The Lost Gods (28 page)

“I don't know who the fuck you are,” said Jesse and he pointed his index finger toward the middle judge, “but you and that evil bitch fucked with the wrong guy.”

Jesse bent over and picked up his bronze axe. Visions of a flood, a giant bull, and gods he did not recognize, and the whole of human history flashed before his eyes.

“Your words are meaningless,” said the judges. “Your sentence is final.”

Jesse was tired of talking with gods and legendary creatures. He took a wide a stance and raised the blade of the axe over his shoulder.

“Come carry out your sentence then. See what ha
ppens. Inanna, go, now!”

The judges closed in on Jesse. A staff cut through the still air in a diagonal slash. Jesse slipped to his right like a boxer. He rotated his hips and shoulders and swung his axe with all his might. The axe cut through the judge and its staff took flight and skidded across the lifeless crust of the Mesopotamian desert. Before he could r
ecover from the swing the head of a staff smashed into his ribs. Jesse folded over and the axe slipped out of his fingers. A giant sandaled foot slammed into the earth next to his head: a wrestler's wet dream. A thousand matches’ worth of muscle memory brought Jesse's hand around the judge's pale white ankle. Jesse pulled its ankle into his armpit and pushed his free hand into the judge’s crotch. The giant creature toppled over and Jesse was on top of it. Its giant hands clutched Jesse's face and squeezed. No migraine could match the pain he felt in that instant. He reached forward, grabbed its helmet, and yanked it free. Its expression remained stern and emotionless as he brought the conical helmet down on its face. Again, and again, and again he bludgeoned the judge until the unbearable pressure of its mammoth hands squeezing his skull stopped. Its fingers unlaced and Jesse felt like his head inflated. Without looking, Jesse rolled forward off the lifeless judge. He heard loud thuds behind him. He ran forward a few yards and spun around. Two judges had lunged for him and narrowly missed. They lay in a pile on top of the bludgeoned judge. A smirk formed on his face. They were more powerful than Jesse, but their movements were slow and clumsy.

The three that were left standing spread out and closed in on Jesse. They stood between him and the axe. Jesse backpedaled. The other two judges stood. They all came forward in two lines. Jesse eyes shifted from one judge to the next. They were identical and showed no emotion or weakness. At that moment, Jesse wished he had played football as well. Evasion was not his strong suit. Jesse had always fought head on, but a five on one fight with staff-wielding giants was not a sound strategy. He charged at the judge on the far left side. As he neared, it stabbed at him with the head of its staff. Jesse jumped to the left and the staff missed his stomach by a few inches. Before the judge could pull its staff back, Je
sse wrapped his right arm around it. He rotated his body hard to the right and the staff slipped out of the judges hands. The judge charged and dove for Jesse. Jesse rolled to his left and the creature fell flat on the ground. Jesse bounced up to his feet and ran for the axe. The two judges closest to the axe ran to head him off before he could reach the axe: their giant legs covering the distance quicker. Jesse cut to his right and struck one of the judges in its lower back with the staff. It buckled, but it corrected itself and spun around. Jesse did not see what hit him. The world went black for a moment.

He snapped to in time to see
a judge and its humongous fist flying toward his face. He batted it aside with his staff and dove forward. He dropped the staff and latched onto its right leg. It held fast, picked him up like a child, and threw him over its head.

Jesse landed hard. All his wind flew out on impact. He turned away from the five
approaching judges and bronze light reflected off the axe. His eyes went wide. He crawled to the axe and grabbed it. Using the pole of the axe, he pushed himself off the harsh, hot earth. After drawing in a few labored breaths, Jesse cocked the axe back like a home run hitter at bat. The judges descended on him.

SixTeen

Inanna’s Second Descent Into The Underworld

Inanna left Jesse to deal with the judges.

The last time she encountered the judges they condemned her to die, for entering into the underworld, and hung her corpse on a hook to rot. Only a well-planned trick from another god saved her. After her body was resurrected, Inanna struck out a deal to find a more suitable replacement. She traveled with the
galla
around Mesopotamia to each of her chosen cities. All her people were mourning her loss, but she found her husband Dumuzi in fine spirits seated upon his throne. Enraged, Inanna fingered him as her replacement, and Dumuzi fled like a coward. The
galla
found him hiding with his sister and brought both of them to the underworld. Inanna could not do the same to Jesse. He was a great man, unlike her boastful husband Dumuzi.

Inanna stopped short of the ancient gate. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Jesse cut one of the judges in half. She smiled and dropped her sword. She took off her helmet and her bronze breastplate and let them fall to the ground. She undid the laces on her robe and let it drop. Naked, she walked up to the gate and touched the ancient stone.

