However, her attention was quickly diverted as she recognised the younger figure of Master James following the servants. His handsome features and thick dark hair contrasted sharply with Lord Redfern’s ageing presence. Daisy held her breath as he walked past. She was three in from the aisle, but Master James knew the outdoor servants she had joined because they were from the stables where he spent much of his time when he was home. He was smiling and nodded
to either side as he progressed slowly towards the front pew. When he saw her his steady pace faltered and his eyes widened as he stared at her.
Mr Stanton was directly behind James and Daisy saw him nudge Master James in the back and glance along the aisle. Daisy sat back in her pew sharply and stared straight ahead, aware that her heart was thudding in her breast. She felt herself blushing and concentrated hard on the backs of the necks of the people in front of her. But she could feel Boyd’s eyes on her heightened colour and hoped Mr Stanton had not noticed her. How foolish, she thought. He was the estate steward and did not miss anything. Of course he had seen her!
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered to her brother. ‘Will I get you into trouble?’
‘It’s not your fault! It’s not mine either and Mr Stanton knows that. Just keep well away from Master James, Daisy.
He
is trouble where you are concerned.’
Lord Redfern remained in his Bath chair in the aisle and Master James took the adjacent seat in the otherwise empty pew, whilst his most senior servants filed into the pew behind them. The rector greeted his congregation and as his opening words finished and the church organ thundered into life, they stood up to sing. Daisy adored all the Christmas hymns and knew them by heart. She was soon taken up by the joy of the service and only occasionally did her eyes stray to the front pew across the aisle.
But on one such dalliance, Master James noticed. He was turning towards Lord Redfern presumably to check his comfort when he twisted his head fully and looked for her. Daisy pressed her lips together anxiously but, even so, returned his steady stare. She could not stop herself. There was
something about him that made her want to look at him. He was handsome and dashing and when she thought about him, an unsettling thrill of excitement rippled through her. She truly believed that she might have fallen in love with him and she began to breathe faster.
There was absolutely no future in loving a man so far removed from her in status. He would never love her in return and she had learned enough about fornication in her time at Redfern Abbey to know that any interest in her would be for that alone. Boyd had advised her well. She must beware of Master James. But she didn’t want to beware of him. She wanted to be held in his arms and be loved by him. Dear Lord, forgive her for these wicked thoughts in church!
‘Daisy,’ Boyd whispered urgently and tugged her skirt. ‘Kneel down.’
‘Oh, yes. Yes.’ She pulled herself together and slid off the polished pew to kneel on the hassock, resting her confused head on the cold hard wood in front of her. She didn’t hear any of the prayers and if she was honest she sang the remaining Christmas hymns mindlessly, not thinking of the words that she normally enjoyed.
When the service ended the congregation stood as his lordship’s party made their slow progress back down the aisle, followed by estate and village dignitaries from the pews in front of her. Daisy kept her eyes firmly on her feet and thought about how cold her toes had become until she was aware of a general surge as less important village folk prepared to take their leave.
Boyd took hold of her arm. ‘Sit down, Daisy. We’ll wait for the throng to ease.’
And for Master James to be on his way back to the
Abbey, she thought. It was the right thing to do, she realised, but she still yearned to rush after him. Daisy tried to respond to cheery greetings and lively wall shadows caused by jostling lanterns as the crowd thinned. But dismay set in when she noticed Mr Stanton waiting in the church porch with his lamp. Surely he would have left with his lordship?
‘Higgins. A word with you now, if you please.’
‘Of course, sir’ Boyd replied. ‘May I see my sister safely to the care of her employer first?’
‘I’ve spoken with Mr Farrow. He has taken his wife home and I have assured him I shall deliver your sister safely to his door within the half hour. Bring her with you. We shall speak in the Lady chapel.’
Boyd exchanged a troubled frown with Daisy and a whispered, ‘Don’t say anything,’ as they followed the bobbing lantern through an ornate iron gate into a private corner of the church.
‘Your sister is eighteen, is she not,’ Mr Stanton began. Boyd nodded wordlessly and stood silently as the older man went on. ‘It is difficult for you, having no parents to guide you, so I shall take that role upon myself.’
‘There is no need to trouble yourself, sir. Daisy is housed and has a position now.’
