The Melody Girls (24 page)

‘You know we were talking about Rod the other day?' he began. ‘Mind if I ask you something?'

‘About Rod?' she asked uncertainly.

‘Yes. I've been wondering what you meant when you said you both wanted different things. What sort of things?'

Lorna's lips tightened. She stared straight ahead without speaking.

‘I'm sorry if it upsets you to talk about it, don't worry,' Josh said quickly. ‘I needn't know. It's none of my business.'

‘No, it's all right. I don't mind telling you. We were thinking of getting married—'

‘Married?'

‘Well, yes. We were sort of engaged.'

‘Go on, then.'

‘Well, we discussed things and it turned out that Rod didn't want me to continue with my music.'

‘What – give up your sax?'

‘Professionally, anyway. He thought – it's what a lot of guys think – that once we were married, he'd be breadwinner and I'd keep house.' Lorna slid her gaze to Josh, whose fine eyes had widened. ‘Are those your ideas, Josh? I bet it's what Italian men think.'

‘I'm only half Italian, Lorna. It's not what I think.'

‘You mean that?' Her eyes had begun to shine. ‘You'd let your wife work? Have a proper job?'

‘Yes, I would. Why not? If it was what she wanted.' Josh was shaking his head. ‘Think of the waste, if you had to give up your band!'

‘Oh, Josh!'

Before she could stop herself, she'd flung her arms around him, pressing her face to his, at which his mouth found hers and together they kissed, long and slowly, finally drawing away and gazing at each other.

‘You know what's happened, don't you?' Josh said, touching her cheek. ‘Lorna, I'm in love with you.'

Though her thoughts were whirling and words were almost tumbling from her lips, she said nothing, and he put his hands on her shoulders and gently shook her.

‘Is it such a surprise? Surely, you knew?'

‘Sort of,' she said huskily. ‘But maybe it's too soon, Josh, to be talking about love.'

‘No, it's not too soon. When I say it's happened, it hasn't just happened. I've cared about you for a long time. I told you, didn't I, how it was? That I left it too late to tell you? That Rod stepped in where I wanted to be?'

‘Yes, you told me.'

‘And during all those early days, you never thought of looking my way, because of him, but now that he's gone, you're free, aren't you?'

His gaze on her was so intense, she felt for a moment that he would see into her mind, read her secrets. But free, he thought her, so that couldn't be true. For she wasn't free – and didn't want to be – of what might come between them. Only, as she looked at him, so handsome, so yearning, she felt she would have given a great deal to be able to say she loved him. To be free, in that way.

‘We'd better go,' she told him, sighing. ‘We've work ahead.'

‘You haven't said yet, that you love me.'

‘Let's no' put things into words just yet, Josh. Let's just see each other, the way you said, and—'

‘And see how things go?' He groaned a little. ‘I already know how they've gone for me.'

‘Come on.' She kissed him again, gently and sweetly. ‘Let's get back. No need to look sad, this isn't goodbye.'

‘Feels like goodbye to me.'

‘More,
arrividerci
,' she whispered, and at that he smiled, reluctantly straightening himself in the driving seat and starting the car's engine.

‘Home, then, sweetheart, but not before you promise to see me again as soon as possible.'

‘You know I will.'

At her flat, disregarding old Mrs MacAllan's twitching of lace curtains, they kissed swiftly, Josh's eyes alight, Lorna's closed, until she opened them and ran to her front door.

‘Ring me,' she cried.

‘I will!'

And then they were apart and she was in her bedroom, trying to think of the time and the evening's engagement, what she would wear, what her band would be playing . . .

And, oh, God, little Sam. When would she see him? Tomorrow. Tomorrow, after morning rehearsal, she'd go round to Ma's, see Sam, take him something special.

As she began hastily to prepare to go out, to put on her professional facade, tears began to fall, gathering and spilling, and she had to stop, to wipe them away.

Forty-Two

When Flo and George arrived back from honeymoon, they were, of course, full of all they'd seen in London. The sights, the plays, the concerts, but mainly the big bands.

