The Marry-Me Wish (13 page)

But then she looked at her babies, asleep in their seats. Her gaze lifted to meet David's and the plea was as eloquent as her turmoil. She didn't want to leave the babies but she had to go to Mac. He was the love of her life and she'd been terrified she might lose him.

And a part of David's heart broke because he knew exactly how she felt. It was the way he would feel about Anne. They way he would want someone to feel about him. That he was
that
important.

No. Not someone.

Only Anne.

‘Go.' David smiled at Julia. ‘We'll look after these two, won't we, Annie?'

Anne nodded. She had tears on her cheeks and she
got up to give Julia one last, swift hug. ‘Go and bring him home,' she said brokenly. ‘His family's waiting for him.'

 

David was so good with the babies.

When Angus woke and grizzled, he soothed him with rocking and soft words. When Amy woke and didn't settle, he picked her up and cuddled her. She fell asleep in his arms and he sat very still on the couch, not wanting to disturb her.

He looked tired. His tie had been abandoned a while ago and his shirtsleeves were rolled up. His hair was tousled and his jaw deeply shadowed. Anne couldn't help remembering the day he'd walked across the lawn towards her, looking a bit like this. The day they'd discovered the lost pond. And each other again.

This situation couldn't be more different. It had nothing to do with sex or even herself and David as a couple. This was a bigger picture. A family picture but, curiously, the bond between them seemed stronger. So powerful it took her breath away and blurred her vision.

Or was that exhaustion kicking in, in the wake of that tense stint in Theatre and then the stress of being so afraid for Mac and his brand-new family? They still didn't know how badly he might be injured. There'd been some delay in getting another chopper off the ground. The rescue team might be lucky to get to the scene before daylight faded completely at this rate.

‘We should go home,' David said into the silence of the room. ‘That way we could get something to eat
and have a rest ourselves. We could be in for a long night.'

‘Mmm.' It was a sensible suggestion. They could get back to the hospital quickly enough if they needed to.

But she was reluctant to move. This picture of him sitting there with Amy in his arms was compelling. And confusing. She wanted David to want her as more than a mother for his children but his life wasn't going to be complete without his own family, was it?

He was right. Taking a stand about having children of her own had been selfish. How lucky would that child—or children—be to have a father like him? She already knew how lucky she would be to have him caring for her. Protecting her.

Loving her.

‘David?'

He looked up. But his gaze kept travelling when a nurse poked her head through the door. ‘Dr Bennett?'

Anne's head turned swiftly. ‘Yes?'

‘Word is that they're on scene. Mac has a compound fracture of his ankle but is otherwise okay. It'll be an hour or more before they get back and it sounds like he'll be going to Theatre as soon as possible after that.' The nurse hesitated. ‘Are you and Dr Earnshaw planning to stay in here?'

‘You need the room?'

The nurse bit her lip. ‘We've got a man who's terminal. His family's having to take turns to sit with him and they're not getting much privacy in the waiting room.'

‘We were thinking of taking the twins home,' David said. ‘Maybe you could order a taxi for us?'

David got Amy buckled back into her car seat while Anne packed up all their belongings.

‘Are you sure you don't mind?' she asked David. ‘You have to walk tomorrow. I could take them back to the cottage.'

‘I think they need both of us to get settled at least,' David said. ‘Then you'll be able to come back to be with Jules.'

Anne nodded, relieved. She certainly couldn't manage this without David's help. She was zipping up the second bag of baby gear when her mobile phone rang again.

‘Maybe it's Jules,' she said hopefully.

It wasn't.

The call was from a registrar in the paediatric intensive care unit. Daniel's blood pressure was dropping. His ECG trace was becoming erratic and his lung function causing concern.

‘I'm on my way,' Anne had to say.

And then she looked at where David was standing, holding a car seat in each hand.

‘Daniel's in trouble,' she told him. ‘I'll have to go and see him. Could we take the twins up to the relatives' room up there?'

‘What's going to happen if Daniel needs to go back to Theatre?'

Anne swallowed. Hard. ‘I'll have to take him.'

David's face was grim. ‘If I'm going to be babysitting for hours by myself, I'd rather be doing it in my own house.'