‘Do not interrupt me. I have noticed how much you care for her and also how attractive she is growing. So you will not disagree when I say that I must find her a husband.’
‘I most certainly shall!’ Boyd protested. ‘She is not yet ready for marriage, and she does not have a follower.’
‘It is not up to you, Higgins. She is not of age so it is her employer’s permission I shall seek. I shall inform him that she must marry soon.’
Daisy’s eyes had become wider with each exchange. She ignored Boyd’s advice and interrupted, ‘I do not wish to marry!’
‘Be quiet, Miss Higgins.’
Daisy was ready to continue her protest but she was thrown off guard by the steward’s manner of address. He called her ‘Miss Higgins’ as though she were a person of some consequence and she really, really liked the sound of it. ‘Miss Higgins’ implied she was grown up and – well, ready for marriage. Yet she had never imagined herself wed to anyone, except of course her beloved Boyd and she could not marry him. She had toyed with her fantasies of Master James. Her
girlish dreams had wandered in that direction in spite of her self reproach.
‘Why must she marry, sir?’ Boyd demanded. Daisy picked up a simmering anger in his tone and stance.
‘Do I have to explain? She is attracting the wrong kind of attention.’
‘You insult her, sir. What you speak of is in the mind of others. She does not seek it for herself.’
Boyd was not quite right about this, she thought. She had not sought male attention in the way she had seen some of the female servants act at the Abbey. But, if she were being totally honest with herself, she had sought – did seek – the attention of Master James. She couldn’t help herself and she reckoned he felt the same whatever their differences in status were.
Mr Stanton appeared irritated by Boyd’s last remark. ‘Yes, yes, Higgins, I know your sister’s character is unblemished. You have mistaken my meaning. I am concerned only for the attention she receives from one particular direction. Do not deny that you have noticed it too.’
Daisy knew he could not and neither could she. Boyd blew out his cheeks. ‘You mean from Master James?’ he said.
‘I do indeed and I cannot knowingly allow any breath of scandal to affect his reputation. The Riding looks to the Abbey for example and there are too many past misdemeanours in his lordship’s family waiting to be resurrected.’
‘It is not her doing, sir. She has moved out of the Abbey.’
‘But not very far.’
‘She has to be near to me, sir. I am her only kin.’
‘Precisely, Higgins! That is the reason she must marry. She will no longer be a temptation and out of harm’s way. You must see the sense of it.’ Mr Stanton gave a satisfied nod. ‘I
have one or two servants who are suitable. I shall approach them tomorrow.’
Daisy had listened quietly for long enough, and whilst Boyd had valiantly defended her position, she knew he could not go against the steward’s declared intentions. But she could. She stepped forward and said, ‘Truly, sir, you need not be concerned. I have no improper notions and I have no wish to marry anyone.’
‘Do not be ridiculous! You are a young woman. Of course you wish to marry.’
‘But I should like to choose my husband for myself!’ She saw the impatience on Mr Stanton’s face and pleaded, ‘Boyd, don’t let him do this to me!’
Her brother moved closer and took hold of her hand. ‘I believe I must take my sister’s side in this, sir.’
‘You won’t if you know what’s good for you, Higgins,’ the steward warned. ‘The sooner I have her settled with a brood of infants to occupy her, the more secure your position at the Abbey will be. Without a husband, she will be a constant source of temptation.’
Daisy knew that Boyd did not like to be pressured in any way and she held her breath. His grip on her hand tightened and his stance told her he was angry. ‘Then so be it,’ he replied. ‘I shall not see my sister wed to a man who does not love her simply because Master James, who should know better, cannot control his carnal instincts!’
Alarmed that this outburst would anger the steward further and seriously threaten his position, Daisy tugged at his hand anxiously. ‘Hush, Boyd.’ She appealed to the steward. ‘He does not mean that, sir. He is simply concerned for my happiness.’
This time Mr Stanton did not tell her to be quiet, or
ignore her response. ‘Then you should understand why you must marry,’ he replied.
‘But I do not wish to wed anyone
yet
, sir. And I believe that Mrs Farrow would not wish me to leave her employ.’
‘Stubborn girl!’ the steward responded irritably. ‘What has Mrs Farrow to do with it? Mr Farrow is an Abbey tenant and he will do as he is told. He will give his permission for you to be courted and you, Higgins, will not object.’