‘Oh, God, those guys, those bandleaders!' George exclaimed. ‘You wouldn't believe how good they are. The panache, the professionalism – I'm not running down Luke or Jackie, you understand . . .'

‘Or Lorna!' Flo said crisply. ‘And they weren't all men, remember. How about the wonderful Ivy Benson?'

‘Oh, Ivy – she's a stunner,' George agreed. ‘And her girls are top notch, no doubt about it. But that's what I'm saying, there are so many top notch bands down there, so many classy leaders – Ambrose, Jack Hylton, Ted Heath – they really inspired us, eh, Flo? To put the Melody Girls on the map.'

‘Make it sound as though we'd have to be in London for that,' Lorna remarked.

‘You're right!' cried George. ‘That's where the venues are. So many of 'em, you see. Fancy clubs, theatres, dance halls, not to mention the BBC. You should hear these London bands broadcasting! Now, if we could only land ourselves their sort of contracts!'

‘The thing is, we're a Scottish band,' Lorna told him. ‘We might do a few bookings in London, but we'd never make it our base. Edinburgh's our base and that's where we'll stay.'

‘OK, OK.' George gave a regretful sigh. ‘But let's at least see if we can get an English tour, eh? Want me to get on to it?'

‘Sure. I'm all for a tour. Just as long as we come back here.'

‘So, now we've sorted out our future, can I get on with packing up my gear?' Flo asked, for they had been sitting for some time in Lorna's flat, showing their honeymoon snaps and drinking coffee. ‘George, how about you bringing up the cases from the car?'

‘It's good that George has a car, too,' Lorna said, moving with Flo to her old bedroom. ‘Josh has a Morris Minor.'

‘Oh, yes?' Flo gave her a curious look. ‘Been seeing Josh, have you?'

‘We've been out a couple of times.'

‘I told you he was interested, didn't I? And you see I was proved right.' But Flo, still studying Lorna, was shaking her head. ‘How come you're looking far from over the moon?'

‘You think I should be over the moon, to be going out with Josh?' Lorna opened a wardrobe and took down some of Flo's clothes. ‘Shall I put these on the bed for you?'

‘Oh, never mind about my things. Tell me what's wrong. Come on, tell me, Lorna. No point in bottling it up.'

‘I should've thought you'd know what was wrong, anyway.' Lorna looked down at the dresses in her arms. ‘I haven't told him about Sam.'

‘Oh.' Flo's expression changed. ‘I think I understand, then.'

‘Got the cases,' George called, putting his head round the door. ‘Want 'em here?'

‘Yes, please,' Flo answered. ‘Then why don't you read the paper next door and I'll give you a call when we're ready?'

‘Suits me,' George said with a grin. ‘I'd be no good at packing your stuff.'

When he'd retired to the living room, Flo, having closed the bedroom door, made Lorna sit on the bed and took her place next to her.

‘What are you going to do? I have the feeling that Josh is keen and so are you. You must work something out.'

‘By work something out, you mean, tell him.'

‘Exactly. There's nothing else for it, Lorna. Bite on the bullet. Explain how it was.'

‘How it was!' Lorna leaped up. ‘The truth is I made love with Rod Warren, the last person Josh would want to think of with me. He'd never be able to accept it, he'd drop me without thinking twice.' Lorna's voice trembled. ‘And to have him despise me – I'd feel so terrible, Flo. Because I have begun to care for him. It took me a long time to get over Rod, and I never thought Josh could replace him, but now I don't want to give him up.'

‘He won't despise you!' Flo cried. ‘He'll understand. These things happen. It was just the one time – you got carried away. Tell him, and you'll see.'

‘He won't understand. Because Sam's father is Rod. It would just be too much.'

‘The thing is, Lorna, you have no choice in this,' Flo said steadily. ‘If you want a future with Josh, he has to know about Sam. You can't hide your son away for ever.'

The colour rushed to Lorna's face and tears began to thicken her voice. ‘I will tell him,' she said in a low voice. ‘But I'll wait a while. Until the time is right. That would be best.'

‘Lorna, the time is now.' Flo rose and began to pack her dresses into one of the suitcases George had brought. ‘What does your ma think, then?'

