Authors: Tricia Goyer
Dinner finished and the children ran out to play in the yard.
Sarah rose and moved to the kitchen to help.
“Sarah, dear, we have plenty of hands. I know Jathan was excited about showing you around our home. You’ve seen everything outside, but you have to see the inside too.”
“
Ja
, I’d love to. If you say so.”
“Of course I say so. What
you
think matters more than what anyone else does.”
Sarah sucked in a breath. Warmth filled her chest.
Do I matter because they all hope it will be my home too someday?
Sarah looked around. She looked at the beautiful wood cabinets in the kitchen and the large window that overlooked the barn. Butterflies filled her stomach when she imagined standing at that window waiting for Jathan to come in from morning chores.
The thought was exciting and overwhelming at once. Would family gatherings be held here? Would everyone expect that? She watched Yonnie’s wife, Leah, move around the kitchen with grace. Leah knew what was in every cupboard. She put away the serving dishes. She returned unopened jars of jelly to the pantry.
Sarah felt envy. Would she ever feel as comfortable here as Leah did?
Mrs. Schrock gave Sarah a tour of the six bedrooms, the bathroom, and even the laundry room built in back. The house was even larger than Sarah had thought and more beautiful than she’d expected, and with each step, Sarah didn’t feel she deserved any of it.
When they finished, Jathan went out for evening chores, and Sarah moved to the kitchen to visit with the other women over cups of herbal tea.
“What did you think?” Leah asked.
“It’s wonderful. Far nicer than the house I grew up in.”
Leah nodded. “
Ja
, me too. I have attended church services here since I was a young girl. I have loved this home fer as long as I can remember.”
Sarah took a spoonful of sugar from the dish and added it to her tea, slowly stirring. “Do you live very far from here?”
“
Ja
, two miles away. We have a small home.”
“Small?”
“Three bedrooms. The boys have one. The girls have one, and we, of course, have one.”
Sarah’s brow furrowed. “And yer husband drives two miles to work in the shop back there?”
“
Ja
, or walks.”
Sarah nodded and thought again of all the empty rooms in this house. It seemed a shame that they weren’t being used.
After the dishes were done, Sarah went to find Jathan in the barn. He looked up as she entered and his face brightened with a smile. “What do you think of the house?”
“It’s beautiful, but there seems to be a lot of room fer jest you.”
“Well,
ja
, that is correct, but hopefully it won’t be jest me forever.”
“That’s true. It jest seems that Yonnie and Leah could use this home. At least fer a while. Until yer ready to use it.” She glanced over at him and noticed he was frowning. “I mean, not that you shouldn’t appreciate this beautiful place, but it jest may help with yer burden.”
“My burden?”
“
Ja
, well, I am sure there are memories all around. When you sit at the table, do you picture yer
Dat
’s chair? Do you see yer
Mem
adding fire to the woodstove?” Sarah folded her arms over her chest, forcing herself to continue before she lost her nerve. “And the workshop is here too. Don’t you want to escape it?”
“Escape my family?”
“
ne
, never. I don’t mean that. I mean allow yerself to establish yer own home. To know why yer doing what you do because you chose it, fer yerself and fer yer wife and children.”
“That’s not possible. My
Dat
is the youngest son, who took over our home from his father, who was also a youngest son.”
“There is a time for tradition, that is true, and then … maybe I am wrong … but don’t you think there is a time to seek God and ask, ‘What do you desire fer my life?’”
“It’s something to think about.” Jathan said the words, but Sarah could see from his face that he dismissed her words as soon as she said them.
It was something to pray about, she knew. Her own mother had been an example of that. Sarah had watched
Mem
over the years — speaking what she felt she needed to, and then stepping back and letting God use those words if he so chose, maybe in a different way and through a different person than expected.
And sometimes never seeing things change as she’d like but knowing God was still in control.
S
arah had the afternoon off, and with Aunt Lynette’s birthday the following day, it was the perfect chance to make that cupcake covered with violets.