“Sister, if you do not open this door I will split this earth in half. I will burn the underworld and smash your throne. I will rip out your black heart and bite off your head. I will tear the fragile fabric of the universe apart and undo all existence. I am the most powerful, the only, god in this realm and I will do all these things. Yet, if you open these doors and let me into your realm, I will surrender myself to you.”

The doors opened and cold, damp air rushed ou
tward. Her amber flesh prickled. A dark servant stood within the doorway.

“Neti, will you let me pass?
” Inanna said to him.

“Do you relinquish your holy
me
and your claim to the land of the living?” Neti asked.

“I have relinquished them,” she answered. Neti m
otioned for her to enter.

She set her bare feet onto the icy, slick stones of the walkway that led down into Ereshkigal's lair. It was long ago that she last made this journey, but it was not the sort of trip that could be forgotten. Her body quaked with each step. She felt her sister's presence. Ereshkigal was Inanna's antithesis. Where Inanna was light, love, and passion, Ereshkigal was darkness, hatred, and u
nfeeling malice. Inanna was beautiful and maintained a vibrant youthfulness, even in her advance age, but Ereshkigal was born a dark crone.

The underworld, which Inanna knew as
Kur
, was a massive cave. The walls were slick with moisture and bioluminescent lichen. Albino cockroaches and spiders skittered away as she passed through the empty chambers of the vast cavern. Ahead she saw a dilapidated castle encased in moss and spider webs. She called out, her voice echoing a dozen times. No answer. The castle was abandoned. She squeezed through a natural barrier of stalactites and stalagmites coupled together like a deformed mouth of pointed teeth. The wet slime smeared across her uncovered body. She winced and gagged. A cackle boomed from below. The walls echoed the mad laughter and amplified the sound.

“My sweet sister does not like my kingdom,” Eres
hkigal mused. “She has no servants to clean the walls and floor before her noble feet and hands touch them. A cruel queen am I to torture my sister so.”

Inanna held her tongue and continued down the sp
iraling cobbled steps. As she walked down the uneven, serpentine road to the land of the dead, she spotted several more abandoned castles, each in a greater state of disrepair. Where were the lesser gods of the underworld? Where were Gilgamesh and the other fallen gods and demigods?

At least she arrived at the base of the massive cavern. It opened into a huge chamber with two wings that stretched out into eternity and were filled with the dead and twice-dead. They sat at stone tables, eating and drinking dry bread and slimy water. Emperors, kings, and presidents sat at the same tables as dockworkers and janitors: their fates the same. If Ereshkigal had one
virtue, it was her twisted version of equality. The dead mumbled to each other and milled around. The noise was deafening.

Ahead of her were the giant steps to Ereshkigal's throne. Inanna raised her chin and took a deep breath. She knew her sister could smell the slightest hint of weakness or fear. If her final plan was to work, she needed to appear stronger than she felt.

Inanna strode up to the steps. On each side of the steps were columns capped with large stone bowls filled with indigo ooze. Green flames danced atop the ooze, casting an emerald glow across the steps. Inanna took the final step and set her feet on the moldy carpet leading up to the giant throne. Two more columns, like those on the steps, held bowls of green fire. The light danced on Ereshkigal's pocked and sunken face. She clutched two severed heads that were nailed to the ends of each armrest. Her clawed hands tightened around the stringy, dead hair of each head. More severed heads, secured by hooks, dangled on chains behind the throne. Inanna recognized Gilgamesh's head and a few of the others. Ereshkigal had killed the lesser gods. The pale crone stood. Her tangled, long hair covered her bony, pallid body. She wore a necklace of mismatched bones, which clattered as she moved. She smiled at Inanna, revealing a mouth full of teeth that resembled rotten fence posts. Her soupy white eyes fixated on Inanna.

“Oh my dear, sweet sister. You have not aged a bit.”

Ereshkigal limped forward. Her knocked knees and asymmetrical hips forced her into an awkward gait. She ran a withered finger across Inanna's breasts and up to her face.

“Still so supple and beautiful. Such an easy life you were given. Your sweet smell intoxicated men and gods alike. Did the progeny of Gilgamesh live up to your e
xpectation? Was his cock just so? I saw his muscles. Quite invigorating, I am sure. The last time I saw you, Inanna, you were to help me mourn my lost husband. Now I will help you mourn your lover, forever.”

Ereshkigal grabbed Inanna by the hair and clenched her throat with a clawed hand.

“No, stop,” Inanna said, she strained to get the words out. Ereshkigal appeared weaker than she was.

