‘Please.’
His voice became lodged in his throat and he found himself incapable of completing the sentence. In fact, all he could do was turn around and wrap an arm around Nick’s body, pulling him closer.
“Stay with us,” Nick whispered into his free ear. “Stay with me.”
“Devin? Are you there? Are you all right?” The doctor asked, concern evident in his voice.
“I love you, Dev-o.” Nick kept his voice low, probably to keep the doctor from hearing him. As his lips landed against his cheek and a tear splashed against his jaw, it took everything in Devin to keep from breaking down. “Don’t.”
No matter how guilty it made him feel for withholding the truth about his memories, he knew he couldn’t live with himself if he hurt Nick in such a way. He would never forgive himself for abandoning the love he’d found with the two of them.
I can’t leave Jamie and Justin.
His fingertips dug into Nick’s side as he sucked in a quick breath and collected his emotions. It probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else, but the truth had never been more profoundly clear.
In spite of his need to be honest, and despite his promise to be a changed man, he couldn’t do the right thing—the honorable thing—because he knew how much it would hurt the two people he loved most.
“Devin, please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong,” Doctor Thompson prompted. “That’s what I’m here for. You can tell me anything.”
“I’m still here, Doc,” he murmured, resting his forehead against Nick’s. “Sorry about that. I just, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I’m feeling much better and I’m still working hard to remember. Maybe someday I will.”
“Oh.” A sigh of relief sounded from the man on the other end of the line. “That’s all right, truly. I understand you may still feel frustration from time to time, but patience will eventually pay off. I’ve got big hopes for you, Mr. Rose. But, if I may add, coming to see me at least once a month will greatly improve your chances.”
“Yes, Sir. I understand that.” But he wasn’t really listening anymore. He was too busy getting lost in Nick’s eyes, the temptation of kissing him growing more unbearable by the second.
“Good. That’s good. I won’t keep you any longer. I’m sure you’ve got other things to do, but please make sure you schedule an appointment soon. We don’t want the authorities to get the wrong idea, do we? You need to prove to them that you’re trying to get better, no matter what. Your actions will speak louder than words ever can.”
“Yes, Doc. You’re right about that.” He lightly touched his lips to Nick’s and closed his eyes.
God, he needed that kiss.
“I’ll see you soon then, Devin. Have a good day.”
He hung up without another word and wrapped his arms around Nick’s neck, kissing him deeply and desperately, as if they were having the last kiss they’d ever share.
But he knew that was not the case.
And he was thankful for it.
“I love you,” Nick repeated against his mouth, palming the back of his neck. “I can’t lose you. I just got you. I’m sorry I made you lie.”
“You didn’t make me do anything,” he promised, slowly opening his eyes to gaze at him. “I did what I had to, to protect us.”
“But I was definitely a bad influence.”
“You’re always a bad influence.” A small laugh escaped him and he buried his face against his neck, inhaling the sweet scent that could only be Nick. “I did what I had to do. I’m never leaving you – or Kelly. I love you, too.”
“I’m so glad to know that, Dev. I really am.”
They held each other for the longest time, neither willing to let go. It was the best feeling in the world, too; to be so loved, and he knew it was something he could get used to.
“You know, it’s weird,” Nick said after a few moments. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. I think that’s what love is supposed to do to you.”
“Maybe.” A smile slid across his lips and he pulled away to look at him. “But you’re right about how you feel. We’ve known each other for a long time.”
“We have?” Nick’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “How do you figure that?”
“Because you’re my Genie,” he said matter-of-factly. “You were my best friend as a kid. You’re the guy I’ve been looking for this whole time.”
Nicks’ Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he gazed at him, his expression softening. “What did you call me?”
“Genie,” he repeated, his teeth latching on to his bottom lip. “My Genie.”
It took a few seconds, but it finally clicked in Nick’s mind. A soft gasp escaped him and he quickly reached out to grab his hand, a bright smile lighting up his face.
“I
knew,
I knew you!” He exclaimed. “I fucking knew it! No wonder calling you Dev-o came to me so easily. You were my favorite person in the world back then.” His smile quickly faded though, and sadness clouded his handsome face. “But how did I forget that? How did I forget you?”