Sarah gasped as she entered the cooking store and gazed at all the pots, pans, and gadgets. In one corner of the store — near the baking pans — a television played. A woman on the featured cooking program was making what looked like sugar flowers to decorate a cake. Sarah stepped closer, pretending to be interested in a new cake pan. She watched the television from the corner of her eye. The woman on the program shaped and cut the … what did she call it … fondant? Then she shaped the pieces into little flowers and put them on the cake.
“Excuse me.” Sarah approached the woman at the counter. “Do you have any of that … fondant?”
“Yes, dear. Have you ever worked with it before?”
Sarah shook her head. “
Ach, ne
. I never saw such a thing.” She didn’t tell the woman that no one in the West Kootenai made such things. “Is it safe to eat?”
“Yes, dear, of course. It’s nothing more than sugar and water.”
The lady took her down an aisle lined with tools, molds, colorings, and tubs of fondant.
She picked up a few items and handed them to Sarah. “Here is a tub to get you started and a small booklet. There are many colorings too. Feel free to ask any questions.”
Sarah nodded. “Thank you.”
Looking through the book, she didn’t see directions for violets, but there were directions for carnations. She was thankful Aunt Lynette liked carnations too.
Sarah studied the rolling pins, mats, and colorings and found the items she needed. She purchased them and hurried to the bakery. She couldn’t bake at Aunt Lynette’s house, not if she wanted the cupcakes to be a surprise.
Mem
Schrock and Aunt Kay were busy up front. Sarah washed her hands and pulled off the plastic lid of the fondant container. She tried to remember the steps for making the fondant carnation. She started with a small, flat circle of fondant and then used the tool she’d bought to spread it out from the center to the edges, causing the end to ruffle as she did. When she went around the whole circle she did the same with a second and a third circle. She then placed one circle inside the other, folding the inner ones until the ruffles lifted layer by layer. Then, like the lady on the baking show, Sarah took the paintbrush she’d bought, dipped the tip in coloring, and painted the edges of the flower. She took a finished cupcake from the cooling rack, frosted it, then placed the fondant carnation on top.
“Well, I’ll be.” Sarah sat back and looked at her small creation. If she hadn’t just made it, she would have thought the flower to be real.
Sarah finished off the carnation cupcake and glanced out to the front of the bakery. She noticed the bakery items in the display case were getting low.
“I’ll just stock up, and then hurry home,” she mumbled to herself.
Sarah carried a tray to the bakery counter. On it were the maple cupcakes she’d made just this morning. As she placed them in the display case, a woman entered in high heels. Her blonde hair was as short as a man’s and streaked with black.
The woman glanced at her watch and then rushed forward. “I’ll have one of those.” She pointed to the tray in Sarah’s hand.
“
Ja
, of course.”
The customer paid for the cupcake and then hurried to leave.
How can she walk so fast in those shoes?
The woman opened the door and stepped out onto the front porch before taking a bite of the cupcake. Before the door even shut completely, she turned around and came back inside.
Sarah stepped forward. “Ma’am, is something wrong?”
The woman hurriedly approached Sarah. “These are the best cupcakes I’ve ever had. I’d like to order two dozen for my daughter’s birthday tomorrow.” She glanced around the display case. “Do you decorate them at all?”
“No.” Sarah shook her head. “Not really.”
“What about that one?” The woman pointed to the carnation cupcake sitting on the counter in the kitchen.
“That one?” Sarah noticed Mrs. Schrock and Aunt Kay’s eyes on her. “Well, I jest made that one fer my aunt’s birthday.”
“I know that it must take extra time, but I’ll pay you double the price,” the customer said.
Sarah looked to Mrs. Schrock again, hoping for a hint of how she should answer. Mrs. Schrock didn’t nod or shake her head no. Her face gave Sarah no indication of how to answer. But something inside Sarah did. Excitement filled her. She’d wanted to decorate cupcakes for ten years at least, and here was someone asking her to do that … and paying double.
Sarah placed a hand to her chin and nodded. “
Ja
, I can do that. Will red carnations be fine?”
“Do you have pink?” The woman clasped her hands together. “My daughter loves pink.”
“
Ja
, of course.”