‘I haven't said anything to Ma about Josh yet.'

‘Haven't said anything to your ma? Honestly, Lorna, for such a strong person, you're behaving like some poor old ostrich! Come on, get a grip. Sort out your life. It can only be for the best.'

‘All right, all right.' Lorna began to hand clothes across to Flo. ‘I suppose I should tell Ma,' she said thoughtfully. ‘I'll do that next time I see her.'

‘That'd be something done, at least,' Flo commented. ‘But Josh is the one who counts.'

‘You've made your point,' Lorna said shortly. ‘Let's leave this for now.'

She had thought her mother's advice would be the same as Flo's. ‘Tell him. Bite on the bullet.'

But when, the following afternoon, she told Tilly that she was seeing Josh, the look on her mother's face only seemed to confirm her own fears.

‘Going out with that handsome young man?' Tilly murmured, as she and Lorna watched Sam rolling one of his cars up and down the sofa. ‘I had an idea he was keen when I saw him at the wedding.'

‘It's early days,' Lorna said hesitantly, ‘but I think . . . I think we are beginning to care for each other.'

‘And you've got a problem.' Tilly's eyes moved from Sam to Lorna. ‘Because he doesn't know yet?'

‘He doesn't know.'

‘But you're wondering how he'll take it?'

‘I've a pretty good idea.'

‘Aye.' Tilly sighed. ‘I've known one or two lassies in the same situation. Worrying what to do, when they met a new fellow.'

‘What did they do?'

‘Had to tell the men, of course.'

‘And what happened?'

‘One fellow didn't mind. He married the girl, anyway.'

‘And the others?'

Tilly shrugged. ‘Cried off. Didn't want another man's child to bring up.'

‘I see.'

‘You can understand their feelings, eh? I mean, a babby to think about before they'd even got wed, and no' theirs?'

‘Oh, I understand, all right. All too well.'

‘Better to tell Josh and get it over with, before you're in too deep, eh?'

‘Maybe. But I think I'll leave it for a bit, Ma. See how things go.'

Tilly's gaze returned to Sam, who was now singing to himself as he tried to fit a toy soldier into his car.

‘He's a lovely little lad,' she whispered. ‘Anybody could be proud of him.'

‘I am proud, Ma, I am.' Lorna stood up. ‘And I will tell Josh. As soon as I can pick the best time.'

‘Just don't get your hopes up, then,' her mother said quietly. ‘It's a lot to ask a man. Don't blame him, if he can't do what you want.'

‘The only person I'm blaming is myself,' Lorna answered. ‘If I hadn't been such a fool . . .'

‘You wouldn't have had Sam.'

‘Oh, Ma!' Lorna wailed, bursting into tears, at which Sam, looking worried, ran to her and gave her his car, and Tilly, shedding a few tears herself, said she'd put the kettle on.

Forty-Three

As summer followed spring, bringing long, long days, trees in full leaf, folk feeling relaxed now that winter was a memory, Lorna and Josh began to live for each other. Every time they could, they met. To drive somewhere, if Josh could get the petrol, to walk, to kiss, to hold, to sigh over their sweet passion, never actually making love, or even talking of it, but feeling it there, all the time, in the background of their lives.

Usually, of course, because of their evening commitments, they had to meet by day, but a night did come when both their bands were free of engagements, and they were able to meet for dinner and the theatre. It was then that Lorna suggested Josh should come in to her flat with her, for previously he had shown a strange reluctance to do so when he brought her home in the daytime.

‘Come in for coffee,' she had urged. ‘Josh, why don't you?'

‘Ah, it's that old lady twitching her curtains,' he'd told her, his expression uneasy. ‘It would just put me off being with you, wondering what she was thinking.'

‘Heavens, you don't have to worry about her!' Lorna had cried. ‘What she thinks is of no importance.'

‘To me, it is,' Josh answered seriously. ‘For your sake. I don't want people to get the wrong impression about you.'

‘She's one old lady, Josh, no' people. It isn't going to hurt me, what she thinks of me.'