She popped
the cork on the second bottle and giggled when the bubbly flowed out the mouth
and dribbled down her arm. So what if she was starting to feel the effects of
her drink? It was her birthday, after all, and she with Devin. Just like old
times. Thank God, some things never change.
“That’s the
whole point, Dev,” she said, continuing the conversation they'd started.
“Roger doesn't need me. No one needs me. I can come and go as I please, work
as late into the evening as I want, and sleep ‘til noon. Roger just wants my
companionship and asks absolutely nothing but that from our relationship.”
“Somehow, it
doesn’t seem that simple to me.”
The cool breeze
swept in from the ocean, caressing her warm cheeks. “No, it is. And I like it
that way.”
“Then why have
you been so down?”
Cara glanced at
Devin. Damn, he looked too good stretched out on the sand. The wind whipped a
lock of dark hair over his forehead, making him look incredibly sexy. One look
and she almost forgot to tell him to stuff it.
She tucked her
feet under herself and shifted, uncomfortable with the longing she couldn’t
seem to shake. She watched as he stretched out on the sand, looking up at the
stars with his hands laced behind his neck. Bruno whined and lay snuggled up
along the side of him.
Cara had a deep
longing to do the very same thing. How could she not feel safe and warm curled
up next to Devin?
“What about a
baby? They’re pretty demanding,” he said. “That's something that was never
part of your grand plan.”
She sighed, her
shoulders sagging. “I know. But somehow, that’s different.”
“How?”
“That’s
family. I mean, sure, I’m not a morning person, so this two o’clock followed
by the inevitable five o’clock feeding scares me a little. But that’s stupid
stuff. Every new parent goes through that, right? It will eventually pass.
And the demands of a child are different than the demands of a man.”
“How?” he
repeated. And she was beginning to get annoyed.
She turned her
thoughts over in her mind a few times. Maybe it was the drink, but she
couldn’t come up with one valid reason to support her argument. Babies didn’t
care that their mommies were up late the night before working on a project and
wanted to sleep in the next morning. A dirty diaper needed to be changed
whether or not you had a business meeting with a potential client. Then there
were doctor appointments and new shoes and clothes that had to be bought and...
Babies were
demanding. Period.
But it was
different. She just couldn’t figure out how.
And then she
remembered her mood swings since she’d been home. Her parents were moving away
and selling the house she grew up in. Although they were still here, she was
already missing family. Now that she’d tasted success in her professional
life, she wanted to bask in the warmth of having a family of her own. Family
meant at least two people and hopefully the addition of more.
She sighed
heavily. “It’s inevitable that when two people have a baby, the woman is
always forced to give up her career over the man’s.”
“Says who?”
She shrugged
and reached over to pour more champagne in Devin’s glass. “Everyone I know. All
my assistants. My mother. She started her own catering business when she was
eighteen. Everything was great until I came along. Then she quit.”
“Maybe that’s
what she wanted.”
“I don't know
about that. You saw her tonight. She’s never happier than when she’s in a
kitchen full of food, getting ready to serve a hundred people. And you see the
way she caters to my father.”
Devin rolled over
and propped his head up on his palm, his elbow sunk deep into the sand. “Maybe
she thought that her family was more important.”
Cara sobered,
looking down at the empty glass in her hand. Her head was spinning, and she
fought to keep back the emotion waiting to spill out. “Maybe I’m afraid I’m
too selfish and I won’t.”
Devin
sputtered. “Knock it off. You’re anything but selfish. Besides, it’s not
like years ago when the family roles were carved in stone. Lots of women work
after having children and lots of men have taken an active role in raising
their kids.”
Cara poured
champagne into her glass and lifted the glass to her lips. The sweet taste of
the liquid was strong and the bubbles tickled her nose as she drank. Looking
at Devin, she tried to imagine him as a father. She’d never thought of him
that way before. But then again, she’d never thought of herself as the
motherly type, either.