Sarah had invited Jathan to the birthday dinner she’d prepared for her aunt. They waited a few extra minutes for him to arrive, but he didn’t show. During the meal, every sound outside caused Sarah to turn and search the road leading up to her aunt’s house, but Jathan was never the source. Frustration mixed with worry, and she told herself that he was fine. Maybe he forgot. Or maybe his mother needed his help.
Sarah was clearing the table, preparing to bring out the cupcakes — including the special cupcake she’d made for her aunt — when there was a knock at the door. She opened it to find Jathan standing there, hat in hand.
“I’m so sorry.” He rushed through the front door. “I was up in Charm today.”
Sarah clasped her hands together. “Charm? Was that the meeting with the man from New York?”
“Oh
ne
.” Jathan shook his head. “I had to postpone that. Yonnie needed me to make a delivery fer him.”
She scratched the back of her neck. “You drove a piece of furniture all the way up to Charm in yer buggy?”
“Actually, it’s only four-and-a-half miles, but
ne
. I rode up in a van with a driver. Yonnie didn’t trust the man to deliver it alone. He needed me to collect payment.”
She nodded and motioned to the kitchen. Jathan followed her in.
“So are you working with yer
bruder
now?” She fixed up a plate of leftovers.
“
ne
. Jest helping where I can.”
She blew out a breath and told herself not to get angry. He was just helping his family. Their community, she knew, was helping with money for his father’s hospital bills, but Jathan’s family was also missing his father’s income. She pushed her troubled thoughts away. “You can come and help me in the bakery anytime.”
Jathan glanced over his shoulder at her aunt, uncle, and cousins, as if making sure they hadn’t heard. “Uh, I can perhaps do that at times. It’s not something I’ll be able to do often anymore.”
He moved to the dining room table, greeted the others, lowered his head in prayer, and then dug into his food with gusto. “Thank you fer this,” he called back to her. “I was starved.”
There was a heaviness about Jathan today, a weariness, as if he’d carried that piece of furniture all the way to Charm on his back.
Aunt Lynette looked at Sarah and lifted an eyebrow.
Sarah shrugged. How could she explain the wall he had around him tonight? Maybe it was just the weariness from a long day.
Jathan finished his food in record time and then leaned back in his chair.
Sarah took his plate to the kitchen and then returned to the dining room with the platter of cupcakes. The carnation cupcake sat in the middle of the plate.
“Happy birthday, Aunt.”
Aunt Lynette’s eyes widened. “Sarah, how lovely!” She reached out and picked up the decorated cupcake. “Oh, my, look at this. Ivan, did you see it? Jathan?” She held it out for
both men to see. “Sarah, did you make it?” The children gathered around for a closer look.
“
Ja
, and the flower is made out of sugar fondant. You can eat it, if you’d like.”
Aunt Lynette shook her head. “Well, I’ll be. I’ve never seen such a thing.”
The tension in Jathan’s face softened and he looked at her. “That
does
look real. Can I see?”
Aunt Lynette handed it over and he held it on his palm as if it were made of china.
“Have you done much of this before?” he asked.
“
ne
, but I really liked it. I’m going to be making some more. A woman came into the bakery today. She ordered two dozen cupcakes like this fer a birthday party. She said she’d even pay double if I decorated them.”
“Oh, Sarah, I’m so happy for you.” Aunt Lynette offered Sarah a quick hug. “I know what I said before about fancy things in Amish bakeries, but it is clear God has given you a gift.”
Jathan placed it back onto the plate with the other cupcakes. “
Ja
, that’s
gut
, but two dozen cupcakes aren’t going to help much with the bills.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, sorry. Just thinking out loud. When I went by fer the furniture, Yonnie told me about some of the things he needed money for. There was a lumber order that he thought
Dat
had paid, but then found out he hadn’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Uncle Ivan cleared his throat. “I’m sure if you talk to the supplier, he can make some arrangements …”
“
Ja
, of course, but that’s only one bill,” Jathan said. “I’m afraid of what else we’ll find. And even if we can get some grace, the bills still need to be paid.”
Sarah glanced around the table. Seven children’s faces patiently waited for their cupcakes. She clapped her hands together. “Well, now, let’s not ruin this birthday celebration with rain clouds.” She picked up the carnation cupcake and placed it before Aunt Lynette. “Who would like a cupcake?”