The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (116 page)

Who took a lesbian up to his room.

They argued all night

About who had the right

To do what and in where and to whom.

There was a young lady from Ealing

Who had a rather strange feeling.

She laid on her back

And tickled her crack

Then pissed all over the ceiling.

There was an old pirate named Bates

Who was learning to rumba on skates.

But he fell on his cutlass

Which rendered him nutless

And practically useless on dates.

There once was a girl from Sri Lanka

Whose cunt was as big as a tanker.

You could go for a swim

In the depths of her quim

And you needed a lamppost to wank her.

There once was a rodent called Keith

Who circumcised boys with his teeth.

It wasn’t for leisure

Or sexual pleasure

But to get to the cheese underneath.

There was a young lady of Dover

Whose passion was such that it drove her

To cry when she came,

“Oh dear, what a shame!

Well now we just have to start over.”

There once was a fella named Mort

Whose prick was incredibly short.

When he climbed into bed

His lady friend said

“That’s not a dick, it’s a wart.”

There was a young maid named McDuff

Who had a luxuriant muff.

In his haste to get in her

One eager beginner

Lost both of his balls in the rough.

There was a young maid from Cape Cod

Who dreamed she was sleeping with God.

’Twas not the Almighty

Who pulled up her nightie,

’Twas Roger the lodger, the sod.

There was a young maiden called Flynn

Who thought fornication a sin,

But when she was tight

It seemed quite all right,

So everyone filled her with gin.

There was a young man from Coblenz

Whose balls were quite simply immense:

It took forty draymen

A priest and three laymen

To transport them thither and hence.

There was a young man from Peru