Anne stared at him. This couldn't be happening. When that nurse had come into this room, she'd been on the point of telling David that she wanted to be with him
for ever. That she wanted to have a family with him. But this was exactly what she'd feared all along, wasn't it?

The conflict between her career and family. The last thing in the world she wanted right now was to leave David to look after the babies by himself. Or to be unavailable when Julia had to sit and wait for Mac to come out of Theatre.

The pull of family was overwhelming.

The pull of duty unavoidable. A life was at stake. Someone else's child.

Conflict. Career versus family and child care.

A sound that could almost have been a huff of ironic laughter escaped her lips. She'd been running from making this choice but here it was, right in front of her and, in the end, no matter how agonising it was, she didn't actually have a choice at all.

‘I have to go and see Daniel. He's my patient.'

‘Of course you do.'

‘Will you be all right? With…the babies?'

‘Yes.'

‘I'm…so sorry, David.'

He grunted an acceptance of her apology but his face was bleak. ‘So am I.'

They stared at each other. Echoes of the past whispered around them and stung like an icy breeze.

‘It was never going to work, was it?' Anne asked softly.

They both knew what she was talking about.

‘No,' David agreed sadly. ‘I guess it wasn't.'

T
HAT
simple exchange had sounded the death knell of their relationship.

It was still ringing in Anne's ears hours later when she accompanied Julia back to David's house to collect the babies.

And her things.

‘So…' David was standing in the entrance hall when she came out of the guest suite with her suitcase. ‘You're leaving, then.'

It wasn't a question but Anne nodded. ‘I need to go home with Jules. She needs me.'

The silence was deafening. What had she hoped she would hear? David saying that
he
needed her, too?

‘She tells me Mac's doing well.' His voice was tight.

‘We waited until he came round from the anaesthetic. They've done an amazing job of putting his ankle back together but it was touch and go for nerve repair. He may need some more surgery.'

This was easier. A professional kind of conversation.

‘He's got external fixation, of course, and they're worried about infection. He's on a bucket of antibiotics
and they think he'll be in hospital for at least a week. Quite possibly longer.'

‘He'll be off work for quite a while, I expect.'

‘Yes, but once he's home I'm sure they'll be able to cope without me as an extra parent.'

‘What about you, Annie?' David's query was soft. ‘Will
you
be able to cope with being an extra parent?'

‘Yes.' Anne knew she sounded confident. She was. Any grief she might have felt about handing over the babies was well and truly lost in this new pain of losing David.

Again.

Julia came out of the living room, carrying the baby seats.

‘Need some help?' David asked.

‘I'm good. Thanks so much for everything, David.' Julia looked from him to her sister and a furrow of concern wrinkled her forehead. ‘We'll be in the taxi,' she told Anne. ‘No rush.'

‘You didn't need to get a taxi. I would have taken you all home.'

‘I know. But it would have been an hour's drive. It's after midnight and you've got an early start tomorrow. You've helped enough, David.'

His expression was guarded now. ‘So it would seem.'

It was Anne's turn to leave but still she stood there, gripping the handle of her suitcase.

This was it. She was walking away from David and it would be for the last time. There would be no going back. The breath she tried to take in got stuck. She swallowed and tried again.

‘I don't know what to say,' she whispered.

That she was sorry? That she'd been wrong? Would it help to tell him that Daniel hadn't needed her after all? That it had been bleeding from his spleen that had appeared to be under control but which had started again that had caused his deterioration? Another paediatric team had taken the little boy back to Theatre but by then Julia and Mac had arrived in the emergency department. Anyway, it had been the principle that had done the damage, not this specific incident or case.

‘Don't say anything,' David suggested. ‘The longer we spin this out, the more painful it's going to be for both of us.'

Anne hated that she was causing him pain. She could see it in his face. In the darkness of his eyes and the lines of strain. By the rigid way he was holding himself so still as he stood there.

‘We were chasing the sun, Annie,' he said softly. ‘It was inevitable that we would get burnt.'

No way could Anne stem the prickle at the back of her eyes or how tight her throat was now.