So many things
about the last few days had changed her thinking. And it was scaring her to
death. She just wanted to tell the world to stop and let her off. She wanted
to keep what little she could count on locked in a bottle. No surprises. No
more changes.
“Would you do
it? Give up your career to stay home with a family?”
Devin's mouth
flew open, but he didn’t say anything.
She groaned.
“Just as I thought.”
“No, wait a
minute. You’re asking me to go from zero to ninety in a heartbeat. Who said
only one has to give up? You said you don’t want to have a baby alone. What
about marriage and family? That’s all supposed to be a team effort. Who’s to
say both parents couldn’t cut down their hours and work part time?”
“I can’t
picture you working part time.”
A strange look
crossed his face that she couldn’t read, leaving him looking vulnerable.
“Why not?”
“You’ve always
been full steam ahead. I just can’t picture you slowing down.”
“I’m thinking
of jumping the train all together.”
She almost
choked on her champagne. “You?”
He gave a half
grin. “You don’t have to look so shocked. It's not that radical an idea.
You're not the only one who has had a change of heart.”
“I can’t help
it. Of all people, I thought that surely you would...” She took a sip of
champagne and swallowed it hard. “What about that case you were researching?”
“That's part of
the reason. But I’ve been wondering about things for quite some time. In law
school, I’d heard about lawyers who get a sort of professional mid-life crisis
after practicing about ten years, but I thought I was immune to it.” He
sighed. Clearly whatever it was that had brought him back home was weighing
heavy on his mind. “I just don’t know if I want to play the game anymore.”
He looked so
exposed. For a man of Devin’s stature, that could mean death in his career.
Appearance was everything. But seeing him this way didn’t make her think of
him as weak. Anything but. His conviction was strong as was his will. And
that was something to admire. She always had.
“You always
wanted to be a lawyer. And you’re the best. What’s changed it for you?”
“The definition
of justice is beginning to get a little murky to me.”
She laughed,
mostly to help ease the tension lines on his face. “After a bottle of
champagne, everything’s murky.”
Devin didn’t
laugh. His face was stone cold serious. This wasn't some idle thing he'd
thought up to make her whining seem real. This was very real to him.
She stretched
out on the sand, lying flat on her belly and supporting her upper body on her
elbows. “So tell me,” she began softly, “why is this Palmer guy different from
all the others?”
“He isn’t.
He's just a normal everyday guy who happened to get himself caught up in a
major mess.”
“Then what’s
the problem?”
Devin hesitated
a moment and exhaled a slow breath. “Justice was never about right or wrong.”
She frowned.
He nodded his
head. “Yeah. No one gives a rat’s ass who’s innocent or guilty, only what
they can prove, what they can win. After a while, you stop seeing your clients
as people. You stop feeling. And pretty soon you've gone so cold that you
stop feeling about everything in your life. It’s all just a game. Years go by
and you start to wonder why you’re still playing it. Or why you wanted to in
the first place. It's like some roller coaster ride that never ends.”
He reached over
and stroked a wayward strand of hair from her face, igniting a flame as strong
as the bonfire on the beach. His eyes focused on her lips, caressing them with
a single look. She involuntarily moistened them with her tongue, imagining
what it would feel like having Devin’s lips pressed against hers. To feel his
hands stroking her bare skin.
She needed
space, but couldn’t muster enough strength to move away. It wasn’t just that
she knew he’d kiss her if she stayed still. She wanted Devin to kiss her. It
wouldn't take much and she knew there'd be no protest from her, drunk or sober.
She sucked in a
deep breath and sat up, trying to collect herself, trying to keep her thoughts
on the subject matter and not on what it would feel like to fall into Devin's
arms, melt in his touch right that second.
“You don’t care
if your clients are guilty?” she asked, forcing herself back to the topic of
conversation.
“It’s not my
job to care about whether or not they actually commit the crimes they're
accused of. That’s up to a jury to decide. It’s my job to make sure my
clients don’t go to jail. Period.”