Daisy stared at Boyd in the lamplight. He must do as the steward demanded. If he didn’t, he would lose his position. ‘I don’t want to wed a stranger, Boyd,’ she whispered.
‘Don’t worry, Daisy, I’ll not let you.’ He squared up to the steward. ‘My sister has grown into a striking young woman, sir, but there are many pretty girls employed at the Abbey so why would any Abbey servant choose to wed her, a penniless servant whom he does not love?’
‘Love? Love has nothing to do with it! I shall allocate an estate cottage to her suitor upon his marriage and he will welcome his good fortune. She will have a husband and a secure home, Higgins. Would you deny your sister that?’
‘I won’t see her wed to a man who does not love her and will not care for her as much as I do.’
The steward lost his patience. ‘Now you are being ridiculous. This interview is at an end. As soon as I have found her a willing suitor she will be wed.’ He picked up his lamp. ‘I shall wait for your sister in the churchyard. Do not keep Mr Farrow waiting up.’ He walked out, leaving Daisy and Boyd in the darkness.
Daisy turned her face into her brother’s broad chest and flung her arms around him. ‘You must not go against him, Boyd! What shall I do? Tell me what to do.’
‘I don’t know, Daisy.’ He sounded desperate and his arms
tightened around her. He hugged her body against his, as though he did not want to let her go.
Nor did she wish him to, for he had always been there for her and if she had to wed someone else she would lose him. ‘Don’t let this happen to me, Boyd. We should be separated, and then you would get wed too and we should be parted for ever,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’
The edge of her bonnet pressed into his cheeks and he pushed it back with his nose to drop a soft kiss on her hair. ‘You won’t ever lose me, dearest Daisy. I love you too much to let you go.’ His lips trailed across her brow and he wanted to hold her very close. Dear Lord, no! He shoved her away from him abruptly. What was happening to him? Daisy was his sister and he loved her but not as a sweetheart, for heaven’s sake! He could not,
should not,
feel like this about
his sister.
She resisted his rejection. ‘Don’t push me away, Boyd! I’m fearful of the future and need you. Will you not hold me for just a little longer?’ She reached out tentatively with a gloved hand.
He knocked her hand away brusquely. ‘No! I – I – Mr Stanton will be waiting for you. You – you must not test his patience.’
For a moment Daisy’s lower lip trembled and she felt a tear threaten. Boyd was angry with her because she had jeopardised his position. And she wasn’t even sure what she had done wrong, only that it always seemed to be she who was the root cause of the trouble. Maybe the steward was right. ‘I’m truly sorry. I didn’t mean any harm,’ she whispered.
In spite of the cold dank air in the church, Boyd’s head was hot and confused. He took Daisy’s elbow roughly and shoved her after the steward. ‘Hurry, before you lose sight of his lantern.’ But Daisy could not leave Boyd if he felt
ill of her. She turned, stretched her neck and gave him a kiss on his cheek before scurrying after the steward.
Boyd stood in the blackness, rubbing his face where her lips had been and realised with horror that the feelings she stirred in him were not those of brotherly love. He stumbled out of the tiny Lady chapel and staggered along a pew until he reached the central aisle. Two candle stubs still burned dimly, one each side of the large brass cross that adorned the altar. Lord Jesus Christ, forgive me, he begged silently. His heart was thumping and his head was burning. He collapsed to his knees and then spread himself, prostrate, on the cold stone floor. Forgive me, Lord. Forgive me.
He could not say how long he prayed, only that his eyes were damp and his flesh was cold when he heard the church door open and he scrambled to his feet.
‘Who’s there?’ It was the rector, carrying a burning candle.
‘Higgins, sir, from the Abbey stables.’ He slid onto a pew and bowed his head.
‘You are praying alone? Does something trouble you, my son?’
‘It does, sir.’
‘Will you talk of it?’
‘I – I cannot, sir.’
‘Move along the pew and I shall pray with you.’
Boyd obeyed and the vicar settled on the wooden seat beside him.
‘Have you asked God for forgiveness?’
Boyd nodded, tried to speak and choked on the words.
‘You can tell me, son,’ the rector went on. ‘It will help you to overcome your sin.’