‘I couldn't have got through the last couple of months if you hadn't been here.'

The tiny tremor of David's lips was the only sign that he was finding this as hard as she was.

‘Hey…' His lips firmed and twisted into a rough smile. ‘What are friends for?'

The handle of the case slipped from Anne's grasp and she stumbled forward, holding up her arms. David stepped into them and gathered her into the hug she needed so desperately.

But it was different.

She could feel his solidness and the circle his arms made around her. She could hear the thump of his heartbeat but it felt…distant.

Of course it did. He was protecting himself. From
her
.

It gave her a glimpse of this from his point of view. She'd been living a lie ever since he'd come back. He'd seen her pregnant. Giving birth, even. Being content to be away from her job and devoting herself to domestic pursuits like making a home and garden beautiful. She'd reeled him in by allowing their intimacy to rekindle and grow.

And then she'd slapped him in the face when confronted by the choice of being with him and the babies—
family
—or doing her job.

Would he understand if she told him that she hadn't wanted to make the choice she'd been obliged to make? That it had broken her heart? But what difference would it make even if he did understand the cost? The knowledge that there would be lifetime of such conflict was more than enough to show them both that it could never have worked. That it would only have generated heartache and resentment.

That if children were involved, they would suffer too.

If she really loved David, she would let him go. Right now. She would set him free to get on with his life and have a family with someone who would adore him and let nothing get in the way of their time together.

She pulled back from his embrace. Trying to gather her strength so she could give David what he deserved.

‘We'll always be friends, won't we?'

He had turned away. He was picking up her case.

Anne couldn't help rushing in to fill this new silence. ‘Maybe we could…have dinner or something. Before I go to Sydney. Or you go to London.'

David looked over his shoulder. He cleared his throat. ‘We'll be friends, Annie, but I need a bit of space to get my head around things first.'

Of course he did. So did she. Anne followed him outside. This wound was far too raw to think of prodding it yet. It was still bleeding. Badly.

David handed her bag to the taxi driver and bent to smile at Julia who was in the back seat, flanked by her sleeping babies.

‘Come and visit us soon,' she told him.

‘Maybe.' The word was noncommittal. ‘I'm going to be pretty busy. I don't want to let anyone down even if it is the last weeks of my locum. And I've got my work cut out for me if I want to get the house sold before I leave the country.'

And with no more than a nod at Anne, David was gone. As the taxi pulled out of the driveway, she saw the lights of the entranceway cut off as he closed the front door of his home behind him.

 

For the next ten days Anne's life was taken over by helping to care for the twins and keeping Julia's spirits up. There was the cooking and shopping and housework to take care of and a lot of time was spent travelling to and from hospital visits.

Being this busy was a blessing, however. Anne didn't have time to agonise over what had happened between herself and David and when she did finally fall
into bed at night, she was too exhausted to do anything other than sleep.

Curiously, there was a peacefulness to be found amongst the hectic routine and that was the knowledge that she could help mother these babies and love them but they were not
hers
. She was able to live with them and care for them the same way she'd cared for her baby sister so many years ago. Recognising that, and remembering the power of the bond her body had shown her after giving birth, she had a glimpse of what it would be like to have her own child. One conceived in love, preferably with the father by her side.

Had she given away the only chance she might have to experience that? Chosen her career instead? It hadn't felt like a conscious choice at the time. She'd been doing her duty. The way she had all her life. Doing the right thing and earning points that would one day allow her to make her own choices.

This was supposed to be her time right now, wasn't it? And here she was doing her duty again and putting her own life on hold. She was living with the babies she'd given birth to. She was in a state of domesticity right up to her eyeballs. Dealing with bottles and nappies and crying babies. She wasn't getting enough sleep and it was just as stressful as she'd known it would be.

And she didn't want to be doing anything else.

How weird was that?

She hadn't seen David. The least she could give him was the space he'd requested. When they took the babies in to visit Mac, they would take the double push-chair with them and Anne would take the twins for a
walk to give Julia some time alone with her husband. She would take them out the back of the hospital if the weather was nice and walk near the river. Well away from the emergency department and any chance of running into David.