She made
circles in the sand with her fingers, keeping her gaze focused on the circles
instead of Devin. “And if they’re innocent?”
He sputtered.
“Please don’t tell me you’re naive enough to think that innocent people don’t
go to jail.”
She looked at
him then. “Okay, I won’t.”
“It’s not about
innocence, or money, or justice. It’s about winning. It’s about getting a
fair shot at justice. That’s what we’re taught in law school. Everything else
is secondary.”
“You couldn’t
have always believed that. What about that case you took right out of law
school? What was his name...?”
“Luther
Wells.” Devin remembered it all too well.
“Everyone
thought he’d go to jail but you convinced the firm to take the case and you
won.”
Heat coiled in
the pit of his stomach. That was the case that had made him what he was
today. What used to give him pride now left a bitter taste in his mouth. The
guy was guilty as sin and all but admitted as much from the day of their
initial meeting. Back then, he didn’t care. It wasn’t a matter of guilt or
innocence. The firm had already decided not to take his case. Too much
negative publicity surrounded it and they were sure to lose.
But Devin was
young and green and had a fire in his belly that couldn’t be extinguished
easily. He’d convinced the senior partners that he could use all the negative
publicity and turn it around to his favor. They thought he couldn’t do it,
that he was sure to lose. But he showed them all and it catapulted his career
forward. Everything after that seemed like a blur now.
He stared into
Cara’s soft eyes and the shimmer of light from the fire cascading off the waves
of her dark hair. Lord, she was beautiful. Being with her made sense out of
all the indecision and unrest waging war within him.
He tossed a
twig into the fire. “You talk about me like I’m some kind of hero.”
“You were to
Luther Wells.”
He sat up and
brushed the sand from his arm. She didn’t get it. Unless you played the game
and believed their mantra, how could you really?
Most people
envisioned justice as right and wrong. But it wasn’t. It was all too gray to
be defined. If you were smart, you used that to your advantage. The best
attorneys did.
“What is it
about Palmer that’s keeping you up at night? Why is it that you're thinking of
throwing it all away?”
“I don’t think
he got a fair shot at the system.”
“Wasn't that
for his lawyers to handle?”
“That’s just
the point, they didn't. I received a letter from Palmer asking for me to help
him appeal. After reading the court transcript...” He let out a disgusted
sigh. “His lawyer dropped the ball so many times I wonder if he even knows
what it looks like.”
It wasn’t his
place to question another lawyer’s strategy, but the whole thing was
ridiculous. He could have tried this case in his sleep and still won.
Wendall Palmer
was just another guy trying to fight against the system. His lawyer wanted the
easy way out, a plea bargain. Devin had seen it done many times, but Palmer
would have nothing to do with it. He’d maintained his innocence and the
evidence supplied was compelling enough to convince Devin, too.
“If he’s
innocent, it will all come out in the end.”
Devin chuckled
sardonically. “That’s not the way it works. Palmer's lawyer had an obligation
to give him the best defense money can buy whether or not he had a pot to boil
rock soup in. The trouble is, Palmer doesn’t even have that. And his lawyer
seemed to decide it wasn't worth fighting.”
He sighed,
wondering where this ethical dilemma had come from. “Every man deserves the
best defense money can buy, even if he can’t afford it.”
“Now who’s
looking through rose colored glasses. Somewhere and at some time another guy
is going to fall through the cracks. You can’t possibly save them all, Dev.”
“You're right.
I can't take on every case. But I can help some. Those that won’t have a
chance otherwise.”
“What will you
do?”
He gazed at
Cara and grinned, his breath catching in his throat at the mere sight of her.
It amazed him how incredibly sophisticated Cara was and at the same time, so
very vulnerable. The night breeze tossed her hair about until it fell in
tangles on her bare shoulders. She was beautiful. But then again, he’d always
known that. He’d just forgotten how much effect it had on him.