“I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter now, does it? The important thing is we found each other again. You’re here and I’m here, and we’ve got Kelly. That’s all that matters, Nick.
You
and
her
are all that matters.”
“Yeah, but...”
“But what?”
Nick’s eyes lowered to his chest and he immediately understood.
“Don’t you dare,” he stated, cupping his face with both hands. “That wasn’t your fault. That was
never
your fault. Do you understand?”
“But it
was
,” Nick replied, his voice tearful. “I gave you that necklace and I’m pretty sure I probably initiated the kiss. It’s my fault you got into trouble. That scar...I caused it.”
“And so what if you did?” His eyes darted back and forth as he stared at him, his heart pounding wildly. “What does that matter? You were my friend. You made me happy. Even if we were kids...you showed me what it meant to care about somebody. We may have been young, but you opened my heart in a way no one else ever has...until Kelly. Don’t regret that, Nick. Please.”
“I could never regret our friendship, Devin. I just hate that I caused you so much pain. Your dad hurt you because of me, because of how close we became. I’m so sorry. And I’m even more sorry I forgot about you. I guess...I hid a lot of those memories after my parents split up. I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
“No one ever does. Divorce is difficult for a kid to handle, let alone try to understand. But that wasn’t your fault either. You know that, don’t you?”
“But it
was
my fault.”
“What do you mean?” He kept his eyes on him as Nick turned to face the open door, observing the way he rubbed at the back of his neck. Why was he acting that way?
“It seems we’re both remembering things previously lost to us.”
“Go on.”
“I don’t remember it very well, and I may have some of the details wrong, but I do remember what happened after your dad caught us kissing.”
“And?”
Turning back to face him, Nick’s face was contorted in pain and anger.
“My mom didn’t leave my dad because he was an alcoholic. He
was
an alcoholic, but that wasn’t her reason for taking me away.”
His stomach began twisting into nervous knots as he shook his head, afraid of hearing whatever Nick said next. “Please tell me it didn’t have anything to do with my father.”
“It had everything to do with your father, Devin. I don’t think he gave us much of a choice.”
“Shit.” He leaned back against the sink and bowed his head, sighing in defeat. “That’s...shit.”
“He threatened to shut my dad’s business down. He threatened to burn our house. My mom was scared. I’m pretty sure I was scared, too. I remember...”—he closed the distance between them and grabbed his hands again, squeezing them tightly—“I wanted to come say goodbye to you, but your father wouldn’t allow that. We had to be gone before the next morning.”
“And your dad just stayed behind?” He sniffled and blinked. “He just let you go?”
“It was the only way we could keep money coming in. That business is his life, Dev. He couldn’t just leave it. I guess, maybe, they thought they were doing the right thing. Mom took me far away from your dad’s psycho ass, and my Dad kept the family business going – minus the family.”
“That’s so messed up, and it doesn’t make sense.”
“And neither does my need to make you a repressed memory. I never should have done that. I don’t know why I did that.” He leaned in to kiss him again and Devin felt his lips quiver against his own. “Forgive me for that. Please.”
“That’s so dumb,” he managed to say in between kisses. “You’re always forgiven, Genie. I’m just glad to have you back in my life.”
“I’m glad, too. More than you’ll ever know.”
“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea. Just promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Let’s not forget each other again, huh?”
“Never again, Dev-o. I promise.”
“Same, Genie. Same.”
And he knew, no matter what, it was a promise that would be kept.
—————
K
elly
After serving breakfast to her hungry crew and taking a much-needed hot shower, she found herself doing something she’d done many times in the past.
With one hand on the steering wheel and the other trying to find a good song to listen to, Kelly made her way up the small hill that led to Patrick’s final resting place.
For the longest time she’d hated Wolfe Cemetery because it was where her parents and grandparents were buried. It was difficult to visit their graves, to know they were gone, but it somehow became her favorite place in the entire world after Patrick’s death.
It was where she felt closest to him.
The memory of his funeral was still so fresh in her mind. She could almost recite the eulogy the preacher had given word-for-word, and God, she would never forget how helpless and alone she’d felt when they put him in the ground.
