbers.

I wondered how long before she would sail again and when she did I knew Jake would go with her.

I drank the broth my mother prepared for me; I swallowed my grandmother’s special remedies and I was soon taking my first steps into the fresh air. It was the end of April and the daffodils were in bloom. My mother, who delighted in flowers and who was herself named after the damask rose, gathered them and arranged them in pots to fill my bedroom. We walked under the pleached alley together with the sun glinting through because there were only buds and tiny leaves on the entwined branches at this time; we sat in the pond garden and talked.

It was while we sat there that she gave me the news which must have lain heavily upon her. I knew that she had been awaiting the time when I should be well enough to receive it.

We had taken our seats near the pond when she said to me: “Cat, there is something I have to tell you. You must be brave. You must understand. You will have to know.”

“What is wrong, Mother?”’

“It’s Honey,” she said.

“Honey? She is ill?”

“Nay. You love her well, do you not, Cat?”

“You know I do. She is as my sister.”

“It is how I always wished you to be.”

I knew that she was even now delaying the moment of telling.

“Please, tell me quickly,” I begged. “What has happened to Honey?”

“She has married again.”

“But why should she not? She is so beautiful. Many men would wish to marry her. It is good news, is it not? Why should she not marry?”

My mother was again silent. I turned to her in astonishment. She seemed to steel herself. Then she said: “Honey has married Carey.”

I stared at the green grass, at the sun glinting on the pond. I pictured them together. Beautiful Honey and Carey, my Carey… Why should I feel this sudden anger? I could not have him and it was inevitable that he should marry one day. Had I not done so … twice? And if he was to have a wife, why should it not be Honey, who had long loved him?

My mother had reached for my hand and pressed it warmly. She said: “I asked Manuela to bring Roberto to us. I think I hear her coming now.”

I knew she was telling me: You have your son. Forget the impossible dream. That is the past. Here is the present. It is for you to make the future.

And Manuela came leading my son and when he saw me he ran to me.

“Madre, Madre,” he cried; and I knew that while I lay ill and cut off from him he had suffered deeply.

I said: “I am well again, Roberto. Here I am. Why, we have missed each other.”

And I was comforted.

My mother would talk of everything except Honey and her marriage, but I could not forget it. I pictured them in Remus Castle, laughing happily together, talking of the old days, making love. Did they ever mention me? I wondered. And how would Carey feel if they did?

Honey was both beautiful and lovable. There was a serenity in her beauty which I think made it doubly appealing to men. There was nothing of the wildcat about Honey; she was adaptable. She had been a good wife to Edward although she had loved Carey; she had appeared to forget Edward and had devoted herself to Luis; and now she would have forgotten them both for Carey. And I had to confess that she had always loved Carey.

My mother talked of what was happening at home. How her half brother twins were eager to go to sea and how my grandmother was trying to dissuade them, of the flowers my grandmother was growing and the many bottles that lined the shelves of her still room. “She is becoming quite an apothecary and people come to her for cures.”

My mother was a little easier in her mind because there was less fear of a Catholic rebellion. The marriage of the Queen of Scots to Lord Darnley had been a good thing for England. The young consort was such an overbearing, arrogant, dissolute and generally unsatisfactory man that he was causing a great deal of dissension above the Border.

“It is better for them to quarrel among themselves than to seek a conflict with us,” said my mother. “That is what everyone is saying.”

The turmoil up there had increased when the shocking murder of the Scottish Queen’s secretary had taken place at her supper table.

My mother shuddered. “People have been speaking of nothing else. Mary is with child and was supping privately at Holyrood when certain of her nobles burst in and dragged the young man from the table. Poor fellow, they say, he clung to the Queen’s skirts and begged her to save him. What an ordeal for a woman six months with child! It was said that Secretary Rizzio was her lover. This seems unlikely. Poor woman! Why, Cat, she is but your age.”