“This is my domain, sister. I do as I please. You have forfeited your life by coming here. I have never known a goddess to make the same mistake twice. All that time in the beautiful land above has made you weak and stupid. As soon as my judges return with your lover's broken body, I will lop off his head and add it to my collection. I am only missing a few. I will add yours once I am fi
nished torturing you. A few thousand years should suffice.”

Inanna broke free and pushed Ereshkigal backward. Ereshkigal stumbled back and fell onto the foot of her throne. Strong hands latched onto Inanna's arms. An awful stench filled her nostrils. Wet ooze ran down her arms.

“Quite the visitor my queen has today,” he said. Inanna knew his awful voice. She could never forget such a disgusting, vile creature as Nergal. Her lips drew back and revealed her teeth. Her nose scrunched up as his pervasive stench filled the air. He was malformed, hunchbacked and covered in boils and pustules. From head to toe, Nergal was imbued with plague.

“Remove your hands you lowly worm,” Inanna said. She struggled but Nergal maintained his firm grip.

“The unmarked queen of heaven and earth does not command me,” said Nergal. Each puff of rotten air that accompanied his words made Inanna regret having a nose. “My allegiance is to your sister.”

He drew in her essence and winced, “Your purity and beauty offend me.”

An idea struck Inanna like an unseen punch. She closed her eyes and looked with her mind's eye. She saw the milling dead and twice-dead in the two great wings of the great hall below. She projected herself into their minds, as she had with Jesse.

This eternity of death is a cruel punishment is it not?

She waited for an answer.

Thousands of voices echoed a resounding “yes” in her head.

It does not have to be this way. This realm could be a bright and calming utopia. It is my sister, the demon bitch Ereshkigal, that has doomed you to this fate.

She did not hear any response, but she felt their a
nger within her. It was working.

Nergal pushed her toward the throne. Ereshkigal had composed herself and was seated. She leaned forward.

“Kneel before me, Inanna, and I will spare you the torture. All I ask is that you declare me the queen of heaven and earth. You must give your kingdoms to me, and I will give you a swift death. No need to torture my dear, sweet sister with all the horrible things that Nergal will do to you.”

Nergal threw Inanna to the ground. He stepped fo
rward and pointed his crooked, bulbous finger toward Ereshkigal.

“That was not our deal! You swore that if I killed the other gods and distracted Neti that you would give me Inanna and the scion of Gilgamesh.”

“I do not make deals!” Ereshkigal shouted. She shot up from her throne and brought her clawed hand across Nergal’s face. “I am death incarnate. I answer to no one.”

Nergal and Ereshkigal fought. Inanna closed her eyes and sent another message.

Take this kingdom. All you must do is march up the steps and remove the queen from her throne. I promise you a better eternity.

She could feel them moving toward her.

“Enough!” Ereshkigal yelled. A booming crack echoed off the walls. Nergal fell to the ground. His swollen hands covered his face. She stepped over Nergal and limped to Inanna.

“Surrender your kingdoms to me or suffer for etern
ity,” said Ereshkigal.

“I have already surrendered my kingdoms,” Inanna said. She locked eyes with Ereshkigal.

“What? How?”

“I gave them to my lover,” Inanna said and she stood. Her fear had subsided. The sister she had feared for mi
llennia was dumbstruck. Ereshkigal's brow furrowed.

“Impossible! You would never give up your power to a human.”

“Only a fool tells a god what is possible. I wanted to protect my realms from you and I did.”

Ereshkigal snapped out of her confusion. She smirked and flipped her hand, casting away her doubts. As they spoke, Inanna saw Nergal crawl past the throne and disappear into a narrow tunnel.

“It matters not. Nergal and I shall kill Neti and take the land of the living by force.”

“No, sister. You will die here and now,” said Inanna. The front of the innumerable masses of history's dead had climbed the steps to the throne room. Hundreds of them were huddled together on the steps and pushing their way to top. Millions more had gathered below.

“Get back to where you belong!” Ereshkigal yelled at the crowd. When they ignored her and pressed forward, Ereshkigal's features contorted in terror. Inanna grabbed her arm and swung her toward the crowd. Ereshkigal screamed as she stumbled into grasping dead hands. Her screams filled the massive room with a horrid cacophony.

When the dead finished their meal Inanna bent over the pile of bloodstained fabric and accessories and lifted the bone necklace. She slid the blood-dyed ornament over her head and walked to the throne. She pulled the nails out of the severed heads and tossed the nails and heads aside. She dusted the flat stone seat a few times with her hands and sat down. She crossed her legs and took in a deep breath.

“I have quite a bit of work to do around here.”

She bent her head back and closed her eyes. She searched for Jesse with her mind's eye. She found him still in the land above and she smiled and waited.