But she wasn’t alone anymore.
Jamie and Justin were along for the ride this time – something she rarely did. She supposed it was wrong of her, selfish even, to keep them from visiting their father’s grave, but it wasn’t the image she wanted them to have of him. While Jamie was jibber-jabbing about the scenery, undoubtedly seeing a world an adult mind couldn’t conjure, Justin was gazing ahead.
It was in that moment she knew her little boy was becoming a young man.
As the radio landed on a station that played classic rock, she felt his small hand fall against her arm and she turned her head to gaze at him.
“Are we visiting Daddy?” He asked, his eyes never leaving the road.
“Mhm,” she replied with a nod, nibbling her bottom lip. “Is that okay with you?”
“Yes,” he said quietly, finally meeting her eyes. “I’d like that a lot, Mama.”
So they pulled onto the graveled road and she put the car in park, allowing Justin all the time he needed before he opened his door to get out. Shutting off the engine, she turned in her seat to unbuckle Jamie.
“Mama?” He poked his head through the passenger’s side window he’d left down.
“Yes, baby?”
“Do you mind if I have just a few minutes alone with Daddy? I’d like to talk to him about something.”
“Oh. Okay. Sure, sweetie. Jamie and I will just hang out over at Grandma and Grandpa Jones’ graves until you’re ready for us, all right?”
“Okay, Mama. Thanks.” He gave her an adorable grin and then darted off in the direction of Patrick’s grave.
It wasn’t a very big cemetery and she knew she could keep an eye on him, but she did want to give him space. He needed time with his father just as much as she did, and it was the least she could do after keeping him away for so long.
“Bubba’s growing up on us, Sis,” she said, reaching her arms out so Jamie could crawl into her lap. “What do you think about that?”
“Bub-bub,” Jamie replied, sitting in her lap and smacking her palm against the steering wheel. “Bubby up!”
“That’s right, sweetie. Bubby up,” she murmured, kissing the top of her head. “We’ll just give him a few minutes with Daddy, okay? Let’s go see Nana and Paw.”
Her Nana and Paw, aka the people who raised her after her parents’ untimely death, were located in the furthest corner of the graveyard. They rested beneath a beautiful willow tree and it was always so peaceful, but no matter how peaceful and serene it was, she couldn’t visit them because it hurt so much.
It hurt to see their names on those headstones.
“Hello, Nana,” she said softly in greeting, standing at the foot of her grandmother’s grave with Jamie in her arms. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
Of course, she didn’t expect anyone to reply, but it was nice to envision her grandmother’s smiling face as she closed her teary eyes.
“Hi, Paw. I hope you’re having fun up there.”
“Paw,” Jamie echoed, squirming. “Paw-Paw!”
Minutes passed by and she didn’t talk about anything particular. She mostly recalled everything that had happened since they passed away. She introduced them to Jamie and nodded to where Justin stood, gazing at his father’s grave.
Wandering to her parents’ grave, her eyes swept over the mess of leaves and artificial flowers scattered about by the forceful winds they’d had during the storm.
I’ll have to come up here and clean this place.
“Mom-Mom,” Jamie jabbered, pointing a tiny pudgy finger at the aged stone. “Mom?”
“That’s my mom.” She smiled sadly. “You like the angel on there, huh? Your grandma loved angels.”
“Maw.” Jamie nodded, as if she understood her. But Kelly knew that wasn’t possible.
“I miss you all so much,” she said, struggling to speak as her tears fell freely. “You would love these kids. They’re the best.”
“Best.” Jamie grunted and tried to wiggle free. “Me down, Mom?”
“Not while we’re here, sweetie.” She turned to gaze at Justin again. He was kneeling by Patrick’s grave, his little head bowed.
Curiosity got the best of her and she quietly made her way towards him, straining to hear what he was saying.
“...And I know that you are probably really busy up there with angel stuff, but I was hoping maybe you could take a few minutes to let Mama know she’s doing a good job. I know she worries about it sometimes, but she doesn’t have to. She’s a good mommy and we love her very much.”