It was hard enough to know that he came to visit Mac so often and that his news had been passed on until Julia had warned him that he was treading on painful ground. By then she already knew that David was looking forward to heading for London and that the marketing of his house was creating an enormous amount of interest. The agents were confident that the upcoming auction would be a huge success.

 

Mac did need a second operation on his ankle and by the following week the strain of the frequent visits were starting to show. It was a long drive, with difficult patches over the hills and winding around the bays.

‘We've got to shift closer to town,' Julia said on one occasion, as they carried a pair of tired and hungry babies back into the house. ‘We've been talking about it off and on since Mac went back to work after his paternity leave.'

‘But you love this house. How could you sacrifice a view like this?'

‘Family's more important,' Julia said quietly, lifting Angus from his car seat and kissing him. ‘We knew Mac was losing family time with all the commuting and that we'd want to be closer to good schools and things when the twins were older. This accident has changed things. We talked about it today. The time we get together is just too precious to waste.'

Anne had picked Amy up. As comfortable with her aunt now as she was with her parents, Amy stopped grizzling and grinned. Anne smiled back, looked up to share the moment with Julia and found that her sister was watching her with an odd expression on her face.

‘What?'

‘Nothing.'

‘Doesn't look like nothing.'

‘I was just thinking, that's all. About priorities.'

‘You mean do we change wet pants or make some formula first?'

Julia smiled. ‘I was looking at a bigger picture. Thinking about how priorities change. That you can think you want something so much nothing else matters but then it changes. It doesn't have to get lost, it just gets…demoted, I guess.'

‘You're talking about this house. The views, right? Demotion from an island in the harbour to a park in the city, yes?'

‘Yeah…right.' But Julia's tone suggested that Anne was missing the point. That Julia had somehow overtaken her older sister in wisdom.

 

Maybe she had. Priorities were certainly getting juggled a little for Anne.

The planned month-long visit to the specialist paediatric hospital in Sydney was looming closer by the day but the desire to take advantage of the opportunity was fading at an even faster rate.

Finally, Anne sent an email. ‘I'm sorry,' she wrote,
‘but, due to family circumstances, I'm no longer able to take this time away.'

Julia was shocked. ‘But you've been looking forward to this for so long. It was all part of the plan after the babies were born.'

‘You said it yourself,' Anne responded quietly. ‘Priorities change. You need me right now.'

‘Mac's coming home soon. We could cope.'

‘I know you could but I
want
to help. This is where I need to be right now. Maybe I need you more than you need me.'

‘Oh, hon.' Julia gathered her sister into her arms. ‘I'm so sorry things haven't worked out for you and David. I wish there was something I could do.'

‘Make me a coffee.' Anne smiled, blinking away tears. ‘No…make that tea. I've gone right off coffee for the moment.' She pulled back and then did a double-take at her sister's expression. ‘What?'

‘That's exactly what you said just before you did your pregnancy test, remember?'

Anne laughed. ‘I'm not pregnant again. It's not remotely possible. I'm not even ovulating again yet.'

‘How do you know? Some women do it within a couple of weeks of giving birth.'

‘I haven't had a period yet, that's how I know.'

Julia was giving her a very strange look. ‘Well, you wouldn't, would you? If you were pregnant…'

Anne gave another amused snort. ‘I'm not. Two babies is enough in this family. We decided against even the possibility of three way back at the implantation, remember?'

Julia reached for the kettle. ‘I'm sure you're right.
Just as well, eh? A baby of your own would be the last thing you want right now.'

‘Mmm.' But Anne was staring through the window, not seeing the fabulous view of the harbour that Julia was prepared to give up for more important things. She was seeing a very different picture. A much bigger one.

 

‘An iconic house,' the voice announced. ‘A piece of our city's heritage that has been meticulously restored to its original glory. A real
family
home.'

From his upstairs bedroom window, David could look down onto the crowded lawn where the auction for this property was taking place on site. There had to be close to two hundred people here, he decided. Prospective buyers and curious onlookers. Agents who were flanking clients or had mobile phones pressed to their ears—in communication with more than one absent bidder who had registered their interest.

Strangers, all of them.